The Daily Hailey

Today is the day! The piles for our highly anticipated deck are being built!

To make matters even better, the sun is out, and  beautiful, and HOT, and its just making me that much more ready to stretch out on my deck and relax while my children play outside. So, so ready.

To make matters slightly worse, our pile drilling guy broke one of his bobcats extension bits  So that kind of super sucks. To be fair, we knew the risk was there. We have only heard ridiculous things about how rocky our area of town is, and we did warn him. This is why we didn’t want to hire anyone we knew personally. It would feel SO bad having that happen to a friend on our behalf. Even not knowing our pile guy, we still feel bad, but again, he was forewarned, so we don’t feel quite AS bad.

As I’m writing this, Brady is outside observing the work of the very last hole being dug! Its taken much longer than we expected, and likely longer than they expected as well. But its getting there! The pouring of the concrete is happening tomorrow morning, which I’m SO excited about! Our deck package is also being delivered tomorrow, so after that, its all up to us!! Brady and I are both itching to get out there and build our deck. He randomly has a few days off next week, so we’re hoping to find childcare here and there so we can duck out and work on the deck in the days. But if not, evenings post-bedtime will be fine, too. We’re just SO excited!!

The missing link at the moment is the railing. We haven’t ordered it yet!! Eek! Not ideal, obviously, but I kind of missed the memo that we hadn’t ordered it, and now its behind :/ But we have to run a few things by someone else before ordering it, and that person has an INCREDIBLY busy week ahead, so we haven’t wanted to pester him too much. Hopefully we get over it and willingly pester him soon, haha! I want my deck accessible to everyone! Decksessible! Get it? You get it.

So we wait. But we also don’t wait too long, because the process has FINALLY begun!!! I’ll update more tomorrow, obviously, because POURING PILES!

I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I’d be quite so excited about concrete…

While today wasn’t technically a school day for Dekker, it was the day that the kindergarteners had their assembly. It was open to parents and whoever else opted to come watch, so Brady decided to go to work late in order to come. This way, we could also bring all the kids along a bit easier. My dad also joined us, but my mom is away visiting family. It was nice to be surrounded by other parents, and see other members of their family. I was happy to bring mine along too, and to show them off. Solly was quite enamoured with the woman sitting next to us, but not quite as enamoured as she was with him! It was a cute little bond they formed in the half hour ish that they knew each other.

The kids did a great job. Dekker didn’t do much for actions at all, but he said the poems and sang the song. He was the most amped about a video they put together. He only spilled the beans on that one yesterday. In the video, each kid in the kindergarten grade said what they thought it meant to be a good friend. Dekker was the last one in the video, and closed it off with something along the lines of “Being a good friend means sharing your toys,” which is true They all looked super cute and did a great job. I’d post pictures but we were asked not to, which makes sense. Not everyone wants their kids faces on the internet, no judgement from me!

Leaving the school was a bit confusing, in part because there were just so many people, but also because all of the kindergarten students filed back into their classroom and just started playing and settling in. Dekker seemed pretty convinced that he was staying, but was super happy when I told him he could come home and play with us for the day. It’s a shame that Brady couldn’t stay home today, but its not something we were expecting, so it wasn’t too shocking when he hustled into the house and got his work clothes on. Off he went!

Since I had the pleasure of waking everyone up from a dead sleep this morning, the two little boys have been napping since around 11:30am. They were both trashed and bawling and ready. The big ones are playing in the basement and we’ll soon have lunch and watch some Netflix. They will, anyway. I’m anxiously waiting for the pile digging guy to come!! Digging today, and pouring tomorrow. I’m SO excited for that to go down! Literally.

I am tired, once again, from an earlier than necessary wake up (thanks for that, Solly) that I couldn’t fall back to sleep after. But I feel good about today. And the rest of the week. Positivity, folks! Keep trying!

Good job at your assembly, Dekker!! I’m SO proud of you being so brave up in front of so many people!

I’m sure you’ve noticed how a good nights sleep can greatly improve a persons mental health. Its definitely not a secret. Well this morning, I was awake from 4:30 on. I knew I wasn’t going to make it through the day (not well, anyway) so I changed my alarm and managed to get a quick nap from 7:15-7:40. After that, I quickly got Dekker up and fed and dressed before school. This week, my mom is away. She often comes to my house and sits in it while I take Dekker to and from school, but it obviously isn’t an always type of thing, so I’m not too worried. But after my weirdly early morning, I’ll be honest and say I was feeling pretty low. The day felt bleak. The rest of the week did, too. Not only was I tired this morning, but I had to get all of the kids up early, so they were also tired.

