I wanted to talk frank about Christmas with you guys. I’m confident I’ll come out of this post sounding shallow or trivial or whatever you want to call it, but this season has looked very different for me and I kind of want to let you in on it.
We did the weekly savings this year, as I’m sure you’ve all heard about by now. We saved with a plan all year, and even sped up the ending a bit so we would have the full years worth of money saved by November 1st. Our plan was to use this as our Christmas money. All gifts/seasonal treats/travel money would be taken from this jar, and we wouldn’t go broke over Christmas. I recommend this to all! It has been incredibly to not have to be too terribly careful with gifts for people this year, since we don’t even have to look at our finances, just into this jar of cash that we’ve saved. Its been freeing, to say the least. In mid-October, I apparently just couldn’t keep my pants on any longer, and I put the last two weeks worth of money into the jar so we could officially be Christmas ready! I was sooo excited!
And then this funny thing happened. I was kind of on my own with the whole thing! No biggie, though. I knew it was super early. So I waited and dreamed a bit on my own. By the time it was into November, I wanted to go Christmas shopping! Early again, I know, but I had anticipated Christmas all year and was ready for it to begin. But no one else seemed to be. Again, no hard feelings against anyone, but it seemed strange to me, and I felt lonely. In the past few years, Brady and I have always scheduled out a day where he would book off work and we would do our big family Christmas shop, which is a tradition that dates back in my family since birth, and we’ve loved carrying it on with our kids. But his schedule kept filling and a date was never chosen. I know, I should have pushed and picked one, but I didn’t. I so badly wanted him to be as thrilled as I was, but the fact is, I have a lot more time to think about these things in a day, where he works his butt off, and then comes home to be a dad, and our time is just filled! Not everything that I see as a priority is everyone elses priority.
So I got a little bitter. Some of you probably know that by now. Christmas, to me, then became lists of things that had to get done, and things I had to drag people through with me. It really shouldn’t have been that way, and probably would have looked a lot brighter had I checked my attitude at the door. But I didn’t, and I think I screwed everything up.
Its the 19th. We bought a sled, but have yet to break it out and take the kids for a walk. Not once have we all cuddled up with hot chocolate, popcorn, and a holiday movie. We haven’t baked with the kids. Nothing. I feel like, for all the anticipation I had for Christmas, I have thoroughly dropped the ball. And the worst part is that its all on me. How desperately I want to point fingers and say someone else screwed it all up. But its just me.
However!! There is a light at the end of this tunnel! I have discovered that people cannot read minds. While I do truly wish that everyone knew exactly what I want when I want it (don’t we all?) its not reality. So in the last weekish I’ve started to be a bit more direct and decisive. I’m not great at this, as I HATE putting people out and asking for things, but I do need help. OR sometimes I just ask Brady to be excited about something with me, and he will! He’ll immediately make an effort to take more of an interest in what I’m interested in. What a gift! I just need to ask something. I’m also very mildly proud to say that I am successfully not looking back. Its a bummer that I put so much into a list of jobs and less on fun and family time. But Christmas isn’t over! It can begin now, and if I want it to, it can carry on into mid-January 😉 I always leave my tree up waaay past its death anyway. We’ve all been (and continue to be) sick as dogs, so we’re having our rest and a slow start into the fun, but its fast approaching. There is lots of time left with the snow, so we can still go outside a lot. Snacks and cuddles will be in abundance. We likely won’t bake, but we have all the right sprinkles and supplies for chocolate covered pretzels, which are easier for little fingers to eat anyway. There is so much to look forward to!
Thats the end of my rant. I know a lot of it sounds petty and unreasonable, and I’m sure many of you can see that I backpedalled my way though a lot of my points. No one did anything wrong but me, and I think I’ve figured most of it out. I just want to be straight up with you guys about whats going on in my crazy head, and that is this. All done! We have a busy evening ahead of us, filled with packing for our visit with Bradys parents in the far, far off northern Alberta, and doing a few chores around the house so we don’t come home to chaos. And we really need to wash our children. Badly. Poor kids’ eyebrows are just crusted with boogers.