Brady and I were determined to get a few things done around the house today. While we’ve had to give up any real dream of having a timeline for listing our home, its sat now for quite some time, and we’ve got to get back at it. We purchased a bunch of little things to help with small fixes all over our house, and I know Brady is kind of excited to get on that part of the job, but he made the mistake of asking where I would like him to start. And I picked the living room. In order to paint it, all of the furniture was pushed into the middle of the room. The two couches say facing each other and creating the perfect storage solution for every single mess that lingered through our house. Therefore, it wasn’t as easy a fix as simple pulling the couches apart again. We had to deal with everything that those two couches were housing. The whole room was a pretty daunting task, to be completely honest. But we just started in one corner and made our way around until the centre of the couches were emptied out! Yay for finally having a place to sit upstairs that isn’t the floor or at the table!!! I have SO missed having a soft place to sit upstairs when people come over. Its been over a month.

Its not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. However, we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ll need to store quite a few things before we try to sell this place. We were hoping to just wait until it was time to move, but it needs to be done. With that in mind, we are finding it easier to “tidy” as a bunch of our furniture will be going into storage, so we’re not having to waste too much time figuring out what fits where. Does that make any sense? Whether it does or not, we at least have a plan for our main upstairs area, how we want it to look, what stays, and what goes. We have to do a bunch more organizing before it will be possible, but we got a great chunk of that taken care of today. Our desk area has been a disaster pretty much since we moved in, so getting that cleaned off and organized was a HUGE accomplishment! Go us!

In the afternoon, a couple of our friends from church drove out with a few meals for us. It was nice to have them in for a little bit, to visit an indulge in baby cuddles. Dekker poked his face upstairs once, surveyed our guests, and promptly went back downstairs, but Laela came for a visit and to terrorize a little bit. Its good that she’s so cute.

We demolished a lasagna that was brought over this evening, and then played downstairs with the kids. Brady and I were hoping to get more done this evening but for some reason, as soon as the kids were up from their naps, he and I both felt dead to the world. So we’re done for the night, save for a bath and maybe a little snack. I’ve pretty much cut late night snacking out of my routine since Rowan was born, and I think its a really good decision, but the very real truth is that I miss it a lot. Anyone have super yummy and not-too-bad-for-you snack ideas for later in the evening???

Today was my first day on my own with all three kids. The Readers Digest version of the story is that the day was incredibly smooth. We just had a lazy downstairs kind of day, and Rowan had lots of wakeful time. The kids did great though, and I even got a few chores started. It felt like a very normal day. When Dekker and Laela went down for their nap, Rowan continued to be awake. It took quite a while before he fell asleep, but he does so very easily and on his own, which is pretty much a godsend. It was once all three were asleep that I realized how exhausted I was, and I made use of my time in the way of a catnap. I never nap in the day, but I definitely needed one today. Brady came home at a good time to find everyone still tucked away, and helped me out for the rest of the evening by being present, and also bringing supper home. Dekker was incredibly helpful and fed Rowan a bottle. No stretch there. He successfully sat beside Rowan in his bouncy chair and fed him all he would drink from it, asking for a burp cloth when “Oops! Wowan spilled a little.” It was an incredibly lovely day, and I’m happy to have had my first day home alone with the kids be a Friday. Broke me in slowly 🙂

Its been a very eye opening week and a half with Rowan. I’ve touched on it before, and I want to say it again. I feel healthy, and like I’m at a very reasonable place in my recovery after giving birth. I know my limits, I promise. I’m not just pushing myself constantly on adrenaline. I’m not on the road to burning out. I genuinely feel good. Because of how great I feel, I now realize how sick I was after having Laela. (Don’t get me wrong, my sweet girl. If you ever read this down the line, I love you to pieces, and what I’m talking about has nothing to do with how I feel about YOU. I LOVE YOU. Your birth was just scary for me. I learned a lot.) In the weeks and months that followed Laela’s delivery, i struggled pretty hard. I wasn’t especially private about it, but I mostly just talked about how I constantly replayed her birth over and over in my head. It was true, that was exactly what I did, but I didn’t see what else was happening to me. I stopped being able to cry. Instead, I would get really angry. And you can ask Brady, we fought a ton, and I’m confident that most of it was me picking the fights. I wouldn’t do much on my own unless I absolutely had to. Granted, I had other things on my plate. Dekker had his surgery and became incredibly afraid of people and public places. Work was slow and money was tight. The list goes on. But I was at my absolute worst to be able to handle it. I did seek help and started seeing a counsellor, who was great, and I was able to feel considerably better about Laela’s birth in good time, but I didn’t realize there was more damage that had been done that needed repair.

God knew, because He allowed Brady and I to get pregnant with our third baby!! And my goodness, what healing my beautiful Rowan Toby has brought our family already! One obvious aspect of healing is in the actual act of labor and delivery. I had no idea what to expect this time around, and while I know it will be different every time, I have seen how incredible and dare I say even EASY that it can be! I don’t expect to have such an easy go round every time from now on, but I know that they don’t all have to be scary and out of control. But in a much bigger way, I can just tell in all of our demeanours that we are in way better shape this time around. Even our rough nights are ok, and Brady and I are more than happy to tag team, rather than one or both of us getting snippy with the other. I feel more rested overall, frankly. While our house is in paint/reno mode, we’ve managed to keep it relatively organized, and haven’t fallen behind on our regular chores. I think last time around, my mom was coming out to do laundry. I did laundry today! And lived to tell about it! I’m sure not judging anyone who has outside help, because I have a TON! But last time, I think someone was in my house helping me with my kids every day for over a month before I had to be a grown up and learn how. This was eleven days, and I felt more than comfortable.

