The Daily Hailey

Yesterday I was digging back through our old photos in search of something specific, and as tends to happen, I found my way down a rabbit hole of memories. I happened upon a few things I had intentionally saved, and forgot about entirely. So I figured I’d share them anyway, even though its late in the game.

I had very freshly joined the one and ONLY support group for people in my incredibly specific boat – wives and girlfriends of men with spinal cord injuries. I know. It sounds almost too specific. VERY niche. But there are more of us on that group than you’d think. I am eternally grateful to Brady’s physio, Kari, who told me about it 💜 In the first couple of days, someone shared this, and it still gets me right in the gut.

I’m late to post it, but it still rings so true. We had NO idea how much change we were facing. Thank goodness God did! Whew! I remember saving this post, and having some silent fears about how things would actually look in a year. Never had I been so afraid. So weak. SO out of my depth. I felt like a shell.

I remember my frustration. Many well meaning people tried to encourage me, telling me I was strong and resilient and capable, and my unwell heart and spirit was just angry. No one CHOOSES to be those things. We HAVE to be. Its circumstances that come out of deep trauma and hardship. I promise, I did hear the heart behind those words, and I’m a lot healthier now 💜 But it was hard in the moment. I just wanted to scream. I didn’t CHOOSE to be resilient!!

Thankfully, I had my faith to rely on. I know not everyone who follows me believes in God, and I hope very much that we can respect one another 💜 But I could NOT have survived this year without faith in Christ.

Much of the struggle lifted when Brady came home 💜

Everything was better. Not all better, but MUCH. We still had a full year of cancer treatment ahead of us, but at least we were together 💜

We continue to move forward, as inelegantly as possible. I feel like we race, and then crash out, and then get ahead, and then fall behind again. Its bumpy and messy and not at all glamorous, but we have one another, and we have God. That cord of three strands tho. That sucker is SOLID.

On the tail end of seeing these things in our past photos, I came upon this just yesterday and it feels pertinent.

Things that seem completely impossible are NOT impossible. As a believer in Christ, I DO believe that God gives us things we can’t handle on our own. But with Him, we will absolutely continue to move forward, however that looks.

Doesn’t everyone want to be Wavy?

To sleep in, and eat breakfast mid-morning.

To wear both a sundress and insulated winter leggings.

To get a cookie every time you pee.

To fall asleep on the couch before lunch.

For everyone around you to be proud of you for just about every move you make.

Wavy gets it. She’s got a good thing going on here. I’m jealous of her. That simplicity looks GOOD right now.

I hope you all find a moment of peace and rest today, however that looks, whenever it suits. It might not be the perfect thing at the perfect time, but take what you can and enjoy it 💜

Today we experienced yet another first in our home. After a long needed doctors appointment a while back, we made a plan to test some blood and ask for answers. Today was that day. Requisitions in hand, we nervously brought our Rowan in to get blood taken.

But first, emla cream! More people should know about this stuff.

Emla cream is a topical freezing cream. Its expensive, and its behind the counter, though not a prescription. We put a thick dollop of cream in each elbow pit and put the special clear bandage overtop. Dr. Guselle advised me that I had to use that bandage. A regular bandage would absorb all the cream, and wrapping him in saran wrap would just move it all around. It HAD to be this way. Felt high stakes, hahaha!

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We told Rowan what was happening all along the way so he’d feel well informed. He was very understanding, and very brave. He seemed to have a good handle on the fact that it might hurt, it might be uncomfortable, but that sometimes we have to go through stuff, and that he would be ok. He wasn’t afraid.

When we got to the clinic, I checked Rowan in, and we sat to wait. It was surprisingly busy. There was one poor kid waiting in a cubicle, and I’ve got to say, I felt for them in there. He hadn’t even been seen yet, and he was positively beside himself, crying, screaming, in complete panic. When he did finally have his turn, it took multiple people to get the job done. He screamed the whole time. That poor, traumatized little guy 💔 We talked quietly with Rowan, making sure he wasn’t even more afraid now, but he wasn’t. He was more concerned that someone would take that little boy out for a treat or something after. He was not afraid.

We decided to just not even ask, and Brady and I both went into the cubicle with Ro. Brady wheeled past the patient chair, tucked off to the side, and I sat Rowan on my lap.

Two staff members came in to meet Rowan, and to help make sure things would be smooth. We talked in that moment about holding very still, which he said he understood. He was very cooperative. As soon as it started, he looked away. He held Brady’s hand, and I was asked to wrap an arm around his chest, over his arms. One staff member held his arm still, and the other began cleaning the spot on his arm. Good veins ✅

Aaaaand we were going. No flinch. No issue. Nothing. The whole group of us praised him up constantly, about how he was doing better than we even would. He loved that. Three whole vials of blood. When it was done, they warned him there would be a little click, which there was, and then the cotton ball was pressed in place, and I held it. Done and done!

