I am one lucky lady to be loved by my husband and children every single day. I do not have to celebrate Valentine’s Day because I feel that affection always. Do I think its fun anyway? Yes, I do. I was pushing for Valentine’s Day date this year, since we haven’t been able to celebrate too much in the last few years, but our anniversary date hit it out of the park, and I couldn’t imagine trying to get ANOTHER date so soon after that one! As I’ve said, I do really hope to go on more dates with my husband this year, but it doesn’t exactly have to be weekly 😉 So today, we have nothing planned. We’ll probably do a bunch of work in the basement this evening, in preparation for the weekend ahead.

Since I don’t have any grand romantic plans to share with you, I’ll just tell you about the people I love the most! Oldest to youngest 😉

Brady Born. That handsome man is MINE. I’ve loved him for quite some time now, but it really doesn’t get old. I’m not even sure which angle of my love to talk about here. He works so very hard for us, and still comes home happy and loving and soft and willing to jump right in and be an involved father and husband. I fear he’s going to burn out on us. He hasn’t yet, but thats Brady. He’s going to keep on keeping on until he finally does burn out before he believes it will ever happen to him 😉 Right, Brady? Burnt out or not, your wife adores you, and appreciated every moment with you!!! You are an incredible man, seeming to only get better and better!! I love you!

Dekker Thomas. My oldest child, and it shows. You are SO responsible, and SO serious, but SOOO loving and sensitive. Dekker asked Brady for help buying me flowers yesterday. They picked me out a bouquet of light pink and white roses. This morning, before school, Dekker was feeling a bit down. I reminded him of the beautiful flowers he had bought me, and he lit right up, asking me if I really liked them, and which color I liked best. He figured the pink. He was right. He has grown so much recently, and I’m loving who and what I’m seeing!! So very proud. Love you, Dekker!

Laela Hazel. The girly. While she is very much a daddy’s girl, she has been SO silly and playful with me in the last few days! I have enjoyed her affection and games immensely. The hugs are longer and the laughs louder. Yesterday, we were running errands in the city. Brady was in the drivers seat, and I had climbed into the passengers seat. Laela quietly said “Mommy…” I looked back at her, and she has this silly grin on. “Want to tickle me?” You’d better believe it! I clicked my seatbelt back off before she could change her mind and I attacked her in her car seat. It was hilarious, and she squealed with joy! I tickled her until she was out of breath, and then hopped back into my spot. She giggled and gasped for a bit, and finally gained her composure before suggesting “Do that again?” I sure love her and her happy heart! Love you, sweet cheeks!

Rowan Toby. He has been so cuddly the last few days. I feel so much love for him, and from him. In the last little while, he has made it a mission to touch faces. As in with our faces. He will come over to me, and point to his face, saying “cheeks.” I then bend down and he’ll squish his face against mine, and just wait. Not for anything. Just for his cheek time to be over. When he’s done, he says “Thanks you!” and beetles off. Its the same with “mouf” and hair, which I’m pretty sure is really just heads. Just wants to lean something against me. He is constantly requesting hugs and kisses, all of which I am happy to provide. Just today, I was sitting beside his high chair while he was eating, and he reached over and just rubbed my shoulder. “There!” he goes. “Nice!” You are SO nice, Ro! I love you!

Solomon Brady. This little boy has been working on so many things recently. Teeth, food, tummy stuff, etc. He’s done his fair share of crying, and has not done his fair share of sleeping. But in between these things, he has the most BEAUTIFUL smile, and the EASIEST laugh to get!! He is an incredibly lovely person, I can already see it all forming. He loves his siblings so much, which warms my mama heart. They really love him too. He fits in SO well. I love you, Solly Wolly!

Theo. I think he gets to be my official valentine this year. While I love all of my kids equally, I miss him more than the others. After yesterday, I know he is officially gone. There is no longer any sign of him within my body. No blood, no hormones, no damage. No physical sign at all. But I know he was there, and he was dearly loved. He still is. Reminiscing about my love for his brothers and sister make me hurt worse for him, because I just know how amazingly well he would have fit into our bunch. Baby boy, you were SO anticipated, and SO loved. I probably would have been able to feel you move by now. But instead, I’ll celebrate my love for you from afar. One day we’ll get a GOOD snuggle in, but probably not for a while. Nothing is certain, thats for sure, but I am CERTAIN that you are precious. And loved. I love you.

