The Daily Hailey

*Another guest post from Cher!* 

Over the past couple of years, I have gotten really familiar with Hailey’s kids and her style of parenting. I have noticed that it is very similar to how I was parented as a kid and so it is easy for me to understand where she is coming from. I have always believed in having clear rules and boundaries for kids, especially during the hardest times because being a push over parent is not only hard for the parents, but it makes life harder for kids when they go out on their own as adults. Kids need structure and consistency. Empty threats and inconsistent battles only end in mistrust. 

I know that we all lose our patience sometimes. Maybe we lose our patience too quickly, or too often, but we all know that we ourselves need patience. One of the things I take comfort in as an adult is how Patient God is with me because Lord knows I need it, but he has been. He has been patient with me from the beginning, just like He is with everyone else. He sees everything through for absolutely everyone. 

All of the Born kids are very kind and loving and sweet. They all have their own unique personality and quirks about them, but I am going to write about Rowan because he, just like all the others, has something VERY special about him. He is passionate beyond his years. I first started to notice this passion a little over a year ago. One day I came over for a visit and Rowan told me that he gave his life to Jesus that morning. He seemed to understand even as a four year old what was going on. Since then, his prayers have been deeper than most kids: “Thank you Jesus that Dekker and Laela have Science Saturday because they really like it.” This shows how Rowan sees other people’s joy and has the capacity to be happy along with them. Other prayers I hear him say before lunch or supper will include his thankfulness for nature and how Jesus loves us and made all things. Sometimes it takes me back as a surprise at how in depth he can think.

Around the same time that Rowan gave his life to Jesus, he also began to struggle with his emotions. He has since then began to understand that when he gets angry, sometimes he is angry with himself, and not necessarily at the situation, but it took a little bit of tweaking for him to get there because it felt like this passion came out of nowhere. 

I watched Hailey and Brady change so much in the past year because of this. I saw them be sad and worried and confused. Rowan’s uniqueness in capacity for feelings was developing quickly. I know that Hailey has written a blog before about how she yells at her kids. I stumbled upon it recently, actually. It almost feels weird to read it now. You would think that after managing five kids (from my perspective as a single, childless 30yr old) that the yelling would only get louder or there would be slack. WRONG!

There was a point when they didn’t really want to go on dates because they were unsure how a babysitter might feel with Rowan if he got up after bed a few times. (By the way, he was still excellent, just needed some reminders) I watched them troubleshoot so many things. They took away some items he might play and get distracted with. They got him a lovely weighted blanket so he felt extra comforted at night and would sleep better. When things were at their peak, Hailey put a photo of Rowan as her screen saver so she could see him even MORE and just love him through it. And she did. 

Hailey and Brady have stuck with every “threat” they have made when he needs structure. They have teamed up and tapped each other out so they can have a fresh attitude if things are stretching out longer than usual. I think the quarantine has helped a lot with that, but even before March, even last year, there has been such a change and it’s with everybody! It is so wonderful to see how beautifully Hailey and Brady work together, encourage each other, and motivate each other to be the best they can be for their kids. 

Rowan has such a love and grace for his parents, just like they do for him. They worked tirelessly for and with Rowan. I just want to clarify that Rowan is NOT a problem child, nor am I trying to sugar coat anything for them. I am really thrilled to have witnessed the improvements that have happened. When Rowan gets upset and both Hailey and Brady talk to him calmly and in a way that he understands what is going on, it feels like there has been a breakthrough in communication. Where does their patience even come from? Instead of being mad at him, they accepted him and are shaping him without wishing he was a different kid, because he doesn’t NEED to be different. He needs to know where to put his passion. 

The last thing I want to say is how special Rowan is to me. He brings me stuffies when I am sad. He will bring me a blanket or any soft thing if I am cold. He LOVES to help me pack and always is asking to do favours for me. He has started to put away groceries and make sure we aren’t in need of anything we could have that he could help us with. He fills my water bottle when it is empty, and he hugs and kisses me before bed. And I’m just the guest. Rowan would do almost anything for anyone. His heart is HUGE and I am so blessed to be able to know him and watch him grow up. I call him Growan.