You’ve all seen those memes about starter packs. Like anxiety starter packs. I need to speak to a manager starter pack.
Well, first I’m going to give you the same kind of sarcasm, followed by actual good things for an ADHD starter pack.
So, here it goes:
The Ultimate ADHD starter pack:
1. Concentration pains followed by snacks.
2. House full of unfinished and un-started projects.
3. Frequent urge to stare into space while people talk to you.
4. Falling asleep when something is boring.
5. Not hearing a thing someone said and then immediately ask questions they just answered.
6. Hyper focusing so long you almost pee your pants, and you almost don’t care because you don’t want to break the concentration.
The Realistic ADHD Starter Pack
(For people who just learn they have it)
1. An echo dot for focus time options, timers, lists, reminders, and background music/sleep sounds. (*whispers* and fart jokes)
2. Magnesium, vitamin D, probiotics, and a fun water bottle
3. Stimulating lighting (string lights, galaxy lights, etc) this also doubles as relaxing lighting.
4. LOOPS! Both experience and quiet so you have options for your environmental stimuli. (Amazon)
5. Brown noise Playlist (12 hour no loops) on Spotify
This is a small list of what has helped me. Obviously there is a wide spectrum for ADHD and I am not a Healthcare professional so do your research in the vitamins. If you do take them and they don’t work, consider vitamin C for absorption. Sometimes that’s the issue. But again, ask a professional before switching over. Make sure its right for you.
Flares did not work for frequency as much as loops do. And I use a pill container for the loops. Works like a charm.
I know I’m not allowed to give lots or even really any info about foster care and the kid(s) in Hailey and Brady’s new life so I thought it would be okay to write about how I see them fitting into this role… and me too. If that’s okay!
First, it was like kinda scary for me honestly. I didn’t really know as the best friend/Auntie how I was going to fit into this family with this huge change. I didn’t realize how big of a heart Hailey has and that’s shame on me, honestly. I really thought our friendship would shift in some kind of way and it just hasn’t. There’s no distance. The babies who come are so loveable and only add to the coffee dates and texts. It’s opened a whole new area of my heart I didn’t know existed.
Second, I have never seen a married couple stay so on top of their sh….stuff! Like ever. They figure everything out REALLY well. With all the appointments these guys have and all the unknowns day by day with scheduling or last minute changes, they NEVER… N-E-V-E-R complain. In fact, when things are ridiculous, they LAUGH. I do not have that same kind of patience and endurance. It’s a good thing they are the foster parents and not me because it looks like the most inconvenient way to live, yet they embrace it so so well. That’s a God thing.
Finally, I never expected to see Brady and Hailey sharpen their own skills among parenting so many kids with very different personalities and needs. Hailey is some kind of chef and baker out of nowhere. Brady is teaching the kids how to change tires and totally crushing it at work even though it’s hectic. He is so in his dad role even more than I’ve seen him. Getting up with Hailey to feed the babies, taking over and giving her breaks to crochet or blog.. or bathe… I could keep going.
I honestly don’t know when they got their robot update but I’m still waiting for mine. Maybe that would help me finish this essay I’m writing… while they do absolutely a million things all day long, and I can barely read these days.
I am so proud of them. I don’t know if you know this about them, but they are the most loving, trustworthy, hilarious, and gentle parents that you’ll ever meet. So if you haven’t met them, I’m really sorry for you 😔 but it’s okay, you’re in the know now.
And there is a trigger warning. Talk of true crime and suicide.
I want to write a little bit about the paper I’m writing in my social control class.
We have been learning about deviance. What causes it, what keeps it from happening, and why people under the same conditions may or may not behave the same.
I was given a prompt to write about a Canadian man named Kenneth Law who helped over a thousand people die by suicide by coaching them and sending them a substance in the mail. He was getting paid for these packages through his five online companies that people could purchase from. Law had sent over 900,000 packages to over 40 countries and counting from end of 2020 until May 2023.
