As fall is clearly upon us, I’ve been saying how ready I am for a change of season and scenery. I need to feel that time is moving forward. Not that I’m wishing the days away. Trust me, I’m making a very conscious effort not to do just that. But time is rigid. Stock still. Unmoving. And that has to change.
I realized a day or two ago that in losing our Jamin, I lost a few other things. Smaller things. But important things, to me. I was due to have my baby in January, and I was anticipating seeking out some beautiful winter maternity photos. I had a very specific idea of what I would wear, and how snowy it might be, and how enamoured I would be with the baby tucked away in my big round belly. They would’ve been beautiful pictures, really documenting our excitement and love well. And now, thats gone too.
I’m so disappointed to see so many little dreams and ideas float away seemingly so easily. I know things will change, we will recover to a healthy point, and I like to think we’ll get our chance at those beautiful maternity photos again. But right now, it just all feels like a gross injustice.
Miscarriage photo shoot, anyone? Pretty sure that’s not a thing.
May God’s peace be with you , my beautiful girl.
Thank you mom <3 I have his peace, I promise. Some of it anyway. Its coming.