Cher bailed me out of a few days of blogging, which I greatly appreciated. Nothing scary or bad went down, but we had a pretty new experience, and without even asking for it, Cher fulfilled a need of mine. What a huge relief to not have to think about this before bed! So. I apologize. And I’m back. 💜
This last week, we accepted a third placement that was out of our age range. It was an emergency situation, where the child had nowhere else to go, and also happened to be a sibling to one of our other placements. So we said yes. To one night. We knew full well that it could extend into a longer stay, but I made it clear on the phone that, in order to take this placement, we would be displacing one of our children from their room. Our child who really needs his own space. Rowan agreed to a night or two out of his space, and we played up the “sleepover” aspect for bunking with the girls for a couple of days.
That was Tuesday.
On Friday, that child left. I had SUCH a mix of emotions. I felt guilty for not agreeing to keep them longer. Guilty for building up that trust, only to be another emergency placement where they couldn’t stay. I felt sad letting a sad child go somewhere that is likely less attentive. Worried about the same. And I felt some relief, knowing I could get caught back up on life things again. And that relief made me feel guilty again. It was not a fun cycle.
The next day, Brady had to work. Rae took my five children for the day, I kept the babies, and I spent the day at home. As I sorted through my complicated griefy feelings, I worked. Baked. Wrapped Christmas presents.
Meanwhile I fed babies, changed diapers, and played with them on the floor. I watched some YouTube and listened to some music. I spent the day sorting out the house, and my heart and brain.
By the evening, I had found some real comfort, all glory to God.
I feel peace about our choice to accept that placement, even though the child was out of our requested age range.
I feel peace about our choice to let them move on, and get our house back in order, and Rowan back in his room.
I feel peace about how the entire transition went down. This child spent a couple of hours playing outside with Cher, and then had a yummy snack at the table. Oranges. Their favorite thing food and colour. We took selfies on the stairs while we waited for the worker to arrive. And once the car seat was nicely secured, we hugged, and I prayed.
It went well. As ugly as the whole process is and was, I have no regrets. And I learned a lot.
I am SO appreciative of our people who stand alongside us as we muddle our way through the messy stuff that is foster care.
I want to be clear that I know that it is NOT about how I feel. Guilty. Worried. Sad. Gross. Thats all true, but I know that the emotions of the children in care are WAY higher up on that list, and they are suffering harder than the rest of us in this. This beautiful little person is not in this position because of their own doing. It is not their fault. Yet they are paying quite the price 💔
Man. These things are not gentle. Thank you for standing beside us, friends.