I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking “Ya, of course you’re more comfortable, he’s your third.” And I’m sure some of this is that! But I’m choosing to praise God through everything, because I feel healed. Or at least healing. Both are wonderful things. All in all, I know there will be days that I’ll tear out my hair, but I think everyone has those! Even people who don’t have kids. So I will thank God for mine, and tear out a bit less hair than I did before, when I was such a mess.

Since I’ve started watching a few families on YouTube, I’ve heard them talk about taking their babies to “well baby checks.” Makes sense to me, but I’ve never heard them called that. Most of the people I watch are from the states, so I figured maybe that was it. However, today Rowan has his first ever well baby check! Pretty thrilled to be included with the Americans 😉 Just jokes. I may have just missed the boat in the past. Anyhoo, I checked myself in for my appointment (10 days postpartum) this afternoon, and I also checked Rowan in for his well baby check. Our clinic has a little computer where we can go check ourselves in, and I got a real kick out of putting in his birthday and having his initials, RB, pop up on the screen. He’s real!! I love that he’s real.

Brady came with us, and my mom actually met us in the city and hung out with the kids in the van. It sounds awful, I know, but she was more than willing, and came with snacks and some toys, and they didn’t miss us for a second. Brady and I were really happy to be able to go in for Rowans first appointment, just the three of us.

Dr. Guselle was running perfectly on time, and we were called back in great time. The tech who hangs out in the back was eager to get a peek at Rowan. He weighed in beautifully at 8 lbs 9 oz, which means he has surpassed his birth weight! A week ago, he had done the common newborn weight loss and was down to 7 lbs 13 oz. Thats a good amount of weight gain for one week!!! Also, maybe no one wants to hear about it, but just for curiosity’s sake, I asked if she would weigh me as well, and I’m incredibly pleased to say that I am only eight pounds away from my pre-pregnancy number!!! Granted, I kept ten pounds from Laela’s pregnancy, but I don’t have a desire to get all the way back down to that number. I’m not sure I was healthy then. Anyway, I feel really good knowing I’m losing some of my baby weight already, and I don’t feel like I’m making tons of big sacrifices or changes to get there. Sorry, enough about me, but I’m confident there are some of you who will be able to relate to me, and how good it feels to know what you’re doing is working.

Our appointment was smooth and comfortable. So far, Rowan is checking out perfectly. He had a cry about being undressed, but she checked his throat in those moments. Then, once most of his exam was over, he closed his crying mouth and just opened his big eyes and stared at Dr. Guselle. Always on the ball, she whipped her light up and checked his eyes in that moment, so he really didn’t have to be poked and prodded all that much. My one and only question about him was in regards to his belly button. His is SO different than our other kids, and I was concerned at first that he had an umbilical hernia. Dr. Guselle is confident that it isn’t, and that was good to hear! She said it looks perfectly normal, and that while some kids (like Dekker and Laela) have belly stumps that separate seemingly right on the surface of the tummy, others seem to fall off higher up, and can till shrink down to be innies. It can actually take up to a year before all the muscles make their decisions and decide where to be. Either way, I just want that yucky stump to fall off. I don’t care if there’s an innie or outie underneath it. I’m just happy he doesn’t have a hernia.

We booked our six week check and were out in good time. It seemed a shame to break up the fun in the van so fast, but my mom had other things on her list, and so did we. We did visit a little bit more though, and feed Rowan some milk, before parting ways. Mom, again, thank you for watching the kids! Those recorders were a hit for them. I repeat – for them 😉

A surprisingly fun trip to Home Depot was next, and the kids rocked it. Dekker didn’t get spooked when people talked to him, and Laela sat in the cart and danced up a storm all on her own. And Rowan slept, because he’s chill like that. We spent just less than $200 and came out with new entrance flooring, a few length of trim, a new tub faucet and drain stopper, sink stopper, some weird lightbulbs, plumbing shims, and a toilet flapper thing. I think I forgot to mention, our toilet broke in the middle of the night last night. Big win when you have to flush your toilet using salad tongs. Don’t be afraid to eat salad at our house. We will be throwing them out the second they are not needed as plumbing repair. So, all in all, Home Depot was a success.

I ducked into Target as our last stop, since once again, sales got better, and I really want these specific blankets. But bedding is still pretty high priced. I think I need it to be 40% off before I can justify it, and while its getting closer, its still a bit too much to buy those blankets just to have them. But I did buy a toy for Laela for a birthday or something down the road, as well as a really beautiful, beefy notebook that kind of matches my fancy pants day planner, a new pack of pretty pens, some graph paper, and a cute little newborn hoodie for Rowan. I know he’ll only be in newborn stuff for so long, but as such a low price, and having passed by it so many times, I just went for it. It was all cheap cheap cheap, which feels good.

A quick stop for coffee, and we left the city. We ducked into a friends place on the drive home, where she gave us a box of size 1 diapers that she is officially finished with. What a wonderful gift!! I don’t have to tell you guys how nice it is to receive the gift of diapers, especially when all three of your children wear them! Plus, we usually put our kids in Kirkland diapers, and their smallest size is size 1/2. With Rowan being so much littler than the other kids, I’m actually weirdly excited to have real size 1 diapers to put him in. His tiny little bum says thank you!!

