Its felt like a long week, and its only Wednesday. Yesterday, I said something about it being a long week. Yesterday was Tuesday…
I think some of our feelings are made stronger by the fact that the countdown to the end of radiation is on. This is the final week. Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is glaring, and its hard to look at, you know? Its SO exciting, but it makes the end just draaaaag! Its like every day you’re overdue in pregnancy feels like at least a year of waiting. I think thats comparable.
Except that we don’t know how things will look once radiation is done. We don’t know. We cannot hold any expectations in any way. So we would love to think we’ll let down a little, Brady will regain some energy, and we’ll all breathe easier and enjoy our time together. But we just don’t know. How long will he be nauseous? How long will his back keep burning? How long will he be fatigued, falling asleep after he takes his meds? How long will How long will he have these headaches? How long will we be managing pain and discomfort and overwhelm? How long will we feel SO limited in what we can “handle?” When can we start working at our stuff around the house and at the lake without fear of sickness, anxiety, or pain?
Deep breaths. Prayer. More deep breaths.
I know this is just for a time. I’m happy to have a new normal. Truly, I’m unconcerned about adapting to a new normal. Bring it on. But I want to be out of survival mode soon. Like SOON soon. The end of radiation feels like it should be the end of survival mode, but something tells me we need to continue to be very careful.
The road is long. To those of you who have followed and inquired and help and care, THANK YOU for knowing this is a long game situation and for riding along with us. Brady’s surgeon wasn’t kidding when he said a large piece of Brady’s recovery was based on community support. I knew we had it, but I had no idea the extent to which we have it. We have an incredible corner of people. I am overwhelmed with gratefulness.