I’m pretty careful to talk about what triggers my anxiety. Sometimes, I think some people use the term a little too loosely, and its almost become a trend to be “triggered.” Please don’t take what I’m saying to mean that I don’t think triggers are real. They absolutely are. I’m just careful. But I’m going to tell you about one of mine today.

Brady’s spinal surgery was a huge deal. It was an incredibly challenging time for us. You may or may not remember, but we did not know he was going to come out paralyzed. We knew it was a risk, of course, but we literally thought he’d be in the hospital over the weekend, but he stayed for nine long weeks. Many rude awakenings.

Brady had a pulmonary embolism shortly after switching hospitals. He had a blood clot shake loose from his ankle (since he wasn’t able to walk after surgery) travel up his body, pump through his heart, and land in his lung. People absolutely die from this. If the clot lodged in his heart, that would’ve been it.

So as you can imagine, we thought a lot about the possibility of death and dying. I remember pulling over and calculating how long we could stretch our life insurance policy if Brady passed. There was a LOT of fear for a bit there.

The first time I couldn’t open a jar, a trigger was born. The total, irrational fear surrounding such a mundane task as opening a jar that I could not open. I remember sitting on the floor in the kitchen, on the other side of the island, separate from the kids, trying to think of who I would call when I couldn’t open a jar, even with all my grippy things. Tom? What if Tom was at work? I really just didn’t know what I’d do. It felt like something I NEEDED Brady for.

I tried really hard to be really well while Brady was away, so instead of dwelling somewhere scary, I took it upon myself to simply purchase a jar opener. One of these suckers.

And that stupid thing broke the very first time I tried to use it. So I was back to square one.

You might have noticed, but my husband came home 💜 Praise God!!! He still opens my jars. And Dekker is getting older and stronger, and can sometimes help as well.

But today. Ugh. Stupid Costco milk. Do you guys know about this?? They do NOT open!!! After positively reefing on it, and passing it around between the kids, we finally got the stupid thing open. But here I am, with the palm of my hand showing the work put in.

And it just takes me back. And not somewhere nice.

Brady, I am SO happy you lived. And then kept living. And then thriving 💜 We need you here.

We should renew our vows someday so we can include jar opening somehow.

I tried it, guys! Costco grocery delivery via Instacart. I ordered a big list of things, including bakery items, produce, all kinds of milk, and a few convenience and pantry items as well. I stocked up on a lot of lunch stuff for the kids, and some lactose free stuff for our Lemon Drop who we have recently learned needs it. I ordered a lot of produce, some that I plan to chop into lunch sized containers and lots for everything else. A new kind of buns that we haven’t tried yet, wraps, raisin bread. A ridiculous amount of cheese. Milk. All that good stuff. I placed the order, and then I waited.

Within the next hour or so, a shopper was attached to my order. Once she began shopping, I was contacted through text and told I could chat with the shopper along the way if anything was to change, and she would run anything by me that she had questions about. At one point, she sent me a picture of something that I had ordered. I responded that it looked correct to me, and she said she agreed, but that the barcode was different. I confirmed I was happy with it, and she purchased it. The next text I got was that the shop was done and she was on her way!

And then a frustrating thing happened when she could not find my house, and she called and kept me on the phone while she tried to navigate the town. She was in an alley at one point, and then at some houses with numbers in the 700s, and at one point she really strongly communicated that she saw a sign for 1st St, which is not at all where I live. I suggested taking my house number out of her GPS and just looking for my street, and finally, she found me.

She dropped everything off, and Cher helped me bring it into the house and put it away. It was so lovely to have it all brought to me, but I’ll admit, it was pretty irritating that I had to stand in my driveway for quite so long, trying to help her find me.

However, when I told Brady about it, he looked into it and while our address was marked properly, Apple Maps directions were all over the place, and definitely drove her right into the mess. It wasn’t her fault. And it helped to know that.

All in all, I’d absolutely do it again! I’d order from Costco. You are expected to tip the Instacart driver, which is included in your grocery bill, but if you just think of it as a delivery cost, it was definitely still worth it.

