We painted until about 10:30 last night, until we ran out of paint. And we’re not done. So this morning, we took our extra scrappy kids in for a drive to Home Depot, to pick up more paint. With that, Brady’s entire Makita tool kit has been on the fritz for long enough, and this morning, his last working drill quit. So that’s another poorly timed expensive purchase but what’s a person to do? He’ll need them for work as it is, as that’s finally starting up again in a small capacity. I write you this blog from the Home Depot parking lot, on the laptop, like an adult, listening to “Dear Future Me” By Little King. Its cute. Check it out.
On the drive in, Brady had an AirPod in, trying to get through to our credit card company. We got new Costco credits cards recently, as ours were expiring, and after Brady had a lapse and entered his pin wrong once, they put a block on his card. Aaaaanyway, none of that is actually important right now. As we started our drive, he announced loudly to the van “My name is Brady Born.” I had a laugh and reminded the kids Daddy was on the phone.
We passed a large group of bikers, and as tends to happen, Dekker asked who they were. Because why wouldn’t we know, right? Adults probably know all other adults. Brady answered Dekker with a loud, firm “Yes.”
Dekker looked at me oddly, and we shared a chuckle.
But Brady kept going with the yeses. Yes. Yes. Yes. In his all business, authority voice.
Suddenly Waverly shouted “YES!” I cracked up hard and as you’d expect, that only encouraged her. I laughed, and she kept going. It actually registered on Brady’s call and messed up the automated system. Whoops! Price to pay for cute, I guess!
Brady eventually was able to reset his pin on his card and the drive was otherwise uneventful. We got everything we needed, and we’re back at it!!
I’ve not been exactly a treat to be around the last few days. Without being too forward, my miscarriage has passed completely, and I’m left to continue on with normal life, as though it never happened. No one is making me feel that way, but its the reality. I had probably four-ish days where, Brady can attest, I was very up and down. I’m feeling more like myself now, and today was an excellent kind of day. The best kind, really.
It started with being taken out for breakfast by this little treat. 💜
I ate this ridiculous meal called “Blackstone Benny,” which was eggs benedict with bacon and tomatoes. Ridiculously yummy. And dollar fries! Those were fun, too.
When I got home, Brady had just wrapped up breakfast and was getting everyone outside. Laele apparently dressed Waverly, and changed her diaper!! 😳
Apparently Laela is already a teenager.
We all made our way outside, and the kids started biking and pulling each other around on wagons.
They also helped/played inside the camper.
Aaaaand you’ve got to wait for Friday for all the details (which might kill me) but I also kept very busy in the trailer!
Eek!
Today was so excellent because it had an outing, and work, and I enjoyed both, equally! How often does that happen??? I’m so grateful for all of my people and every part of today.
I wish this week had more to show, but we were fortunate enough to have Brady work a couple of days! That was totally welcomed and necessary, but also cut back on our work time here at home greatly! Luckily, we still got a lot done!
We officially finished the walls!!!!
Isn’t it pretty??? 😍 The beadboard has been kind of a gigantic job, trying to get super smooth accurate cuts whilst also trying to make the best use of materials. At the same time, Brady’s been working hard to get outlets tucked in nicely, as well as extending a duct.
I think the kids are going to love it.
Playing “church.”
This was done to make the air conditioning somewhat equal for the kids on the top bunks and bottom bunks. That doesn’t make a ton of sense right now, but I promise it will.
As for the air conditioner, we still don’t know if it works. We’re hoping to get some help, but its going to come when it can, and so far, it hasn’t. That being said, if this third AC unit doesn’t work, we’re going to return it for a refund, and try again next year. Because, let’s be real. We will maybe get there for one weekend in August, maybe a couple in September, and that’ll be it. We can use fans. This summer, we’re just trying to get it out there, liveable. There will be more to do next year.
Brady also built drawer boxes and set up the cabinets for shelves.
He built some crown moulding above the new wall cabinets…
and tweaked the cabinets that we’re not rebuilding this year to match them to the rest of the aesthetic.
And now there’s even trim around the bump out! Woot!
What cannot be pictured is our decisions! We had a whole plan for blinds, and then it fell through. Whoops! So we made a new plan, made possible locally, for about the same cost. It won’t look as pretty, but we have plans to make them work almost just as well. The details of that won’t come together this year, though. It seems that, as our deadline comes closer (WAY too fast) we’re realizing what things we’ll be leaving until next year. And that’s really completely fine 🙂 Its still going to be beautiful.
