It seemed like a simple enough day. I enjoyed how peaceful it was and how well the kids did. Brady enjoyed being productive in the garage. The kids played outside for a bit and seemed to play well inside as well. They colored and kept busy.
I crocheted and wrapped up part of an order that I was really excited about.
We did a little reminiscing, as we’ve been trying to make space on the laptop to help it run better. It was nice to see summer and remember how good it was.
Goodness I cannot wait for nicer weather.
We ate breakfast for supper, which we’ve really been enjoying recently. Bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns. Boring for some but our kids LOVE it, as do Brady and I. Though. We did suffer a great loss.
*sigh* My favorite whisk. Tis a sad day. But supper still tasted good.
Aaaaand then the day when down the crapper. It was a serious doozy of an evening. NOT our best, or even close. Truly one of the worst. I haven’t felt this shaky on my feet in a good while, and I’m glad the kids are down for the day now and I can rest my heart, brain, and body.
It doesn’t hurt that our friends brought us some (a lot) of their birthday cake to wash the day down.
If hard days could always equal cake, I might be slightly less rattled when they come along. I don’t care to relive this evening, but I do care to relive this cake. And I still can! Its not over.
Tomorrow, some normalcy will reappear around here. I’ll talk more about it tomorrow 💜
I’ve talked a lot about how we’ve been feeling, and how I’m tearing my hair out, waiting for ANY answers. But I figure you’re all probably ready to hear about the kids! There isn’t a ton to report, but I’ve got a little.
Now that Dekker is feeling better, he’s back at his usual stuff. Today he made a whole brochure about remote control cars. If you ever want to know, just ask him. He is bursting with information.
Laela was at the island a lot today, being artistic and crafty. I am the very proud of recipient of her gifts today. She is both incredibly artsy and also incredibly soft and warm and loving.
“She is always the princess” caught me in the heart. Oof.
Rowan has been incredibly low key these days. Doing lots of reading on the couch. Occasionally humouring Laela and playing downstairs with her. Today he even went outside for a little bitty bit! He’s definitely still himself!
Solomon is also quite low key these days. He’s been playing lego like crazy, which has been really awesome for him! But I don’t have a whole bunch to report there, either. He’s been relaxed.
Aaaaand Wavy. Her top priority is FASHION! Hahahahaha!! She’s terribly cute, and is always changing outfits and accessories. She is such a ham, and a very real source of entertainment around here.
We’re honestly having a really nice time being together 💜But I think all of us will welcome the structure of school when the time comes.
Dekker can go back on Monday. Solly on Tuesday. The rest remain home until further notice. Which will hopefully be very, very soon!
We’ve received a lot of love and care this week. Maybe people poking their heads in to ask what we need, or what might help us get through time more smoothly. And realistically, all we’ve needed is time. Friday has been the day we’ve aimed for. And its finally upon us.
And guys, we still don’t have all the answers!! My gosh!
Brady starts a chemo cycle this weekend. We’ve been lying in wait, unsure if the cycle can go forward if there is covid in the house, or if Brady has symptoms, or if he actually shows positive for covid. I am both frustrated with and for the people who all work at the cancer centre. Yes of course we are frustrated with their lack of answers for absolutely anything but I do believe that just about everything is on a case-by-case basis and they really can’t say much. Still. It is maddening to receive little NO information to give us ANY indication of what direction things MIGHT move in! GAHHHHH!
Aaaaanyway. We’ve been waiting for covid results for Brady and Rowan since they were both swabbed on Tuesday around noon. No answers. No information.
With that, though, Dr. Guselle texted Brady yesterday evening and said she didn’t have their PCR results. However, she did have his bloodwork back. This is a standard blood draw that happens a few days before ever chemo cycle. We’ve never had any feedback on how it turns out. But she noted that his white blood cell count was very low, and inquired if Brady’s oncologist had mentioned it. He told her his appointment was the next day, and he would ask.
Now. Chemo is a scary ass thing. No secret. You know when people say things like “It wasn’t the cancer that killed them, it was the chemo.” Thats what happens when your white blood cell count gets so low that your body can’t fight sickness anymore. Thats a really scary thing that can come from chemo.
So naturally, I was reeling. Did NOT care for that ONE BIT.
Friday finally came. Brady had his chemo review appointment, and they said he is good to go for his round! They said while he is definitely on the lower end in terms of white blood cell count, he is still above the line where they would talk about considering delaying his cycle. So forward we go!