Story has it that while covid hit in 2020, he needed to make money, so, he built a website and started to counsel people to take their lives by targeting vulnerable people online. Four months later he declared bankruptcy but kept working his business online from a rented basement he lived in, near Toronto.
Although my paper follows his story and applies concepts and theories to why he came to be this way, I am also writing about the perspectives of the victims.
I searched through the list of some of them with their photos and ages and what their families had to say about this. I was so surprised by the ages as all of them were between ages 16 and 36.
So many parents claimed that if Kenneth Law did not target their child, that they would still be alive today. I truly believe that.
It reminded me of how my brother got his hands on steroids at such a young age through the internet and long story short, he is no longer with us as buying drugs online can have adverse effects, and misinformation can lead to fatal life choices.
The point of this post is to remind us how vulnerable we are to what we see online, and in a moment of weakness, people can be lured in to misguided counsel.
The more people text, talk, Google or look for information about something, the more the algorithm will target those people. There are no laws against that. Studies have proven than companies target vulnerable people. Shopaholics can’t pass up deals. Depressed people are more likely to fall into click bait about depression, and so on.
So as I leave this blog I say to you, stay alert and aware. I don’t think Kenneth Law is the last deviant suicide serial killer.
They may fight, but there is a special connection between these children. Between siblings.
Out of nowhere this morning, Laela came to breakfast with a patch on her eye. You may remember that Laela was cleared to stop patching recently. Rowan, unfortunately, was not. Laela was thrilled. Rowan had a cry. He HATES patching. They both hate patching, and it helped that neither of them had to do it alone.
Until they did. Poor Rowan 💜
But, this morning, Laela wore one too. I was surprised, and inquired. And she told me simply “I told him yesterday that I would. I thought it might help.”
And it did.
Of course, Rowans takeaway from these pictures was “Wow! I am SO much taller than Laela!” Because he is, and he loves it, and she does not.
I hope we always have these successes. These warm heart moments, where a kid chooses some discomfort to bring comfort to a sibling. Laela is great for that – she has a very sacrificial heart.
I’m proud of my little sweeties. “The twins” we call these ones 💜💜 Good job, kids!
Last night, or rather, this morning, at around 2:30, I needed to get up and administer some Tylenol. Not too big of a deal. Except its a bit more fussy with this particular kid. I struggled with the small medicine bottle, trying to get the ng tipped syringe in there and appropriately filled when the bottle was close to empty. Once I had that pretty well set up, I filled another ng syringe with warm water so flush the meds into the actual morsel.
Bleary eyed, and with two syringes in my hand, I tried to close the sticky, messy little bottle without putting any pressure on the syringe plungers. And, as it happens, the bottle barely closed before it ejected itself from my fingers and spun its way through the air and across the bathroom. Because why not.
But guys. It landed. It landed.
In my tiny little pink bathtub soap dish!!!
I don’t know if it was the late/early hour, or if it was actually SO funny, but I was positively folded over in desperate, quiet laughter when Brady ambled his way into the bathroom to see what the crash was. In between gasps, I recounted the tale of my unlikely basket, and he responded politely, though confused, and made his way back to bed.
Anyway. I still think its funny. And I hope some of you do, too.
We did it!! We actually got ALL NINE of us to church this morning. We were even on time!! 🥳 There was even a free handicapped parking spot available! It was really nice to get there as a group, as opposed to the last two weeks, where we were split into two groups. This was better.
As you can imagine, we don’t blend in especially well. We are NOT subtle, hahaha! And the kids have claimed us a bench pretty close to the front of the sanctuary, so even if we wanted to really hide out, we couldn’t. And thats ok! Because the kids pay WAY better attention from the front of the church than the back. So we’ve gotten used to that, lol!
Partway through the service, two of the kids left for children’s church, three big kids stayed put, and two others…
It was a VERY cute service. I can’t show you the pictures, but you’ll have to take my word for it.
We came home and made grilled cheese and bacon. It was delicious! And while there are still things to do today, it feels low pressure, and I’m looking forward to doing a bit of *gasp* sitting!!!