This last week, we purchased paint, as well as acquired a sink ℅ some thoughtful friends, and a Kohler kitchen faucet for $40 off of Facebook marketplace. We also asked a friend who’s going to Ikea to pick us up two portable induction elements, as well as some little shelves. I’m SO excited for that stuff! We have just about everything we’re going to do this season lined up and ready to go! Nail holes are even filled. Next week is going to be gigantic!
That timeline is coming, though. Its not even in stealth mode anymore. Its running! Yikes!
Yesterday felt VERY heavy, I can’t and won’t pretend it wasn’t. Thankfully, there was a little funny at the end of the day that I’m choosing to remember over my grief and discomfort.
After the kids went to bed, we were chatting a bit in the living room before we started our post-bedtime supper. Out of nowhere, Waverly started crying. She sounded really mad, which isn’t unheard of. Laela will chat with her, and sing and play and interact, until she won’t. She’ll quit completely out of nowhere, and it makes Wavy SO mad. So I assumed that was happening, and no one rushed in there. But her crying got louder and longer, and she was yelling something we couldn’t quite understand. We thought maybe we were wrong about the situation, so Brady headed in.
*sigh*
Forts.
She was crying
because
she wanted
a fort.
🙄
We laughed at her, and she stopped crying as soon as her concern was addressed, even though the answer was “no.” What an adorkable little girl, though, to cry for a fort. I’m a fan.
Probably the most painful blood draw I’ve ever had yesterday morning. But it was fast, and necessary.
I received word in the afternoon that HCG has completely left my system, yet again. The receptionist read the message from Dr. Guselle:
“Please tell Hailey that her HCG test is negative, and that I hope its positive again very soon.”
I love her. I think she secretly loves us, too.
I’ve learned a lot about that final blood draw. There is a whirlwind of emotion that comes along with it. It closes the book on another failed pregnancy, which is the main sorrow, of course. But it also provides clarity. Once those pregnancy hormones are out of my body, I can know with confidence that the things I’m feeling are grief, and are within my control.
I am allowed to grieve, and to feel how I feel, but I also have a whole life and a whole family and responsibilities coming out the nose. I am SO grateful for my people who give me nothing but grace and love, and help me in any way I allow. I’ve been given little breaks to go hide and crochet in my room. I’ve had help in the kitchen. I’ve been allowed to be quiet or sensitive or messy, without judgement.
The weekend away was a huge relief, but regular life has been hard to settle into. My heart is tired. Timing of busyness is a funny thing, but I’ve not had to feel alone.
Thank you, Lord, for helping my body do what it needed to do without outside help. I’m sad, but I’m grateful.
An anecdote to share from our drive home on Sunday…
While we were driving through North Battleford, we stopped at a light next to a parking lot. Dekker was reading signs, and inquired…
“Why does that sign say “weed shop?”
At first I joked and told him they sold weeds there. But then I decided to be an adult, and we talked about it for real. I asked Dekker if he had ever heard of marijuana. He hadn’t, so I filled him in, in an age appropriate way. He accepted my answer, that weed is basically slang for marijuana. No big deal.
After the conversation bubbled out, Wavy quietly asked “Meryl?” If you’ve missed it or forgotten, Meryl is our robot vacuum. And Wavy hates Meryl, haha! I put together pretty quickly that she was hearing “Meryl” in the word “marijuana.”
I laughed, and said to her “Meryl wannaaaaa… get you!”
Wavy: 😳NOOOOOOO!!!
I shouldn’t laugh, but it was a little funny to see her get so nervous. It was ok, though. She trusts me, so when I laughed, she relaxed. All is well. Meryl hasn’t gotten her since, don’t worry.
A cute little laugh to avoid the heaviness in my heart this morning. I hope you laughed with me.
I’m back, friends. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and love over the last few days. I know I’ve been quiet online, and I haven’t responded to any comments and very few messages. But I’ve read every single one, and gone back to reread them a number of times. It is such a relief to know how many people we have in our corner, not judging us for wanting more children, but supporting us as we struggle and sorrow.
A couple of months ago, we made a plan to join our neighbours, Tom and Rae, at their camping spot for this weekend. I had been so looking forward to it, but I’ll admit, the timing seemed less than ideal. I can confidently tell you today that the timing was ALL God’s. It was perfect. I can’t believe how clear it is that His hand is in all things, even when we go away for a weekend with our friends.
