The Daily Hailey

Brady had about a half day of work left for his week this morning. After a MUCH better nights sleep than my last few nights, I was feeling more optimistic going into today. Upon waking up feeling so good, I wondered if my struggles these days was really just me, and just fatigue. I kicked myself for making the days so hard when it was well within my control to change.

Turns out it wasn’t just me, haha! The kids were still scrappier than usual, and constantly at each other. But I took it upon myself to have a better attitude and turn it around. Not everyone was on board with the “better attitude” movement, but I kept it together and put on some music and took some pictures of them. It helped me physically see the positives, and the music relaxed everyone too.

I love when they come join me at the island!!

I will admit, though, that as Brady texted me that he was coming to the end of his work day, I was anticipating his arrival more and more. I am more than capable of caring for my children on my own, but its so much nicer to have my partner in crime around, especially during this particular new stage of fighting.

Shortly before Brady left work, he got hurt. Not like devastatingly hurt, and I’m not going to go into detail, just for the sake of himself and his builder, but it was a pretty sucky situation. I wanted him home more than ever, then, to be able to talk to him in person and make sure he was actually ok and not just “ok” over text. You know what I mean.

(Side note: He is ok. He’s achy, though, and strained a few things. Maybe I’ll talk more about it in an upcoming post.)

So, now, I have a baby who is pouring snot and fevering, a two year old who has things pretty together save for a bit of a snotty nose as well, a three year old and five year old who are struggling to breathe the same air, and a twenty-eight year old who is limping, concerned, and loaded up on DayQuil and denial. Lol!

This is the part where I selfishly ask that you pray for ME! I want to be nice and strong, and hold my family together when we need it. I need a bit of a longer fuse, a bit more compassion, and some added endurance. Also, I’m pretty sure everyone is going to eat popcorn for supper… Its just going to be one of those days!

We survived our day, with a big nod thrown towards my parents for taking us in! Brady worked today, and I got virtually no sleep last night. Again. Guys, its not been my smoothest season of sleep, but also not my worst, so I can’t really complain.

Three out of my four kids are back to runny noses, which is far from the end of the world, but it does add to their moods, obviously. Everyone’s fuses are shorter than usual. That paired with a new stage of Dekker and Laela having a standoff about virtually everything has me at the end of my rope. I think thats why I’ve had trouble being positive about this week. But guess what! Its Friday! Bradys long work week is almost over 🙂 Just tomorrow left. We can do tomorrow.

We brought our snotty, crabby selves over to my parents place in time for lunch. It was both delicious and wonderful to have the change of scenery. Solly went down right before lunch, and Rowan just after. The big kids played great in the afternoon, colouring and driving and making up games. No one even mentioned tv until around 4:00. When I said “Maybe not today,” everything kept on rolling. So it was nice.

Brady headed on over after he was done work for the day, and my parents invited us to stay for supper. It was SO helpful because the kids were still very much on edge, and it helped to have extra attention, different toys, etc. Even on edge, it was easier there than it would have been at home. So we enjoyed the end of our evening before tidying up all of the toys and heading home around 6:30. The kids were pretty sad to go home, but they went through bedtime like usual, and are now tucked away. Solly drank his milk better than he had all day, and we finally gave him some meds which seemed to kick in and lift him up pretty quickly. Yay for relief for the baby!!

Please keep rooting for us, though! Brady is starting to feel sick, and while I’m still currently in the clear, I am not sleeping well these days, and definitely not at my strongest. Not to mention I have exciting weekend plans next weekend and I would love to not be sick for them!

Wish us luck! One more Brady-free day!