We still don’t have results for Rowan or Brady’s PCR tests, but regardless, we’re all living that masky life, with all the extra handwashing and cleaning, for at least a few more days. So nothing big will change if their results are positive.
Except that Brady’s chemo cycle might change if his was positive. But we don’t get to know if it would or wouldn’t confidently. So. We shrug. And we go with the flow.
The flow of Brady’s cycle.
You guys hear it, too, right? His chemotherapy just sounds like his period 😆 Yes, I’m allowed to joke about that. He knows.
If the results are both negative, we are OUT of this covid hole in just a few days!!! 💜 Please carry us in prayer.
Any one has been close to us for any real length of time knows we are a Hamilton family! I have a very real love for musicals and theatre, and that has passed along to my husband and our family. No. No one is just humouring me. We really, really enjoy it! Brady and I weaselled both my mom and Cher into watching it with us, and while both went in very politely, not expecting to really care for it, both loved it. We listen to the soundtrack almost every day, and the kids sing along with it. They know it very, very well. Its possible we have a little bit of a Hamilton problem over here.
Yes, you read it correctly. I am in the top 0.005% of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s listeners last year. If that doesn’t say #1 fan, I don’t know what does.
A while back, when we just found out Dekker had covid, we said if everyone came down sick, we’d all hole up downstairs and watch Hamilton together. While we are not ALL sick, Dekker will go back to school next week and we’re not sure if the others are going with him or not. Still awaiting some results. But we figured, if there was a time to do it, that time was now!
So today, after breakfast, we surprised them all and everyone snuggled up downstairs for a movie day.
Not only was this special because its a movie we’ve talked SO much about, or that they already know it backwards and forwards, but its also a real treat for our kids who almost never watch tv.
I have to admit, I was actually a little teary as we started watching it. My heart so badly wants them to love theatre the way I do. Even just one of them! Whoever I can get! Hahaha! I want them to love what they love, but I have such an ache for theatre, and I hope they do too.
I can tell you one thing – they were fascinated by the setting! The fact that it is acted in the setting of a broadway play rather than your standard movie was something I figured they’d either really like or really hate. But they were focused.
This won’t make sense unless you’ve seen it, but…
Dekker LOVED the king. LOVED the king. He caught lots of the jokes and belly laughed his way through those songs.
Laela loves the Schuyler sisters. All of them. She actually told me she loved them before they even came on screen, so it wasn’t just about their dresses or dancing. She knew them from the songs. Those sisters are powerhouses, so she is bang on correct for loving them so much.
Rowan was glued to the screen 100% of the time. I could hardly get him to speak to me. He was so swept up in it. My little lefty. My artist. Naturally he’s the one whose gaze I could not break.
Solomon had a stronger attention span for it than I thought he would! He said he really liked the kings “stick” (his sceptre that he carried) but that is VERY Solly. At one point, Solly sang along loudly with the lyrics. He said “What time is it?” And the rest of the kids sang back, with the actors, “SHOWTIME!” I loved that so much.
Wavy was just enamoured. She loved everything. The king – his crown was really cool. The sisters – they had nice dresses. George Washington – he looked sad. She wanted to know why. She was just swept right up in it. At one point, Dekker moved to sit somewhere else, and Wavy moved into his spot so she could be closer.
I tipped the kids off along the way as to what was happening. The entire play is in song, so there isn’t lots of clear dialogue to help the young ones out. But it didn’t matter. They knew the words, and could just watch and enjoy it.
It was an incredible way to spend the morning. We watched the first half of the movie (Its THREE HOURS!) and we plan to watch the rest this afternoon. I’m so looking forward to it. We don’t do much tv here at all, but its incredibly enjoyable to make it into a family event.
Lastly, my plug for Hamilton. Its on Disney+, and it is incredibly enjoyable. If you actually want to understand it, and don’t know the history behind it, give a super quick read to know who Alexander Hamilton was, who was in his life, etc. And then just soak up the musical. Because its genius! Informative, cohesive, hilarious, suspenseful, etc. The list goes on. Cannot get enough of this.
I hope today is restful for you in some way. If not, I suggest you wind down tonight with a movie. Perhaps after…
Its been an unreal time of change in our home. In our family. In our life. The last year has been an unreal shakedown. The last few weeks have been on par. And some days, its hard to see past our front door. Our cute purple front door. The one with the big fat threshold that gets in Brady’s way.