Everything was just warm and relaxed there. We were accepted instantly by their friends. There were no expectations or requirements of us. We could just be part of their family, and breathe fresh air. And that was just the evening we got there! None of them had any idea we were miscarrying.
After our first comfy but short night, I posted the blog that told you all what was happening. Then I closed up the computer and put it away for the day. Rae came to our spot to bake up some cinnamon buns, but it wasn’t long before the kids took off on their bikes. Brady headed out with them, and Rae joined me outside on lawn chairs. She had read the blog, and let me talk about our losses and be sad. She has a great way of just listening, where I don’t feel judged or like I need to really explain/defend anything. We just talked. It was cleansing for me. I really appreciated that morning “date” with Rae.
We joined the group for a big breakfast, all together, cooked up on their big camp chef. Hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, etc. We all laughed a lot 🙂 Our group was at twelve, but we all fit just fine, and everyone was comfortable and included.
As breakfast petered out, the quad and golf cart came out. We had been tipped off ahead of time, so the kids donned their helmets and waited patiently fought for their turns.
Honorary Grandpa Tom with 4/5
The beauty of their spot was that its entirely private, so the kids could absolutely run free, and there was next to no danger to befall them. What a relief for everyone! Once the kids were all off, either on the quad, golf cart, or bikes, I had a nice visit with Tom on the deck. I haven’t had many men in my life actually talk about real things with me, and it was so refreshing for me when he started the conversation about loss and emotions and struggle. Man. I doubt he knew what that all meant to me. (Though he probably knows now! Hi, Tom! 👋) It was so good for my heart to be able to talk about our stuff, and for it not to be taboo at all. No one tiptoed around us or dodged the subject. It was an amazing, honest group of people.
All day Saturday was spent ripping around on vehicles, it seemed.
Tom and Rae’s nephew diligently took the kids around the property, let them climb on tractors, taught them things, took them on adventures, etc., all without complaining. He was SO pleasant. The kids loved him.
Meanwhile, Solly and Wavy pretended to drive the golf cart the entire time 😆 It was pretty cute, too.
I have to say, though, hands down, my ride was the best.
I was whisked away on a side by side, into the trees, and shown the property. It was so new to me, never having been on quads or anything like them really, and I really really enjoyed it. The fresh air did amazing things for my heart and mind. When it became clear that I was comfortable and happy, the pace changed! There were tree branches and mud and hills and speed and WOW! It was WILD! All the while, he just sat in his drivers seat with a coy smirk on his face, knowing exactly what he was doing, thoroughly enjoying my enjoyment. We took a break after I don’t know how long, and he showed me around a historical schoolhouse. My adrenaline was pumping, so the slow down was probably good for me, lol! We walked around and chatted about history and where he was from. It felt so extra special, like I hadn’t breathed in or out properly in weeks, which was pretty accurate. We eventually got back to the side by side and hit the road again. We toured around a bit, and ended up going down a long road that is meant to be maintained for firetrucks. Of course I forget what its called now, but we hit it hard. I was informed the amount of mud I ate and wore was nothing in comparison to what it could’ve been. Maybe next year 😉 But at one point we turned a corner and stopped short. There was a huge moose on the path just up ahead, staring at us. We were floored, and stared back. He called and called, but the moose just stared. We crept up on her, and at about 100 ft out, she walked back into the bush. We were seconds behind her, but she was completely gone. Crazy how something SO HUGE can just vanish!!! It was pretty incredible. What an experience.
I don’t know how long we were gone, but I’ll be honest. I could’ve cried. I held it back the entire time. I felt oddly refreshed and renewed on that ride. The fresh air felt so healing and cleansing in the moment, and when that paired with adrenaline, somehow I just felt like a human again. Once again, I doubt he knew the mark he made on me that day, but it was unlike just about anything else. It was crazy and exciting and a ton of fun, but it felt healing, too.
The day continued with rides and eating and visiting in the sun. I got all tanned and toasty again, which felt so great. We ate a gigantic feed of potatoes and veggies, smoked pork, and fresh bread. There was even dessert that included two kinds of cake, ice cream, and fresh raspberries. Goodness we ate SO good!!! Smores by the fire wrapped up the evening.