I’m sure you’ve heard there a snow storm on its way. Well, “snow storm.” Any snow at this point in the year feels a bit dramatic, even if its just a sprinkling. It won’t stay. Its too springish for snow to stay. But this is Saskatchewan, so we all know its not impossible to get snow after spring has clearly begun. Same goes for the other prairie provinces. I know Calgary is in the midst of their unexpected snow, we’re next, and Winnipeg is due for it early next week. So we all have that to look forward to…

What do you guys do to bring spring in? I feel like we need to do something intentionally on the subject this weekend as we anticipate the snow, so we don’t get too discouraged. Or so I don’t get too discouraged, haha! Maybe you guys are better at this than I am, but I like to have an intentional plan to get me through these kinds of things. So I’m curious what you guys do 🙂

We haven’t done anything too exciting in the way of welcoming spring, but we’ve done a few small things. We’ve pull out all of our spring jackets, shoes, rubber boots, and even sandals. We’ve cracked our windows often, even if it means turning the inside temperature up a bit. (Ok, its possible thats just me who does that.) I’ve ordered some tshirts and tank tops for the kids, and some new shorts for Brady. I’ve pulled our my stretchy capri pants, and I’ve rocked bright coral eyeshadow more than once. Welcome, spring! We’ve been eating hot dogs like crazy, haha, which maybe doesn’t feel as “spring” to everyone, but every time we eat hot dogs, the kids talk about their excitement to eat them out on the deck.

The deck. I think I’ve talked about our deck plans on here. There has been a HUGE back and forth on what to do about the hypothetical deck. Piles, no piles, 21′ piles, 10′ piles, footings, sidewalk blocks, deck savers, no deck savers, and everything else. Below frost lines, above frost lines, what if the deck pitches, what if the house pitches?! SO MANY THINGS to think about!! However, I think decisions are made, as much as they can be. The current plan is to wait for our permits to go through (hopefully not too much longer than another week or so) and then choose a pile digging/pouring weekend, and build our deck the weekend immediately after. When I know where these dates fall, I’ll be posting it here, and anticipating a TON of eager helpers 😉 I tease. But seriously, I’ll bribe with a delicious lunch of pulled pork on a bun and all the fixings!

The deck will be our big welcome to spring, even if spring has already come and we’re a touch behind. The deck will give the kids more room to run and sun. It’ll be a nice place to unwind at the end of the day. It’ll be a lovely place to begin the morning. It’ll be a refreshing opportunity when I’m feeling ill and needing fresh air. It’ll provide good pictures and build good memories. I am SO anticipating this all happening.

Until then, I’m not wishing time away 🙂 I’m enjoying my days, taking other pictures, making other memories. But the kids cannot stop talking about our upcoming project!

Excitement is in the air!, that is coming in through the kitchen window, that is fighting against our furnace…

After having an exciting, beautiful, vivid dream about having a baby just a couple of nights ago, I was bombarded with nightmares last night. Some about being alone in general, some about being in dangerous, threatening situations, some awful, bloody, CSI-type dreams. Needless to say, it was a pretty huge challenge to get out of bed with a positive attitude, but I did some intentional praying and just kept on trucking. And they shook off pretty quickly, thank goodness.

Thank goodness, the kids have been sweet today. They’ve been asking to listen to music, talking about spring and summer, and making plans with me. Its been fun. We’re currently in the midst of our quiet afternoon time. The lego is out, Netflix is on, and the little boys are napping. I’m excitedly anticipating a date with my mom this evening, as well. A little bit of fun shopping, supper, and Costco. I love getting some girl time away with her. We have an extra special relationship that I’ve talked about on here before. She is definitely my mom, and will ALWAYS be, but we have such a solid friendship as well. Its healthy and wonderful and makes me happy about the stages of life that we find ourselves in. I love her. (Psst! Mom! I love you!)

I’m going to sign off of here now, and enjoy myself some leftover perogies for lunch. I know, you’re all jealous. I would be too.

It was a nice morning.

Brady was home today, so he got up in the morning to get Dekker breakfast before school while I doddled and took a little longer to wake up. When I brought Dekker to school, Kim has brought me a bag of lemon biscotti that she had excess of and knew I would love. Not only do I love biscotti, but I really love lemon, so it was a pretty lovely gift. When I got home, Brady had made some coffee, and we tucked back up in bed for an episode of our current show with our treats. It was a lovely kick off.

