The Daily Hailey

There was a noticeable shift when Brady came home from the hospital. Hailey’s body language went from uncertain and helpless to hopeful and relieved. It was probably a honeymoon phase of his return because there has been noticeable ups and downs since the cancer treatments have began. One thing about Hailey is that she is SO polite and sweet and loving that you would never know that visiting or asking for things or even giving her information can overwhelm her. There have been times where she has had visits and seemed totally chipper the entire time, followed by a crash because she just spent all the mental energy she had. Those visits can even be small ten minute ones, too.

Being Hailey’s best friend during this time has been a learning curve for us both. We still do see each other a lot because there are many appointments and things that need to get done daily and weekly, but we usually just have a coffee together and that’s our visit. The rest of the day is communication about household tasks, appointments, medications, and spending time with the kids. Nap times are a very sacred time for Hailey and Brady to intentionally wind down so they are refreshed for the rest of the day. Evenings are the same way, so they can be well rested for the morning the next day.

I have learned that these breaks have truly helped with Hailey’s emotional and mental management, as well as all the crocheting she gets done when she is able to sit down and think about nothing stressful. I never understood how important it was to keep visiting to a minimum during these times until I saw how much more capable she feels when she gets to be still. She is such a sweet, polite, loveable human being that never wants anyone to feel pushed away, disregarded, or ignored, so it is easy to take advantage of her time sometimes, when she really needs rest and quiet. We have learned a good pattern with that though, and sometimes you can’t avoid life stuff, but in the end, I think it’s really good to stay alert about her needs, even when she seems like she can take on the world. That’s just who she is. She is a beautiful soul.

Hailey has mourned her capacity many times because she gets anxiety attacks and physical symptoms when she does too much, even today. There have been weeks where some of those things are almost non-existent, but they still make an appearance, leaving her feeling completely bummed.

I will never know what it’s like to be told that my husband is dying from stage 4 cancer and not be able to be with him when I receive that information. I will never know what Hailey experienced in her heart during those months when Brady was in the hospital, or even how she feels today with his limited mobility and cancer treatments. But it was the help of her precious mom, Jeanne who really helped me understand what capacity truly meant. She was Hailey’s voice when Hailey didn’t have one. And I think it’s really important to highlight that because sometimes we DO need someone to speak up for us when we feel weak. That can be such a saving grace. It’s absolutely necessary to stay actively aware of the needs of others during a crisis even if that means we don’t get the time we want, or the attention we think we need. It’s about them right now. And even though sometimes it LOOKS like they’re absolutely fine, they are still healing from things we have no clue about.

Thank you, Jeanne, for all your amazing understanding during this tough time. Thank you for being such a wonderful woman, mother, grandmother, friend. Thank you for sticking up for your daughter in ways no one else could, and for recognizing her needs when she couldn’t. The world needs more people like you.