For a good while now, I have had my meds sorted out beautifully, and I’m SO grateful to be able to say that I am down to ONE medication! To give you a quick update, I am taking an antidepressant that is most often used in elderly patients who are somewhat wasting away. Unfortunately, as young as I may be, I, too, was wasting away thanks to my struggles and anxiety. My medications side effects turned out to be the biggest benefits for me. For the first time maybe ever, I had a real appetite, and ate full meals at appropriate times. With that, I’ve gained weight. More than I thought. I’m still adjusting to some of that, but I can tell you that my body feels healthier than maybe it ever has. The medication also helps with sleep, which has actually always been an issue for me, all through my childhood and on. So now, I eat, sleep, and function much better!
As I slowly weened off of everything else, my anxiety did increase, and my doctor and I have been working closely to find my appropriate dose. Because this particular medication is an anomaly.
On the lowest dose possible, I was completely incoherent in the mornings. Nothing I could push past. It was just brutal, simply put. Miserable. I would lose hours when I needed to be doing things to help the family run smoothly. And it did not get better with time. It was the dose. With this medication, the higher you go in the dose, the LESS drowsy you get.
I know. It doesn’t make sense. It should be the opposite. But its a weird one. And so am I. So that checks out.
Yet, with this, I struggled with going up in a medication just for the sake of sleep. Yet, if thats the right move, I’m open to it. So slowly, I’ve gone up a little here and there. And I think its working!
I’m still very tired in the mornings. VERY tired. But I think most humans are, and being that sleep has always been a struggle, mornings have also always been a struggle. So I’m thinking this is maybe normal tired? I am relieved to say that my weight is stable. While it was consistently creeping up for the last month or two, I haven’t gained anything in the last two weeks, so perhaps I’m levelled off to where I’ll stay. At least for now. I’m wishing there was a less forward way to post it, but I’d like to post a comparison picture for my own sake. Before this medication, and after being on it for a while.
I liked before Hailey, and I like after Hailey. After Hailey is healthier in a LOT of ways than before Hailey. But they’re the same person at the root 💜
My mood was still quite low until about two weeks ago when I adjusted it. We had a crackling stereo speaker than made me SO angry, I wanted to throw that stupid thing out the window. It still bugs me, absolutely, but these days, I just turn it down a little. I don’t turn it off, or unplug anything, or get SO angry at it anymore. I am WAY more myself. I also feel like the kids have been doing better recently, but again, thats probably actually me doing better 💜 Being more patient. I like being a patient mom and wife. Thats how I want to be.
I don’t know if this medication is a forever medication. Its not perfect. I want to be better in the morning than I am now. But I’m also not afraid to need medication longer term. Or to change things along the way. I feel confident. We will have to see how the coming months and years play out. I don’t have big plans. I do have some counselling coming up soon, though, which I am greatly anticipating!!!
I trust God to direct me, and I believe He is.
Thank you Lord!