The Daily Hailey

I have always insisted I would never be a mom who yelled. “I was the perfect parent until I had kids.” Have you seen that joke online? Yup, its so true. I would NEVER yell at my kids!

Honestly, I’ve had a pretty cool head until maybe the last year or so. It seems that these have been some tough stages in all the kids, all at once. I’m not making excuses for my behaviour, but I do see why the struggle has gone up. Anyone I’ve met who has had a similar family to ours (many little ones close together) has said there are some CRAZY years, but its just amazing and they’d never take any of it back. I think we’re in one of those crazy years now 😉

I’ve become a mom who yells. While I think it can sometimes make a solid impact and really get a point across, thats all lost when you do it too much. I know. Its basic knowledge. But sometimes, its really hard, and I just feel desperate.

In the last little while, I’ve been evaluating how I can help my children through some of these hard stages, and I’m noticing they all yell!! Ack! TOTALLY MY FAULT! How do I think I can teach them about respect and being loving if I’m yelling the lesson at them?! I cannot, obviously.

So over the last week or so (I know, not that long) I’ve backed right off of yelling. Its taken some serious restraint sometimes, but I’ve been successful. A couple of the kids have been pushing back hard, as they wait for me to yell before they obey. Or they’ll yell at me, and there’s no way for me to be heard above their voice. All I can do is wait patiently. Its been SO hard. My own adult consequence for my actions.

Rowan has reverted back to toddler-level tantrums in an effort to get a rise out of me. In our house, we quash those tantrums quick. (We can all agree to disagree, but I don’t think tantrums are ever acceptable. A child can express their emotions without whipping themselves down on the floor and kicking and screaming. I think. To each their own. But in our house, when a toddler throws themselves on the floor, we have them stand right back up. They can still cry, and we absolutely talk through it, but it seems WAY less satisfying to freak out while standing up, talking to a calm adult. It works for us.) Now that Rowan has pulled them back out, I’m trying to deal with them well, but if I’m being honest, they make me really angry. Yesterday, Rowan got upset by one tiny thing, and LOST it. He immediately was flat on the floor, kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Rowan Toby, please stand up. Ro. Rowan, can you hear me?” Of course he couldn’t. What was I even thinking? I went over to him and knelt beside him. He saw me there and kept on going. “Rowan, I need you to stop screaming and stand up.” Nada.

So I admit. I slipped. And I raised my voice up louder than necessary. “Ro! Up!” I was right away disappointed in myself, but then I was relieved, and proud!

I was relieved because he didn’t immediately snap to attention. The “power” of my yelling wasn’t there. It didn’t matter. It was good for me to see that it clearly wasn’t helping anything.

I was proud because yelling felt crappy, physically! My throat was scratchy, and my yell wasn’t very loud at all. It felt unnatural and sounded gross.

My yeller is out of practice!!! Its out of shape!! It doesn’t work as well anymore!!

You can think this is small and silly, if you want. You can judge me for yelling, if you want. But to me, this felt like victory!!! Its only been a few days, and I’m sure I’ll slip again, but it felt like a win to know my yeller doesn’t yell very well anymore.

So now, when my kids push back, and I stand at my island, with my head down, making every effort to keep my cool, I can remind myself that, not only doesn’t my heart want to yell anymore, but neither does my body. I don’t want to yell, and my kids don’t want me to yell, and I don’t want them to yell! So, we’re going to keep trying.

And if you notice I look particularly bedraggled these days, now you know why 😉