The Daily Hailey

I mentioned the other day on the blog that my kids closets are awful. They are. I wasn’t kidding. Dekker and Rowan’s closet is the WORST. Easily. Its really big, and holds clothing for Dekker, Rowan, and Waverly. It holds guest pillows and some linens in the top, and a massive stack of extra hangers. It has four big half hangers, and a shelving unit down the middle. And on top of aaaaall of those things that the closet holds, it holds STUFF! TOO MUCH STUFF!

This closet gives me pretty hefty anxiety almost always. I do everything in my power not to look into it or go into it. Its so far gone. I hate it so much. 

Not only do I hate the mess, but I have struggled very hard with knowing how to deal with it. Because its ALL Dekker’s stuff. And I didn’t know how to throw it ALL away without completely devastating him. Being the oldest, plus his personality, makes him really protective of “his” things. Like he NEEDS his own space, and his own things. And with a family our size, its not so easy to give him all kinds of room. We’re always around each other and in each other’s stuff. I worried about hurting him, or trying to comb through it together. Which would be more painful? And when would I find the time?! So I avoided it.

Until today. 

I went on a surprise rampage while the kids ate lunch. I don’t know what came over me but I just went into the boys room and started pulling paper out of their closet. An UNBELIEVABLE amount of paper. I should’ve taken a before picture, but I forgot, so this was the best I could do. 

Brady came over with a black garbage bag and helped me load it. He also cracked into their little two-drawer night stand that is just as bad as the closet. Maybe as well do both. Brady willingly did the dirty work of running stuff that needed to be filed away downstairs, toys into the ottoman, and pencils and erasers into the junk drawer. I sorted everything that made sense, but finally just scooped paper out of the bottom of the closet and chucked it. I would’ve been there for DAYS if I tried to look at every single page individually. I threw away any paper that didn’t hold value, but of course I kept anything that I knew was special to him. Dekker LOVES birthday cards. He treasures them all. So I saved all of those, and ANY little trinket or treasure I came across. I tidied things up in there and felt like I could finally breathe!!

Until I realized I’d have to tell him. And show him. I hadn’t said anything before I started. Oh man, I thought. I’m going to catch him off guard and he’s going to be SO upset. But, what was done was done. I completed the nightstand as well, chucking every scrap of paper and putting all the little bouncy balls, notebooks, and special little presents into a tub. I brought the tub out into the kitchen and he suspiciously asked what we had been doing. “Cleaning up,” we told him. 

At this point, I was riled up, and I kind of ranted at the kids for a minute or two about the immense amount of clutter they had progressively collected, and that there needed to be more order from here on out. Their closets could never reach that point again, and there were now going to be boundaries about just where thing could live and to what extent. 

The moment I finished my speech, Dekker asked to leave the table. He had a pretty small lunch but had finished what was on his plate. I could tell he was pretty eager to see what had been done. He left the table and I waited a few seconds before I followed him into his room. He had the doors open and was standing inside. 

“Well. What do you think, bud?” I asked, expecting the worst. He closed the closet door and rushed me.

“Its SO much better! Thank you, mom!” And he hugged me. 

And I cried. Because, my goodness. I had poured over the right way to help him with his closet, and finally I just flew off the handle and purged the heck out of it. And turns out, it worked! He was SO relieved, it seemed! My boy loves his special things, but he also loves order. Why didn’t I think of that?! He’s like me in a lot of ways. I think we both feel the same about his closet, but being the kid, he didn’t really know what to do. That whole “parental guidance” thing. He felt the same as me, but he didn’t know where to start! Man. That realization felt SO good. 

He came back out into the kitchen and I showed him his tub of trinkets and things he had saved from various places. I told him he had ONE drawer in his night stand for his special little things, and that tub was definitely too full. I told him he should pick through it and about half of it should go. I held my breath as I dropped that bomb. 

And he didn’t panic at all! He was up for the task, and immediately dug into it. Within a couple of minutes, he said “Ok mom. I think I’ve got it.” And he had DONE it!!

He has seamlessly chosen what he wanted and what he was willing to let go. He kept saying he was really happy to do this, and he felt better. So I felt better, of course. NOT A SINGLE TEAR WAS SHED! I was fully expecting to be the monster, “bad cop” mom in this situation, and I’m SO impressed at Dekker’s heart! These things just remind me that he’s growing up, knowing more and better what he needs and wants. He was way more gracious than I was. 

There I go again, learning for my young children. I am SO fortunate.