However, you better believe Apple Maps will be getting a report from us, lol! We do NOT live in a back alley!

You may remember we moved in January over that absolutely frigid weekend where no one wanted to actually leave their houses. We had a willing group of people jump in to help us get things from the old house to the next house, or, if you will, the new house to the old house, if we’re going for age of house. We had a LOT of stuff, being that we are a LOT of people. So with the frozen weather, and the insane amount of work to do, lots of things made it into the garage that could’ve gone into the house. Not complaining!! It was a TON, and people moved FAST. But the garage was absolutely full to the brim.

Then, you may also remember, Brady had a seizure two weeks after that, and everyone’s energy went out the window. Speaking for myself, all my mental energy was taken up with brain tumours, surgery, Bradys new meds that really really sucked and made him so unhappy, helping the kids process and cope, all the while keeping things rolling as normal as possible.

So those months after a move where everyone putters and ever so slowly gets at least the majority of their boxes unpacked, we spent recovering and struggling under the weight of the impending surgery, and the immense mess that comes with moving, where you don’t know where anything is or how anything works. It was just a lot really close together. It was hard times.

For this entire year, our garage has been filled to the brim. We had friends come help a couple of times, moving tools downstairs and doing some two person stuff that Brady and I can’t manage. And that has helped tremendously! We could actually form a PATH! But as winter approached, Cher and I have been starting to get into the garage with the goal of getting Brady’s work van parked inside. We got the kids their lockers. We got the place heated. We just needed to organize enough to get one half cleared out.

The “before” is kinda wild.

Yup. Thats the best its looked since we moved in. See where my super stroller wagon is? That path is all we had going for us.

Today, Cher, Brady and I spent 2.5 hours this morning working in the garage. We loaded all the recycling into the minivan, as well as some garbage that needed hauling. Cher took a load of things to her place to put out for free on her front lawn. We were able to compress some things. Stack some other things. Move some things into the house into storage or into the shop. Cher did TONS of the legwork of carting things up and down the stairs into the basement, and Brady and I did a lot of organizing. Our garage is well fitted with lots of good storage already, so we put up lots of the camping stuff, Christmas stuff is organized on its own shelf, well within reach, and we tucked Bradys golf clubs up as well. I hate the ladder. Brady knows. So he “helped.” The way a man helps.

And guys, we CRUISED. The three of us worked until we all ached, and we got that whole stinking side cleared out 🥳

It wasn’t even a case of shoving everything to the side, either. We worked! It makes sense in there! Its a bit stacked over on the other side, sure, but things that belong together are grouped together. It is not hard to navigate it at all! And its all a lot more within reach. Of course there is still more to do, but if we didn’t move a single additional piece all winter, I am still totally happy with how it sits today.

Because 🙌 now the van can fit 💜

My family can be warm, and safe, and cared for 💜 Brady doesn’t have to fuss with trying to brush his van off in the mornings from his chair. Mission accomplished.

What a perfect way to spend a morning 💜 Thank you, Cher, for working SO hard this morning and doing most of the heavy lifting. And thank you, Brady, for bending your back for so long, working like a dog on your day off. If not for you guys, this place would still be completely unusable.

Praise the Lord for willing arms to carry loads. For a home that has all we need within it. And even a warm indoor space to provide ease to Brady every single morning. Praise the Lord for achy muscles soothed in a hot bath, and supper in bed 💜

Ok guys, here are some random pictures, giggles, memories, etc. all rolled into one post. Enjoy!

First – A GHOST!

And then some innocent darkness 😅

I took Rowan to parkour last week! It was honestly SO fun!

Wavy likes to practice writing on the boogie board, and the other day when she went to retrieve it, she found – ANOTHER GHOST!

This seems painful, but also, I laughed.

Ok, backstory to this food picture. Rowan doesn’t like chicken. Chicken breasts, specifically, since they’re a bit drier. I’m all for him having preferences but we like to eat chicken. So I’ve made it a bit of a mission to find chicken in a way that he likes. So I tried this the last time.