Rowan was ALL smiles! He had NO issues, which was a HUGE victory!

As soon as he put his hoodie on, the cotton came off. He giggled, and we threw it away. It was just so easy. What a HUGE win!

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We took the boy out for some well-deserved lunch and treats. We hit the food court, and let him choose. Which is how we ended up with pizza, fries, and smoothies.

He and Brady got pizza, I got a big thing of New York Fries and cheese for everyone to share with me, and we each got a little booster juice, I think only because he was curious.

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Someone even came and offered to take a picture of us 🙂 It was nice.

I am SO immensely proud of Rowan. He was incredibly brave, pain or not. Sometimes the fear of the unknown can really overtake a person, and Rowan was completely strong in spite of the nerves of the unknown. Thank you Lord for covering him this way!

This kid is almost seven. I can’t believe it. He is SO grown up.

It was a year ago that Brady was transferred from the neuro ward at RUH to the rehab ward at City Hospital. That first stretch might’ve been the hardest part of this whole thing, honestly. I mean, there were a couple of other things, but this easily made the list.

That neuro ward was deeply difficult. Not to the fault of anyone, but that ward was HARD. Brady was in a room with three other patients. In the eight days he stayed in that ward, he had fifteen different roommates. Watching everyone else come and go while Brady stayed, flat on his back, in the worst shape of everyone, was really really difficult.

Then, one day, two men from City Hospital rehab came up to Brady’s bed, and talked about moving him over into their care. They said they normally wouldn’t even consider taking someone who still didn’t have final pathology back, but that his surgeon was really pushing for Brady to enter their program as soon as possible. One of the men from City ran a few basic strength tests on Brady’s legs. He had some, but not a lot. I remember feeling afraid when they just moved his legs around the way they did. They weren’t rough or rude, but they were motivated and confident. They told him they would take him, and that a bed was opening up the next day. It was all very fast.

Transfer day I don’t even care to relive. It was absolutely horrible. Nothing was scheduled, or organized, and with the ward being SO busy, there was simply no way to get through on the phone. Not to the fault of anyone, don’t get me wrong. Those nurses were RUNNING. All. Day. Long. But I could just never ever know. I barely made it to the hospital and Brady was already almost in the transfer bus. I caught him for a hug and a kiss, and then I bawled. That was all I saw of him that day.

I remember the struggle within. I was SO happy he was moving to a better ward. So was he! We KNEW quality of life would improve. Yet, it was only days before that we had learned the severity of Brady’s spinal cord injury, and we were both still processing the idea of him not coming home. He was just shipped off to another hospital, just as I was becoming familiar enough with RUH that I didn’t feel afraid to go visit him each day. He didn’t even have a winter jacket with him, in the dead of winter. He was just shuttled out to a van in a hoodie and paper pants.

This switch was HARD.

Yet, I don’t have to tell you how much better rehab was than neuro. He had a beautiful big room to himself, with a big window overlooking the river and Kinsmen Park. In neuro, while he could feel the urge to pee, they opted to keep him on a catheter, just for ease. As soon as he got to rehab, they got rid of all of that and he could be more independent. Hear me – I have NO bad feelings about the people who worked on the neuro ward. They are stretched thin there. Not to mention, ALL the private rooms in the neuro ward were taken by active covid patients. So it was a stressful time in a stressful place. Rehab was a breath of fresh air. Everyone there was working towards something better. There was no shortage of encouragement and warmth from the staff and most of the other patients. In my opinion, the people working on the City Hospital 7th floor are some of the best there are.

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To look back at us now, we were SO in the dark about SO many things. It was a frightfully difficult time that I wouldn’t care to relive. Yet, if we ever have to do it again, we know more now and I think it could be better.

I anticipate finding out what God has planned for all the knowledge and experience we have now.

We’ve got a lot of things on the books right now. Like a lot more than is out there publicly. But today brought forth another run to the city for some odd errands.

First, however, we drove some friends to the airport. I know the kids really enjoyed having more people in the van! Its always easy to be with these friends 🙂 Was a nice start to the morning.

From there, we went straight to the Telemiracle office to pick up the hoodies we ordered! They have a merch section on their website, but there is a tight cutoff and they only make what is ordered. So Brady and I ordered a hoodie each, and my mom ordered one too. They are VERY nice. Very lightweight. Think tshirt light. We really love them!

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Then we went to get Brady some special drill bits that he can’t get at your basic hardware store. Great Western Saw is in the same building as a mobility business, and I admit, I secretly enjoy them watch Brady get out of the van, into his chair, and whip past them over to Great Western 😂 He found what he needed, and talked to someone there about costs of other things he’s looking towards. He said they were really helpful and friendly. Win!