I’ve had a heavy heart the last few days already. So many people I know are losing babies  It is so so sad, and while I don’t want to take away from their pain at all, it is breaking my heart all over for them. So for several days, I’ve found myself feeling quite sorrowful for those around me – people I know currently, or knew a long time ago, or don’t even know at all but have heard about through others. So many people are grieving losses of babies they were carrying, or who have been dreaming of but haven’t been able to carry, or who have already carried their baby and held it and loved on it into its life. So. Much. Sadness.

My heart goes back to the people who shared with me months ago that they too had suffered a miscarriage recently. I haven’t forgotten you ladies, or your families. I wonder about you, still, and I can honestly say I pray for you when you come to mind. I wonder if you’re trying to get pregnant again, or can’t even fathom the thought, or are privately pregnant and aren’t ready (or even planning) to share it with the world. I still ache for you guys. You helped me feel normal in the weird, surreal world of losing a baby. I am thankful I wasn’t alone, but I wish I were the only person who EVER had to feel that pain. I HATE that so many of you feel it.

I feel fairly helpless in the whole mess of things, because I’m just me. I am a single person. And while I do believe that ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE, I am my own hot mess. I’m in my own struggle. But we can help people when we’re down, right? Right?? I don’t know. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.

So I’ve been carrying these feelings around, and this morning just felt like too much. I was pretty nervous for the day. But we all survived drop off this morning, and Solly lasted until his noon nap time without falling asleep, so that was a win! I hauled my kids over to my friends house for the afternoon, so Laela was occupied and played with other kids while the little boys slept. We had a nice girl talk and were eventually joined by another friend and a couple more kids. It was EXACTLY what my heavy heart needed. Some good solid distraction, friends, play, and a change of scenery.

Even just resting my body and mind for a couple of hours has made a drastic difference in the way my heart feels. I’m still sad, and in mourning for myself, my family, and the many many people around me who are sad. But I feel like my day is more doable. I feel like tomorrow will be ok, where as I felt this morning like we’d never make it to Friday. But we will. We have lots to anticipate and be happy about.

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us REJOICE and be glad in it!

FOUR YEARS AGO, it was at this time that Radisson flooded. I wanted to link up old posts but for some reason, lots of the photo links are broken, and they’re not exactly up to snuff. But I don’t need pictures to remember it well. We were gone for a weekend trip to visit family in Edmonton, and we arrived home late into the evening. It was dark, but we could see that we’d had a LOT of snow. The next morning, Brady left for work bright and early, as the snow was beginning to melt. I woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of people talking in my yard. You guys might remember all of this. I threw on a hoodie and sweats and made my way out there. A group of thirty or so people were in my yard, making a game plan of how to save my house from flooding, literally filling the basement with water.

By the end of that first day, we were surrounded by water. Our whole yard was filled with water, with sandbags surrounding the house tightly. Water was still waking its way through, but not as much as it would have without the sandbag barrier. Water splashed up against our basement windows. Volunteers hauled most of our basement into our living room, happily and willingly. We were on the news, more than a couple of times. So was Dekker, in his jammies. I was 4-5 months pregnant with Laela at the time. It was a long time ago, but its still so fresh in my memory.

God protected us. We didn’t get a drop of water in our home through that whole experience. I want to write about this today, because as my Facebook memories tell me, today was the day that I finally lost it. It all felt pretty surreal for the first few days, and we were powering through. But it was this day, four years ago, that I had my breakdown about the flood. I panicked and cried and went over every possible awful scenario in my head. It was a low low time. Probably one of the hardest things we had gone through at that time. I felt so isolated and afraid. But God was in control.

Like I said, that was so long ago, and we’ve wader through far deeper waters since then. FAR deeper. But God hasn’t bailed on us yet, keeping our heads above water, or at least bringing them back up when we dip down a little too deep at times. My God is so big, so strong and so mighty. There’s nothing my God cannot do.

It actually felt like spring today! And yesterday, I suppose. Yesterday was bike day, and today we actually made it to church!

I picked cute clothes out for the kids last night already so everything would go quicker this morning. Brady got showered and ready, and then he hung out with the kids through breakfast while I got myself ready. Its our usual Sunday morning routine. As per that usual routine, as I came downstairs, everyone seemed to be in a bit of a crazy rush, playfully running around half dressed while Brady was packing up the diaper bag. I fell into my usual role of wrangling the kids into the boys room and getting them all dressed. This is how it always goes. We’re always scattered and scrambling as we leave, barely making it to church on time. Today felt exactly the same!

Until we were loaded in the van 25 minutes early.

Sigh.

