How did we get here??? Twenty weeks feels like a HUGE milestone. I only realized, in the last few days, that I was officially entering the second half of my pregnancy! Last night, the apps we are following talked about how those first 20 weeks must’ve zoomed by. Lies. I feel like I’ve been pregnant for a year. And now another 20 weeks feels a bit daunting. But hey, we’ve made it this far. Here’s hoping we can make it the rest of the way! 🤞
Size Comparison: My app says the baby is the size of an endive this week. I don’t know about you, but I’m unfamiliar with endives. 🤷 I asked google, and it was suggested that the baby is about the length of a large banana. They predict the baby to be around 10″ long, which is HUGE! The measuring system has changed from measuring head to bum, and is measuring head to foot instead. Hence the sizeable jump in size. Its also ballparked that baby weighs roughly 10 oz. I can’t speak for that, as my next scan won’t be for another 1.5 weeks ish.
Appointments: As I’ve mentioned, my appointments will be spaced further apart from now on. I’m SO thankful to have had the appointments and care I’ve had up to this point. Just think about it. On average, I’d have had maybe four appointments and one ultrasound so far. I’m not sure I could’ve handled that. I’m still not sure how well I’ll handle the monthly appointments, to be honest. I spoke to my doctor and student doctor about it, and they both reassured me that there would be no “cold turkey” anything, and Dr. Guselle confirmed that we would likely have another couple of ultrasounds along the way. I am SO appreciative of my care, and that my doctor has made my new student aware of my situation so I don’t have to hash anything too sorrowful out with him, or try to convince him of anything. She is on my side, and because of that, he sure seems to be, too. This all being said, I will be booking an ultrasound for mid to end of next week to get a closer look at the distal spine, as it wasn’t completely visible last time.
How am I feeling emotionally: Well I WAS feeling pretty good, and pretty strong, and pretty hopeful. But a few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream reliving the whole experience of losing Jamin, from the doctors appointment where we couldn’t find the heartbeat, to the ultrasound confirming, back to the doctor, and then to the hospital. Through the night, and into the next morning, through delivery and all that came with that. Through those horrid uterine massages. Through giving my baby away. It was awful, and devastating, and stirred up all kinds of fears I thought were calmed for the moment. They’re baaaack! So its not been my smoothest week, but I’m trying to keep my head up.
How am I feeling physically: If you remember from last week, I was having some small relief from my pelvic pain, which was SO amazing! However, probably five days or so ago, out of nowhere, my pubic bone separated and left me with radiating pain down both legs and in my pelvic, obviously. Since that happened, I’ve not been able to fully “reset,” and thats been pretty frustrating. Seems like its time to get back in for another treatment, whether chiro or physio. I’m pretty discouraged, to be honest :/ These appointments add up quickly, and I really can’t function without them. Time is also a factor. I know, first world problems, right? I can’t perfectly easily use the resources that are available to be. *rolls eyes* I’ll stop complaining. Besides that whole thing, I have lots of braxton hicks contractions, which is to be expected, I suppose. It makes me feel old, haha! I get them when I walk up the stairs, or pick something up, or exert myself at all. Folks, this body remembers!! Lol!
Wish Lish/Purchases: Sigh. I bought a romper at Walmart. Its SO hard not to! But thats it! I’ve been good otherwise! I did start putting together a real wish list with regards to my pregnancy and Bambina, but sadly, most of it is suuuper unrealistic, haha! Long story short, out entire view on family has shifted in the last year, and we have some new plans and ideas, and with that, there are certain things that would just simply help streamline our life a little. But none of them are necessary, so they can (and will) wait. But its fun to dream! Maybe I’ll actually be a go-getter and try to get to that big SPOTTO sale in Saskatoon this year and get a few of the items second hand and hopefully cheap! Because NONE of them are things I could ask for as gifts, or things we can afford to just buy outright. I do, however, have my eye on a special book I’d like to buy her, and a few little baby items that I think I can justify. I hear a “rock n play” is the cats pyjamas, and would likely keep her from getting trampled once she comes home. I’ve heard from LOTS of parents with babies who have reflux that they are at juuust the right angle to help with that, so considering that most of our children have had reflux, it would be a smart purchase!