Chemo also needs to be picked up today. But my mom is in the city today, too, and a lot closer to the hospital than we are, so she offered to get it 💜

We ordered a circulating block heater for the van a couple of days ago, but when we called ahead, they said they didn’t have it in yet. So that’s off the list until next week.

We filled up with gas at Costco, because its the least of the current evil gas prices.

We hit Coop on the way home, just for ONE thing that is actually a NEED. And it was so horrifically expensive there, I texted my mom and asked her to get that for us, too. Sorry, mom! And also thank you!!

It wasn’t too bad busy-wise. I crocheted the whole time.

And the kids were SO chill.

Looking fly, guys.

We made it home in time to lunch the kids, and then put them down for quiet time. Brady and I had some lunch, too, and now its time for Brady to punch out a workout and then do some work in the garage, and for me to keep working on my stuff! I have two projects next to me, fighting for my attention. Hopefully both are winners.

Chicken nuggets in big chunky salads, with garlic toast, for supper tonight!

We haven’t had a lost tooth for some time now, and its clear that some need to come out soon. You know when your kid reaches that point where their teeth look too small for their face? Yup. Thats Rowan right now. He has Bradys lips and mouth, but these teeny tiny baby teeth. He has one little front tooth missing that has been missing for a while, but the others seem to have been cemented in there!

Until last night.

4:30am.

We were less than impressed, to say the least.

He showed up in our room at 4:30am to tell us he lost a tooth. He went to hug Brady and dropped the thing. Into our bed. Into the vicinity of the man who can’t feel most of his body.

Le sigh.

Brady worked hard to find it, but it got brushed onto the floor and the lights came out. They finally were able to find the tooth, and Brady told him to go back to bed. He tried hard to strike the balance between being happy for him but also pointing out the fact that he absolutely did not need to come upstairs to wake us in the middle of the night. He understood, and made his way out of our room. Right in the doorway, he stopped, and said “Oh no. Mom. I dropped it again.”

So I had to get up, get dressed, pull out my phone and turn on the flashlight to help him find the stupid thing. We finally got the kid out of our room, into his, with his door shut.

And we lay in bed. Unmoving. Wide awake.

Sooooo we watched a show and eventually fell asleep. But it was short and choppy and weird and definitely not our best. But we survived. And we’re only one tooth down.

Brady and I needed to run into Saskatoon for a couple of things this morning. Cher lovingly offered for us to leave early to go have a little breakfast date, and she got the kids out the door and off to school. It was SUCH a nice offer, and we readily took her up on it!

We left shortly after 8am and hit Grainfields for food. Before we even were seated, a man approached us and commented that he had seen us on tv 😆 It was a good little giggle we shared, but were seated seconds later. We ate a really delicious breakfast together.

He’s sitting all scrunched because I couldn’t get everything in the picture without cutting the top of his head off, lol!

Our food was yummy, and we took our time, but still made it to his blood appointment on time. I debated going into the mall and killing some time while he had his blood draw, but it was in and out in less than five minutes! SO fast! From there, we ran to Michaels and got some yarn for a gift I’m making, as well as for an order that was put in a while ago that I simply could not find the right yarn for. I have it all on hand now! (Haven’t forgotten you basket people, I promise! Still actively working!)

While we ran around and did errands, Cher play with Solly and Wavy. They did puzzles and ate spaghetti.

Just try to tell me Solly isn’t a carbon copy of Brady!

Who is SO good at puzzles?!

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It was a very cute, very productive morning. Of course, on our drive home, we realized we forgot some things, but we’ll be in the city at least once more this week anyway, so we can do those things then 💜 For today, it was just really nice to take our time, and actually go into stores together.

One hour until the kids get home! To crocheting I go!

Brady and I enjoy sending gifs and memes in general, but even more so on valentines, and its become something of a battle. Whoever wins receives absolutely nothing, yet still, we fight for that first place title!

You probably can guess, but we did not do a valentines battle last year. Though we could’ve, because we definitely had the time, with Brady stuck in a hospital bed day in and day out. Buuuuut neither of us were feeling particularly funny. This year, we caught up.

And it was nice!

So naturally, I’m here to share it with you!

Brady kicked it off before I was even awake. He started with Parks and Rec. We LOVE Parks and Rec.

And as I was looking for a response, he stole the one I was going to use and sent it first! Colin Mochrie for the win.

He isn’t wrong. I do.

I went cute and sent him these 😉 I guess I should say I went cheesy…

Bradys mushroom was next…

And then another cheese one from me, because I like cheese, and Brady likes to fart.

We both seemed to like the food ones this year…

From Brady…

From me…

If you noticed, our day yesterday was VERY full, so we would go longer stretches between texts. But he popped back in with a cute one.