I won’t lie. Upon arriving home, the you know what hit the fan and that hour or two was quite a stretch for everyone. Thankfully, Dekker and Laela are both in bed with their heads still attached to their bodies. Parenting win?? Hope so! Now, a tub is running, Rowan is starting to doze, and Brady is making he and I some supper so I can be in bed, blogging.

It was an incredibly successful day, and while there is still lots to do around our house, its nice to know that we have a lot of the stuff we need to get it all done, or at least get a healthy start on it all! But we won’t start just yet. Brady is back to work tomorrow, and I am about to learn how to be a mommy to three kids at once. All three, just for me 🙂 I’m curious how it’ll play out, maybe the teensiest bit nervous, maybe? But mostly anticipating a new kind of day, and just getting in all the cuddles I can.

A few things needed to be done in the city today, but not enough to bring in the whole fam. Also, it was really really cold. So as a very special treat, Rowan and I had a date, just the two of us.

We got some drive-thru lunch, and had a phone date with my mom while I ate. I like her a lot, and am looking forward to seeing her however briefly tomorrow.

After our lunch, we headed to Dr. Mike’s office for my appointment. I didn’t resurface there after Laela’s delivery until about six weeks had passed, and then it was just to make sure all was back where it should be. For some reason, this time around, my hips and lower back are still aching something fierce, and neither Tylenol or Advil can touch them. My right leg is still giving out on me once in a while, so obviously my pelvis is still out of place too. I was a bit apprehensive to already go in for a treatment, though. Without being too gross, for anyone who doesn’t want to go there, I’m only nine days postpartum and not looking to have my legs put in funny positions or my stitches to get yanked around. Its just nerve wracking. But I am certainly not the first freshly postpartum woman who has walked thru the doors of that clinic. Dr. Mike came in and met Rowan, and asked all the questions about him, before he had to ask about tearing and stitches. Not too much damage was done at all, so he just took special care that I breathed a certain way through my treatment. As in, when he would actually crack my back, I would physically be blowing air out of my mouth. I don’t ever feel like I’m holding my breath or clenching or anything like that through my treatments, but this way, we could both be sure and extra careful. It all worked well, I’m not sore from his treatment at all, and he said I’m actually recovering well from his side of things. Yay!

Rowan and I hit Walmart next, just for a few things. We needed a zipper folder to hold all of his paperwork (we have one for each kid), some toiletries and groceries, and Brady also told me to go buy some makeup if I wanted! Psh! On it! So I snagged a foundation I’ve had in my hand but put back at least twice before, a nude lip liner, and probably my new favorite drugstore lipstick to date. Huge wins all around. I was hoping to find a few other things at Walmart, and figured I’d just go hit another location, or maybe a Superstore to find them, but Roro was a bit less content than usual, so I decided to call it quits. No more shopping. Fine by me!

I filled the van up at Costco on our way home. We didn’t go in for anything since we got a HUGE haul just the other day. I went through the baby section and bought four boxes of diapers, a box of wipes, and four cans of formula for less than $200!! A HUGE win if you ask me. For anyone who missed it, its baby week! Pretty much all the Kirkland brand baby stuff is on uber sale. Don’t miss it!

One last quick drive through to buy Brady and I coffees for this evening, and we headed home. Rowan is the best passenger ever. He doesn’t mind his car seat, so he’s completely content driving places. Also, he doesn’t complain if he doesn’t like the music, so I rocked a new song that I really love on repeat, because I could. If you ask my siblings, I’ve always been bad for that. But I don’t get sick of it! I could watch a movie that I love every day for two weeks without missing a beat. I don’t put anyone through that with me (…anymore..) except today. Rowan didn’t mind. He told me, in his own way.

We got home while the bigger littles were still sleeping, fed Rowan, and watched some Greys. The evening played out really fun, with lots of Dekker and Laela terrorizing including Rowan in their fun.

It was a pretty sweet evening, just the five of us. I quite love our kids, and I feel like we are just covered in miracles, one after the other. I feel joy, and contentment, and love abounding.

I was dreading today, if I’m being completely honest. Both Dekker and Laela had eye appointments that were a bit ominous to me. The kids appointment was originally booked for February 25th, but I had Rowan on the 23rd, was released from the hospital on the 24th, and the appointment was supposed to be at 9:00am the next day. So I called the office to see what they would say, and they made room for us this next week instead.

For todays appointments, both kids eyes were going to need to be dilated, meaning they would both have to have eye drops put in, then a 20-30 minute wait while the drops did their thing, and then more tests. I don’t really think anyone enjoys eye drops, but these sting a bit, and blur the kids vision, so its a very unpopular thing. Anyway, enough said on that. I was not looking forward to the appointment.

We dropped Rowan off to spend the afternoon with my mom, before heading into the city to the hospital. Lucky for us, Dekker LOVES Dr. Rubab, and was really excited to go in and play the matching game with her. The elevator ride is usually a big hit too. Dekker likes lots of things about eye appointments, actually. He does way better now than he did in the beginning, thats for sure. He’s finally getting used to it.

The ladies at the desk were really nice and polite to our kids, and sent us off to the same waiting room as always. It wasn’t long before we were called into orthoptics for the initial testing. Dekker was a bit put off in the beginning, as he often is, but the orthoptist played into his interests and got him on her side very quickly. He cooperated quite well, and was pretty intrigued when it was Laela’s turn next. She also did well, and cooperated nicely. She was pretty stoic the whole time, but rather serious and quiet than throwing a fit the entire time. I was so pleased to see her pass tests that I remember Dekker struggling with. I don’t mean that to sound mean at all! I’m sad that Dekker has had this burden on him, and I wish he didn’t struggle, but I was so happy to see with my mommy eyes that my daughters vision was really quite good!