Pictures: I figured I should take a belly picture for you this morning. I’m sorry, and you’re welcome.
But mostly I’m sorry. I bought this tank top from Thyme Maternity probably a year or two ago, because in reality, I wear maternity clothes more than “normal” clothes. But this tank top definitely didn’t quite fit right without a belly. It has never had the pleasure of enrobing a belly before today, and I’m SO happy with how well it fits now! Some things just need a belly. I get it.
How are the kids feeling: As per usual, Bambina is heavily on the kids minds, especially Dekker and Laela. This week, it seems the two oldest kids have been thinking about it in different ways. Dekker has officially asked how we get babies. I thought we dodged this question the other day when he asked how they come out, but wasn’t concerned about how they got there in the first place. The conversation went something like this:
Dekker: How do we get babies?
*Silence*
Dekker: (louder) How do we get babies??
Brady and I: Uuuuhhh… Haha!
Dekker: Whats funny?
Me: Its just a big question, thats all! Its great! A baby is made when Jesus takes a piece of mommy and a piece of daddy and puts them together, and it grows into a baby! Isn’t that great?
Dekker: Oh… I don’t understand. A piece of daddy?
Me: Yup! A piece of daddy goes into me, and it grows a baby.
Dekker: A piece of dadd? Then why is daddy still all full of skin?
Brady: Its a piece of me that you can’t see. Its from…inside.
Brady and I: (die laughing)
I feel like we’ve officially been broken in as parents. Finally.
Laela’s mind is whirring also, but in a different way. These days, I feel like she and I are more at odds than ever, but we have these occasional little soft moments where she tells me she loves me and wants to keep me forever and all kinds of little lovely squishy things like that. Yesterday, we were walking through an aisle of Superstore together and she said she wanted to keep me forever, and she grabbed my leg and said she hopes I don’t die. I got down to her level right away and tried to reassure her. She said she didn’t want to die either, or Bambina. I think my little girl is thinking a lot about the little babies who passed away. I think she’s scared. I’m glad she let me in on that 💜 I’m going to do what I can to help her on that one.
Getting to know the baby: My apps have been telling me recently that Bambina can hear sound and sense changes in light now. And I could be wrong about this, but I think its legit! When we’re laying in bed, she’ll start kicking a little, but if I open the blankets and expose my belly to the light, she stops. I’m not entirely sure why that would cause her to stop, but I’ve played with it and its pretty consistent! So if I try to let Brady feel for her, I have to leave the blankets the way they were when she started moving, otherwise she quits.
The BEST part of being pregnant: The coolest thing from this week was being able to see her move!!! Its still SO small, and pretty rare to see, but I’ve been able to see her poke at my belly a few times, and Brady’s even seen it a couple of times! On one hand, I picture this little girly who is kicking with all her might, through that placenta, so her parents can see her. She must be SO strong! And then on another hand, she produces these teeny little kicks, how big can she possibly be?? SO little!! Its kind of the “you’re so grown up but still so little” effect. You get it.
Favourite thing: Don’t judge me. My favourite thing this week is pizza pops! Convenience food at its finest. They remind me SO MUCH of high school, when I worked at the concession and reaped the benefits of cheap, bad-for-you lunch. Yes, I am aware of the fact that they’re not healthy. They’re definitely a guilty pleasure item, and I recently found them on sale and justified buying a whole big box of them! I’m SO glad I did! Yum!
Well after wolfing two pizza pops down for lunch, I’ve been invited to run over to a friends house to shop through her maternity clothes! Win! Feels like a good way to celebrate 20 weeks! I still can’t believe we’re here…