The rest of the morning was spent planning a few things. Brady has been working hard to figure out some details on the deck we’re planning to build. As an aside, we’re planning on building it as soon as humanly possible, so if anyone is itching to participate and help us blitz it, consider yourselves invited and appreciated! As he worked on some of that, I did some basic planning on a blog series I’m cooking up for you guys. Ok, I’m mostly cooking it up for myself, let’s be honest. But I spent some time trying to come up with a proper name for it, and some general ideas to go along with it. It is certainly not all the way arranged but I don’t think it’ll be smooth until I’m actually posting it! So hopefully soon 🙂 It felt good to get some of it at least listed out.

It was a good afternoon as well.

A friend of mine invited me over for a visit this afternoon. I feel like we’ve talked about getting together for like two years, and just haven’t made it happen, haha! Well we FINALLY did, and with Brady home for the day, I left the kids at home and just went on my own. It was so nice to just sit and sip tea together and catch up a bit. We talked family and parenting and miscarriages and work and all kinds of things. It was so so nice and relaxed and comfortable. It was pretty much an ideal afternoon. She had one little munchkin up, roaming around the house, boycotting his nap, but he was a cute little addition to our afternoon of mom talk. I arrived there right as her other kid was going down for a nap, and I left when it was time to get Deks from school.

Things bode well for the evening as well.

Brady baked a dessert with Laela while I was out, so we have a new cake to look forward to. That and hopefully a relaxed supper and evening.

Brady is back to work tomorrow, and I’m feeling a bit of nerves towards a long week. Brady is working Good Friday and Saturday, which is a bummer. That kind of thing is always hard for me to forget going into a week, and I get grouchy :/ I know, its my own fault. But I know Brady is working those days so he can have a longer stretch off next week, which I greatly appreciate. Just hard getting there. I like my Saturdays with my husband.

I think I can hear Rowan starting to wake up, so thats my cue! I hope you’re all enjoying the sunshine as much as I am. I officially broke the shorts out!

A couple of days ago, Brady and I were hanging out with the kids, and we were commenting on how funny and cute Solly was being at that moment. The older kids started talking about how much they love Solly, and then how much they love each member of the family. Laela closed it off with “I love the baby in mommy’s tummy so much.” After a short pause, Brady reminded her that I don’t have a baby in my tummy anymore. Laela said that made her sad, and we agreed that we were sad, too. And then the moment passed, like it always does, and play started back up again.

Our whole house wants another baby, basically. The kids are so aware of everything that happened with our last pregnancy, and they talk about it a lot. When we load into our vehicle, usually either Dekker or Laela comments on how there are more seats to fill with more babies, who will soon be KIDS! Its endearing.

On the subject of baby fever, I had a dream the other night that was just so vivid. I probably wouldn’t normally share stuff like this, but since we’ve decided to be quite so public with our whole pregnancy/family building journey, it doesn’t make me feel vulnerable telling you I am literally dreaming about having babies.

In my dream, I was very pregnant, and I was home alone. Like alone. So we know it was definitely a dream, haha! No Brady, no kids. But the house was definitely lived in by kids, because in my alone time at home, I was doing mounds of dishes. Like to the point that they were on the island, counter, and covering the table. We also know this is a dream, because the dishwasher was running, and it appeared that I was just washing everything else by hand. This would NEVER be a reality, haha! I have no patience for hand washing dishes, and would much more likely wait for the cycle to end, unpack and reload the dishwasher as many times as it took. Buuut it was a dream. So to get back to it, I had finished washing, drying, and putting away a counter-full of dishes. I stepped over to the table to gather an armful of dishes to keep washing them, and I had a strong contraction, out of nowhere.