Unless nap time ends. In which case, I’ll be back at it!
Like everyone else, we have a few spaces in our life and home that are extra messy. You know what I mean. Dumping grounds. Where all the junk goes. Our shed has become one of these spots in the years passed, and today was the day we decided to dig into it! Before the snow flies, we thought we should clean the shed out good and proper. If we ever do get to move, it will very likely be in winter 😩 and I’d rather we had done the yard stuff, and didn’t have to do it then, in the snow-filled backyard.
We borrowed a trailer from Rae and Tom, and it is back in the driveway, ready to be organized and loaded up with more things that we’d ideally not deal with in the wintertime. As in, all the shed stuff, the garage stuff, and really anything we just know we won’t need here for the next few months.
This is the part where I REALLY hope we don’t have to unlaod all of this stuff back into this house. Lord, hear our prayers!!
Anywho. Back to the day!!!
We are burning up some of the pallets that won’t travel with us, that are too damaged to use for anything.
We’re pulling ALL the toys out of the shed to see what is still in good enough shape to save and what is going to go.
Sooooo much is going, hahaha! But we’re keeping the things that are still in good shape that the kids are invested in. Sleds. Metal tonkas. The kids sized wheelbarrow. Croquet. Stuff like that. Almost all the plastic went.
We broke for lunch, and I heated up some leftovers on the stove for this tired, chilly bunch. It was a very relaxed lunch. Pizza bites. Tortellini. Soup. Everyone ate and rested up at least a little.
Back out we went for a little bit more work. We got the fire going up again, and loaded a bunch of garbage into Brady’s van to haul away as soon as holiday hours allow. Kids played, and we sipped coffee until it was time to move again. I VERY much love this man. 💜
But then, a morsel got cold, and needed to eat, and upon re-entering the house, another morsel squawked at me. So, I’ll lurk inside with those monkeys, and the rest of the gang is keeping at it!
I, too, am keeping at it. But in a different way 😅 and thats ok!
Guys. I’m a genius, and its important that you know it.
I’m entirely kidding, obviously. But I solved a mild complication in our home and I feel really good about it.
Firstly, I know kids doing chores looks different in every home. Dishes is the job I push for every single day. Some have an easier time with it than others, and not everyone is entirely capable of doing the whole job. But also, not everyone likes working together. So, as many of us know, its quite a dance.
Our recent system has been as follows: Dekker and Rowan alternate doing dishes in the morning and after school. Laela does evening dishes. Thats the biggest one, for sure, but its the one she prefers. I’m not a monster, I promise. Meanwhile, Solly and Wavy are in charge of garbage and recycling.
Aaaaand how the recent system goes? Not awesome. Rowan hates dishes. Solly hates recycling, and Wavy knows it, so she always picks garbage first, because she moves faster than Solly. But its the system we’ve had. Not everything is easy. Thats ok.
So the other day, I went downstairs in the morning to get the boys up, and gave Sol the usual lecture about actually getting up, actually getting ready, and actually NOT standing in the middle of the basement in the buck, talking to himself for ten minutes. But, I know him, and I know thats what he’ll do. I’m not sure I’ve talked about it on the blog, but Solomon was also diagnosed with ADHD, alongside Rowan. They have entirely different types, and Solly is so deeply inattentive, its a bit bonkers to witness. Anyway, that very day, I finally put it all together! How we could make the morning WAY easier for him, plus solve some of my issue with chores.
When I got Sol up that day, I asked him to come up right away instead of getting dressed for the day, and I asked him to set the table for breakfast. He was all over it! Grabbed his glasses and came up with me in his jammie pants. He set the table and poured milk while everyone else got up and ready.
At breakfast, both boys took their meds. As always.
By the time he was done eating, Solly was significantly more in there, and he got ready for school with time to spare!!! This is a HUGE victory for him!!! And WAY less nagging and frustration for me!!!