It was such a strange problem to have, haha! We were totally caught off guard, and then a bit stumped about what to do! It was definitely too early to go to church, but there wasn’t enough time to actually bring everyone back in after all the hubbub of buckling them into their seats and such. So instead, we aged about fifty years, and just drove to church reeeaaallyyyyy slowwwwwlyyyyy.

Obviously, we were nicely settled when everyone started making their way into church. It wasn’t bad We lived. The kids were all super cute and well behaved. Except Solly. He was SO loud and SO wriggly and was just NOT wanting to be held. He wanted to jump and yodel. He wanted to play with his shoes but did NOT want to sit down to do it. He was just too busy for church today, haha! I ended up standing with him in the back for most of the service, which isn’t super conducive to being at church and listening, but I ended up chatting a little bit with a couple of other young moms from our church who I don’t often get a chance to visit with. I really enjoyed it

After church, we had my parents over for the day. We had waffles and fruit and breakfast sausage for lunch, and spent the afternoon playing cards and listening to the rain. It was really really nice. It felt like exactly what Sunday should feel like.

Of course, now, because its Sunday, and Sunday always wipes our kids out, I can hear everyone dissolving down in the living room. Its been a good, relaxed day, but Sunday routines (or lack there of) tend to tire everyone out really well. I know I’m tired as well.

Not bed time yet though! First the kids. Then squats. (gross) Then a soak. Then bed time.

Have a great night, everyone! I hope you have good long sleeps to bring in your weeks

In my mornings of research, I’ve been keeping an eye on a number of websites in hopes of finding bikes for Brady and I. Dekker has been begging to go for bike rides already, and we figured it was time we all got bikes so we could go as a group. Just about everything is more fun as a group

A couple of days ago, I finally found a bike that met Brady’s request. He had an idea in his head, and it appeared to not be the popular thing, because it was nowhere to be found, at least not without spending waaay too much money! He and I both wanted a cruiser bike, but that was particularly hard to find in mens bikes. But I found it! Finally! It was within our price range as well, so we decided to go out this morning and see if we could get Brady a bike, and myself as well.

Canadian Tire was the place, and I’m just going to say it right now. It had SO many bikes, but was SO poorly let up that I didn’t really know how to even start to look at them! Inside, there were tons of bikes, stacked at least three bikes high on the walls. You couldn’t really get a good look at anything up there, and it was all too full and messy and narrow to push a cart through. There was a line of bikes directly beyond he entrance door, so you couldn’t actually stand there and look without getting in the way of other customers trying to enter the store. There was a single line of bikes outside that we could actually look at, so we had to have an employee paged before we could finally pull out the bike we had come for so Brady could try it. Unfortunately, it didn’t have the option to switch gears, and the gear it was permanently set in was too high to bike slowly with little kids in tow. When we asked the employee if there were more mens cruiser bikes, he told us to go look on the wall inside. He was very uninterested in us and entirely unhelpful, so we left.

It was disappointing, but we decided to check Walmart next. They had some options online as well. Nothing as cool looking as the one at Canadian Tire, but still, options. And that was where we found Brady’s awesome new bike!!! He found a really great looking red mens cruiser. I just about opted for the ladies version of the same bike, but my mind was back at Canadian Tire on an entirely different bike. Rather than going back to where we had started, we went to a different location in hopes of finding a but more assistance. And we did!!! We managed to get me a beautiful new off-white and purple cruiser, as well as an adorable Solly-sized helmet.

But that was about where the success stopped. For the next 3+ hours, we tried to make sense of how we’d take everyone out for a bike ride. Firstly, Dekker has a bike that he can ride pretty well. But there are three others. We could get a bike trailer, and one extra seat on one of our bikes. Or two seats and a trailer. Three seats would be a hoot but probably not the smartest move. We don’t know! Everywhere we look is pretty expensive. The bike seats we’ve managed to find are on nice sales, which is great, but the trailers are just so pricey :/ We can do it, but we’d so much rather not. Guys, we looked everywhere. Today, we went into Walmart, three different Canadian Tire locations, Costco, and PBR Auctions. We called Peavy Mart and Once Upon a Child. I looked online at more sport stores but everything was even more expensive there. Kijiji had a few options but the ads I responded to didn’t write me back. We really tried, and in the end, we came home with two new beautiful bikes, a helmet, and no way to actually take the kids biking.

