Like I said earlier this weekend, its been a big year. I usually have an easy Thanksgiving, in the way of being thankful for the pregnancy I’m carrying, the new baby I have, or my husband whose birthday occasionally falls on Thanksgiving. This year, I am thankful for life experience. But I want to be ultra clear on this subject, because its hard for me to even convince myself of it.
I am NOT thankful that my babies died.
Not for a second.
Nothing about that is right, or good, or something to celebrate.
But…
Out of our pain and these terrible experiences, we have discovered a BEAUTIFUL community of friends and family all around us. Friends that we knew we had, but we didn’t know what we had, if you know what I mean. It is not a secret that we’ve struggled this year, and for the second half of last year, we were just trying to adjust to our new life here in town with our new baby. Our life has been a whirlwind, and as much as we’ve tried, we haven’t been able to “put in” as much as we had hoped to. Trust me, we know we’re a lot to take on a few different levels.
Yet, we’ve been surrounded by this amazing support system of friends who we could’ve never anticipated. We have it all.
Friends who can relate directly to us.
Friends who can’t relate but who listen, even though our struggles aren’t brand new.
Friends who still bring over treats.
Friends who acknowledge our efforts when we do try to participate in things.
Friends who say our babies names.
Friends who ask to see pictures of Jamin.
Friends who text while they’re out grocery shopping to ask if we need anything.
Friends who take our kids for a couple of hours so we can have some quiet rest.
Friends who aren’t afraid to ask questions.
Friends who let me cry, and friends who join me in my tears.
Friends who pray for and with us.
I never knew we had such a wealth of support, and I likely would never have known unless we went through these struggles this year. While I am not thankful for our losses and our hardships, I am over the moon thankful for the people they have pulled out of the woodwork and brought closer into our lives. I am trying to step out of our safe little box and participate more in life with others, but I am also thankful for the friends who receive me with love, while reminding me not to push myself too hard either.
I will be there soon, friends. I want to put into you! And while it may not seem like it, I am trying to be braver. I want to be a good friend. I don’t want to just leech off of you. Please know that I see your efforts, and I might not even be standing without them. Every time you step out of your box to reach out to me, I feel that much more ready to step out of mine.
For these things, and these people, I am thankful.