Aaaaand this is the part of my day where I go hug my kids and cry. I’m so so fortunate. Spread some of that love around on those around you <3

I went and got my blood taken this morning. This will hopefully be the last time I’ll have to fuss over the physical, medical parts of losing our baby. No more scans, and no more blood work. I’m hoping, anyway. I don’t know for sure what the results will be yet. Until my HCG levels are at zero, I’ll need to keep going back. This is all reopening those feelings I’ve had about anticipating it all being over. They feel crappy, and as I’ve said a number of times, I DO NOT DESIRE for him to be gone. I would give just about anything to keep him safe and alive in my body. I do not like “wanting” him out. But I do understand it, and I don’t think anyone who knows me at all thinks I didn’t want him, and am happy he’s gone. Quite the contrary.

The blood clinic was packed in a way I have never witnessed. There were 20 names on the board, and people were consistently at the desk, checking themselves in and being added to the waiting list. Thankfully, I had asked Brady to check me in online first. Because of that, I waited less than five minutes before going back and getting my blood drawn.

The last few times I’ve gone in, I’ve had the same nurse. She is very efficient, but thats basically all I can say. She doesn’t look a person in the eye, or give ANYTHING extra. I know she’s not required to, but being someone who is not fond of blood work, I appreciate someone who can offer me a bit of banter and distraction. I was really happy to see someone entirely different this time! She was upbeat and chatty, but also very efficient, which was really good, considering the standing room only waiting area. The tension in that clinic today was high. MUCH higher than usual. People were noticeably unhappy, and overwhelmed with the amount of people. When someone would get called back, everyone stared at the open chair. Just in the few minutes I was there, anyway, each time a chair opened, a man immediately took it. While I am completely able bodied and fine to stand, I could see women roll their eyes every time. I’m not saying right or wrong, but just that the tension was palpable. I was pretty relieved when my name was called. I liked my nurse a lot, because she was making a clear effort to be positive and bubbly. It was quite relaxing, even though I was having blood drawn.

From there, I headed back home and fed the kids lunch. The little boys are napping and the big kids are watching some tv and playing Lego. Brady is at work, probably for a longer day than usual, and as for me, I’m trying to plan my week! We found out today that we can get a real start on our basement THIS WEEKEND! Which is both awesome and a bit ominous, as thats coming up fast and we want to be nice and prepared, and its going to take some work. Luckily, we’re having some friends help us, and they’ll likely be more relaxed if we’re not perfectly ready right off the hop, like if things need to be moved around while they work. I’m SO excited that things are going to start!!! I’m more than ready to get things moving on that.

In today’s case, probably a later post would have been smarter, because maybe I would have results from my blood work. But I much prefer to blog in the day, and I can just tell you guys results tomorrow, or whenever I get them.

I’ll leave you with some cute pictures of the kids from yesterday, because I can’t resist.

GAH! Aren’t they adorable?! I accidentally colour themed them, so we couldn’t not take a picture. Or twenty five pictures…

Have a great Monday!

It’s been sooooo long since we helped lead worship at church, but this morning, we were back at it! Our friend Carrie was on the list, and asked us to team up with her. Honestly, it was so nice to be back at church in general, and bringing the music was so fun!

We led a couple of short worship sets, and then sang and played through a time of communion. We closed out the music with a really upbeat song that we really enjoyed singing. I can’t really explain it all, but it was a really really fun andmeaningful time of worship for me.

Durning the time of sharing and prayer, I stood up and told the church about the loss of our baby, and how we’ve been kind of feeling hit after hit. However, last night, Dekker and Laela both said they wanted to invite Jesus to live in their hearts. It was a great encouragement to us, and obviously a very positive and exciting moment for our family! Somehow, in amongst all of our sickness and struggle, our kids haven’t lost sight of God and what’s truly important. I can’t wit to watch them understand God more and more as they grow. I was thrilled to tell the church about these things, and it was all so well received. They prayed for us in the moment, and a handful of people came to speak to us after the service. Once again, so many people could relate to our loss, and encouraged us with gentle words and hugs. It was really lovely. Some people even came to talk to the kids excitedly about their acceptance of Jesus! It was a really nice time being around loving people. We felt so cared for, but like we also played a role in putting into people through leading music. A two way street is the best kind, when you can swing it. It’s not the only kind, but it’s a good kind.

Throughout the whole morning, I was just so pleased with my kids. Dekker went down to children’s church with the other kids his age and up, and Solly slept in the nursery. Laela and Rowan stayed with us in the service, and save for one biff off the bench resulting in a good head bonk, they were nice and quiet and well behaved. We brought pencils and paper, and they flipped through the hymn books on and off, but that was all they needed to be entertained for almost two hours! Thanks for your amazing patience skills, kids!

