I wanted to throw out some honest feelings about yesterday now that its over and done with.
For the most part, everything I wrote is still how I feel. I feel like yesterday was productive and positive. I feel like we can now say, with confidence, that we have done everything we can to get our household feeling better.
What I see more significantly today that I didn’t see yesterday is just how “fight or flight” we are out here. We are in survival mode, and have been for a while. Today marks four weeks since this sickness walked into our family. Yesterday was successful, but looking back on it, it was HUGE, and EXHAUSTING. We spent the whole afternoon putting our kids through some hard stuff, and then celebrating as big as possible when the hard things were over. And then more hard things, and more celebrating. Lots of tears and information and blood and snot and, as I’ve said a solid thousand times in the last few weeks, LOTS of powering through.
The other day, I finally had a bit of an emotional break. Outside in the hot tub, I had a little cry with Brady beside me. Conveniently, the hot tub is the gentlest place for me to cry because my throat was at its best, and my body was relaxed. So I had my cry and felt slightly better. It was shortly thereafter that we went inside, where I dried off and went downstairs, crying the whole time, and finally plunked on the bed and wept for probably a solid 10-15 minutes. I have not cried like that in a very long time, because I haven’t needed to. But now I have had that need. Its been an interesting time.
I’m not telling you guys this stuff so you feel sorry for us. I’m just trying to be flat our honest. Brady and I work really hard to be strong for our kids, but I also see the value in being honest about how I feel with my kids. Dekker and Laela know I’m scared and sad and tired, and they’re not uncomfortable with it 🙂 If mommy has a cry, they come and tell me they love me, and then they just keep playing around me and bringing me the toys that make them happy when they’re sad. They whisper to me when my voice is gone. They know which medicine goes to who, and then bring each other water bottles and kleenex. Its been a learning curve for all of us, and in some strange twisted way, its been good for us?? Ugh. This is another desperate attempt to find positivity in all of this, haha! How am I doing??
Ok, scattered post over. I know this was totally jumbled, but I wanted to give you a post with less details and facts, and more just about the emotion around here. We miss seeing people. I haven’t seen my mom or my friends in SO long. It chokes me up just writing it. We’re lonely, but we do have each other, and I positively adore this crew we have here! One day, we will be better, and we will celebrate!! I don’t know how, but we will. I cannot wait!!!
Thanks for the continued prayers and concern and love. Please keep it all coming! We’re not out of the woods just yet, but every encouragement is greatly appreciated!!