When it came time for drops, the orthoptist asked what the plan was – whether we wanted to warn the kids or sneak attack the drops on them. We opted to catch them by surprise, since we know our kids, and either way would bring the same result with the same volume. So she just jumped in and told Dekker she was going to take off his glasses, did just that, and Brady leaned him back for the dirty work. It was loud and sad, but he recovered faster than we expected. I held Laela for hers, and she was also pretty unimpressed, to say the least, but she recovered within ten seconds. We brought both kids back out into the waiting area, red faced and teary eyed, but more than fine.

That wait in between appointments is always a bit of a challenge. Dekker can put his glasses on and his vision isn’t as blurry, but he’s usually still pretty put off by everything so he’s grumpy. The only time Laela has ever had drops was back in June, so she was only ten months at the time. This time, she wanted to run around, but was incredibly clumsy and took a couple spills. Nothing too big though. More close calls than anything. But they both made it, and were called into Dr. Rubab’s office in pretty decent time.

Dekker once again was a bit angsty in the beginning, and wouldn’t look at Dr. Rubab. She told him the first test was looking at a big truck, and she asked if he would prefer a green truck or a red truck. He ignored her at first, but she waited patiently and quietly, and eventually, Dekker said under his breath “Red.” In that moment, I knew she was in. He did great in the rest of his tests, and she seemed happy. Laela’s tests consisted of staring into a light through a few different lenses, which she did until she got bored of it and started to fight the power a bit. Sadly, this chunk of her day also ended with her being held down and her eyes being pried open in order to show the doctor what she needed to see. But in this case as well, Dr. Rubab seemed happy.

The results are in!! Dekker has no eye turn whatsoever! Not even a flicker, which is wonderful! February 11th was one year since his surgery, and there has been nothing but improvement. She said his prescription is slightly different, but she said its so slight that it could just be a difference in his cooperation or interest from one appointment to the next. Its slight enough that I didn’t even ask if it was a tad higher or lower. Beats me! She was very confident that his prescription can stay the same for now. No news is good news, right? As for Laela, Dr. Rubab says that her eyes are healthy and are developing just as they should be! At Laela’s previous appointment, her astigmatism was a bit higher than normal, and we were told that if it didn’t improve enough by her next appointment (today) that she would be given a prescription and would need glasses. In those months, her eyes changed exactly the amount they needed to! Thank you, Lord, for giving us this one!!! I couldn’t be more thrilled or relieved to know that, for the moment, we are all good here. Everyone is healthy and maintaining and obviously, super wonderful in every other way.

To celebrate Rowans one week birthday, I finally took some time this afternoon and typed out his birth story. Its long and jumbled, as these kinds of stories tend to be when I write them out. But they also tend to be full to bursting with emotions, so they won’t be all formal and orderly. At least you get a rough play by play anyway. So if you’re interested, read on, Macduff!

*****

We had been on an induction list since Friday, February 20th. We expected our call in the morning right at 8:00am telling us whether or not we could come in that day or be bumped further. Jerilee effectively moved in, so that we could just pick up and leave when we finally got our call. It kept not coming, and it made perfect sense. I was not a medical risk of any kind, and I was pretty much at the end of the list. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I was putting too much on this one thing. Even though it was a big thing, waiting for my baby to come, and even though I was trying really hard to just keep moving and have a positive attitude, it was getting a bit too hard to be on pins and needles, waiting, day after day. If the magical call still didn’t come on Monday, the 23rd, I was going to call the clinic and cancel us off of their induction list for the week. Our original plan had been to be induced on my due date, which was March 2nd, and that was fine. At least we’d have a week of normalcy, Jerilee could take off the time she had originally planned to take off to help us instead of this random time now, and everything would be smoother.

As had become our usual, we all met upstairs way too early on Monday morning and waited for the call. It didn’t come. It was 9:00am when I finally told Brady to go about his day like normal and go into work. If they were going to call, they would have already. His guys at work knew he had ben on watch for the last few days, and he had tried to clean up everything before the baby did come, but there is always more to do if one can find the time, right? So he headed in pretty much right around then. As humor would have it, I received our call about a half hour later.

The person on the other end of the line said that Dr. Guselle was quite insistent that I get in that day if at all possible, as she was on call and really wanted everything to go as smoothly as possible. They said they could take me at 1:00pm, and I agreed on the spot. Jerilee celebrated with me and assured me the timing was great, so I called Brady. He was about five minutes from work, so he ducked into Tims to grab us all some breakfast, brought coffee to his site supervisor and filled him in, and came straight back home.

It was an exciting morning, getting everything repacked and getting ready for the day, knowing that today was finally the day that we could get things rolling and have our baby! I was very optimistic for the day. Nervous, because of last time, of course, but so ready to have the process become real.

We got to the hospital a few minutes early and went straight up to register. The little waiting area was FULL of registered patients who just hadn’t been put in rooms yet. I sat down at the desk to fill out all the forms, and heard a nurse from the other desk whisper something about “Oh, with this patient…” I immediately felt a bit awkward. I knew that Dr. Guselle had gone out of her way to accommodate us and my nerves. I felt even more awkward when someone immediately came to take us to a room, ahead of all of the other patients waiting there. It was awkward, but also really nice to be fast tracked. I decided to look past the discomfort and be thankful instead.

