Whew! How is it only Tuesday?! 😓 The last two days have been the longest week of my life. Except not at all. But they’ve been incredibly full and challenging. While yesterday, we literally had EIGHT commitments, and today we only had two, I feel quite ragged as I lay in my bed. Yesterday, in one of my texts to Cher, I told her I felt like crying. She told me it might feel great to have a cry. I told her I figured taking my pants off would feel just as good. And it did. So tonight, as I lay here pantsless, I can process a bit more.
I’ve tread across some new territory this week in the world of fostering. It goes without saying that things are imperfect. Its really the understatement of the century. It’s pretty messy, the entire category. So my expectations are low. I was advised long ago already that I am allowed to disagree with the choices made, and in most instances, I am welcome to say my piece, once, and then keep my mouth shut. And that makes sense to me. I’m a team player. I’m willing to do everything I can for the best interest of the children, and bite my tongue once I’ve advocated appropriately. Its a bumpy ride, but I’m on it on purpose, and I expect things like that.
Yesterday, I had an encounter that rattled me good and proper. It didn’t feel right to me. I know you know why I can’t speak in ANY detail on the subject, but I believe my radar is fairly strong, and this had it flared right up. Conveniently, this went down in the evening, so I slept on it and processed a bit. This morning, I texted the appropriate social worker, and when I didn’t hear back within a few hours, I got in touch with my worker. She was eager to get this all sorted out with me, and agreed that it seemed a bit fishy and was worthy of investigating. She called me back shortly thereafter just to reassure me that a supervisor was also looking into things, and that I would be kept in the know as she was.
And it felt good!
Except.
A very real part of my desire to foster is to be on the same team as the parents of the children I care for. I do not want to give them any reason to not want their children in my care. And while this interaction was not with any parents, and I didn’t have any confrontation or anything at all, this would be the first time I have pushed back about anything. So. I’m nervous.
Its all very small. But it could be big if no one speaks up. So I’m trying to do the right thing. I saw a red flag. I processed. I said my piece, with the childs best interest at heart, and now, I shut my mouth and wait.
😩
God is bigger than ANY of this stuff.