I heard from my doctor yesterday evening already, which was totally unexpected! When her number popped up on my phone, I thought the worst, because as I said yesterday, I figured that if she took a day or two to call, it was likely nothing ominous. But she called the same day.
Aaaaand the results are good 🙂 Quite a bit better, anyway. It looks like I have officially dodged a D&C!!! *insert annoying celebratory noisemaker sounds here*All of my linings and internal whatnots appear to be back in order. My blood hormone levels are also on their way back to normal. HCG levels should be in the thousands in a healthy first trimester, and mine registered at a measly 40. Another week or two and they should be at zero.
As for the spot that we saw on my ultrasound… My doctor didn’t mention it at all, so I brought it up. She reread the report that the radiologist had sent her, and confirmed that absolutely nothing like that had been noted on the report. I told her I trusted her, but that I did see the inconsistency with my own eyes. I told her as much as I had grasped, and that it had appeared to be stuck in place, whatever it was. She seemed to have a moment of clarity, and said that it was very likely that there was a single area of my uterus with a slightly thicker lining, therefore showing up as a slightly different color on the scan. Its too bad, because as we’ve said, our tech was SO careful not to say too much of anything, and this is probably something she shouldn’t have said. No love lost there, though. I’m SO relieved that no abnormalities were noted.
It still seems like a strange thing to be gunning for, if I’m being honest. To be desiring my body to be without child, completely void of any and all signs that a baby did live there quite so recently. Its weird, and I don’t much care for the feeling. But I also understand my situation, and why we’re rooting for what we’re rooting for. I keep reminding myself, little man was gone a long time ago. Over a month now. He’s with Jesus. This is just the medical side of things, where his body needs to come all the way out before I can be healthy again. This is just the earthly side. This is NOT me wishing he was never within me. This is NOT me not wanting him. I ache for him. Ugh. My body hurts.
Its not over. Thats probably clear to anyone reading this. But I do have some peace, and some closure finally. But I don’t think this will ever be over over. You know what I mean.
*** On a completely separate note, I just want to put out there for anyone wondering, or in a similar boat, I am more than willing to talk gorey details. I actually almost wrote a post about it, but I don’t want to upset anyone, or share more than I should. BUT I am not shy, and if anyone wants to know more about my story, or ask questions about theirs, I’m here to compare notes for anyone who wants to but might be too nervous to ask others. Just keep me in mind, if you need, or even just want to know more. I’ve just tried to keep the level of ick factor down for the weaker stomachs and the handful of male readers I have 🙂 Just in case.