Remember that time that I really hated turning thirty? Ya I stand behind that, I really didn’t like it. I kept trying to like it, and accept it, and join the “thirty is the new twenty” club, but I had a really hard time with it. I learned to get over my angst about aging by reminding myself that its not about what I did but who I am. I wrote a really jumbled post maybe a month after my birthday saying these things, and wondering out loud to myself if the “bones” were still good. I remember writing that I think they were. I was in a weird space that I couldn’t really define and didn’t know how to “fix.” Or if it needed fixing. I was SO confused last year.
I went on to have a really full year. It’s been both lovely and immensely challenging. We saw Wavy through her newborn infancy. We rolled through a year of school for Dekker and Laela. We watched Rowan and Solly grow and change, and sorted out some small health issues for them. Brady had probably his slowest year of work ever, and we worked through those financial challenges. There are MANY more parts of this last year I haven’t shared publicly, and I won’t, but you can trust me. It was a FULL year.
In retrospect, I would never want to go back to my twenties. Or my teens. EVER. The people closest to me know how difficult this year has been, yet I feel like I’ve grown more as a person in this last year than ever before. I’m SO much closer to the person I hope to be for the rest of my life. I will never fully get to THAT person, because we always can improve, but I’m so much happier to be on track to becoming that person.
While it hasn’t been an easy, squishy, gentle year for me, I’m so grateful for this year and all I’ve learned.
I said at the beginning of 2019 that I wanted to be braver this year. Who knew I’d actually really have to be brave brave!! Yet, I think its happening, slowly but surely. I don’t in any way desire to write some weird, braggy post about how amazing I am, lol! But I’m on a track of self-improvement and I’m truly enjoying it! I don’t feel stagnant. I feel like I’m moving forward in a really good way. I feel hopeful, excited, motivated, and less afraid. I still feel afraid, but its more of a challenge I know I can overcome than an excuse not to do something.
I sulked my way through my first year in my thirties. This next one is going to be SO much better!!