We were taken straight to a delivery room by our nurse, Shauna. She got us settled in and then wanted to discuss the induction method with us, as is the drill. This time, instead of using Cervidil like in the past, I had been put on the list for the oxytocin drip instead. I was a little bit nervous, hearing that was a much more aggressive form of induction, but after hearing about it and them actually calling my doctor to confirm it, agreed to go along with it. If it was incredibly aggressive and I got too scared or was in too much pain, or if something got scary with the baby, I was in the hospital, so we’d be ok. I was confident.

Before the induction actually began, though, the baby needed to be monitored for a little while, just to make sure all was well in there. Over that time, Brady and I just visited, and texted the few people who knew what we were up to that day. Shauna came in to look at the tape off the monitor and surprised me by asking if I was feeling contractions. Nope, sure wasn’t, but apparently I was having them regularly. I told her I was having some cramping, but confessed to drinking a big fat coffee that morning, and coffee always makes me cramp when I’m pregnant. She just smiled and said they weren’t looking like coffee cramps on the monitor. But I was fine, so we kept the ball rolling and the drip was plugged in around 1:30pm.

Shauna kept tabs on us every fifteen minutes. She very quickly became someone who I felt I had known for years. We talked about regular daily life type of things, and she never seemed rushed at all. She told us that over the last four days, 96 hours, they had delivered 88 babies!! No wonder I had been bumped so many days! I think I can safely say she liked us, and we really liked her. I knew from the beginning of the day that people around us knew our background story to a degree, and I knew that our nurse had special instructions to keep us (me) at ease. I apologized for that, saying I really don’t want to be that high maintenance patient, and she assured me that we weren’t high maintenance, but pleasant. Yes! It felt good, and I felt safe.

Around 3:00pm, Shauna checked my tape again and seemed really surprised that I wasn’t in any pain yet. I agreed to a cervical exam and she shocked Brady and I with a “Wow! I’d put you at 4-5cm dilated!!” It was around that time when we discussed epidurals. I really wanted one, more for a safety net than anything. Plus, to go from a 1.5 to a 4-5 in such a short period of time was kind of unheard of, and the next few hours were completely unpredictable. So yes, an epidural, please.

When Shauna returned shortly thereafter, she told me she had checked her measurement of my dilation against the chart they’re supposed to use, and concluded that I was actually dilated to 6cms! Crazy!!

The anesthetist was awesome. He worked quickly and the whole procedure was nice and painless. He even made a killer ebola joke. While I was leaned over on the rolling table, pushing my back out, Brady commended that my epidural with Dekker had been much more difficult, as I had to work to stay still through the contractions. I agreed, and commented that it was so much nicer without the contractions. Shauna came up behind me and felt my stomach before laughing out loud and saying how hard and severe of a contraction I was having that very second. Everything went in as it should have, and I lay back in my hospital bed and continued to wait. Brady and I watched some Greys Anatomy, and Shauna brought me a couple of popsicles. Peach. Yum. We made jokes about church Tang. I really loved her.

I sat at this point for quite a while actually. Six centimetres. The epidural was nice, and removed the bit of discomfort that I was having previously, and could easily hang out on a nice low dose. But I didn’t dilate further.

Dr. Guselle came in around 6:30pm after her day at the clinic. The hospital staff had told us that she was only on call until 5:00pm, but in the past, I was of the understanding that their group of doctors ran their shifts from 7:00am, so I’m not actually sure if she was technically on call at that moment or not. But regardless, she came, which was wonderful. We visited for a few minutes and got all caught up before she asked if she could check me and see if I had progressed any. I hadn’t, which wasn’t ideal, obviously. She asked me about breaking my water, and I was completely on board. More than ready! Well, my goodness, if I’ve ever heard the sound of a rushing river inside a building, that was it! We actually all had a good laugh over it, and Shauna seemed kind of lost afterward. “I don’t even know where to start with this!” she laughed, as she started trying to clean it up. Trust me, if I could control those kinds of fluids, I would have!!

It was pretty quick after breaking my water that my contractions started to feel a bit worse. I told Shauna and she pushed the little epidural button to top me up a bit. All seemed normal, and I just needed to let her know the second I felt any pressure. I didn’t, so we continued.

But things were all of a sudden super painful. Very, very quickly. Comparable to the pain of my last labor and delivery. I started to panic a bit. At least I felt panicked. Brady said it didn’t show too badly in the moment. We called Shauna and in a quick check, she told me we were going to have a baby. Then I really got scared. I hadn’t let myself get too scared yet, thinking about Laela’s birth as little as possible, but this sudden crazy pain brought me there really quickly. I told Brady very clearly that I did not want another birth like Laela’s, and he advocated for me, asking if there was anything I could have to help. Shauna told me the baby was incredibly low and there wasn’t time. Again, it sounded the same as last time. Too many familiar things. I was so scared.

I heard Shauna call to someone to get Dr. Guselle up as fast as she could, and that the baby was coming.