This solved my issue of chores for Solly and Wavy on the spot. Solly is my official table setter. That includes pouring drinks, putting out serving utensils, and getting a new milk from the basement if we need one. Thats all his gig. And Wavy does both garbage and recycling. That includes the diapers we all throw into the entrance throughout the day.
Meanwhile, dishes are still on the big kids. Laela is happy with her slot, and Dekker and Rowan are trying out a system where Dekker does morning dishes, and Rowan does afternoon dishes for the week. And then on the weekend, no one does morning dishes *GASP* and they share the job of afternoon dishes. We’ll see how smoothly that goes, haha! Rowan is quite resistant to change, and since agreeing to this change, he is concerned he won’t be able to have play dates after school anymore. And he will, because the real goal is to teach the kids to flex and help each other out here and there. But its a process, for sure!
Anyway. This really feels like a win for me, and I’m excited to share it with you!! We, of course, have other jobs we do. Everyone picks up the house every day, twice a day. And kids help when asked. But for the same of structure, this makes me really, really happy 🙂
Not only is it bug-free with the colder weather, but it seems the nasty bug that’s been passed around has officially left the building. *knocks on wood* We’ve had some on and off illness for long enough now, and now, a couple of the kids are rocking gentle colds, and everyone is mending nicely.
Eight of us were even able to go to the school today for the Remembrance Day assembly that Laela’s class put on. She, and a number of students, took turns reading lines, introducing all the moving parts of the presentation. It was just such a cute scene, watching her up there in her “red” (but definitely neon pink) pants to “match” the colour scheme. She confidently did the actions to the songs and spoke loudly and clearly into the microphone.
Brady ducked out of work for an early lunch to join the assembly. I met him there with the babes. I saw all five elementary kids file in and out of the gym. And we missed Dekker, but I suppose thats the norm now. I can’t wait until he’s old enough to have spares, and then I’ll make him spend them going back to elementary school 😆
I’m so grateful everyone is well leading into a long weekend. We’ve got goals 💪 Lord, please continue to be close to us and protect us!
You’ve likely noticed I rarely speak in detail about fostering on the blog. And you probably can piece together why. For obvious reasons, we don’t share details of children in care. I know, on social media, it’s acceptable to post pictures and certain details, while covering faces with emojis or whatnot. My blog is more public than my social media, and can be seen by anyone, so I aim to be considerably more tight lipped on here. I’m sure you get it.
Brady and I specifically told the ministry that we carried hearts for medical babies, and they really liked that! We were approved officially on a Friday afternoon, and Monday morning, as soon as business hours began, we got a placement! The person I spoke to from the ministry said they were aware we were seeking medical babies, but that they were going to start us off a bit simpler with a non-medical baby.
Fast forward a week, and we had a VERY medical baby on our hands!
And we still do!
And we have absolutely NO regrets!!! We are positively besides ourselves, just miserably in love with our morsel!! Ack!!! That attachments hurts sooooo good!!!
So while I can’t tell you all about baby’s direct details, I can tell you all we’ve been learning, and why our life is so much busier now!
A VERY new concept in our home has been tube feeding! I have established a great relationship with people at Saskabilities, where the feeding pump, pole, backpack, and feed bags come from, as well as Nordon Drugs, where syringes, ng tubes, and all kinds of adhesives and preps come from. I have learned how to insert and secure an ng tube, which goes in through the nose and all the way down into the tummy. Believe it or not, this isn’t comfortable for the morsel, and I have become very accustomed to how to manage the struggle, as the tube is removed and reinserted at least a few times a week. Fun is not had by all, but I am an expert at this by now.
The lesser side of things with ng tube feeding is learning to use the pump and actually set up feeds. A fresh feed bag is used each day, inserted through the machine, and attached to the IV pole. Or, if we’re leaving the house, we have a portability backpack that really helps keep things more convenient. Powdered formula has a bit more room for error, so we have gone to buying liquid concentrate and mixing with distilled water to make feeds. Once the milk is mixed, its poured into the feed bag, and the pump is primed, so the baby isn’t fed a full tube of air before the feed.