A lot has been weighing on us recently. Brady and I are both feeling that nagging to get our obvious big life stuff figured out. But you can’t just fix it. It doesn’t happen that easily. I’m feeling an itch to find a job to we have some income. We are still stable financially, but living out of a lump sum doesn’t provide the longevity we’d all like to have. And it certainly doesn’t cover us on paper to build a house.
Quick recap on house stuff:
We are looking to build a barrier free, universally designed bungalow. Universal design means it is accessible to everyone but it doesn’t look like a hospital. Picture wide doorways, no thresholds, customized kitchen, and a driveway/front walk that go smoothly into the house with no roadblocks. Anyone could live there. We would have ALL fridges, freezers, and laundry on one floor. The entrance wouldn’t be cramped. We’d have a separate shower unit, again barrier-free, for Brady.
We do not qualify because we don’t have proof of permanent income, nor do we have 300K *gulp* to put down upfront.
We will have income, but we can save a small fortune by contracting the build ourselves, which is a pretty huge job on its own, so ideally that would come after.
Building in a few years is feasible, though Brady’s condition will likely not progressively get better and better with age.
At the current point in time, we have two good tax years to show the bank. Very soon, we will not.
The time is NOW.
Yet, as far as we can tell, apparently it is not.
I wish there was a way where our creative ventures could pay for our life. And honestly, I do feel thats the route we may land on over time. Yet its time we don’t have in terms of building our home anytime soon. Its now, or way down the road.
I trust the Lord. As I feel so held back some days, I look around and see we are abundantly loved and cared for. God shows His love through people often – always. We have not been without anything we need. Brady has been showered with gifts of tools and equipment to be able to make his living in a way he loves and is capable of!! I have resources and skill and encouragement to be able to create some things on my own, as well. Our children have books and toys and games and puzzles coming out of every corner. My pantry and chest freezer overflow.
I cannot be wanting anything more.
Truly, in my heart of hearts, I do believe we will move, and things will change for the better. I need to be better with my focus. God knows our plans. And truly, we know some of them! We had some big things in the works behind the scenes where we were definitely answering Gods call, so when everything fell to pieces, they have been on pause. But I do believe our time will come again, and it will not work here. So we wait, not always so patiently, for something to work. The right thing is rarely the easy thing. I am learning endurance like never before.
So today was a day we took yet another kid in for a PCR. This one.
Mr. Rowan spiked a fever out of nowhere a couple of days ago. REALLY hot, REALLY fast. He didn’t cry or complain, but he was just suuuper low key. Very sleepy and snuggly. We had plans to get Brady a PCR today, so we just lumped Rowan into that without issue.
You may have noticed we’ve been able to get PCRs a lot quicker than many. Yes, we have found a way, and we are overwhelmed with gratefulness yet again to have so many people looking out for us and loving us the way they do 💜
So that was all today! First, we took Brady for his chemo bloodwork. They usually send out the info and blood req weeks before we need it, and we’ve often forgotten it at home, leaving Brady outside the blood clinic, calling for forms to be faxed on the spot. Its not fun for anyone. So the last couple of months, I’ve taken his blood form and stuck it right into the glove box in the van so we don’t forget it. This time around, on our drive in, I pulled it out to make sure we had the right one, and it was the right form, but they had handwritten the wrong dates on it! So we were left scrambling anyway. But it all came together in the end.
For those wondering, yes, you can still get blood drawn if you’re a close contact. Or even if you have covid! Which, up to this point anyway, Brady does not. He just called ahead and as he got in, they cleared the entire waiting area and put him through immediately, everyone dressed in full PPE. I’m sure he felt like he stood out a lot, but frankly, thats something we’re all used to now, so its not a big deal. At least it got done.
Then we found our way over to get PCRs. Brady went first. Easy peasy. Rowan was next, and I will admit I was the most nervous for his. I had him on my lap, and he had a stuffed toy in hand. And he didn’t flinch. I swear, my jaw hit the floor. Like he didn’t move AT ALL. He didn’t even make a sound. He just was fine! There was a little resistance with the swab, so I know it didn’t feel good, and he handled it like a champ!! Amazing job, Rowan! I could not be more proud of you!!!