As labor and delivery tend to be, the next few moments are a bit blurry. Dr. Guselle was up in a flash, getting the full garb on. I don’t even think she checked my dilation. She just knew that I was ready. I didn’t, but she did. We asked her again for some help, as my contractions were incredibly strong and I was feeling scared. She confirmed my fears – that the only thing that was going to stop my pain was getting this baby out. I said one last time that I didn’t want another delivery like Laelas, and she very calmly replied “Has this been anything like Laelas?” And even in that moment of panic, I realized how right she was! The day had been comfortable, and controlled, and I felt so safe. I hadn’t been in any pain or discomfort the entire time. My doctor had come in specifically for me, and my nurse was unbelievable. That was a good moment for me. Clarity in the midst of crazy. I loved it.

I didn’t love everything else though. Those few minutes hurt a lot, but being less scared made it all hurt a little less. And then there was pressure. I never felt that pressure before with either kid! I am just one of those people that we all think are made up, who don’t feel the pain of labour until the very, very end.

Our of nowhere, my bed was taken apart and my feet were in stirrups. Dr. Guselle said to push with the next contraction, and before I even felt the contraction pain, she said “now!” So I did. I hadn’t actually pushed out a baby in 3.5 years, and didn’t totally remember how. I took in my breath and tried, but I felt super weak. It probably didn’t help that I didn’t hold my breath, and instead I said “I’ve got nothing behind this!” She said that was completely fine, and it all looked great, just keep going. So I did, and it all happened! I felt the whole baby come out, but no pain in that moment whatsoever. As soon as I had that contraction to focus on, I felt no pain. A total and complete miracle. As he surfaced, those in the room celebrated how fast it was all happening, and how I was seemingly so easily pushing him out. I heard people saying he had chubby cheeks. I heard that his hand was up by his face, same as his big sister. I did hear that his cord was around his neck, but it was nice and loose and easily unwrapped. The rest of him came out nice and quickly and easily, and I was able to have him laid on me for our first cuddle on the outside. He squawked for a minute or two, but quieted soon there after, and opted for laying face down on me, and sucking his fingers.

I won’t lie. It was completely surreal. I don’t favor or disfavour any of my kids, but this birth was hands down my favourite! I know that some people are really pumped about home birth, and I have every respect for them. It isn’t the choice I would make if I could choose, but I think that I get it. It is their ideal, and I can honestly say that this was mine. I got everything I could possibly want.

I got a nice, short labor of 5.5 hours.

I was in the hospital the whole time.

I had the BEST people around me.

I was in no pain almost the entire time. As in the ENTIRE day, minus 5-10 minutes.

I was encouraged and uplifted.

My husband could watch the baby being born and cut his cord.

I could hold the baby for a nice long while after he was born.

One stitch. One.

I had peace.

All of this said and done, it was a thrilling experience. I never felt belittled or like people were tip toeing around me. I felt comfortable and excited, and then I felt the euphoria of delivering my child. I didn’t cry in my other deliveries. Not because I didn’t love my kids, but with Dekker, it didn’t feel real, and with Laela, I was terrified. But with my brand new baby boy, Rowan Toby, I was anticipating the awesomeness that comes with having another baby, and I was elated at how the whole thing had played out. I know people prayed over me. This could never have been so smooth and epic without the covering of God.

Rowan Toby was born at 7:06pm on Monday, February 23rd, 2015. He was 8 lbs 6 oz and was 22” long. His head was 37cms and his chest 34cms. He is easily our skinniest but tallest baby yet.

God is so very, very good.

I’m feeling incredibly rich IN LOVE today. It was our first Sunday back to church, and we more than survived. Even with one kid, its amazing how hard it is to catch anything from the service! Sometimes it feels fruitless to even go to church, with one parent in the back with the baby and one chasing around the toddler. In our case, we also have a kid who screams when he gets the least bit upset. Our last few years haven’t been our smoothest church-going years, but we’ve tried pretty hard to maintain our routine, and with the exception of a few long-ish breaks where we just don’t get there, I think we’ve done ok. All of that aside, I feel like today’s service was one of our smoothest ever! No one had to hauled out once. I mean, Rowan had to step out for a diaper change once, but never once on account of attitude or noise levels. It was pretty awesome! Also, people were sooo ready to meet Rowan, give him cuddles, and stroke his soft little head. He got nice and socialized, and just dozed in and out through the entire social event.

The church also invited us up to the front to receive a rose and to be prayed over, which was really nice 🙂 It felt like the perfect welcome for Rowan. I think a lot of people were surprised to see us there with another kid, but he was beautifully well received and celebrated. It was thoroughly awesome.

We were among the last handful of people to leave the church this morning. It would appear we’re a chatty family, and were mildly popular this morning, thanks to cutie baby. When we did leave, we found a sweet gift tucked in our van window. Someone left us a sizeable Starbucks card as well as a Tims card, which is a more than appropriate gift for parents to a new baby!!! Whoever you are, you certainly made our day! I find those anonymous gifts make me crazy not knowing, yet I know the joy that goes into giving them, and having the person never know it was you, so you with the coffee cards! YOU rock. And you clearly get it. Thank you so incredibly much.

After church, we went to my parents for lunch. It was super delicious, and we all learned that my favorite green bean casserole thing can be made in a crock pot!!! This is a huge win to me 🙂 Needless to say, we had a delicious lunch, and then the kids went down for a nap. We realized mid-morning that we hadn’t brought as much formula as we thought we had, and that messed up the plans for the rest of our day in a pretty big way, so while the kids napped, Brady ran into the city to Costco and picked up a can of formula, as well as easily 75% of our grocery list. We like to buy in bulk. Rowan slept the entire time he was away, and so did my dad, so my mom and I played cards and visited for an hour or two. I always love that. However, life started up again when Brady got him the kids started to lull.