Boneless chicken thighs, fried in a pan, seasoned with salt, pepper, onion, and garlic. While he still really didn’t want to say he liked it, we agreed that this is a way he dislikes less and would willingly eat in the future. Boom! I’ll take it!

This was a morning where I was gifted a double time back scratch!

And an unrelated time when the kids found swimmies in the back of the bus and blew them up while we were out somewhere.

Out shopping, Laela saw this dish rack and exclaimed “This is all they used for a whole meal of dishes?!”

I sliced and bagged banana bread while I watched a murder show, as I tend to do. Oh and I drank coffee. A GHOST!

Aaaaand last but not least, we watched Despicable Me 4 as a family the other night, and ate corn dogs, lol! I even got a prized Beetlejuice Fanta from Cher 💜 ‘Twas delicious and a great end to the week.

It was a big week, but a good one, I believe. Brady is home tomorrow 💜 Happy long weekend, friends.

*The blog disaster is over for now. Thank you for being so patient and understanding. Onto the next*

Dekker went to his first ever lock-in with his youth group!! Last years lock-in fell on a weekend we couldn’t make, so he was VERY excited to finally get in on the fun!!

He came home this morning once the event was wrapped, insisting he was “not tired.” But it wasn’t long before…..

Note that his book is open to page one. Thats how far he made it into his book.

Its possible we had a little fun with him…..

He wasn’t especially impressed, but he wasn’t upset, so most of us enjoyed a good laugh lol! Dekker reluctantly went to his room to nap a little, but resurfaced soon after, insisting yet again that he was not tired.

Liar.

This all felt very teenagery of him, and I’m not mad at it at all 😍 I am very fond of this boy, and I remember loving those youth events with every fibre of my being. I’m happy he’s in it now, enjoying them as well 💜

Happy first all-nighter, Dekker!! I can’t believe you’re at this point in your life already 💜 I’m SO happy for you.

So far, the day has been pretty productive, but its been busy with fun things!!

After everyone slept in, and Brady and I enjoyed a cup of coffee in bed, we got everyone up and the day started moving.

Brady started by putting some things up that have been in the plans for a good long while now! Guitar hooks….. (just showing one here, but he and I both have our acoustic guitars on either side of the front window)

And some coat hooks we bought from Ikea to put up in kids rooms for hoodies, backpacks, etc. (A ghost!!)

We had a couple extra coat hooks, so we put one by the front door for diaper bags and hats and such…

And one behind my chair, to hang my cuuuuute new bag that holds some of my current crochet projects!! 😍 Thank you again, Sandy!!! 👻

Look at my little MAN!!! Oof! I love him!

Before I show you my new bag, look at what else we did! 😅 Yes. Times are this desperate when your toddlers unpack the entire bookshelf every change they get!

Board books will all be sorted down to the bottom, and the rest CAN be protected when I’m in the kitchen and they’re in the living room, which is when they get into the most trouble, hahaha!

Ta-daaaaa!

For lunch, we all enjoyed some apple crisp!! 🍎 I had made the filling a couple of days ago and its been waiting to be eaten in the fridge. This morning, Dekker volunteered to make some oatmeal but we have run out of eggs. No biggie! I asked if he was willing to try something different, and he absolutely was! I barely helped, and he pieced a beautiful huge apple crisp together for the family. Conveniently, it baked a little longer than anticipated (as tends to happen when one doubles the batch) so the littles were down before it was done. So while it would be lovely to share it with the babies as well, it was more peaceful to eat as a family of seven. We blobbed some ice cream on top and everyone ate in the living room.

Except Rowan, which prefers to sit at the table, but was not AT ALL unhappy or feeling left out!

Lunch was capped off with a few kids heading outside, and this one particular kid offering me a back rub.

Does it really get any better than this?!?! 🥰 Thank you Lord!!!

We had a bit of a sibling spat the other day. They happen always. Thats just life, I’m pretty sure. This particular day, it took a little bit more to come back from it. But when it happened, it was SO worth it. Here is the very quick play by play.

