The Daily Hailey

Since Solly has been born, I’ve been taking medication pretty much constantly to keep my pain under control. Its not a secret. Sometimes, even on medication, its been very out of control. Its not been easy being in pain for so long. I’ve tried a handful of times to change my doses up, or spread them out a little bit, but after a few hours, I’m usually paying dearly for my attempt. The days that I tried to make changes, I spent the evenings laying flat on my back in bed, waiting for my codeine to kick in. But those days were important, because I needed to know where my pain levels were sitting. I’ve felt so much anxiety about taking so many pills, and not knowing when to stop, but not feeling brave enough to try to ween off, and having fear about being in pain again. Like I said, its hard to be in pain for so long. I know my pain is nothing compared to what others go through, but I have definitely been struggling.

I had my physio appointment on Monday, and I saw Dr. Guselle on Thursday. Both appointments were very encouraging in several ways. Neither doctor was pushy about going off of my meds, but both were very hopeful that I could be off of them soon, and that this wouldn’t have to be something that worsened over time. There is a lot to say about those appointments, but it would get all jumbled up on a blog post, so just trust me. I feel very hopeful, for lots of reasons.

So I did a ballsy thing yesterday. I didn’t take anything. No pills. Zero. All. Day. I didn’t tell anyone.

I know. It wasn’t the smartest move. If it went back, I would be in ROUGH shape. It would take a LONG time to get back on track. But you guys have to understand. I am SO fed up with all of this garbage. My doctor and physiotherapist made me feel invincible. Probably more invincible that I should have felt, but so be it. I went for it.

I had moments of pain throughout the day, but when those moments came, I took stock of my body, and relaxed the muscles that I had tensed up unnecessarily. I also do a lot of swaying back and fourth, just in another effort to loosen up a bit. If nothing else, they would distract me momentarily, and I would keep being busy.

To round the day up, I would say that while it was not the most comfortable I’ve ever been, it was a VERY reasonable day. Reasonable enough that I didn’t take any pills today either!

Ok, thats a lie. Hold on. I took Tylenol first thing this morning because I woke up with a headache. I could tell that I had clenched my teeth through the night, which I think is probably because my body is still in pain and a bit stressed out. But I went from 27 pills per day to the two I took this morning! I call that a HUGE success! And you guys probably do too, because you won’t have to hear me weep and wail about it as much anymore, lol! Woot!

Thank you Lord for freeing me of this ridiculous life-changing pain! You certainly know just how much I can take!