I won’t lie. Sometimes I feel like a big fat phoney on here. Not because I’m being disingenuous. Not at all. But because a HUGE part of our life is off-limits to share on a public platform such as this. There are SO many things I ache to share on here. We love our foster children so deeply, and their milestones are just as pivotal as those of the children I gave birth to. Its SO strange to keep their details so quiet, and sometimes it feels SO unfair. But as you know about the reality of foster care – SO much is unfair for those children that this is the smallest of potatoes.
Today I had a particularly validating conversation with one of our childrens social workers. She shed some light on some details I was wondering about, and confirmed a lot of suspicions I was carrying. It was interesting to learn the things I did, and see that my radar was functioning appropriately in those areas. It helps me to better care for these children when I can know a little bit about where they came from and what was missed specifically that I could put extra time and effort into. And, in this case, the social worker was very happy for my observations and affirmed me in my care of this child. Which felt really nice.
And as if that wasn’t enough, the day wrapped up with one of babies delivering their first ever GIGGLES!!!! I could’ve just bawled. I can’t stop thinking about it. As I sat beside the baby while they flapped on the floor, and while I just tickled their chest lightly, they started cooing and finally, laughing. My heart just swelled with love and excitement! What a privilege to witness such a beautiful milestone!
The flip side is that, while I’m witnessing something beautiful, some VERY important people are not. And while there will be mixed feelings on that subject – some more compassionate than others, and some more cynical – it doesn’t change the fact that people are missing out on these things. And our babies are missing out as well, by default. Yes, we love these children well. I won’t deny that. We LOVE to love these kids. But they are still suffering trauma by being without their people. Trade-offs. Grey areas. Balance. Its all such a mess. Its brutal and beautiful all wrapped into one.
Anyway. Today was a great day in terms of foster care. For me, anyway. But its not about me.
I love you, babies 💜💜💜