I’m not unfamiliar with contractions, but it was very reminiscent of Laela’s labour, where contractions started HARD and labour was FAST. It was VERY painful. I let my contraction finish, and the moment it let up, I thought “I have to call someone.” I turned away from the table empty handed, and made it two steps into my kitchen before another contraction came on like a ton of bricks. I grabbed the island top with my right hand and waited while the contraction amped.

As the pain went up, I felt the baby go down. DOWN. I remember the distinct feeling from when I had Laela. Suddenly, her head was coming out. I dropped down onto my knees, and held my hand on her head as it came the rest of the way. The contraction lulled at that point, and I sat and stared at her face, and her hair. She had a lot of it. When I felt another contraction coming, I got ready for it, and I guided the rest of her body out of mine.

It. Was. So. Peaceful.

And I was so proud of myself. Maybe that’s silly, but bear with me.

I’ve thought a LOT about having a baby unexpectedly at home. While I don’t plan for a home birth, there is a chance I’ll end up with one, with the way I don’t tend to feel labour until its zero hour. In all of my daydreams about having a baby on my own, I’m scared. And in PAIN. I often see myself trying to find a bed and laying down as I shake in fear and pain, trying to have my baby. But in this dream, I had a job to do. I was capable. I didn’t panic. I was definitely in pain, I remember that. It wasn’t all sugarcoated. It HURT. But that didn’t matter. I had a baby to deliver. Instead of going and trying to find somewhere comfy to lie down, I got into a more favourable position to deliver the baby with gravity on my side. Personally, I think Dream Hailey did a pretty bang up job of delivering her own baby.

I know this is all just a dream, but it made me feel like Real Life Hailey would probably do a pretty decent job of delivering her own baby if she found herself in unexpected circumstances as well. I am NOT an expert in labour and delivery, and I struggle to even consider myself an experienced mother, but I have had a few different labours and deliveries, and I think I have enough information to get through such a situation successfully. I hope I do, anyway.

Sometimes, dreams are just dreams. I don’t read too deep into them. I don’t anticipate delivering a baby alone in my kitchen. But I do feel like this dream was from God, showing me that He is in control of whats going to happen, and when its going to happen. That He will direct me through everything and anything. His hand is in everything, and I trust that.

It was such an exciting dream, you guys.

If you remember from yesterday’s post, Solly had barfed up his milk in the morning while I was out. We assumed it was just part of him having some cold symptoms, and that things were just mucousy and gross and his milk came back up. Gross, but logical. He drank and ate fine for the rest of the day, and went down to bed around 7:30.

About two hours later, Solly started screaming. Like screeeaming. We went to him right away and he was covered in vomit. As in soaked from head to toe. I could’ve wrung his sleeper out. His hair was all soaking wet, except the back of his head, which was crusty, so I assume he barfed right when we put him to bed but didn’t let us know.

Brady was getting Solly out of his bed, and the poor baby just kept retching and retching. He would burp and gurgle and stick his tongue out and sputter. Then he would go rock hard, arch his back shake his limbs, and just scream. It was awful. I took Solly into our bathroom and sat on the floor, so at least he’d vomit on tile rather than carpet, and we waited. Solly was so bushed, he would doze for a couple of minutes, and then go again with the retching and arching and screaming. He was definitely in pain. In between bouts of this, he would sleep while his tummy angrily gurgled away. He wouldn’t doze for long, though. He just wanted to lay back. He was so so tired, and just wanted to go to bed. But when we’d lay him down, even in our arms, he’s start gagging and choking and retching. Once all of his vomit was out, he just barfed up foam.

So I got in touch with a nurse friend, as well as called the health line. What it boiled down to was that he was probably going to be fine, and likely just had a nasty flu, but I decided we needed to take him in. I felt like we needed to get this business sorted out before I’d be able to sleep. The constant gagging and choking when he’d lay down was incredibly nerve wracking, and I knew I would stay awake all night out of anxiety. While it was likely not entirely necessary, my nerves told me to go in.

