Today really felt like a Saturday, which is sooo nice, because we get another Saturday tomorrow! Except that at one point, I thought today was Wednesday, but I’m going to blame that one on baby brain. Anywho…

Brady had yesterday and today off, and today was the first day in a good handful of days that we haven’t taken the kids anywhere, so it was a well deserved jammie and downstairs day. However, we did get a few things accomplished, which felt great. I didn’t do anything too crazy, but I did do laundry, so thats all caught up, which is nice to go into the weekend. No laundry tomorrow! Also, Brady worked a bit on our taxes. As an update on that, we did a couple of hours each evening for a little while and got everything organized, added up, and entered into the program a while ago, but lots of places that we need specifics from haven’t sent out their letters yet. Today, Brady took that job on and called each place this morning, and got every single number for us!!! Ok, there’s one more, but mostly we’re just waiting to know if we actually need a number from them. We didn’t think of it last year or the year before, and if its something important, we don’t want to miss it again! Yikes! So, waiting to hear back from one place, but all of the big ones are taken care of 😀 YAY! Yay for finding out our possible mortgage numbers soon!

Other than that, we played with the kids, and watched a bit of tv while they napped. Or half-ass napped. Laela slept less than Dekker did, and then they were both ticked to be woken up when they fell asleep too late and hadn’t rested enough. So the evening was a bit rocky. Our yummy supper plans flew out the window, since they never eat much when they’re tired and grumpy, and grilled cheese sandwiches and fruit cups became the new plan, and seemed to go over well enough.

While we accomplished a couple of important things, I feel like it was kind of a sluggish day, and my body feels a bit restless. I’m looking forward to getting out of the house again tomorrow and going to my parents for the evening. Its so nice to have things to look forward to. But until then, Brady and I need to come up with some supper for ourselves, and have a soak in the tub. Even being lazy seems to do a number on my silly ailing pelvis. One day it’ll operate correctly again, right?

Brady was expecting to work this morning but as I so often say, he worked his butt off the last few days so he could spend a full day with us instead of just a few extra hours. Thats always so nice on prenatal visit days! I just had one last week, and my doctor and I had discovered that for some reason, I was already being booked for weekly appointments instead of bi-weekly, so we agreed to cancel this one. But as my pregnancy brain would have it, I forgot, so instead of bailing last minute, I decided to just go anyway. It never hurts me to hear my babys heartbeat!

Before my prenatal, though, Brady and I booked appointments with Dr. Mike. We were both feeling pretty rough, so we were greatly anticipating our visit. Brady went first, and Dr. Mike confirmed that he was definitely in need of a treatment, and got him all back to where things belonged. For my turn, I told him that my right leg was giving me the worst time of it. I can’t stand on it to pull on a pair of pants, much less walk correctly. I’ve been using all the tools he’s given me, and genuinely following the rules. He really spent a lot of time with me and my gimpy leg today, checking my pelvis and back, stretching my leg, and pulling it around a bit. He had to help me up at the end, not going to lie. It was not the worlds most enjoyable treatment at all, but those always leave me confident that he did lots of work and it will feel better soon. I’ll see him again in a week, and Brady probably in a couple. The kids were cute and quiet the whole time. Yay kids!

Once getting back to the van, Dekker and Laela appeared to be right at the end of their ropes, so Brady agreed to drop me off at Dr. Guselle’s office and go get good with them. My appointment was the first one after her lunch break, and I had pretty much just been there, so we knew it would be a quick visit. I waited for just a few minutes but was in a room nice and quick. While she is a doctor who is DEFINITELY worth the wait, its always nice when she’s running on time.

I updated her a bit on how my prescription for acid reflux isn’t cutting it anyway, and she told me all the information I need to know about how much of what I can take, so if things keep worsening in the next two weeks where I won’t see her, I know my limits. That was really the only change I had to report, so we went through the routine of blood pressure, measurements, and heart rate. It all checked out, until she couldn’t find the babys position right away. She’s so calm about it, but finally says “Where’s that head?” I know he had a head last week, so I didn’t panic too fast, knowing it was in there somewhere. I’m actually pretty happy to say that his head is nice and low! She just had to go a bit lower than she expected, which is pretty great! I know anything can happen at any moment, but its a nice confidence booster that he’s getting all set up for delivery in there, and that he’d have to work a bit harder against gravity to flip around now. Yay baby!