We had waffle lunch with my parents, and now the afternoon of napping has begun. Should be a pretty relaxed evening around here. I hope you all enjoy your Sunday!

I hope I can talk about this in at least a somewhat judgement-free zone. I know I’m speaking publicly, and of course, that occasionally burns me. I know its a risk, just please be respectful, even if you disagree with me.

*

We’ve all noticed along the way that Rowan has a huge mouth. I LOVE it, honestly. It produces the biggest smiles, loudest laughs, and its fun to smooch. The other day I was personally attacking Rowan while I had him captive on the floor, anticipating a diaper change. I was teasing him, tickling his face with my hair, blowing raspberries on his tummy, and making funny faces. I clenched my teeth and growled at him through a smile. He giggled and did the same back to me. Except his teeth didn’t close. Like not at all.

I kept playing, occasionally asking him to put his teeth together, and they really never got closer together. They just don’t meet.

I didn’t at all go into panic mode, but it did get me thinking a little. I went online and did a little bit of research, and this is what I’ve come up with.

Ro has an “open bite.” Not specifically over or under, but his front teeth are just open in the front. This can very well change with time, as his jaw and face continue to grow. No dentist would ever do anything serious about it until he was around or over the age of 10. I learned that some kids are just shaped that way, but some kids jaws/face/teeth/whatever else start to change shape and develop this type of bite. Sure enough, looking back in pictures, Rowan’s mouth has shifted and become more “open” in the last 6-12 months.

Some people said their kids slept with the big sippy cups in their mouths, and six weeks after switching them over to straw cups, they noticed a difference. Some people swore it was soothers. Or sucking their hands. Now I am NOT saying kids shouldn’t have soothers or sippies or suck their thumbs. I have NO proof that any of that has any effect on anything. Ok? Me NOT bashing those things. And either way, it left me stumped still because Rowan doesn’t use/do those things. Until I remembered his teetee.

Ugh.

He chews on a receiving blanket when he falls asleep. I’ve never taken issue with it, because its been a fabulous way that he handles teething. He chews on the flannel blanket, because its soft but it doesn’t have too much give, that I think it satisfies him. But as I’m sure you’ve seen in pictures, anytime he has his blanket/tee-tee, he shoves as much of it as is humanly possible into his mouth, and just props it open that way. I understand why he started doing it, for teething, but now its a habit, and I think it might be contributing to his mouth shape changing!

I’ve watched it for just a couple of days now, and I can tell I’m not making the open bite thing up. He doesn’t bite anything with his front teeth, because he can’t. I’ll give him a slice of an apple, and he chomps it with his molars. No wonder he always dismantles sandwiches so badly while he eats them! He’s doing fine, as in he eats lots (finally he eats again!) and doesn’t complain. But my current concern is his speech.

Rowan is SO chatty and verbal all of a sudden, but he is my only kid who has the “th” sound down! I’m not worried about his speech at all, but I also see how he forms sounds and at this point, I won’t be surprised at all if he ends up with a bit of a lisp. Can he be an exceptional boy AND have a lisp?? Yes, of course he can! I’m not worried, but it is on my mind.

So with all of this in mind, we’re thinking we have to kick the blanket chewing habit. The afternoon has been the first time we’ve put him down for his nap without his precious tee-tee, and let me tell you. He was PISSED!!! He didn’t just cry. He didn’t want to lay down, and he screamed and screamed. He was SO mad. But we felt very strongly that we needed to stand firm. (This is the part where no one judges us for letting our boy cry. We can do hard things!) Brady went back into his room after a few minutes and tried to comfort him but he just wasn’t having it, so Brady left once again. We had a chat in the living room and came up with a way to potentially soften the blow.

I went downstairs and dug into a big bag of stuffed toys that have been packed up since we left Radisson, and found him his first stuffed foxy. I brought it up and went into his room. He was laying down under his bigger blanket (no, we didn’t take his main blanket, just the little one he chews) shrucking away. Between breaths, he asked me for his teetee. I told him that I was sorry, but he couldn’t have it. He started his act of thrashing and screaming again, and I showed him the stuffed toy. He freaked. I lay it beside him and he threw it around, screaming all the while. I took it out and took a step back. He quieted a tiny bit, and I said that he didn’t have to have it, and that I was sorry that he was so sad. I set it on his dresser nearby, told him I loved him, and kissed him goodnight. As I started to leave, he burst out crying again, and I heard him say “please.” Well, “fease” if you’re Rowan. I turned around, and he was pointing at the fox. I offered it to him, and he grabbed it into a big hug, snorting into its neck. I asked if he was ok, and he said he was. So I left.

