I didn’t expect to actually get responses to yesterdays post. From the comments on Facebook to the private messages to the texts, I felt very cared for. I felt validated, and like I wasn’t just overreacting or making something up. Whatever is going on is very real.
I felt out of body for about a year and a half after Waverly was born. It was a really bad feeling that I struggled with. When I ended up on antidepressants for my pain earlier this year, as well as a vitamin regimen geared towards hormone health, it really smoothed out. And now, here I am, feeling vastly worse, even less like myself. Talking to some of you shed some light on why I might be feeling this way, and while I have no guaranteed solutions, I feel hopeful (albeit still foggy) this morning. So, to those of you who got in touch, I really, really appreciate you.
Rather than beating myself up and feeling super upset about where I’m currently lacking, I’m choosing to try to just be good to myself. None of it is in my head, and there needs to be healing and recovery, so its going to have to be intentional for a while. I really, really hope I’m back to me again soon.
Today, I got an hour to myself in the day time. I had a bubble bath and intended on watching something that I enjoy. It was strange. I couldn’t figure out what I enjoy for quite a while, but I settled on an episode of Obsession, and was solidly entertained while I soaked in the tub, drank lots of cold water, and ate an apple. It was really nice. I should take a bit of intentional time like that a bit more often, at least until this whole thing is behind me.
Another thing I have to do is making lists. I love lists, but I need to make more just little notes, so I don’t forget things. I really hate being forgetful, and I’m usually not. But these days, I can’t focus or keep track of anything. So, sticky notes. Lots of sticky notes.
Lastly, I’m asking for help! Thinking isn’t strong right now, and I am stuck on a couple of questions, unrelated to my struggle. So, please help me!!
Question one is about Christmas gifts. What is a practical gift for a two year old? We give each kid something they want, need, wear, and read. I had it all decided in advance but I need to change it a little and I’m stuck for a need for Wavy. Realistically, the kids have everything they need, so I just need a practical gift idea. Other kids are getting bedding, backpacks, etc.
Aaaaand question two I forget, which is fitting but true. So I guess I’ll just ask for help on the one this time!
Wish me luck for the days to come! Wednesday and Thursday are fuller days, and I don’t feel especially sharp. But I do feel hopeful that healing will come.