At this stage of life, I hope I can say that everyone has learned that preconceived ideas hurt people. Most of you who read my posts regularly know that the stage of life I’m currently in is the one filled with new babies. Though I’ve had four babies, I know very little, and while the general population views me as an “experienced mother,” those of you who know me well know that I’m actually flying by the seat of my pants more often than not. That being said, the term “mommy wars” just breaks my heart. While I like to think I don’t participate in them and make a point not to judge other mothers and families, the “war” is on, and sometimes even those of us who try to stand back are involved in the controversy. What I mean to say is while I’m doing my best not to be involved, I often assume that people have a negative opinion about me and the way we’ve chosen to do life and build our family. While I try to stay neutral, I am indirectly thinking badly of people by assuming they are thinking badly of me. This is NOT fair to anyone.
I didn’t have any grand revelation today, by any means, but while we were out shopping this afternoon, I changed my tune a little bit. It isn’t even a question anymore that we draw attention when we go out. Not because the kids are crazy or acting out or running into people, but just because there are a lot of them, and they’re all little. So yes, people look. Their eyes widen. They count. And sometimes they count twice. Its hard to miss. But today, I noticed a lot of people regard our family, and smile at us. Not even making eye contact with us necessarily, but just smiling to themselves. And I loved that! I wondered how often people did that, but I miss it because I’m too busy on the defence, or trying to appear to have everything together. I consider myself a fairly friendly person, and I try to be approachable, but I know that when it comes to my family, I’m protective. So today, I made a specific point to smile at anyone who looked at our family and made eye contact with me. I didn’t care if they stared, wide eyed at the kids, or they smiled at them, or commented to their spouse, or whatever else. I just made a positive contact. And it was SO nice how many people actually smiled back!!! I didn’t know what I expected, beyond just feeling better myself, but it was really really nice!
We did a good grocery shop today, and then after supper, we stopped at Home Depot for a few things. Paint for some projects, and house numbers to replace the white piece of paper taped inside our front window 😉 When we went to pick up our paint from the counter, they had a question about one color, so it hadn’t been mixed up yet. They said they’d just quickly do that one for us right away, so we stood by the counter to wait. Laela noticed that the counter was vibrating, and asked me what was happening. I tried to describe the paint shaker under it, but the employee had one better, and invited Dekker and Laela back behind the counter with her to help. Dekker put the paint in the foam cover it wears, and Laela slipped it into the machine, and they watched it shake around for a minute. And I was SO pleased for that opportunity given to my kids! There was no judgement there at all! She was so warm and willing to include my kids! She left me, and I think everyone, feeling warm and fuzzy. From the paint counter, we went to check out, and as soon as we pulled up to the till, our cashier took one look at us, and said to the kids “You guys are SO lucky!” I wasn’t sure where she was going with it until she added on “You must love having so many brothers and sisters!” Once again, I was SO surprised! She ogled Solly while she rang our stuff through, and let Dekker scan an item or two along the way. She talked about how much she loved her sister, and how she thought siblings were just the best things you can give your kids. She was so genuine.
Walking out from Home Depot, I just felt really warm, and it had nothing to do with the weather. I think there has to be a way to love my family first, and to be protective of them, while still giving everyone else the benefit of the doubt. I’m not indifferent about how people feel towards me and my family. Of course, if someone outwardly said something rude or offensive, sure, it would sting, but I wonder how many people really think what we’re doing it bad enough to confront us about it. Probably not many. I didn’t see one judgemental look in our direction today, and maybe there were none, or maybe I didn’t see them because I wasn’t looking for them. Or maybe I smiled at them before they had a chance 😉
I don’t know why, but today felt wonderful! I feel VERY proud of the people in my family, and VERY confident in our decisions to build our family the way we have thus far. I pray that God protects this feeling so deep rooted in my heart.
Can we all drop our protective shields and judgemental spirits already, and call a truce on this mommy war?? Because I don’t like either side. I want everyone to win.