Rowan came to apologize to Solomon, and he gave him a hug, but lingered a little. I wasn’t supervising or anything, beyond just witnessing that Rowan was coming over to make an effort. But when I looked in their direction, I saw that a cuddle had started. Both of those boys are total snuggle bugs, though rarely with each other. But it was SO soft and cute!

It got better still when Rowan went in for the head scratch! 😍

Who doesn’t love a good head scratch??

Everyone LOVES it! Wavy included. So naturally, she inserted herself into the party.

The cuddle got a little bit silly from there on out. Just in the gentle headlock kind of way. You get it.

Aaaaand then it was photobomby.

Aaaaand then we called it. Dekker wasn’t home, otherwise I’m sure he would’ve been sitting across the room, look at me and Brady like “Kids, am I right?”

I loved this resolve so so much. I hope there can be more of these in the future. Soft sorries and loving head scratches 🥰

Cher and I went out to the garage once the babies were down and lunch was eaten. The garage is a very daunting job, but it NEEDS addressing soon. Like, soon soon. Before it gets cold. That way, kids can get bundled up easily in the garage, but more importantly, Brady could PARK in there! Thats the dream, lol! The dream of anyone with a garage…

However, you may remember that moving was a really huge deal, and it was FROZEN and HARD, and two weeks later, Brady has his seizure and everything went kind of upside down from there. So MANY things are definitely still piled up where they don’t belong. This wasn’t news to me, but became even more so glaringly obvious as we moseyed through the garage.

It is going to be a BIG job.

Before anything big can be done in there, we need to:

Take recycling to Sarcan

Take chairs to be reupholstered

Bring dresser and bookshelf to the people who want them

Once those things are done, we will be able to actually MOVE in there!!! For now, all we could really do was move messes. But that we did! We got all the Christmas stuff found and put in one spot, and we sorted through the MOUNTAIN of shoes and boots lying around and actually got rid of those that are worn out. A box to donate or give away was also removed, thanks to Cher!

So that one section is slightly more compact than it was once, and Christmas is a bit more organized. Hopefully we can do some of the hauling away over the weekend, and get back into it next week! It won’t be done done anytime soon, but to get a van in there for winter would be a huge help to us.

SO many messes to move before the snow flies. Whew. One thing at a time, Hailey.

Today I got even a little bit more Christmas stuff done! I wrapped six more gifts in the afternoon, and I ended up ordering eight more! I know, it sounds like I’m going a little nuts, but I’m just super not. I’m SO stoked to be this ahead. Because even if I totally lose steam or something happens where all of my Christmas prep stopped TODAY, I’d still have a way easier time of it when I would be panicking on December 23rd. So, I’m super stoked. Of course, right before the kids got home from school, the Amazon delivery guy came, so I had more gifts in hand but couldn’t wrap them right away.

But! As Wednesday goes, every single one of my big children have commitments in the evening! So for that short stretch of time, I was able to wrap the three gifts that were delivered to me! Heyooo!

When I had some downtime, I actually CROCHETED!!!

Mmmmm 🥰 Yes, it was as lovely as it looks. Crocheting. A crappy show. There was coffee and new slippers to be enjoyed. And I made some headway on a Christmas gift I’m making.

If I can ride this wave just a little bit longer, I can have all the kids gifts locked down in advance, and spend December baking and getting teacher gifts and such in order. That 🙌 is the dream!

Today was productive and restful and fun, and I am SO happy to be able to say that! Not all days feel quite so good, but I truly enjoyed my few hours of kid-free time this afternoon! Becauuuuuuse…

I wrapped presents!!!

Eek!!

It feels SO GOOD to have gifts already wrapped and up on a shelf. I took multiple pictures of the stack to post on here but they’re all sharper than I thought they’d be and I’m not willing to take the time to blur the names out 😅 So rather, just take my word for it. I wrapped over thirty gifts!! Ack!!!

Ok. Whew! Thats all I have for today. While I was in the city this evening, waiting for a baby to be done at a visit, I was able to procure another five gifts off my list! Sooooo I’m off to wrap those now before I crash in my bed.

Goodnight, friends!