He cried much quieter for a couple more minutes, and then he was out. So I guess we’ll see how it goes! It breaks my heart hearing my little guy cry SO HARD for his comfort item, but if there is a chance its hurting him and going to mess with his speech, we’ll power through a hard thing to see if we can get a positive result!

ALL of this being said, he’s coming up on two, and he’s due for a doctors appointment right away here. I’m looking forward to running all of this by Dr. Guselle. Because, I want to be SO clear, so there is no room for people to misunderstand me or think I’m being mean. I do NOT expect my almost two year old to have perfect speech at all. I don’t have an unreasonable expectation. I really don’t! I just want to set him up as best as possible, and if this habit is physically affecting something quite so important, we’re going to try our best to correct it. But we’ll see what the doctor says! I’m confident it’ll be something along the lines of “He’ll keep growing and changing. Just keep watching. As long as he’s eating, he’s fine.” Stuff like that. It just always feels better to hear it from her, somehow.

I’m SO smitten with my Rowan Toby, and I LOVE that big delicious mouth. You should all really come over here and have a visit with my kids. They’re amazing to play with and talk to. My heart is full. <3

See what I did there? Its like a spontaneous date, but all one word. I know, I’m SO witty.

Brady was home today, which worked out great in lots of ways. My mom’s plans for the day had changed and she was going to the city to run some errands. I was due for a grocery shop, so when she called to invite me along, I jumped. Also because I love her. Not just because of groceries.

We did our big grocery shop first, where I planned to grab one or two things, and $110 later, I had cleaned a lot of items off of our list! Woot! I also found a few things I hadn’t managed to find when looking previously, and a bunch of $5 clearance shirts for Laela. Lots of wins.

After Superstore, we hit up a store where my mom bought some baby gifts. She was very sensitive, and made sure I was ok with that part of the trip before we went. And of course I was. I promise, if you’re around me, and pregnant, and desire to tell me, I WANT to know!!! I can comfortably celebrate in your joy while still being sad about my loss. I promise, your baby doesn’t make me feel worse. I won’t lie, though. I did daydream a bit about having a baby while we were in there, but it didn’t hurt my heart. I am genuinely happy for those around me who are having babies.

We lunched at Tony Romas, and then drove home along the river. It was lovely. We could talk about goals and plans and projects and kids and summer. It was SUCH a nice way to spend the daytime hours.

I was pleasantly surprised when I arrived home to find Brady had done SO MUCH at home!! He finished up a bunch of tasks and cleaned up a ton! Thank you, honey, for doing housework while I went out, and not resenting me at all. You’re pretty wonderful.

I think we’re planning on a pretty relaxed evening around here. I hope you guys all enjoy your Friday nights as well!!

So here’s a question. Is it “spilt” or “spilled?” Hmmm… Is it like the whole affect vs effect thing? Is it “spilled” as its happening, but “spilt” once the deed is done? I haven’t the foggiest and I don’t care to look it up. Forgive me if I chose wrong.

Aaaaanyway, the point of the story! I wrote on Facebook a few days ago that some milk had spilled (now this is going to bug me) and looking back in my phone, I have some really good pictures from the whole debacle that need sharing. So not that the story is too riveting, but I’m going to post about it anyway.

So the big story is that Brady was carrying Rowan so he could pluck his sippy cup from the fridge himself. Brady also reached for a jug of milk out of the door. Lo and behold, the shelves in the doors are SO loose and one popped out. Its not the first time its happened, but it was the first time that the jug split open, and began pumping milk out onto the floor, directly under our fridge. Insta-panic, as you can imagine.

I rushed over, but the damage was already done. All of the milk above the break was on the floor, and the rest was contained, as the jug lay on its side.

SUCH. A bummer.

Of course, without babying our house too terribly much, we were not thrilled to know that the milk was sitting on/seeping into our beautiful new flooring. Our fridge is a beast, and it was going to take more than a little wiggle to get it out from the wall. Brady ran out to the garage and grabbed a pail of tools (yes, a ail, don’t question us) and began to take the front cover off the bottom of the fridge, lift the little feet up, and then finally start pulling it out. While he did this, I took Rowan from him and prayed with the kids at the table. Thankfully, it was perogies, and Rowan just likes his plain so he could eat them by himself, as could the other kids. I headed back to attempt to help Brady with the sticky task at hand.

