I have this pending dream I’ve mentioned on here very vaguly in the past, about being able to have people in my home, and to help them in some way. I don’t want to go into great detail, because I have yet to even sort out all of my thoughts on the matter, but I have some aspirations that are constantly bubbling up that make me excited and overwhelmed and curious all at once. Part of this dream involves me being available to a lot of people. I want people to be able to reach me when they need me. What is tricky about this is that, while I think I can fairly safely say that I’m an extrovert, I’m also a homebody, and sometimes I’m pretty antisocial. I really love my family, and I often choose to stay in rather than go out because our “normal” is already busy without having to go out and find something to be busy with. Does that make any sense? I’m basically saying I’m not great at being busy. Yet SO many of the things I want to still do in my life involve adding yet more activity to my life! Sometimes, that aspect gets me all discouraged.
Today is one of those funny days where I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off. (Pretty sick analogy when I’m over here, dreaming of raising chickens, also.) I feel like I ran ALL morning. I didn’t, but compared to an average day, I was busier than usual. I didn’t get coffee until right before I had to pick Laela back up from preschool. I found myself getting quite overwhelmed, but I tried to step back and look at the situation for exactly what it was. Like how some things are more obvious to people who are further from the situation, I tried to step away. And really, the busyness wasn’t my issue. It was all of the little things that are coming up in the next week or two that I feel like I’m going to forget. Today isn’t crazy, but my mind is! So I sat down and wrote down all of the little things I was worried about. Find the deadline for when I need to order Laela’s school pictures. (which are ridiculously cute, by the way) Remember to order for her preschool fundraiser. Need to wash the kids water bottles. Pay for the epicure cheese maker thing. Remind Brady to pick up forms and groceries. Look up where to find a certain book for Christmas. All over the map, none of the things really relate, but they are ALL important and needing to get done very soon.
As soon as I had that list written, I felt lighter. I was able to look back on my morning and not feel like it had been chaotic, but great! I had accomplished a handful of things, I had helped someone, I had gotten my kids where they needed to be, everyone was fed, and I could actually sit and enjoy the sun streaming in the window!
Its these tiny moments that give me hope that, one day, busyness won’t have to stress me out so much. I can LOVE home, and quiet, while still functioning beautifully in busyness! I CAN achieve these goals that I have, and it WON’T kill me! It sounds small, but it was a motivating morning.
I need to come up for a better word for “busy,” because its seemed like such a negative thing for so long, and it needs a facelift. Persevering? Having a full plate? Dynamic? Wholehearted! Yes!