I suppose this is a bit of a more personal story, but I really want to save it, so on the blog it goes!
I got home last week on Friday around suppertime, and the very next morning, we had to get everyone up and out the door to the lake! We needed to be fully prepared to get the place packed up for winter, decorated for a Christmas event, all the while leaving the house perfect for a showing that was taking place that same day. It was a LOT, and I was literally running from place to place, trying to get things in order as seamlessly as possible.
Coming out of the garage, I closed the door behind me, and somehow managed to whack my elbow on the door. It wasn’t a funny bone situation, but it was a boney bone thing, and it zinged in such a way, I cannot put into words how much it hurt. I gasped and crouched, and just started saying “Its ok its ok its ok” in an effort to stop everyone from running in my direction. You know when everything hurts and then people touch you? Yup. It sometimes just makes it SO much worse. Brady was at the top of the stairs, and he got my drift. He gave me a minute and asked gently what had happened. I could hardly answer him, and in that stupid moment, I realized what was fully happening.
I grunted my words out, and told him I was trying to stop a panic attack. The shock of the pain had sent my body into a tailspin and I could feel a panic attack ramping up. If you’ve known me long enough, I had never had a panic or anxiety attack until Brady went to the hospital. They were common and rampant at that point in my life. I rarely have them anymore, but they do show up from time to time, and Saturday was one of those times. I sat on the floor of the entrance and tried to manage the attack but it was ramping.
And then one kid got past Brady and came down the stairs.
My Rowan.
With his Rowan heart.
The kid who can’t bear to watch someone be in pain.
The kid who probably understands panic attacks better than anyone else in our family.
He got down beside me, put his arm over me, and started whispering:
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
And he did this a handful of times until my breathing slowed down and my body had calmed relaxed.
He walked me through my panic attack. Which was WILD, because he’s a child, but man. Rowan has something SO special and SO different than anyone else in our family! Don’t get me wrong, they are all incredibly precious children! But this kid is his own breed, and I do mean that in a VERY good way 💜
I am SO excited to see who Rowan becomes as he grows up. I think I’ve said it many many times, but he will either be some kind of travelling adventurer, or in some kind of caregiving career. Perhaps both. Missionary work, even. Go do medical care across the world, Ro. You could do it!!
Anyway. I sure love this boy. And I feel very loved by him.