So we did. My parents came over to sit in the house while the other three kids slept, and we headed in. As soon as we started driving, Solly had another spell of screaming and getting all tense and hard. We pulled over right away, and I climbed into the backseat with him. He recovered as we drove, and maybe 20 minutes later had another bout of it. He’d do his scary, pain cry, and then sleep for a minute, and then wake up chipper. It was so strange.

Miraculously, the ER wasn’t backed up at all when we arrived, so the turnover was nice and quick. While we waited to see a doctor, Solly decided to do the thing that happens SO often, and he made us look like idiots. He perked right up, was nothing but smiles when anyone would walk by, and was clearly no longer in any pain. Schmuck.

I swear, this kid just milked his sickness in order to get an evening out with his parents. Smart boy.

When we did get to see a doctor, it moved pretty quickly. I didn’t love his demeanour, and he made us feel pretty dumb, but he also wasn’t around for the super pain cry, so I get it. Sort of. He did see our side of things though, and he gave us some medication that was supposed to curb his nausea quickly. He gave us a bit of information and told us what to expect and when/if we should give him a second or third dose. He said not to worry if he had another big puke spell. It could be this way for 24 hours ish. Besides feeling a bit silly, though, the medication did work very quickly. He hasn’t gagged or retched since then, and he slept pretty well. We couldn’t have bought this medication over the counter at a grocery store, so for that, I’m still really happy that we went. Also, he checked his tummy really well, and really deep. He squeezed it so deeply, I was expecting Solly to cry, but he didn’t. But with that check, he was able to tell us that it doesn’t feel like Solly has any kind of obstruction whatsoever, which is great! I’d been suspicious of one a while back, and its nice to know that its all passed, and nothing is gathering in there, stretching his bowel without my knowledge. So for that reason also, I’m very happy we went in and got that cleared up.

We were back home much faster than we expected to be. Solly was fast asleep and transferred to bed no problem. The three kids hasn’t made a peep and my parents were cozied into our living room, watching Netflix. It all felt fine, and normal.

Solly got up once in a night to drink, and kept it all down easily. Sooooo I guess crisis averted??

I didn’t get much sleep last night. My mind was just running about unimportant things, and I was up from 1:30-5:00-ish. It goes without saying that I’m feeling a bit draggy this morning, but I’d really like to focus on the positives today. Woot!!

Its Saturday! Of all days to be tired, today is definitely the day!

Also, Spring is here. Despite the cloudy weather today, our kitchen window is open and the fresh air is blowing. I’m so happy nicer weather is here! I hope it stays!

I got up this morning, put on makeup, and went to apply some on someone else! I’m so thankful to have people around me who want me to succeed at doing something that I love! It was exciting and important and I think it turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. That was a great start to my morning.

While I was gone, Solly barfed. It was kind of nice to skip that…

While I fed my sick baby a bottle, Brady vacuumed the entire house. What a huge chore off the list!

Hot coffee.

We spent time planning some fun music with a friend yesterday evening, and we’ll spend time with my parents tomorrow. It is always nice to be around loved ones.

Its nap time!! Three of the kids are going down today, and I’m anticipating a big bowl of the chicken lemon rice soup I made a few days ago. It turned out perfectly. Not to too my own horn, but *toot toot.*

I’m thankful for a lot of things, and a lot of people. My life is full and rich. God is just so so good.

I think that last one wraps todays post up pretty nicely 🙂 Its such a strange time of my life, with so many uncertainties on the horizon, so many plans in the works. Strange and wonderful all rolled together.

We have this book. Lots of you guys have probably read it. Its called “Pete the Cat and his Four Groovy Buttons.” Pete the Cat is super fun, so if you have kids, look into him. A couple of my cousins bought our kids this book a couple of Christmases ago, and its recently resurfaced as a “new” book. So we read it a lot these days.