And I countered with one that played into the fact that I both am cold and also crochet.

Then stuff got a little weird for a minute.

Brady with butter.

Me with a wrench 🤷🏼‍♀️

The Brady spammed me with FOUR! I like to think he was compensating for the fact that I usually win.

I felt pretty emotional about it all.

And told him how I felt.

He came and smooched me…

And I smooched him back.

He told me he loved me.

And I told him I loved his butt.

I figured I won with the last one, but the battle continued.

I jumped in with some Parks and Rec romance.

And he came back with The Princess Bride.

Strong play, Brady.

I told him I liked him.

And he likes me too. Or at least he thinks I’m cute.

I agreed.

I think he thought he had pretty much taken it at that point, but I sent my last one.

And I won 💜 Brady said so.

The battle was over for the day, though no blood was spilled.

Brady, its fun to battle you from the same side 😘 I love you on Valentines Day and absolutely EVERY other day!!!

I promise. I don’t give Valentines Day a lot of stock. You do NOT have to like Valentines Day to be here. I agree that its a way to make money and force us to buy things and such. I get it. I think if its the ONLY day of the year you are given affection or attention from your person, then thats not right. I think its nice to be sweet and attentive as possible regularly. But if its not your strong suit, and you think of it on Valentines Day, go for it. You do you, wherever you fall on the spectrum of feelings.

Last year on this day, Brady was still in RUH’s neuro ward. He was sharing a room with three other men who were all WAY older than him and in WAY better condition. They could get around on their own, do most everything on their own, and they would be gone in a day or two. And then there Brady was, flat on his back, for eight days.

That was the ONE DAY I wore makeup to the hospital.

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Well. Thats a lie. I wore the same makeup the next day (don’t judge me) and bawled it off on the drive home after learning that someone had texted Brady and suggested I wasn’t Christian enough in my blogs. 🙄😔😭 So that sucked. I don’t care to hold a grudge, but some of that garbage is hard to forget.

This years Valentine’s Day has been a lot less disruptive or crushing, haha! 🙃 We had coffee and breakfast with Cher, which was a really nice kickoff. Then Brady and I took Solly and Wavy to Saskatoon for a Home Depot/Michaels run, because those are a thing we do now that are totally justified and a lot of fun!

We’ll spend the evening with my mom and Cher, eating good food and enjoying good company. The nine of us make a really good group 💜 Definitely some of my absolute favorite people!

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Brady, I love you. I vastly prefer you being home than at the hospital. Last year I was put together, and you were not. This year, you’re put together and I’m not. But I know you love me anyway.

Have a happy (or not happy) Valentines (or not Valentines) day! 💜

I really prefer to get our Christmas cards out the door before I share our family pictures on here. Ideally, it happens right at the end of the year, in December, when everyone already has the pictures. However, it didn’t happen this year, and sadly, the photos feel pretty old now.

That all being said, we are still the same people we were last fall when Cher took these pictures of us, and of ALL years, this was the year I was more determined than ever to reach out to as many people as I could who had put into our lives. This was the most important year to get cards out! So, they’re late, but they’re out! We mailed a bunch out, and dropped a bunch off around town. I’m still looking for a handful more addresses, but the bulk of it is done, so I can finally show you some of our pictures!

Actually, before the pictures pictures, I got these adorable, soft pictures of Laela and Wavy.

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Yes, they are cozy. Sweats and neutrals. We went comfy on purpose. We earned some comfort! Hahaha!

Cher absolutely crushed our family photos this year. We had them done in maybe 10-15 minutes. It was fast and silly, and the kids cooperated beautifully! We hit just two spots at our lake. First was the big swing by the ark park…

And then back at our campsite, by our wood pile. Do you like our star? I asked Brady to make one because Christmas, hahaha!

You can even see the smoke from our fire in this one 🙂 Man these pictures bring me back!

Do you also see the the “C” on my hoodie is covered, so it proudly pronounces “I’m old” to the world? Yup. Couldn’t put these ones on the card, thats for sure!

We bribed the kids with cookies after pictures, and while they ate them, we tried to get a couple pictures of just Brady and I 💜

The kids weren’t doing especially well, and Wavy took it upon herself to cheer the group up. A cookie in both hands, she ran into the picture and started dancing. It was SO funny!

It was a really really nice day together 💜

Thank you, Cher, for taking these pictures for us 💜 You give us such a gift every single time you do.

We wrapped it up watching the sun go down at the beach.

Now that you’ve all shared in our beautiful day…

Get mailboxes.
Thats an order.
No more trying to delicately fit cards into window trim without messing up weatherstripping.
Next year, its going to be painters tape on windows.
You’ve been warned.