I was really happy when she looked at her schedule and said excitedly, “Oh! We had our group meeting tonight! Its really good that you came today, so I’m all up to date.” She basically told me that the doctors all really try to respect the schedule, so if I go into labor before I’m induced, and someone else is scheduled, technically I am their case. Makes sense, of course. But she said that she really tries to get in with her patients who have had chaotic deliveries in the past, for their peace of mind, so she said she would put my story out there and just ask that, if someone so desired, they could call her to take my case if I came in spontaneously. She was very clear that there is no guarantee with that, and her family and activities do come first, and I LOVE that! Because they do!!! But she wants to know whats happening with me, and if she can be there, she will be. I love her.

I felt really uplifted after my appointment, as I pretty much always do. I went back to the van and was greeted by yummy food and happy people. We did a quick Superstore trip afterwards for some groceries and cookies for the cookie faces, and then went home.

The kid missed their nap and are in pretty rough shape. At least Dekker is. Laela slept a bit in the van but Deks didn’t and he is something of a crazy person, so they went down a half hour early. Supper was leftover macaroni, and even that wasn’t especially well received by the tired kids. Brady and I had big bowls of fresh veggies with some cottage cheese and bacon bit on top. My gosh, it was delicious!

I can’t wait for a soak and a snack. Tims coffee is waiting in the fridge to be reheated, and my achy leg is anxious to be soaked and babied a little bit. Should roll out to be a pretty good night!

With my previous pregnancies, I have experienced a lot of acid reflux. I truthfully have no idea what heartburn feels like, so I can’t compare the two or state the differences, but I know they’re often treated with the same stuff. With Dekker’s pregnancy, I ended up taking Zantac twice a day every day by the end, and it was the perfect amount. I never took another after the day he was born. I love that part of delivering a baby. So many of the uncomfortable symptoms are gone in that one moment! Of course, you are met with all kinds of other things to deal with, but the ones you’re really tired of are gone. With Laela’s pregnancy, I was on Zantac much sooner. I didn’t waste time trying to suppress my reflux with Tums, and I knew what dosage I was allowed from last time, so I just went for it. Towards the end of that pregnancy, I remember starting to kind of lose it. I know people deal with all kinds of illness throughout pregnancy, and my acid reflux sounds pretty petty, but do you know that feeling you get in your head when you’re about to puke? Not quite a headache, but almost? Its a very specific feeling, and I get it when I have acid reflux. So it prevents me from sleeping, or eating, or whatever else I kind of need to do, because my body things its going to throw up. Its gross. So in the last weeks of Laela’s pregnancy, I remember having a lot of trouble, having my two doses of Zantac not being enough but not being allowed to take a third.

This time around, my Zantac came on a bit later, but much harder. After being on Zantac for less than two weeks, I was up to the full two doses. That quickly became not enough. I had purchased a bulk amount of Zantac from Costco earlier in my pregnancy, knowing this is just something that comes with it for me, and I asked Dr. Guselle if I could just take three per day. She said if I needed something stronger, she would just give me a prescription. I explained to her that I have no health coverage, and already have a stupid amount of Zantac in my house, so if I was allowed to take more Zantac, I’d rather do it that way, even if taking just one pill is more convenient. Unfortunately, she said that three Zantac could be safe, but it is an “unstudied dose,” therefore making it “unsafe.” I agree with this, and would hate to take the risk. So she prescribed me the pill I’m taking now. One pill every morning, and I’ve been untouchable for weeks.

Until now. I wake up in the morning with that terrible burn in my throat and ache in my head. I woke up at 7:00 this morning, which is a solid 1.5-2 hours earlier than usual for us, and took my pill immediately, but it was too late :/ That lurking grossness still surfaced, and I felt sick to my stomach.

A couple of hours later, it still wasn’t gone. So I am officially that person who is taking The strongest Zantac available as well as my prescription. Yes, its doctor approved, I promise. Its just a bit annoying. How can my baby already be huge enough to caught this much of an issue in my digestion?? Bah. Lame.