I easily know this book by heart now, and so do the kids. They know the pages and the concept. Laela reads/recites it to Rowan almost every day. The story is simple. Pete the Cat’s favorite shirt has four bright buttons down the front of it, and for whatever strange reason, those suckers just keep popping off. But he just rolls with it. Once they’ve all popped off, he accepts his belly button in their place, and thats just it. No fuss, no muss, the end.

But in the last couple of days, I’ve really really appreciated this book. Pete the Cat is profound.

My favorite page goes like this:

I guess it simply goes to show
That stuff will come, and stuff will go.
But do we cry? Goodness, no.
We keep on singing.

Now, its possible that Pete the Cat is a bit more emotionally stable than I am, because I definitely cry when stuff goes around here. But I like where he’s going with it all.

Forgive me (or don’t) for putting a Christian spin on this, but this book reminded me that God gives and takes away, and that we are to keep saying “blessed be His name.” Or, in my words, we’re to roll with it and trust that He’s got it. And he does. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

While I firmly believe that God did NOT “take” my baby boy from me, I do believe that He knows all things. He knew we would be faced with this devastating situation, and He knew that we could come out on the other side. And we did. But it was hard, and continues to be. But believe me, both literally and figuratively, I AM KEEPING ON SINGING! This is so not over. And I suppose, even if it were, I’d have to find a way to keep on singing. But how I pray that this isn’t the end of the line for us and our family…

I probably sound pretty mixed up. That’s ok. You guys probably know me well enough that you know I don’t always make sense 😉 Perhaps it feels just a bit more like a “rolling with the punches” kind of day. If you’re feeling the same way, know you’re not alone! Me, and you, and Pete the Cat are all working hard to keep on trucking. Or singing. Or rolling. Whatever you want to call it, we’re ALL doing it.

Seriously, guys. Pete the Cat. He knows things.

So I may kick myself for writing about this. I don’t want to jinx it. But I think its just about time to sleep train Solly. I hope.

We’ve tried to sleep train Solly a time or two before, but as soon as we nail down a plan, he gets sick or something, and it just hasn’t been possible.

In this last week or two, he’s been pretty miserable and sick. Our nights have been challenging. He wakes up around midnight, and wails and cries and coughs and rasps and screams. We. Try. Everything. We change his diaper, try to give him milk, rock him, walk him, no dice. To use a phrase that I really hate, he just can’t even. We end up holding him until his crying relaxes a bit. But it does not STOP until we put him back down the bed. So no, we’re not leaving his sick little self to wail for hours and hours. We work HARD to calm him down, and it only sort of works. The days that this has happened, he wakes up a couple of hours later when his medicine from his midnight wakeup call has kicked in, and he’ll take a feeding. Even that feeding is about half of his usual feeding size. But its something. When you know baby is sick, you just roll with stuff like that.

We’ve been putting two and two together though the sick time, though, and realizing that he can definitely go longer between night feedings than he has been. He’s not suffering with hunger when he misses that midnight feeding. I know he’s not.

Last night, instead of his tearful wakeup at midnight, he just slept through. Until 4:45!!! Keep in mind that he goes to bed at 7:30pm. That is NINE HOURS!! And WOW did I appreciate them! I also really appreciated that Solly woke up right around Brady’s alarm so he did the feeding before heading to work. What a glorious night for me!

I think this is it. I hope so much that this is it! I think, if he wakes up in the middle of the night, and I know he took a good feeding before bed, we’re just going to wrap him up and give him a good snuggle before putting him back to bed. And I think its going to be ok! I figure our worst case scenario will be, if it doesn’t work now, for whatever reason, Brady has a few days off in a stretch coming up, and we’ll just do it then if we have to. So if the whole house is full of exhausted children, I’ll have someone to tag team with! So, if not now, then.

On the note of sleepy babies, my little boys are napping and my big girl is watching some VeggieTales while I’m reclined, blogging, and eating broccoli salad. Spring is definitely upon us, and my whole self just feels much more relaxed and hopeful for the seasons to come. I hope you’re all feeling similarly.