I loved the warmth of the people there. Everyone interacted with our children, whether it be tickles and wrestling or helping cook marshmallows. At one point, Laela was egging one of the adults on, and he came over to tickle her. She was squealing and playing, and he picked her up to toss her in the air a bit. In that moment, she had a flash of nerves cross her face, and within one second, someone spoke up and said “She’s afraid now” so he stopped immediately, and held her, reassuring her warmly. It was SO beautiful to watch this group of people just shower our children with love.
We woke up to rain on Sunday. It was a beautiful downpour. Tom and Rae and their nephew came and spent a chunk of the morning in our mobile. We chatted at the table while the kids did laps, pretended to be animals, fought over pillows, and kept busy in general. The moment the rain stopped, though, the requests for rides began. Their poor driver lovingly agreed and took a handful of the kids out to play. What a great kid! The rest of us joined in shortly thereafter, and the morning was, once again, spent with rides and lots of outside time! Some projects got started and others were planned and discussed. Wavy discovered a LOVE for the quad rides, and would chase the quad down, calling “Quad! Quad! My turn!”
Could not get enough.
We snacked our way through lunch, and then Rae offered to keep an eye on everyone so Brady and I could go start packing our stuff up.
It was a quick turnaround, as we didn’t have to bring a ton of stuff. We were SO well set up in the mobile already, there was very little for us to do.
It was sad to leave. A couple of the kids cried. They had SO much fun. So did I. We could just let loose there. I could breathe. I wish I could think of a word that was bigger than “refreshing” but thats all my vocabulary can handle right now. Release, maybe? I’m not sure.
It was a quiet ride home.
I know we have our own lake spot now, and I am SO grateful for it! But I really hope we can join Tom and Rae and their friends again someday. There was freedom and healing there that I was not expecting, but desperately needed. We are their people, and they are ours. Its an honour.
Thank you, Lord. Your timing is always perfect. Help me to remember that.
As Hailey, Brady and the kids travel back from their jam-packed weekend of forest fun, I, (Cher) offered to write another blog for Hailey. She has been very busy lately, so it’s a good excuse for me to dodge studying and do something I actually want to.
I’m kind of a dreamer, but I don’t really get my hopes up too high. Life has thrown me a few curveballs and it has helped me stay grounded when it comes to future expectations. However, today I wanted to write about my hypothetical birthday list for my 90th birthday.
Some of you may have read the GENEROUS, but very loving and kind blog that Hailey had written for my 30th birthday last month. Hitting 30 was a huge milestone for me. I have wanted to be thirty for a very long time. I am so thrilled to be in this decade and out of my twenties. I know most people feel old or whatever, but I feel like I finally have some brain cells worth using, and I’ll be taken more seriously. Maybe that’s just a myth. Oh well, I choose to believe it.
Fun fact about me by association: All my grandparents live in heaven.. BUT, my mom had a husband before my dad. He passed away from cancer in his 20’s. His name was David and he was adopted. His parents were from Dalmeny and attended the Dalmeny Bible Church. Today, one of those parent’s is still alive. She will be 103 this december. I call her grandma, and she calls me grand-daughter. She is such an inspiring, feisty lady.
So today I am inspired by age, and I wanted to share what I think I would want for my 90th birthday, given I make it 60 more years without a new plague harshing my vibe.
Probably marbles. I think that’s a prerequisite for aging.
A new perm.
Vintage Starbucks mug from 2020.
Socks with pockets so I can hide beige candy.
T-shirt that says “89 and holding”
To have regular visitors who come because they want to, and not because they feel bad for me and my wrinkly self.
To know that I never gave up putting into the relationships that have helped keep me above water during the hardest times in my life.
To remember the sound of my brother’s voice.
Jenna Marbles to be back on youtube with a microwaving show, because no one will cook anymore. Especially not at my age.
An inner peace about my dad who struggled his whole life to stay sober, and remember the good times.
A new kitten. I would name him Ron Swanson, and he would be a jerk.
No more teenage boy bands.
To still be best friends with Hailey and live in the same senior home. And if we forget who we are because we are so old, we will be like “50 First Roommates”. We will be the cutest.
To have raised a really kind, gentle, loving family who makes life better for others.
You’ll be seeing this on Saturday, when I’m away from home and preoccupied. A day where I’m up and about, rather than holed up at home, staring at my phone. It seems like a fitting time to let you all know we are navigating our way through yet another miscarriage. It was an earlier one this time, but after trying for so so long, it feels like a real blow.
July 29 – Positive pregnancy test after five consecutive days of spotting.