When we got home, we got all the kids inside and Brady helped them get a snack. I went back out and shovelled. Now, to be clear, I have BARELY had to shovel this season! We are SO well cared for! But today it was just clear that there was too much snow and Brady couldn’t safely get in and out of the house no matter which direction he went. I carried his wheelchair from the back of the van, through the drifts, up into the entrance, and then up into the house. Doing it this way makes life SO much easier for Brady in terms of trying to get it past everything and everyone, plus it didn’t get set anywhere wet once. So this ideal, but its a decent haul. Once that was done, I went back to shovel. And I’ll admit, I had a big fat cry as I did it. Not because I was having a pity party. But because its just hard here. Not to put too fine a point on it. So many things would be made easier in our next home if we could just build it. It would be landscaped in a way where the driveway would lead to a bigger garage that could fit our bus in it, and it would be completely level with the house, entrance, and main floor. We’d be able to back into our garage, and Brady could get in his chair right from there and go right into the house. Easy. SO much easier. No rocks to try and shovel over, either. Man. I know God has a plan, and I trust it, and Him, completely. But I admit, I’m eager to know what it is.
We cannot always have what we want the moment we want it. And thats ok. But it doesn’t mean we can’t have a cry (or a million cries) along the way.
There is lots to be thankful for. So if you’re looking for me, I’ll be crocheting and listening to Hamilton. Thank you to ALL the lovely people who gifted us Starbucks money while Brady was away 💜 I still have a little left, and could afford myself a latte. What a treat!
This year has already been HUGE! Can I get an “amen?” If you’ve followed us here and there, you know its been a wild week and a half. Through the stretch where the kids were at school, it was unbelievably freezing out, and our van stopped blowing any heat whatsoever. We rocked our share of car trouble, bad weather, readjusting back into school onto to be taken out, thanks to an active covid case. Now we’re at two, and very likely three, which I’ll likely tell you more about later on. Its been so busy here, and that is only the stuff I put out here online. Obviously not everything we go through ends up here, but you’ll just have to take my word for it – it is a special kind of misery over here.
Aaaaanyway…
Remember that lovely plaid blanket I made earlier this year? Lol! “Earlier this year” sounds SO funny 😆 But its true.
So I’ve gone on to make a few other things, and I can’t show you all of it, but I will show you some!
I made my first basket just the other day.
Full disclosure – I dont love the handles, and I’ll do them differently next time. But otherwise I really love it! I love the stitch pattern, and it has good structure! It’ll look more how I originally pictured it if I change the handles. I’ll absolutely be making more soon. They come together pretty quick.
And then I made this! Its a smaller throw blanket, but I believe I previewed it a while ago.
I feel its important to say – I am not naked behind this 😆
I received a lot of love on it, which I truly did not expect, as I was basically using up yarn that I didn’t really care for. It didn’t even make it sale, as it was spoken for before it was even off my hook. Thank you, friends, for wanting to support me 💜I’m thinking of finally making a page, just so prices are out there and people know what to expect from me. Pricing items is the WORST part of selling my things, and I can’t help but feel, if I could get out of my own way, I could have some genuine success here.
Question – While we have covid in our house, am I not allowed to hand out my items? Whats the protocol there? Anyone know? If I wash up a blanket, bag it up, and leave it out, is that safe? Ugh. I hate not knowing. I HATE the red tape that comes with covid.
Follow up question – What are the most valuable items you prefer to have handmade?
Thank you, sweet Cher, for taking over the blog for a couple of days 💜Back in the day, it was ALWAYS me who wrote, and while I love being the primary blogger, its really lovely and special to have other important people in ours lives step in from time to time. And honestly, it was a huge relief. So thank you 💜
Its been a very difficult time over here, and the people close to us have stepped up to the plate. When we first had Dekker’s positive covid test, I feared being treated like we had leprosy. On top of all the physical stuff we’re juggling, there has been extra pain that we’ve been navigating, as we all do behind closed doors. But truly, its just all around a difficult time.
So, to update everyone.
A few circumstances arose that led us to take Dekker for a PCR last week. On the 13th, it came back as positive, confirming that Dekker is for sure covid positive. I spoke to Dr. Guselle, and told her that Solly had all the same symptoms, only worse, but that his swabs were negative. We agreed together that he should probably have a PCR done as well. And as Brady’s chemo cycle comes up, we added him to the mix too. On the 14th, we all drove in together, and Brady and Solly got their PCR tests. The 14th was a complete whirlwind of a day. The drive out to the city was such a good change of scenery for everyone. The tests were not fun. We were beat down further by a giant emotional hit while we were still in the city, at literally the exact moment that we saw our faces on a billboard.
