My last three pregnancies have been full of new experiences, to say the least. This current pregnancy has been an obvious mess of emotions and other things, and I realized that I don’t think I’ve told the story about how I found out, how I told Brady, what I did immediately after, or any of those fun details, so here I am today to do just that. Hopefully it interests some of you at least! I totally get it if this kind of thing isn’t your cup of tea. No problem 🙂 I’m not offended one bit.
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We had never ever conceived on our first cycle of trying, but a person has to start somewhere. Brady and I began the process of trying to conceive as soon as I had my cycle back after losing Jamin. It was completely all over the place, no rhyme or reason to it, but thats to be expected after a loss. I wasn’t optimistic, but I wanted to hope. I had a friend who had lost a baby about a week after I lost Jamin, who was at about the same stage of pregnancy as me. We discovered just how close our dates were, and we promised we’d test together on the same day. I say “together” loosely, since we don’t even live in the same country. Still, its fun to do things like that with a friend 😉 She and I got pretty close in those days of waiting and wondering. When she found out she hadn’t conceived, I had a pretty big cry for her. We were SO similar, I was sure I was out of the running that month as well. It only made sense. But she was a more patient person than me, and once we knew she hadn’t conceived, I went and tested earlier than our agreed upon date with a cheap little strip test from a pack that had been gifted to me. And there was a teeny tiny shred of something. But I was pretty freaked out about the whole thing, and raising hopes was NOT an option, so I sent a picture to another friend who notoriously got evaporation lines on pregnancy tests. She encouraged me to test again. It was still super early, and as I said, my cycle was completely bananas and hard to anticipate. So I did another little cheapie test the next morning. And once again, something showed up. It was darker, but still pretty lame. I could talk my way around it. I showed my friend again, and she was optimistic! I decided to use the ONE expensive test I had on hand – a Clearblue. Now, for anyone out there having babies, or trying to, do NOT use the blue dye tests! I used to buy these all the time because they were half the cost at Costco, but they are horrendous for evaporation lines and believable false positives. Basically, they suck. But it was all I had left on hand, so I took it, and while I didn’t trust it, it sure looked believable.
The next day, I made up some excuse to go to the city by myself. I couldn’t tell you why, I don’t remember. I know I bought groceries, but I’m not sure how I talked my way around bringing the whole family. But, I did. I started at Superstore, and picked up some First Response tests. I even had the forethought to go ask for a dixie cup at the pharmacy. That turned out to be more awkward than it should’ve been, but I got over it pretty quickly. I bought the rest of my stuff and left. In the van, I pulled out one of the tests and put it in my jacket pocket.
Walmart was next on the list, and yes, I took the pregnancy test in the bathroom there, because I’m classy like that. It was tricky finding where to set everything down in the tiny stall, but I made it work, and then I just sat in there and waited the few minutes before I looked. And it was there! Very faint, but there it was! I was kind of in disbelief. I sent a picture to my friend, and then put my phone and the test in my pocket, and didn’t look at any of it until I was done in Walmart.
Now you’re not supposed to look at tests after the ten minute mark, but I obviously did once I got to the van. And in the natural light, it was unmistakeable!!
The progression went like this:
I was pretty floored, and unsure of what to do from there. I hadn’t spent any time planning how to tell Brady when I found out, because I just hadn’t anticipated conceiving yet! I know people say you’re extra fertile coming off a loss, but it had taken three months (I think) after losing Theo to conceive again. But really, what do I know?
So naturally, as one would do, I texted Jerilee.
We agreed to meet up for a quick coffee date, so we could celebrate, and try and figure out how to tell Brady. It was SO special to do that with my best friend 💜 But of course, I was completely preoccupied and self involved, and didn’t even think to take a bestie selfie or anything! Would’ve been a fun opportunity for one 🙂 Maybe next time 😜
We grabbed coffee at Starbucks and did a couple laps of the mall. It was only a few days before Halloween so I was kind of hoping for one of those maternity shirts with the baby skeleton on it, or something along those lines, but no such luck. The closest was a “team blue” or “team pink” shirt, neither of which were going to be helpful at this point. I looked for “daddy” mugs but they were either all either geared towards first-time fathers (which Brady is clearly not) or they were dumb and negative, talking about how life will now be full of spit up, sleepless nights, etc. Thats just not our kind of humor. Someone working at Hallmark tried to sell me on a picture frame to put an ultrasound picture in, but I am not a person to go to a first ultrasound without my husband if I can help it! There was no way I was waiting that long, either.
I finally found the ONE thing that announced a pregnancy. A weird purple/brown hand towel. The message is poorly executed, and it doesn’t even have an exclamation point! Very reminiscent of the “It is your birthday.” banner from The Office. I had literally NO other ideas, and didn’t want to leave empty handed, so I went for it. It wasn’t all that cute, but it was something. I set it up at home on our en suite sink.
And the guy didn’t find it until later that night!! He even went in and ran a tub, but didn’t notice it on the sink. I finally played the needy card and asked him to go get me something from the bathroom even though I was five steps away from it. Being who Brady is, he immediately went to retrieve a Q-tip, or whatever the thing was, and saw it! I cried, and he laughed. He was more on the “thrilled” side of things, and less on my “panicked and terrified” side of things. Its ok, we balanced each other out 😉
The next couple of weeks held lots of calls from my doctor and OB, getting into the routine of taking aspirin every evening, and LOTS of blood work! I am NOT a needle person, and even after all the blood work that came with losing Jamin, and all the testing, and then ALL the HCG beta tests I did every 2 days following conception, I still hate them, haha! Maybe even more than I did. But seriously, someone can draw my blood every day for all I care. It was SO reassuring to see my hormones levels not only double every two days like they’re supposed to, but TRIPLE!
It was a crazy crazy time, and I don’t think I had ever felt so scared to be pregnant, but excitement only grows as baby does. I’ve got a great God, a loving husband, and amazing friends and family who care about us, keep in touch with us, and pray for us. I am as well set up as I could ever ask to be.