I’m somewhat disappointed, I won’t lie, but now my research will just shift, and I’ll keep my eyes open for trailers or seats or whatever else. As you guys all know, I’m not AT ALL opposed to second hand items, so feel free to give me a shout out if you see an amazing deal that you yourself aren’t snatching up! It’ll happen soon, I’m sure Garage sale day is coming soon! I want to have our own garage sale, but at the same time, I’d rather be shopping. Priorities…

Brady was off work today, so we ducked into the city to get some groceries and to get Brady into chiro again. While he was in seeing Dr. Mike, I wrote on Facebook that I was getting antsy to get our deck permit, and that we’ve been waiting for three weeks. Within five minutes of writing that, Brady texted and said that the town office had just called and said they got our permit fast tracked, and it was available for pick up! I was SO thrilled.

To be fair, I still am, to a degree. I really really want a deck. Plus the permit covers our basement as well, so the work down there can continue.

However, the estimated cost of our permit was $100. And we paid over $300. I’m less than impressed.

Our permit estimated the cost of the deck and basement WAY too high. WAY too high. Like THOUSANDS of dollars more than it will actually cost. And apparently because of the amount they came up with, our permit cost WAY more than it would have otherwise.

Once we got home, Brady read through the permit and looked into appealing the cost. It says on it that we cannot appeal the cost of what we paid for the permit itself, and that if we want to appeal the actual permit in any way, its a $50 charge up front. We’re just a tad bit annoyed.

Brady called just to inquire with Municode, and they were insistent on their formula and how they got their figure. However, they encouraged Brady to keep all of our receipts and if we come in well under their expected cost, they’ll reevaluate and hopefully we’ll get a bit of money back from the town.

So. I’m miffed, but less miffed than I could be, I suppose. At least there is some hope we could get a tiny bit of money back. Also, I was worried about appealing and needed to put the whole shebang on hold, but thats not the case. So we’ll keep moving forward and getting excited! We’ll just be diligently hoarding our receipts all along the way

Better call the pile digging guy! Hopefully he’s on board for setting us up next week!

Solly fevered a bit last week, but he’s in the clear for the moment. He actually slept almost a FULL 12 hours last night!! He fell asleep between 7:00-7:30pm, and lulled awake at 6:45 this morning. I gave him some milk and he slept until 10:00am. Its amazing how sleeping through the entire night is just SO much more restful! And it bodes well for him health-wise, too. Sleep always wins.

Rowan fevered earlier this week, just for Monday and Tuesday. It never really materialized into anything. Just a fever. Clearly the fight his body was putting up won whatever the battle was. I couldn’t be more thankful for that!

Dekker joined the club yesterday evening. He was pretty chilly throughout the afternoon, but that was it. He had a bath and just couldn’t warm up. So I snuggled him up in bed with me afterwards. I hugged him and he shivered while we watched Clifford on the laptop. He heated up fast, and not the kind of warm that snuggling in bed brings. Like HOT. But he was still shivering, poor dude. He was happy to go to bed. And he’s happy to be hone from school. I’m very thankful I’m able to be home with my kids. VERY. Its an opportunity I know not everyone has.

As a fun surprise, so no one feels left out, Laela is fevered this morning. When I went into her room, she was still cuddled up in her blankets, and right away told me she had a fever. And she was right. Not super hot, but enough to register on our thermometer. She’s such a trooper, though. You guys have seen enough pictures of her when she’s sick, looking completely unscathed. She’s basically a unicorn. Majestic and stuff.

So there’s that. Secretly, I’m pretty ok with sick days like this. Spirits are pretty good, but the general mood is pretty relaxed. Everyone sat at the table and coloured for a little while. While we were there, Laela was talking about her siblings and showing off that she remembered everyones middle names. She couldn’t remember Solly’s though, so Dekker helped her out.

Dekker: Its Solly-man, I mean Solomon Brady. I know another kid named Brady.
Laela: You doooo?
Dekker: Yup.
Me: Do we know another Brady? Maybe another Brady in our family?
Dekker: Nope. We don’t.
Me: We do, actually. Remember, daddy’s name is Brady.
Laela: *exaggerated gasp* It is?
Me: Yup. Daddy is a Brady.
Laela: And YOU are a Hailey!
Me: Thats right.
Laela: I want to be a Hailey, too.
Me: Well that is super sweet, Laela!
Laela: I want to be a Hailey mommy! With babies!
Dekker: I want to be a daddy!
Me: You guys are awesome. It would be so cool if you got to be mommies and daddies when you grow up!
Dekker: Well, maybe not me. Babies pull hair sometimes…

I love these kinds of chats I have with the kids. It just feels like a super chill day. Very low key. No one is hyper or riling anyone else up. No one is up in someone else’s space. Everyone is just talking and resting. I put Solly in his jumper and he’s sweetly mini-jumping, listening to the conversations. Its a good day in spite of the sickness.