July 31 – First HCG draw. Got that mean nurse again. I watched a beetle walk across my room while she took my blood. Gag me.
August 1 – HCG results aren’t great. 56. The range of “normal” is HUGE at this point, but what I wouldn’t have given for a couple hundred rather than a measly 56.
August 2 – Second blood draw today. They ALWAYS use the same vein. How long before that vein isn’t my “good” vein anymore? Before this pregnancy, I hadn’t had bloodwork since October, yet that spot in my elbow always aches just a little. I’ve gotta speak up and stop them from using that stupid vein…
August 3 – Man, I’m getting more sensitive. SCENTsitive. This morning, my bedroom smelled like coffee, deep cold, and farts. Now I feel sick. Ugh.
August 4 – Third blood draw. Got a really nice nurse who took time, and even unwrapped and chose different equipment to make it more comfortable for me. My one big fat vein is SO overused, he willingly gave it a break and used a smaller, harder to find, one. All of that being said, Dr. Guselle called me on my drive home about Sunday’s result. It went from 56 to 65. It doesn’t take a genius to know that is not enough. If it keeps going up slowly, it could be a pregnancy in my tubes.
She called this afternoon. HCG at 28. We’re losing the baby. Its not in my tubes, which is “better,” I suppose. But I can’t believe it. Another miscarriage.
August 5 – I’m already spotting.
We are weary and uncertain. We are SO tired of losing babies. Five at home, and four losses. Man. Thats a lot of pregnancies.
Please, Lord, direct our path. We don’t understand.
After a weeks time cut short by general life busyness, we made up for lost time this week!! Lots to talk about!
To refresh what happened right at the end of last weeks post, Brady FINISHED the lower cabinets!
Aren’t they pretty?? Or, going to be pretty!! Haha! Brady was also able to tuck the breaker box up above where the fridge will be.
It is WAY nicer than having to build out a wall spot, or even to lose our regular cabinet space to it. This is definitely better.
Brady also closed in some holes in the floor that we don’t need, tucked wires and outlets into walls, and redid some plumbing.
Later in the week, Brady built the upper cabinets!!
It was SO windy that day! I’m so grateful to Northridge for letting us park the RV in the lot next to us for a time, because it makes things like this possible. Brady parked his van as a wind block and made it happen!! He managed to tackle the shelves and doors in ONE morning!!!
The only reason they’re not all put together yet is for ease of painting. We’ll get there! Oh, and sanding, of course! So. Much. Sanding.
Brady managed to get the broken AC unit exchanged for another one at the auto wrecker, and he brought the broken window, along with the frame, back to the glass place to have them recut the piece, and install it. The glass place gave us a deal, probably a little out of pity, and didn’t charge us for the installation after all. Thank you, glass place!! And the AC unit came home later in the week, as well, but has yet to be installed. Those things are huge, and Brady’s back can’t hack it at this point. Hopefully next week!
The biggest excitement of the week, for me anyway, was the wall panels!! Our plan for the walls originally was a huge misunderstanding. Brady had mentioned the cost of replacing the RV wall panels, and I had researched and found out that beadboard was the same size as the panels and was actually cheaper! I immediately made plans to do beadboard all over. Later, I learned Brady only planned to replace two wall panels, and my plan that was going to make the RV beautiful while saving us money was actually going to cost us :/ All of that being said, a lot of conversation later, we decided that replacing two panels would pretty much look horrible, as they would be obviously fresher than the faded, slightly stained and dinged up panels. We did decide to go forward with the beadboard, and I am SO happy with how its looking!
It still needs a paint, like everything else, but it looks more like a home. It feels stronger, too.
Today couldn’t be as productive of a day, because Brady recently hurt his back and the twinges refuse to quit! He headed in for a chiropractic adjustment this morning, as well as a quick Home Depot shop! There, he was able to get pictures of some items we need, so we can compare prices around, and he also picked up our countertop!!! Eek!! I’d show you, but I’d rather show you when its installed! 🤩 He also grabbed a stack of paint chips for me to play with! Yay!!! Decisions will be made early next week!
Its been a really productive week, which feels really really good. Our deadline is looming, which is exciting and nerve wracking. We flip flop a lot between “I hope we get it done in time” and “we’re going to be out here early!” Sooooo please wish us luck and continue to follow along!
No pressure or anything 😳
Next week will be exceptionally productive, too! We have BIG things to wrap up! We’re on our way!