Once the machine alerts that the feed is finished, it is detached from aforementioned baby, the bag is rinsed out, and the pump is flushed out with fresh water.
The baby end of the tube is likely still full of milk. Before anything else, you need to flush that line with water so the milk doesn’t get old and spoiled before baby’s next feeding. The amount of water, and frankly, the amount of milk, is established with the babys dietician earlier, and is maintained by regular weigh-ins and phone calls, where you decide if the amount is appropriate or needs to be tweaked.
Considering all of this with feeding, it also means every single med, prescription or otherwise, goes in the ng tube, not the mouth. So something as simple as a dose of Tylenol for teething pain means sucking the tylenol up through the special syringe with the ng tip (which have to be procured through medical supply stores) inserting it into the ng, and then following it up with water.
Thats it for feeding!! So far, anyway…
Another new venture for our family has been helmets! Helmetting. Helmet therapy. Call it what you will. I’m sure you’ve seen babies wearing helmets here and there. Its not super common, but also not unheard of.
With helmets, we’ve maintained another important relationship with Saskabilities, in the ortho department. There is one helmet guy in the province. ONE. John. And he is positively wonderful. We have learned the ropes along the way as gracefully as possible. He has taught us how to clean the helmet, with the soap we know suits the baby, and to dry it well and powder it with corn starch before reapplying it to the melon it was custom made for!
As heads shift, so do helmets, and that can lead to some rubbing and sore skin. Some of it can be managed with simple barrier cream, but big changes can lead to open sores. I had the opportunity to speak to our lovely helmet guy while he was away on holidays, and he directed me how to heat the exterior of the helmet and flex it until it it holds in a new position. I was promised that I couldn’t mess something up that our helmet guy could not fix, which was super reassuring and deemed to be true. Helmet therapy gradually gets the baby up to being worn 23 hours a day. Yes. That much. Yes. While they sleep. Always. And yes, surprisingly, they do get used to it. I’ve learned tons about plageocephaly and the levels of severity. It has been a huge learning curve, and a very successful one!! Helmet therapy is EFFECTIVE!!
Fun bonus tip!! You can stick the ng tube into the velcro in the helmet to keep it out of reach. Or, if the tube is on the non-velcro side, you can tape it to the side of the helmet. Multi-use equipment!
I’ve learned how to do inhalers for babies, with aerochambers. Nebulizers for babies. Sometimes the baby hates the nebulizer enough that they need an inhaler after 😳
I’ve witnessed and managed the recovery of all kinds of tests – blood, urine, barium, echos, ultrasounds, scopes, esophograms, TB tests, sweat tests, and countless chest xrays.
I’ve learned an incredible amount about blood oxygen levels and respiratory health. Lung stuff is a HUGE field I’ve never delved into, but like paraplegia and spinal cord injury, you don’t learn that stuff until you need to, or someone you love needs to.
We have had days where the morsel has been attached to an ng tube, oxygen prongs, three leads, a blood oxygen monitor, and an IV. We’ve had days where only the ng sits tight and things are normal. That is what thriving looks like in our case.
I praise the Lord for all we went through before our foster process began, as it prepared us for the world of medical needs, as well as a plethora of appointments, doctors, and changes to manage. I could tour you around our hospitals quite confidently nowadays. The way our life is right now feels very busy, but also very much like what we were meant to do.
Three of my children can confidently, safely accomplish ng feedings, start to finish. Two of our Dahlsjos even learned how over the summer! Everyone pitches in.
A baby with medical needs, delays,, and dysregulation takes extra effort, patience, and time. Lots and lots and LOTS of extra love, which we are SO happy to provide! We are overwhelmed with gratefulness for the people in our lives who are also happy and willing to pour into the life of our little foster babe. To those who have helped keep our family afloat while I’ve been away, learning all of these things, practicing, testing, troubleshooting, recovering, etc., we absolutely could not be afloat without you 💜
We praise the Lord for all we have. Our hearts are full.