My parents had stuff up in the evening, and we were wanting to jog into the city as a family anyway, so we got the kids up and went our separate ways. We had doddled getting going, so we almost didn’t make it to our first stop before it closed! We arrived at Carters with less than ten minutes left until closing. Don’t worry, I was very apologetic. But Rowan has NOTHING that fits him! I know, he’ll be in 0-3 in a few weeks, so just suck it up. But you know how he is wearing basically one of two things in every single picture of him?? I hate that. It worked fine with the other kids, because they rocked 3 month sleepers right off the hop. But the difference is that we’ve already gone out a couple of times since he was born, and we actually have quite a bit going on in the near future, and his one pair of pants don’t fit. Something has to be done, even just for those few weeks of size limbo. So I ran through like a whirlwind and came out with three sleepers, a handful of diaper shirts, and an outfit that contains a nice pair of sweats and an adorable hoodie. Wins all around, I’d say.

We crossed the parking lot and headed into Walmart. We were probably quite a site. Laela sat up in the little cart spot, Dekker rode on the end of the cart, and Rowan’s bucket was inside. Good thing we didn’t bring the diaper bag, or we would have had no room for our purchases! We proceeded to shop the worlds most random list of things, including things like winter boots, lipstick, an oil filter, a few baking ingredients, light switch covers, cereal, and a bunch of other things. Dekker wanted to carry the tubes of Dap, and we reminded him to put them in the cart when we was done carrying him. We promptly forgot about the interaction, and at the till, we found the Dap.

Good thing those carry some weight, or we would have left them behind completely!

We were going to talk about supper next, and Dekker confessed to me that he was tired. This almost never happens, so instead of going into the restaurant, we figured we’d just get drive thru and eat in the van. Not very glamorous, but it works for us.

Sometimes. Not today though!! It was completely hilarious, actually. We freed Dekker and Laela kids, so they were both pushing to get at the console that held their food. We were trying to let some of it cool off first, which took up lots of space and seemed to be more confusing than anything to them. If they can see it, why can’t they eat it?! With that all going on, Brady and I tried to eat, and we also had to feed Rowan. So he came up front with us while the kids, still in their winter coats, did a lot of falling over and sharing food. It was cute. At once point, Dekker came up to me and cried “French fry face!’ with a fry hanging out of his mouth. I leaned forward and nipped the end of. He momentarily panicked but then decided it was very funny and let it go. He came up to me again moments later with a very similar situation, and when I went to bite the end off, he opened his mouth, leaving me with a mouthful of soggy, pre-chewed fry. Well played, son.

Once everyone had eaten enough, we got on the road and drove home. This upset Dekker quite a bit. He didn’t feel ready to go home and sleep. However, it was 8:00 as we were leaving, and they’re normally tucked away by 7:30, so we are more than confident that it was time. He cried, and said things like “I don’t like our house!” to which we replied with “Well, hopefully we’re moving soon” and that seemed to quiet him down. He gave us our biggest laugh of the evening (this might sound cruel) when we beard him burst out crying in the backseat, and scream “I dropped the ball!” Brady and I couldn’t help but laugh 🙂 I wish we could all just announce it when we screw the pooch. Dekker’s got it down.

We got home and put Rowan on the table in his car seat while we went to get the kids to bed. Once in jammies, Dekker asked to kiss Rowan. I know my kid likes to stall, but this was a pretty awesome request, so I said that would be lovely, and I’d go get him. Dekker said not to worry, that he would go get Rowan. I asked if maybe I could come with him, and he said “Uh…sure mommy.” So I walked out to the dining room with him, where he pulled a chair out from the table, climbed up, grabbed Rowans face on both sides, and planted a big kiss right in the middle, before saying “Sleep well, Rowan,” he climbed back down, pushed the chair in, and took my hand to walk back to their room. Amazing.

Now, Dekker and Laela are in bed and mostly asleep, I think. A bath is run, and we woke Rowan to feed him, so maybe he’ll have some awake time now. He’s slept so much, being out of the house and in his car seat, that he hasn’t eaten much. Might not be our best night yet, but my husband is home tomorrow 🙂 And for a little while still, which is awesome, so a few rocky nights aren’t going to set any of us back too far at all. Yay!

So the moral of the story of today is that we are SO RICH! I am completely thrilled to have the people around me that I have, and I feel incredibly grateful to have my own little growing family. My kids all play well together and love each other, and I’m a pretty big fan of them and their dad as well. We have a good thing going on here, and I feel incredibly rich in love today.

God is so good <3

My mom was generous enough to give me a USB with all the photos she took in the hospital when she came to meet Rowan. Because of this, I will now abuse those photos and post them on here 🙂 Its ok, guys, I have permission. But here are my faves, starting with one from the day before he was born. Behold, the comparison shot.

A solid representation of how mondo I got and how nondo he got. Oh well. I had a solid reason.

And onto hospital day! I’ll save the pictures that Brady and I took of ourselves waiting for baby in the hospital for the birth story post, which IS coming, I promise! We’ve just been having so much fun with our family and friends that I haven’t had a good chance to sit down and really pour it out the way I’d like to. There is NO rush when it comes to a babys birth story, in my opinion! But I can show you the beautiful pictures my mom took of Brady and I and our fresh baby boy during his first 24 hours.