At least I’m finally getting some use out of the massive quantity of Zantac I bought…

We finally got Laela in for her one year vaccines today. I always hesitate to write about shots, since I know they’re such a touchy subject, but we’re confident in our well-researched decision, just as I’m sure many who are against vaccinations are, so let’s just all respect each other. Deal? Deal.

We don’t run on a delayed shots schedule or anything, but we aren’t too hellbent on getting them done on the exact dates either. When Dekker’s eyes crossed without any warning, all the doctors that he saw boiled it down to the fact that his immune system was fighting too many things at once, and his body reacted in this way. Thinking about how and when my eyes crossed as a kid, I think a very similar thing happened to me. So because of that, I wait until my kids are in perfect health (to my knowledge, anyway) before taking them in for their vaccines. Some people may disagree with that, and thats fine, but its what we’ve chosen to do, after much research and prayer. Each time I had a plan for taking Laela in for shots, she would get a cold, cut a bunch of teeth, or get a rash. When she was finally in decent health, it was Christmas, and now it is finally the new year and I decided to just bite the bullet and take her in. So yes, we are late, but she’s in decent health and its getting too close to her 18 month shots to hold off any longer, haha!

Brady met me at the clinic and hung out in the van with Dekker while Laela and I went in. We had a really friendly nurse who ran through all of the long awaited measurements. I dont have recorded measurements for her past six months, which is strange, but I think I had her weighed around nine or ten months maybe, and she was around 21 lbs. Now, at just about sixteen months, she weighs 22 lbs. Thats it! I was pretty surprised, but on another hand, not at all. She’s so petite, unlike her brother who surpassed 22 lbs in his fourth month of life. Crazy kids. Just to have it on here somewhere, she is 31″ tall, and while I didn’t hear her head circumference, the nurse commented that it was “above average,” which I am not even slightly surprised by.

I won’t pretend it was a smooth appointment otherwise. Laela was pissed the second I tried  to hug her to my body so she couldn’t wiggle away from the needle. She wailed for the rest of our visit, but I hate needles too, so I can’t blame her. While we gave her a bit of time to recover, the nurse and I discussed a few different things about her, all of which she was happy about. How much she eats and drinks, talks, comprehends, walks, etc. She was very intentional about explaining why she was asking each question, and eventually asked me if I was a nurse, too. I said I wasn’t, and she acted surprised, saying I seemed to know my stuff pretty well, and that I was so relaxed about everything. I just laughed and told her I had done this before, and I’m a bit braver than I was the first time. But I took it as a bit of a compliment, honestly. Whether it was meant as one or not. If I were to go back to school at this point, I’m pretty sure it would be for something in a medical field anyway. Glad I fit the bill in even just a little way.

Laela wouldn’t relax until we left the exam room. When we finally left, she had worked herself into quite a tizzy and was just red in the face and hot to the touch, so we walked out to the car without her jacket. The wind caught her by surprise and she was immediately full of giggles. She was pointing at all the signs and squinting in the sun. She was sooo relieved!

She slept the whole way home, but Dekker didn’t sleep at all. However, he was quite a grump, and I knew a nap would be in order, assuming she would let him sleep. Its always hit and miss when one of them sleeps in the van. As soon as I got them home, Laela was wide awake, laughing at Dekker and eager to play, and Dekker was pretty ticked after slipping outside and getting a couple handfuls of snow. I brought them to their room and tucked them both in. Dekker was still all growly, and Laela was wide-eyed, but neither has made a sound in a solid 45 minutes so I am not complaining at all! I’m so pleased to be able to tucked away in my own bed, even for just a short time, and rest my legs.

Brady will be home in a couple of hours, and Jerilee is coming over for another night of the Bachelor! I love Bachelor night. Its been a pretty decent day already, and its only going to get better!

Maybe it sounds crazy that I say its been a good day. Who likes needles?! But I felt good to finally get them done. I felt confident in my parenting, and the fact that Laela is reaching milestones as she should. That being said, I’m happy that I no longer put so much stock in what public health has to say about my kids. I am a more confident parent this time around, and while I’m sure I mess stuff up all the time, and I’ll look back at lots of decisions I made and shake my head, I am confident now.

