The Daily Hailey

Once in a while, Brady and I very intentionally regroup and make sure we’re parenting how we want to be. Often we come to the decision that we’ve toughened up a bit too much, and we need to dial it back a bit. Not that we get more lax, but that we make a bigger effort to be gentle and soft with the kids. Its easy to get tough on them, and we do it all too often, so the regroup sessions are a really good idea for us.

We just had one of these discussions yesterday, and it reminded us just how incredible our kids are, how warm hearted they are, and just how hard they try to make good choices. We both agreed to make conscious efforts to be more gentle with them in the near future.

So I did. This morning, I got the kids up and just chose my “battles” a little more carefully. I spoke more politely to them, and I’m embarrassed to say that they noticed. Part of me wishes I didn’t have to share these stories about today because I’m humiliated about all of the things I’ve failed at, but today was a great success story, so I’d rather tell you about it and take a bit of an ego hit 🙂

Dekker asked me why I was talking to quietly. He even mimicked me, whispering “what kind of cereal did you want?” It was funny, but I figured I should be straight up with them. I told them I was thinking that if I talked to them a bit more politely, maybe they would be happier in the day, and maybe even speak more politely to each other. I said that I was sorry I sounded loud and mad so often, and that I wanted to try to be nicer and more gentle with them. Without prompting, the big kids were full of forgiveness, and assured me that it was a great idea.

It was a really sweet kick off to a busy day!

I took the kids grocery shopping this morning, to Costco and then to Superstore. Lucky for me, the kids love grocery shopping so I never find that to be too big of a task. Except that it was approaching lunch/nap time, so by the second place, Ro was getting pretty annoyed with Solly sitting next to him. We had too many things in our cart to be able to go through self check out, so we were at the mercy of the line, which is usually where the kids get a bit more twitchy. I was working hard to exercise my gentleness while being firm and maintaining my brood of hungry hooligans. It was while I was unloading the cart that one of those people who wander around and try and make you sign up for credit cards approached my cart. My heart rolled its eyes (yup, don’t question it) but I smiled at her when she greeted us. Usually these people take one look at our crew and keep moving, so I thought she was a bit ballsy to try to sell us on a credit card in that moment. But out of nowhere, she pulled out a container of bubbles and entertained my kids. Unbelievable. Where do these amazing people keep coming from? I feel SO amazed every time someone just jumps in and backs us up. I thanked her profusely. What a lifesaver.

So clearly, Costco and Superstore were a big win. The kids did SO great. I wasn’t sure what we were going to do next, whether go home or help a friend with a small move this afternoon. It turned out that timing was on our side, and we were able to be of use to her, so I went through the McDonalds drive-thru and everyone got lunch. Everyone asked for what they wanted and it was pretty much the same as usual. No problem there. I pulled into a parking spot once we had our stuff and Dekker came to the front of the van to help me hand out food. I love how easy it is to just move around the van as needed. He was very willing to help, and everyone just had better manners than usual. Seeing this was a fabulous motivation for me to keep up my gentle attitude and higher level of patience.

As we were driving, Dekker told me that Rowan wanted some apples, but Rowan hadn’t asked for apples. Dekker reassured me that he would share some of his with Ro. Then, later on, when Rowan finished his lunch, Dekker offered him what he had left. I was so thrilled to see his giving heart come before his defensiveness.

So here is the kicker. My kids sat in the (running) van for an amazingly long time while I loaded stuff into my van, drove, unloaded, drove back, loaded, etc. I think I did three loads back and forth, and the kids just sat and patiently waited. Once or twice I heard Solly wine, but someone would jump in and sing to him, baby talk, or whatever else, and it would cheer him up. They were CHAMPS! Like unbelievably awesome, and unbelievably patient! I would get back in the van for another trip and thank them for being so patient, and they’d assure me they were fine. When the last load was unloaded, I climbed back into the van and told the kids we could go home. They laughed at me and pointed out that the sliding door was still open. I went to close it and Dekker commented to me “It would be nice to leave it open, so we could hear the birds.” Now Dekker is SUCH a softy in general, but comments like this were made all day, and just reminded me of all of his beautiful feelings and thoughts. They are all just so amazing.

While we were driving home, Dekker asked “Do you think maybe we could have an easter treat because we are so patient?” And I really really did think so, yup. When everyone got home, the kids ran in happily and I turned on a show for them to rest up to. It’ll be an interesting evening as none of them really napped at all today, so the resting was necessary. They hung out inside while I dragged in two full grocery shops worth of food, and only once everything was inside and I started sorting through stuff and putting it away did they remind me about their hypothetical treats. I instantly plunked them all on a couch side by side and gave them each a bag of mini eggs. They were so happy and thankful. It felt great to me to see them so happy and satisfied with the great job they had done. It wasn’t a bribe. It was a special reward.

As I moved around the kitchen, I heard such positive talk, and very clear communication. Dekker was trying to tease Laela and instead of her usual siren screech, she said “please don’t tickle me, Dekker.” And he backed right off. No fighting. Not. Even. Any. There are still moments where they get snippy, but I’ve been able to just remind them to speak politely, and they do! Its amazing how, after such a big day, they’re doing so well.

Its often days like this that make me feel a bit guilty for underestimating my kids. Why would I expect that they wouldn’t do well? Its a realization of how much my attitude and mood affects them and theirs. I’m not in any way suggesting that now we’re just golden, haha! I’m sure I’ll have many days of failure ahead, but today has been great. And successful. To God be the glory, for giving me strength; for giving my kids intuition and good judgement; for giving me the opportunity to take them all with me and practice new skills.

I’m so grateful.

You guys should really come grocery shopping with us sometime. Its a blast.