The Daily Hailey

I’ve talked about plans a lot in the past. They make me feel sane. I like having an idea of when I’ll be where, so I can be productive while also having things to look forward to.

In the last couple of years, however, a lot of my plans have been turned on their heads, and I’ve learned just how how little control we actually have over a lot of things. I’ve said it a lot – plans are just placeholders while we wait to see what is actually going to happen.

I didn’t really even have a chance to make a plan for this year. It was already very clear last year that something was happening with Brady, and it became top priority VERY early on in the year. I think that is actually a blessing, because I don’t feel like we’ve had to let a whole bunch of big lofty plans and dreams go by the wayside, though of course we would have! Brady comes SO FAR AHEAD of any little plan we might have toyed with.

Back when Brady was first going for his MRIs, I had a hunch that I needed to prepare for something. Maybe you remember. I was meal prepping, freezing things, pre-writing blogs, etc., and at that time, not a single thing was confirmed or scheduled. I just felt like it was the calm before the storm. Well, “calm.” And then, lo and behold, Brady had surgery, ended up paralyzed, and lived in the hospital for the next nine weeks! I had started writing a few blogs, some just titles or ideas, to help me write when my brain was clearly elsewhere. One of my titles was centred around new years resolutions.

I had a GOOD laugh about that. Like, it was a pretty sick laugh in the moment, but its a funny one now, I promise. Resolutions?? Like plans? COMMITMENTS?!?! Heck no!! There is NO way I could even remotely claim to be working towards anything that wasn’t just surviving. It took a while for me to know that was enough. I’m here now.

From where we are right now, toward the end of July, I think I can write out a handful of things that sort of count as resolutions? Intentions? Ideals? Aaaaanyway, here you have it.

We built the deck at the lake. I’d love it if we could finish the awning, too, before the weekend is over.

I’d like to find a counsellor that is a good fit for me.

I’d like to find a financial advisor that I trust.

I’d like to crochet each of my children a blanket for Christmas. (This one is a secret from them, obviously. Don’t tell!)

I’d like to organize another homemade gift exchange like I did the last two Christmases. It feels like it’ll be a stretch but I SO enjoy it!!

I think these appear to be reasonable goals. There are much loftier ones out there, but they are lower pressure, with lesser specifics to measure, and definitely not things to accomplish by the years end. Sure, I’d love to find peace about not feeling capable of doing sooooo many things that I used to. I’d love to be able to host people at my house, or to take my kids out, or to run errands as a family, or to buy my own groceries, or to just feel like less of a mess. But I think all of that will come with time, and maybe one day, I’ll just look at my life and think “Huh. Remember when I couldn’t do those things? I wonder when I started again.” Goodness I cannot wait for that day.

So. The goals.

Build an awning.
Find a counsellor and financial advisor.
Crochet some big projects.
Organize an event.

This is all doable. Three of the things are fun. The other two are important and beneficial. I can do it.

Does anyone care to share a goal they have for the remainder of the year, so I don’t have to feel like a dork making new years resolutions in July?