It would appear Laela thinks she’s had enough rest, which apparently means that I have too! Have great evenings, all!

I know TGIF (thank God its Friday) is MUCH more popular than thanking God for Monday, but I vote we’re all thankful to have another day here on earth, am I right? Personally, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed today! Its nice to be back in the swing of things, actually getting a few things done, and planning out my week. The kids slept in a bit, which is probably what kickstarted my good morning! It gave me time to wake up, watch a bit of YouTube and eat breakfast cookies. Yup, they’re a thing. No, they’re not made out of cereal or even oatmeal. They’re just cookies at breakfast time. Delish.

Once the kids got up, I changed their adorable bums and got some good kisses and hugs in. I hadn’t seen them in almost a whole day, so it was good to finally get my hands on them!

Breakfast lasted over an hour. I don’t even think they were especially hungry, but they were very distracted. I was running around, getting the day organized, and they were mesmerized for one reason or another. I put some dishes in the dishwasher and set it going, which isn’t abnormal, but they were still very aware. Then, I grabbed a tub and started grabbing all of my makeup and beauty products out of the bathroom and hauling them to my room. I know you guys know I’m excited to tart learning a bit about makeup, but I actually don’t know if I’ve talked about it all in depth! Did you know I have something of a beauty corner forming in my room?? Anyway, With all of my new products from date night, I brought everything into our room so I could get it all organized at some point today. Lastly, I took all of the crib sheets and full sheet sets that I bought at Target the other day, and started to disassemble them from their packaging so I could run them all through the wash. That seemed to really grasp the kids attention. I don’t think a bite was taken the entire time I did that. I couldn’t tell you what was so exciting about it, but it was obviously epic. Dekker would tell me after he had seen each set that it was one of his favorites, and Laela would nod profusely. Such little yes-men 🙂 I love that.

Once breakfast was finally over, we all went downstairs and started the riveting linen laundry. The kids played well for the most part, but there were lots of cuddles in between. I had the privilege of changing one poopy diaper per kid, and then feeding them more still, for lunch. Dekker was unusually good at sharing today, which was very nice to see. He was also really loving to Laela, and caring towards her. She tends to dig herself into this spot in our basement where she’s scared to try and get out. She’s perfectly safe, in a wide open space, but she gets spooked. I never rush to her at that point, because she’s done it a number of times, and can easily “free” herself, but she doesn’t. Anyway, today, she was crying from her spot, and Dekker brought her a water bottle to help her feel better. She had a nice big drink and then was done, so he brought it back to the table. I celebrated his actions, and told him that was so sweet of him! But Laela kept crying, and that confused Dekker. So he asked for a Kleenex, and he brought it over to her to “wipe her big tears.” He brought back the hardly wet Kleenex and I chucked it for him. But Laela would not let up. It was around their lunch time anyway, so I went upstairs to get them some food, and figured I would lure her out with that. It didn’t work, and resulted in Dekker bringing her snacks. I gave up finally and went over to her. I just put my hand out, she grabbed my finger, and walked out. Done. It almost makes me annoyed, but its so easy and I know she’ll figure it out soon. Of all things to be annoyed about, right?

The kids went down well for their nap, and I’ve been playing with my new makeup ever since. I have a nine drawer unit that I’m organizing all of my beauty stuff into. I’ve organized five of them, and have concrete plans for two more, so we’ll see where the last ones end up, but I’m sure they’ll fill in no time. Once I got the drawers where I wanted them, it was either blogging or folding the first batch of sheets, and I really didn’t feel like doing that. But this is over, and the sheets are wrinkling, so I guess I’ll head there next! I have some type of plan for most of the days this week, so its nice to know I won’t have cabin fever for at least a few days here 🙂 There is always lots to do, and I’m finally having a better time finding those things, and even better, not being completely intimidated by them!! Yay for gradually learning to keep a house!

For Christmas, Brady wanted to buy me all the makeup I wanted, so he arranged for us to go on a date, where he would accompany me to all my favorite places and shop with me instead of for me. Considerably less risk that way 😉 So Jerilee agreed to watch our kids for most of the day, and we left our place around 1:00 this afternoon.