I have such anticipation for the warmer seasons ahead. For the sun. For the deck. For shorts. For meals outside. For another healthy pregnancy, I hope. There is a lot to anticipate. But these silly snowy days are back, and my morning feels like a winter morning. As I’m thinking about it, my mornings recently look very similar to each other. It changes a little with Dekker going to school every other day, but save for that, here are FIVE constants in my mornings.

First, the basics.

My coffee. Every morning, I have coffee. Lattes are few and far between now :/ They just take too long. Every morning, Brady leaves me coffee in the pot. He makes enough for himself for work, and leaves enough for a nice big mug for me. I zap it in one of my three favorite mugs – the pineapple one, the owl one, and the new pink one from Edmonton. I never thought I’d be someone who microwaves their coffee, but its happened slowly, and its still yummy. Once its all warmed up, I add my double double creamer and my Bebefibre, because thats a thing, just blow past it. I LOVE this system that we’ve set up, and I truly don’t mind the warmed up coffee. Thanks, Brady, for making me coffee every morning <3

I can count on always wearing grey clothing. Hahaha! I don’t know what it is about grey but its just so much softer than any other color. Its not intentional, but come to think of it, I wear at least one grey thing every day. I’m currently wearing grey sweats, and a grey sweatshirt, with grey slippers. I was cold this morning. I’ll likely lose the slippers and switch into a tshirt later today. The one I wore super briefly yesterday I’ll probably wear again. You guessed it. Its grey. I know, I know. I look great.

There are some variations of my third constant. So perhaps its not a constant… You know what I mean.

Every morning, I end up doing some kind of research. I can’t call it “work” but its like focused researching time. Today, I’m continuing to get organized for a music set Brady and I are doing with a friend in a month or so. Beyond that, I’m doing some online price comparisons for a few things. Lots of tabs open on my laptop. Every single day, I think “Is it too early to start making lists for our summer vacation to the lake?” But the answer is still “yes,” so I’m holding off on that. So I plan other things, which works too.

Don’t worry, I’m not neglecting my kids. In fact, thats another one of my constants!

Solly is still sleeping, but sometimes he’s awake and playing in the living room. However, the other three are exactly where they always are at this point in the morning. Dekker and Laela are sitting at the island. Its loaded down with their toys, which isn’t allowed if there’s any food on the island. But this is their time to play up there. While they’re up on their stools, Rowan is currently being mischievous and playing in the pantry. I never really know what he does in there. I know he has Hot Wheels cars, and I can hear him clinking around int he crock pots and the rice cooker, but if I ever go stick my head in there, he says “Bye, mommy.” If I turn the light on, he asks “Off please.” Sooooo there’s that. But at least I know where they all are, right? We usually listen to music around now, too.

Its around this time that my fifth constant pops up. I only mention it on the blog or on Facebook once in a while, but pretty much everyday, someone brings up baby Theo. Questions range from asking why he died, when will we see him, does he miss us too, can we have another baby, etc. Today specifically, it was because of his ultrasound photo on the fridge. While the kids were sitting at the island, Laela commented on how much she loved the baby on the fridge. I looked over and asked if she meant the picture of our friends baby we have up there, but she said “No, the baby that was in your tummy.” Right. I told her I really loved him, too. We all agreed that we missed him very much. Both big kids said they wanted Theo to be here with us, and I reminded them where baby Theo actually is. I hope one day to have such a content peace about that like they do. I suppose I do have that peace, but I hope it won’t sting quite so sharply forever. Who am I kidding? It totally will, but I think thats ok.

So there you have it. A sneak peek into my mornings, and what I can always count on. Anyone is welcome to join in anytime I may even brew fresh coffee.

Its not a secret that yesterday was a rough one for me. I had the wonderful opportunity to go out in the evening and play with makeup on a bunch of lovely ladies. It was both a great opportunity for me, and a great distraction after my heavy-hearted day. It was relaxed and fun and full of good food and good company. I am SO thankful I was invited to join in!

When I got home, Brady and I wasted a couple of hours chatting into the late late hours of the night. I really missed him over the weekend, so there was some catching up to do. We also shared a broken mama and papa cry over our little Theo. We haven’t had one of those in a long time. It felt good, and cleansing, somehow. We were up fairly late and I honestly don’t even remember falling asleep.

Solly’s sleep training is paying off more and more every night, and he didn’t lull until after 5:00am this morning. Brady changed his diaper and lay him back down, and he slept until around 7:30. So he had some milk while Dekker had his breakfast and then he fell back to sleep for about an hour or so. All of this said, it was a pretty restful night considering the late bedtime.

Now that the house is awake and the sun is shining in the windows, I’m feeling fresh and new. Not 100%, if we’re being completely honest, but significantly better. Today will be better than yesterday.