I work pretty hard not to dwell in a grumpy places, or with a downer attitude. Believe it or not, I defaulted that way for years and years, and worked intentionally to turn that around in myself. I am not immune to things that upset me, bad memories or happenings, or feeling moody and sensitive. I am still indeed human. But, I say for the third time, I try really hard. Its an intentional effort for me.
But sometimes, foster stuff stirs up my heart really big, and its hard to just brush off. So many people have told me they couldn’t foster because they’d get too attached. And to that, I say yes, you will. And you should!! Thats the whole point! The children need that soft love and connection and attachment, especially while so many things in their lives turn upside down!
It isn’t easy. No one fosters for ease. No one. I assure you.
All that to say, sometimes, the heart feels particularly tugged, and I have a hard time just getting on with the day. Those tend to be days where, rather than picking up a coffee, I pick up a milkshake, haha! Not because I need to eat my feelings (not every time, lol) but just to differentiate it and acknowledge within myself that I feel stronger. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.
Today, I definitely felt some kind of way, but it was too cold for ice cream. So I went with a holiday cookie from Tims instead.
My dark sense of humour wished it had a worse face on, all dilapidated and grumpy, but alas, the stinking guy is happy as a clam. Probably the best looking smile cookie I’ve ever gotten, haha! They’re usually a bit of a mess, but not today!
Anyway. Sometimes, yes, I pout. I ache and grieve for the possibilities of what the beautiful children I’ve fallen in love with have to go to, or may have to go through in the future. And where they’ve been.
But God is better. That is ALL we can hold onto these days. I don’t know how we would survive these hard things without faith.