Yup. He’s pretty much unbelievable. We know. I’m so pleased to have him in our home. He fits in beautifully, as though he’s always been here. We have had to “rearrange” things around him very little, as he doesn’t seem to require too much. Best of all, he’s incredibly loveable and easy to get along with. I love my Rowan Toby.

We had hopes of going to the city today for just a short little outing, but last night was pretty rough, and we were all dead to the world in the morning. Brady and I barely had to talk about it before deciding to stay home for the day. We had made a point not to plan anything in stone, and just go if we felt like it, and if not, leave it for another day. No pressure.

So we quickly abandoned our plans and switched them out for a day of laundry, yummy food, and movies. The kids were all fairly hands on in the day, and while I really hate to complain, I’m pretty sure I was at the height of my discomfort. Lots of places on me are achy and sore all at once. That combined with cranky kids and little sleep made for a challenging morning.

But then the kids all went down for a nap, and Brady and I lay in bed with lunch and an episode of Greys Anatomy, and for whatever reason, we were rejuvenated. I cautiously suggested we go to the city in the evening, and Brady seemed to perk right up, saying if I felt up to it, so did he. So we started to get ourselves ready, and packed the diaper bag for THREE for the first time 😀 Dekker and Laela were both excited to get dressed to go to the city, and were also both quite entertained watching me try to get Rowan’s scrunched little self into clothing. The photo doesn’t show it, but everyone was excited to pack into the van together.

We drove to the city and decided to hit up supper first. Just Wendys, but the kids LOVE Wendys. They both ate lots and thanks to a promo, we even got two free frosties, so the kids got to enjoy some ice cream as well. I’m so proud of Dekker when it comes to dessert. He loves a dessert, but when he had enough ice cream, he pushed it further onto the table and announced that he was “done for his ice cream.” I love knowing that he won’t just gorge himself sick over something. He knows when he’s done. Also a big win for Wendys – they had really fun toys in the kids meals today! 😀 😡

We had plans to go wander through Walmart afterwards. Before the frostie promo, I had thought we’d go to the McDonalds in Walmart for milkshakes, and then go through the rest of the store. We have long list of cleaning and household supplies that we need over the coming while to get the house deep cleaned, plus groceries, and some clothes for Rowan. Believe it or not, because of our previous massive children, none of the hand me downs really fit him that well. Everything starts at three months, and most of everything is stretched to the max thanks to his tank brother. I definitely won’t go too crazy buying a bunch of newborn stuff, but I’d love to have a few cute things that fit him nicely. However, the Walmart plan fell apart when we remembered that we had someone coming to our house for an appointment at 8:30, which meant that in order to have the kids down before he arrived, we’d have to leave Walmart by 7:30 at the absolute latest, and even then we’d probably still cut it too close.

So instead of venturing to Walmart with the fam, we hit up the nearby Target location and I just ran in on my own. I have to say that while this option was less fun, all the household supplies were around 25% off, which was a bonus! I overbought on most things, bought brands, and got a couple of extras, plus a curtain rod for the kids room, and paid just over $50. Win! Brady took the kids in the van across the parking lots and got us some coffees for in the tub later. As soon as we were done, though, we sped home to put the kids down.

The guy came over right on time, just as the kids were getting their final kisses. He was gone within ten minutes and now we’re just feeding Rowan and getting ready to run a tub and settle in.

Tomorrow we’ll finish up the laundry and have my parents over for supper. My dad’s been on the road all week and has yet to meet his new grandson, so hopefully he falls in love as fast as we did! How do you not?!

** I just realized that there isn’t a picture of Roro on this post!! Behold, how he looks right now, as I see him.

All babies look like old men, right?

After an unbelievably seamless night, we had such a great day of visitors!! Its quite amazing how well we’re all feeling so far, and how genuinely comfortable we were having people over. Granted, they are VERY easy people to please and have over, so pressure was low, but now, at the end of the day, I’m not feeling dead to the world in the slightest.

The kids honorary Grandma Willa came in the late morning with lunch and presents. The kids warmed up really nice and quick, and they all got a solid amount of playing in while Brady and I ate our lunch and slugged back our coffees. Rowan also got his first cuddles from Grandma Willa, and I’m pretty sure I can safely say that they already make a really great pair. He had a nice little stretch of wakeful time while she was around too. He has very few of those in a day, so far. This boy loves his sleep.

The kids went down for their naps after our guest left for home, and they gave us a solid hour and a half to rest up and watch Greys. Its nice to have that downtime, as much as I’m feeling stronger than I thought I would be, I don’t want to burn out. So the quiet time was really nice.

My mom came in the late afternoon with all the makings of one of my favorite suppers! We had a nice visit and the kids ran around her in circles as loudly as possible, clearly having missed her. We all puttered around the kitchen together while mom insisted on getting supper together with little to no help at all, and then we played downstairs while it cooked for just about an hour. It was pretty perfect. She got some Rowan snuggles while Dekker and Laela raced around like maniacs and entertained us all. Good times.

We had cheesy potatoes, sausage, and broccoli salad for supper. I probably ate the most. I LOVE that meal. Pumpkin muffins with cream cheese icing were for dessert, which is also a heavy favorite for me. Truly a delicious day all around.

My mom stayed until a bit after the kids had gone to bed, and got in a few more baby hugs before she was on her way home. While I am sad that the day is done, and I could always visit with my mom for hours longer than we seem to have, it is time to get this achy self into the tub. I don’t mean to give waaay too much info, but my milk made its appearance in a big way today, and its time to get some relief for these knockers! A warm bath is just the ticket!!