The Daily Hailey

I don’t usually feel particularly emotional on the first day of school. I am SO excited for school this year, and not because I’m tired of having my kids around me. I am so happy for them, because they miss school and their people! I miss the routine and the regulating that comes with school. I miss the brain stimulation and the exposure to new people and new things. There are obvious things I do not look forward to this year, but I’m awaiting the routine, however that may look.

These kids insist they aren’t nervous of anything going into this year!

They were excited and ready!

Drop off was such a mix of emotions for me this year. More than ever before. I wasn’t nervous about them not doing well, being homesick, not knowing their way around, etc. I was nervous about the lack of certainty. I’ve been preparing the kids for a while now about the changes at school. And by “preparing,” I mean I’m telling them there will be lots of change and none of us really know how it’ll look. Not me, not them, and not even the teachers. We can still trust the teachers to guide and direct them, but I’ve told the kids a number of times that when they are starting to feel upset and worried, probably most people around them are feeling the same.

Today, we dropped the kids off as a family. We went to Dekker’s door first. Teachers were at the doors, receiving the kids lovingly and warmly, making connections and trying to bring comfort. But did my heart ever break when I helped Dekker put his mask on. He is so game to wear it, he’s assured me. And frankly, he has to. He’s old enough that its mandated in his grade. And I’m fine with that! But the moment I put his mask on him, I could tell he was worried.

I had to convince him to hug me, he was so rattled. And he is a smushy mushy affectionate boy, public or not. It wasn’t about that. It was like he suddenly didn’t know where he was. It was so hard for my heart to see.

Laela’s drop off was honestly about the same. She gave all of us hugs, and she was visibly excited. She had expressed to me she wished we could walk her in but thats just not the case this year. I helped her get her mask on, and again, her enthusiasm was gone instantly. It was SO sad to see. She stood in her spaced out line and was warmly greeted by a teacher I didn’t actually recognize. She was called in, and that was that.

Ugh.

If you aren’t already, please pray for our/your/all the children going to school. I don’t want to raise my children in a world where they’re not supposed to hug their friends. I don’t want them muffled. I don’t want any of this!

But as we say often, sometimes we do hard things.

My goodness, I love these little ones. My heart is both full and broken.

Lord, watch over them.