I’ve been pathetically planning this date out. I knew my budget, and wanted to make sure I got my hands on all the right stuff. So we hit the mall first, that has a Mac and Sephora. Brady was very patient and gave input as I asked for it, and I managed to pick up most of my “priority” things at both places, plus a little bit from Shoppers Drugmart, since they carry Essence and no one else does. We weren’t at the mall for too terribly long, and ventured over to Walmart afterwards, for a few drugstore things. I know we could have gotten most if not all of it at Shoppers but its always more expensive there. So I grabbed a few foundations from Walmart that I’ve been wanting to try, as well as a bright violet lipstick. (Upon arriving home, I discovered its completely broken and will need to be returned :/ Merp.) I had accomplished all I came to Walmart for, so we hit up Dollarama last for some plastic baskets, and some makeup pads, sponges, cotton balls, etc. Nothing too thrilling over there.

We were done the shopping part of our date sooner than we expected, so we knew our lack of dinner reservation wouldn’t get us in too much trouble. We decided to try out Cactus Club for our first time, and were seated right away. We had very friendly servers and staff, and a very beautiful brand new baby girl to stare at just a few tables away. The food was a bit of a wait, but we had lots of time. When it did finally come, we agreed that it was definitely worth the wait! Brady got a bacon cheese burger and fries, and I got the blackened creole chicken with buttery mashed potatoes and asparagus. I didn’t taste Bradys, but my food was unreasonably good. The chicken was loaded with flavor, cooked perfectly, and a really nice heat behind it. I was really sad to not be able to finish it, but I ate more than I normally would because I just couldn’t stop. It was sooo yummy! We had planned to get dessert after too, but were way too full. Plus, we had other food plans for the evening so we just took the bill instead.

We caught a movie after supper, and had one of those passes that gets you popcorn and two drinks. I’m not sure how, but we did manage to make that disappear as well. We saw the Wedding Ringer, and honestly, it was probably the low point! I mean, it was a funny movie, and I like the cast a lot, but it turned out kind of crappy. I don’t want to spoil anything for those of you who might see it in the future (Its only just come out) but I was pretty disappointed by the ending. It seemed like the writers changed their mind halfway through the script, and I found it all kind of disconnected. Not a big deal, though. We were in the nice theatre where the armrests fold up so you can better cuddle with your hubby. We enjoyed just sitting together, watching a new movie, and not having responsibilities.

The movie was the end to the evenings festivities, so we grabbed some milkshakes (because we obviously hadn’t eaten enough), filled the van up, and drove home. Its so comfy to be in my bed, in my house, with my family. Jerilee had a bit of a battle at bedtime, but she was such a good sport, as usual. AND she made cookies! Way too on top of things, she is.

But the house is quiet now, my body is sooo tired and angry at me for forgetting my supporty belt at home, and Brady works tomorrow. So bedtime! I hope you all had a great evening, tucked away one way or another with your loved ones! I know I did <3

Cabin fever is an illness that lurks around this house a lot, and as I mentioned in my post a while back about goals for the upcoming year, I’ve decided to take action against that. Its within my power to be healthy in this particular way at least, so I claim that!

This morning, I woke up with a touch of cabin fever and we decided to counter it with a trip out of the house. We looked at our grocery list and really needed very few things. But we brainstormed a bit and thought of a few other things we could fill the day with that would need to be done soon anyway. Just because they weren’t food didn’t mean they didn’t need to be done! So we all got ready and headed out right after breakfast. I know the cold weather will eventually come back, but I’m choosing to embrace the part of me that feels like spring, so we all wore our spring jackets and I didn’t make anyone listen to Christmas music even! Go me.

Our first stop was Target. As I’m sure everyone in Canada has heard, Target is closing its doors. Its Canadian doors, anyway. I’m one of those people who isn’t particularly attached to Target to begin with, so I don’t care very much. However, I like them for a handful of things. No, for anyone wondering, the mad sales haven’t come out yet, but I didn’t want to wait for everything to be picked over. The kids sat super well while Brady and I hemmed and hawed our way through bedding and bought ourselves three new sheet sets, three new crib sheets, and a new blanket. We LOVE our blanket, and I don’t think we’ll ever replace it. We have a beautiful, custom made, extra large king blanket, and today, we purchased a thin, summery quilt. But this particular quilt I have had my eye on since the very first time I went into Target. It was time to bring it home. I also ducked into the makeup section and bought a couple e.l.f. products, since Target is the only place around who sells the brand. Hopefully I don’t really love any of it, since its kind of my last opportunity!