Goodness. What an afternoon that was.
This morning, we received the text confirming that Solly’s swab was indeed positive for Covid. Bradys, however, was not! Woot! Now that we have two household cases, however, we assume the cancer centre will want Brady to have PCR first, so he’ll go for yet another on Tuesday. But for now, there are just two sickies over here.
They’re definitely keeping busy, which is good because we’re got another full week of lockdown on our hands!!
It has been humbling to be so well cared for. Even when we’re sick and unable to participate or help with literally anything outside of ourselves, our people have showed up!
Yesterday alone, we were blessed by our people in BIG ways three separate times. Time number one, Tom and Rae came with their truck and hauled away ALL the materials that had come with Brady’s tools that he’s been gifted/donated.
Time number two, a friend from our church brought us a MOUNTAIN of books for our kids to read!
SO many beautiful books for my beautiful readers to eat up! Finally, a haul of books that will actually last a while! Hahaha! These bags are loaded with mystery series’, joke books, science books, kids encyclopedias, choose your own adventure, and some beautiful weathered classics. SUCH an amazing gift.
And then the third thing was a saskatoon berry crisp, hot from the oven, that just casually walked through my front door, all “Oh its no big deal, I was just baking.”
I will admit that we are struggling. I don’t think that’s been a secret. Lots of physical struggle. Lots of emotional struggle. I don’t remember the last time I was this tired. In every way. We are all scraping by just to stay afloat.
Rowan has started to shove his stuffed toys down my shirt, lol! Which always gives me a bit of a shock at first, but its what he has always done 💜 You might remember. He was always the kid who would bring you a stuffie if you were sad, and he still does.
Good thing the struggle bus isn’t a compact car or something of the sort, because we are ALL on it. Please continue to carry us in prayer. Good will come from this. 💜
I wanted to share another part of the previous blog that I felt was a great follow up by Lysa.
Sometimes we feel the weight of other people’s perspectives of us, but it’s so important to stay focused on who GOD says we are. Are we deserving? No, but He says we are worthy! And if the King of the universe thinks we are worthy, then who can come against us?
______________________________
Sweet friend, I don’t know who in your life has told you that you are anything less than a most glorious creation of the Almighty God. I don’t know who has spoken words over you and about you that have stripped you bare and broken your heart.
But I do know whatever statement was spoken to you that came against the truth must be called a lie!
God’s Word is the Truth. And His Truth says you are a holy and dearly loved child of your heavenly Father.
You are wonderfully made. You are a treasure. You are beautiful. You are fully known by Him and lavishly loved by Him. You are chosen. You are special. You are set apart.
No matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you, these words of God are true about you.❤️
Lysa Terkeurst
_______________________________
Sweet Hailey, please read these words and let them resonate with you. 💜 I love you.
Not many people know that my favorite author is Lysa Terkeurst. She has gone through very painful things in her life, from cancer diagnosis to separation from her husband. But she has also had many victories. One of my favorite books she wrote is called: “its not supposed to be this way.” As she writes about overcoming deep disappointments in life.
Lysa speaks so gentle and loving to her audience in such a way that reminds me of my sweet best friend, Hailey. And it’s painful to watch someone so loving, patient, kind, and generous suffer in so many ways. Especially in the last year.
As I was scrolling tonight, one of Lysa’s posts came up and I felt that it can resonate with all of us at one point in our lives or another, but I thought of my sweet Hailey 💜 __________________________________________
God isn’t going to waste one bit of your hurt and hardship. I know how challenging that can be to believe. But we can trust the process. So hold fast to God’s ways. Hang on. Redemption is coming.
A new strength is being developed in you by God for a good purpose.
Just like muscle fibers must be torn to grow, this breaking of you will be the making of you. A new you. A stronger you.
I truly believe it, friend.
__________________________________________
You are one tough mama, Hailey! I have watched you face things in the last 11 months that no one should ever have to. Yet, you continue to show up everyday, loving your family so effortlessly, even with your list of to do’s, and your heavy heart, your arms are always open, and your words are always warm. You are an incredible mom, wife, daughter, friend, neighbor.. okay I could keep going.
