The Daily Hailey

A strange thing happened this morning.

While the kids were eating breakfast, Rowan managed to drop his cup into his cereal. Being that it was the end of the box, all of the pieces were tiny, and it made a HUGE mess. I managed to scoop up what fell on his high chair tray and his lap, but the floor was a disaster. Whatever. Small people eating often results in a mess on the floor. Nothing new. But it happened twice. Twice. So it was impossible to save.

Floors are my least favorite thing to clean. No matter how much you sweep and sweep and sweep, there is always more to find. I can never stand back and feel like its perfect. Its always still messy and dirty. I just hate sweeping the floor. However, lots of you have seen in the past that we bought a cheap little vacuum that Dekker loves to use! So he often offers to vacuum the floor for me, and again, while he doesn’t usually get everything, any amount of clean is better than none, and I’m SO grateful for him and his love of helping!

This morning, seeing SO much cereal on the floor, I got a very real itch to clean it. Not because the mess was bugging me, but I just neeeeeded to clean it. Once I came to that realization, I looked around and saw so much more work that neeeeeded to be done. Our dishes were stacked tall. The stovetop was a mess from something or other boiling over the other day. The high chairs were loaded down with cereal. The island was so so sticky. There was so much to do, and for some reason, I was hit with a serious cleaning bug.

When the little boys were done breakfast, I tipped their chairs over and cereal poured all over the floor. I didn’t even care. I swept the rest of the mess off the table and began pulling the chairs out from under the table. Dekker instantly jumped up in excitement and asked to vacuum. I told him he could, and he rushed off to the closet to get it. I got all of the chairs out and Dekker began his task. I started doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen up. He and I worked together, and it felt great. He’d peek at me from under the table and I’d smooch him when he’s come to the side of dining room that was closer to me. It was such good teamwork. We were both happy and working.

I realized as we were working that what I was feeling felt very much like nesting. Cleaning and preparing for a baby. And then I felt silly, because I’m not even very far along. Nesting at this stage of the game doesn’t make any sense. And then I felt even more silly, and maybe even just dumb.

I was due with Theo at the very end of July/beginning of August. I never nested for him. I didn’t have the chance.

I wonder if my body is confused. My hormones are in baby mode. My heart and emotions are SO ready for a baby. But obviously, my body isn’t ready to have a baby. At least I really, really hope it isn’t.

I have no idea if thats whats happening; that I’m nesting late for Theo, or early for the little papoose. Maybe I’m just not feeling as sick today so I’m more energetic. Maybe there is zero explanation beyond stuff needed doing and I’m an adult so I decided to do it. But it was a strange reminder.

I admit that thinking about Theo kind of halted my motivation. I finished the load of dishes I was doing, and put the chairs back under the table. Dekker finished vacuuming and put it away for me. I stacked up the rest of the dishes beside the sink and wiped down what I could. Then I snuck Dekker away and he and I sat in the pantry and ate Bear Paws together.

I’m still calling it a positive, successful, enjoyable morning. Some things got done. I got to once again witness my son’s amazing, generous heart, and reward him for it with a little secret date. I felt productive for the first time in a few weeks. And I was reminded that I can successfully miss my precious Theo while anticipating the little papoose, with neither being overshadowed by the other. I wondered how that would feel, and I’m actually relieved at how its turned out.

Today will continue to be great.