We grabbed lunch afterwards, as the kids were already fading. At least Laela was. She was so tired, poor dear, but food always helps, right? Once we were all fed, we ducked into Superstore for our few groceries and of course, cookies for the kids. We were in and out very quick, which is always good with the littles.

Home Depot was last. We bought some paint samples the other day, and loved two out of the three colors. They were all fairly light shades of grey, and I think we need one shade darker. So we stopped in to grab another sample of the next darkest shade in line and actually talked to someone fairly knowledgeable. He gave us lots of info, and showed us the products we were looking for so we’d know how to plan and how much of everything we’d need. We grabbed a few little supplies so we can at least start prepping for the paint, and then just grabbed our sample.

The kids napped the whole drive home and were too awake upon arriving home to go back down, so they were a bit touchy for the evening, but did ok. We painted the swatch almost immediately after arriving home, and it looked exactly the same as one of our other colors. Its dried darker, which is nice, but I’m not sure its quite different enough. Sigh. I wish you guys could just drop in and see the colors. We need input!

After some supper and some solid playtime, both kids were shot. Laela was crying, sooo ready to go to bed, and Dekker was furious with all things and apparently sooo not ready for bed. Good thing we know him. So getting him upstairs into bed was a bit of a challenge but he’s there now. Oh! Third night successfully in megabed, for anyone wondering. Full success 🙂

I had a great, cabin fever free day! And tomorrow, Jerilee is coming over to watch our kids so Brady and I can go on an actual DATE! As in shopping, dinner, and a movie. Woohoo!!! Going out two days in a row is one thing, but being hands-free one of those days is a pretty special treat 🙂 Can’t wait!!

So I’m sorry for the total cheat post yesterday. I know there was virtually nothing in depth about it, but it was such a great day, and there was no way I was going to cut into Jerilee time to blog. Sorry! Such is life. And I’m pretty sure I do this daily, so a cheat here and there should be relatively acceptable. I’m assuming you all forgive me. Thanks guys 😉

So! Yesterday! Brady had been working a private job for a couple of days, and was able to finish off the last few hours of work in the morning, so he came home, got himself ready, and we left for the city. We waited in the waiting room less than ten minutes before getting into our appointment, and were maaaybe waiting for two minutes in the exam room before Dr. Guselle arrived. It was a fully room with us all in there, but so rarely are in the kids in good enough shape to come in. But they were this time, and she greeted them and they were very comfortable with her. We talked a little bit about Christmas, and how I was feeling. I’m pretty pumped that I only gained three pounds over the holidays!! She confirmed that the prescription she gave me a month ago for my ridiculous acid reflux was working, and asked about dizziness and swelling. I’m so pleased that I haven’t had any swelling of my hands and feet with any pregnancy thus far, and the dizziness seems to have passed as well. Yay for feeling well! Minus my pelvis, of course, but I’m working on that. Kind of out of my hands and into Dr. Mikes.

Dr. Guselle went through the usual motions of checking my blood pressure, measuring my uterus, and listening for baby. It makes me nervous that babys heart rates go down so much by the end of pregnancy, but I know its normal. I just prefer the 160-170s over the 130s. But there was lots of movement, and everything is growing at the right speed.

I’m INCREDIBLY pleased to report that our baby boy is officially head down!! I was nervous before, knowing that he was breech, and quite comfortable there. Not me. I wasn’t comfortable. He was though. But Dr. Guselle triple checked, and even showed me where I could sort of pinch my lower abdomen and feel the head. Really, really awesome. Praise the Lord for a really good chance of a vaginal delivery!

