After all this messy stuff in the last couple of weeks, my body finally did that thing where it tried to panic real good.
Tried. See that? I’ve learned some of the signs of my body panicking over things, and today was a success with managing the situation.
This afternoon the overwhelm started to mount, but I was able to manage it, as is just the way life often goes during busy times.
But it didn’t lift fully. And it kept not lifting fully. I was doing ok. Functioning. But not thriving by any means. I was a bit on edge.
I kept pretty busy as the afternoon finished out and the evening came along. I was starting to feel very tense and sore in a whole bunch of places. My jaw and teeth hurt. My eyes hurt. My chest felt heavy. I was freezing, and also half asleep. I knew this feeling well. It was the feeling I’ve experienced when I’ve gone and gone and gone, and suddenly I don’t need all that adrenaline anymore, and my body doesn’t know what to do with it. Been there.
So I sat still and breathed in through my nose, out through my mouth, and worked to manage what I was feeling. But it wasn’t long before Brady assured me I could go take care of myself. Laela and Dekker were still up, and they assured me they would help Brady with the babies. Not that Brady can’t care for them!! But in his state of recovery, certain parts of baby-having are much harder. So it helps ME feel comfortable to go take a break knowing they were there to help. Once the plan was in place, I disappeared for a bit.
This is how I watch my shows in the tub at this house. Its not quite as glamorous as the last en suite, but its something. And thank goodness for the shower chair, hahaha! How else would I watch my true crime?!
I ran a nice hot bath, loaded with epsom salt, and I sweat all the good sweats until every shred of any chills had made their exit. And then I peeled myself off the bottom of the bathtub in time to say goodnight to my oldest two and youngest two. And I had tucked in the middles before my bath, so wins all around!
While I don’t love that I’m someone who has panic attacks now in these last few years, I am grateful for the understanding I’ve gained, and in turn, can use to help myself and maybe others somewhere down the line 💜 God knows. For now, I’m calling today a success.