Lastly, we talked briefly about how I was feeling regarding actually delivering. She knows my nerves are pretty much shot on the subject, and that I’m trying really hard to be brave, but failing a little bit. I had actually expected to post about this a while ago and ask for help, but I was nervous it would get too controversial. I’m just going to quickly break down how I’ve been feeling on the subject, if you guys have time to read it 🙂

I was told immediately after having Laela that I would be offered the option to have a scheduled induction. Knowing that my body could do what it did (labour for only 1.5 hours), I had every medical reason to be induced. That way, I would know that I would be in the hospital when the baby was born. I wouldn’t have to have that terrifying feeling that I had last time, driving to the hospital in a panic, and almost not making it into delivery. As soon as I was told I could have an elective induction, I was relieved. YES! I’ve since worked through Laela’s delivery a bit more, and I feel like I have a much better handle on it. I was confident that I didn’t need the induction. I know that I CAN deliver naturally, because I’ve done it, and we all lived. But as the delivery draws near, I’m finding myself in fear of labor for the first time. I wasn’t nervous to deliver Dekker for a second. Not at all. I wasn’t afraid of the pain, or the unknown. I was excited! And his delivery was awesome!! So I was really anticipating Laela’s starting too! Now, for obvious reasons, I’m scared of labor. And fear plus pain is one of the worst combinations I’ve ever experienced. So with all of these thoughts running through my mind, I began to really reconsider the induction. YET, there is no medical reason why I shouldn’t just wait it out! While Laela’s birth was chaotic, technically, it was a health and uncomplicated delivery! Every health care provider will tell you the “ideal” is to wait until baby is ready, and then you’ll go into labor naturally, which I agree with on a lot of levels. I feel like I’m having to choose between physical and mental health. Am I making any sense? There has been a lot of flip flopping on my part in the recent past. If my best choice is to wait until ten days past, what if he still hasn’t come? Then I’ll be induced anyway, and then the kid will be itching to come, just like Laela, and I’ll have another one hour labor. My “best” choice seems to be my highest risk, and the option that will definitely wreak the most havoc on my brain and heart. I’ve really been struggling with this, knowing the choice is mine.

So Dr. Guselle asked very casually how I was feeling about the whole thing, and I had so hoped to have some resolution in my head, or some answer to give her, but I didn’t. I just kind of shook my head, and said I had no idea what I was going to do, or what was the right choice, and that I really wasn’t looking forward to the whole thing. She took it all very calmly and just checked her calendar. Her on-call days aren’t booked that far ahead just yet, but she is currently on call at the hospital on Mondays, and my technical due date is a Monday. So she very casually said “Well, why don’t we just say we’ll induce you on your due date for now? You’d probably be the most comfortable going through all of this together with me, right?” Ummm…YES! That is my ideal circumstance! She mentioned a couple of times that lots of third time moms go a week or two early, but having carried Laela nine days over, I’d be incredibly surprised if I went into labor on my own early. So we’re sticking with March 2nd, and as long as I don’t labor for days, she will likely be the person to deliver!! We’ll keep a close eye on baby the last couple of weeks, and if I’m starting to have any real changes, or lots of pre-labor, we may reassess and change the day, but tat is currently how things stand. I left her office feeling so understood, so listened to, and like she completely gets us and is rooting for us. I feel light, and at ease. Relief.

I learned a lot through delivering Laela. One of the big things that I learned is that plans are just place holders for what is actually going to happen. I didn’t go into Laela’s birth with a long list of demands by any means, and many of us know that delivering a child is one of the most unpredictable things in the world, but I had no idea it could go so backwards! Sooo opposite of what the “plan” was. So I accept that the plans I made with Dr. Guselle could change drastically at any moment. I accept that I could be induced and labor for days. I could go into labor naturally and have a picture perfect delivery. Or, I could go into labor, rush to the hospital, not make it, and have the baby in the van on the highway. Any any way in between. Anything can happen. Its sooo far out of my hands. But I’ll make plans now, to help myself feel better and prepared, and then we’ll see what actually happens.

After this appointment, I feel more excited. While I still am nervous about delivery, I’m more anxious to see how its going to start. Once its started, I think I’ll be able to get into the zone (lots of you ladies know the zone I’m talking about) and once all the crazy of labor is over, I will actually have a new life to hold and cuddle and care for!! I absolutely cannot wait to get this little boy out of me and into a cozy flannel blanket and home to his family. We are all anxiously awaiting his arrival <3

* Sorry for the novel of a post. I hope I didn’t babble too much. I’d love to hear your guys encouraging take on things. Thanks for taking the time to read.

I feel so light and airy after today! Its pretty late, and hubs works bright and early tomorrow, so I’ll give you the Readers Digest version of the day, but I think I’ll expand on things about more tomorrow 🙂 I’ll tell you the two highlights though.

Today was my 33 week prenatal appointment, and it was really, really successful. This is my first pregnancy where I’ve actually found myself dreading certain things. I’ve never had those feelings in the past, but this time around, I’m nervous about lots of upcoming things, decisions I have to make, and general health and wellness. I had so many wonderful answers given to me today, and I realized more than ever that my doctor is 100% rooting for me, and our family. She gets me, waaay better than I thought she did. I left the office feeling light and relieved. I’m so pleased!

Another fun story from today is that Jerilee came out for the evening. The kids were completely wired for not having napped in the afternoon, so they were completely hyper, showing off, and racing around, and making jokes. It was constant for the hourish that she was around before they went to bed. Brady took them upstairs to put them down for the night, and our plan worked! Earlier, we had set up his brand new blanket and pillow up on megabed, and Brady easily enticed him up there. He’s currently sleeping soundly in megabed for his first night, with hopefully many to follow. He loved his new bedding! Once Brady resurfaced, we made a late supper for the three of us of snacks and bad things, and we watched the Bachelor premiere that we’d all missed from last week. It was so much fun to watch it all together 🙂 What a fabulous group of beautiful people I have in my life! There are many more, don’t you all worry, but it was such a fun time.

The evening was awesome, but thanks to glitchy wifi, it took a looong time to watch the episode and Jerilee is just on her way home now, so hopefully we can find an alternative way to watch next time. But it was worth the fuss. Solid fun.

Ok, time for sleep. I’ll post more details about my doctors appointment tomorrow. I know there is likely a solid group of you guys who don’t care, but it was a really enlightening and uplifting time, and I’m eager to share 🙂 Sleep deep, if you aren’t already.

Today was actually a pretty awesome day 🙂 As I’ve mentioned, my mom isn’t feeling awesome these days so we haven’t seen her too much. But this morning, I got the kids up, dressed, fed, and out the door to go see her for a few hours!

In the morning, the kids were sooo cute getting dressed! Dekker is starting to have opinions about what he wears, and he kiboshed the shirt I picked for another one. He was very complimentary of Laela, and told her multiple times that he “loved her pretty little dress.” It was pretty much adorable to see him dote on her. They sat and ate very well for breakfast, so I could go get my makeup on and my teeth brushed. When I surfaced from the bathroom, Dekker said “Oooo! I like your lip stuff, mommy!” That little boy is SUCH a sweetheart! I noticed then that he had finished his cereal (likely a while ago) and was waiting for some yogurt. But he hadn’t even asked because he knew I was “busy.” I was waiting for him to ask! My bad. So I grabbed him and Laela both some strawberry yogurt and got that started.

We drove to grandmas house afterwards, and the kids were sooo ready to be there! They were entirely comfortable, and happy to play toys and hear stories. Its so nice that Laela can go up and down the stairs on her own now too, since the sunken living room makes for lots of stair climbing. They just moved in for the couple of hours that we were there. It was so nice to catch up, even just a little bit, with my mom. Dekker was pretty devastated when I began tidying the toys up, but grandma promised him a little treat on their way out. Once everyone was in their jacket and boots, all three of us got to enjoy a little chocolate, which actually really seemed to lessen the blow of leaving.

Since getting home, the kids have napped, and I’ve visited on the phone with Bradys mom. We haven’t talked…I’m gonna say its been since Christmas?! Anyway, it was necessary!! We caught up for a goooood long visit, which was quite lovely. We talked about how great the holiday had been, what we’ve missed in the last month, and whats coming up! Baby talk, work talk, etc.

It was really nice to get in a good solid visit with both moms today 🙂 But the kids are waking up, and Brady is on his way home, and I am sooo hungry! Talking about food will do that to you. (Thanks for that, Elvira 😉 ) Time to take on the rest of the day!