Cleanup was what you’d expect. Brady muscled the fridge out, we soaked up as much as we could with towels, and wiped the floor up multiple times with water to de-stickify everything. During this time, I was ducking in and out of the job, and helping the kids get more food and drink, and they eventually all finished their food and asked to be excused. I tried to contain them until the mess itself was cleaned back up, but once that was done, I said everyone could be free, and instantly, we had helpers, haha!

Do kids really help in these scenarios? No, not really, but I LOVE how much Dekker wanted to help! Look at his face!! He was WORKING.

Once the fridge was pushed back, it was time to lower the little feet and screw the cover back on. Once again, help came.

Laela and Rowan weren’t feeling as effective with this part of the job so they took it upon themselves to bring their daddy as many of his tools as possible. We all love to have options, right? 😉

I love their desire to help, no matter the circumstances or limitations. They always try. Rowan begs me every morning to try to carry the milk to the table. Most days. I pass it to him and he set it down on the floor, and says “Nope. Help please.” But if its a really really empty jug, he carries SO much pride in his ability to help! I love that about these little ones <3 One of the many qualities that I find so unbelievable about them.

Anyway, the milk debacle is all taken care of. We still have milk, and the floor isn’t sticky. I knew it was bound to happen with those silly shelves being so flimsy, but now we’ve been there. We’ve seen, haha! While I don’t desire to have to do that on a regular basis, at least we know the steps, and it’ll happen even quicker next time.

Thanks, everyone on Facebook, who made me feel a bit more normal about breaking open a jug of milk. Its really nice to know its just us!

Well, my latte machine kicked the bucket this morning. Not to be dramatic, but it was a bit hard to get over, and I was grouchy. Not the best of excuses, but its just reality. And the kids were a special breed of fighters today, so it was just a rocky morning. They were pretty cute, though! And yes, they’re back in their fuzzy sleepers. Can’t get enough! Except Dekker, for whatever reason.

This was Dekker’s drawing of what my hair looks like, haha!

Sollys teeth that you’ve been hearing so much about! That last top middle tooth has been working overtime, but hasn’t made an appearance just yet. He’s just going through it, poor boy, but he’s still SO sweet and friendly!!

I got the kids lunch and went to plop down in the living room, to get a break from all of the fighting. And I overheard a super cute conversation between Dekker and Laela that I have to share! Because they’re cute, and I love them, even when they fight. It was a good break for me, and then I had a nice chat on the phone with Brady that added some motivation to my day. Feeling much better now.

Anyway, the convo!!

Laela: Rowan isn’t a baby anymore.
Dekker: He’s a toddler.
Laela: Wait, Rowan is a baby still…
Dekker: Nope, he’s a toddler. A toddler is like, it’s like a baby and a big guy.
Laela: That’s right! I’m a big guy too!
Dekker: That’s right Laela! You’re grown up.
Laela: And baby Solly is a baby.
Dekker: Right. And babies live in jumparoos.

Cute, right?? I know that not everyone finds joy in the things that moms find joy in, but I really thought it was an endearing chat 🙂 It made me smile when I hadn’t done much of that yet today.

Thanks, kids, for doing your best to keep good attitudes, even on hard days. We’ve got this!

Brady and I have been married for eight years! They have been loaded years. Specifically this last year. I think I can safely say its been our most challenging year yet, but with some solid good thrown in there! There were lots of moves, including the one into our HOME. We had a beautiful baby boy, and lost a beautiful baby boy. We had some pretty solid marital roadblocks, and were sick for MONTHS. But we’ve come out on the other side, and there has been no love lost between us. I am entirely enamoured with my husband, and our vows still stand. Through thick and thin, my love. We’ve got this!

Last night, we had the privilege of going on a date. We got all dolled up and headed out for a 5:00pm supper at Cactus Club. It was SO delicious! I tried to take a picture of our pretty drinks…

and that was the last supper picture I took, as it was clear to me they weren’t going to work out how I had in mind. Also, because it was all far too yummy and I wanted to eat rather than snap pictures. Brady had a steak and I had chicken with mushrooms. And then sides and drinks. And then we split a cheesecake for dessert. It was divine, and we were out at the perfect time. Right at 6:00pm.

I know, it seems like an early date, but we had a concert to get to!! Marianas Trench was in town, and in case you didn’t already know, they put on SUCH a great show! I’ll admit to loving their music, but I feel like anyone would enjoy their show, even if the music wasn’t entirely their thing. They’re very entertaining and engaging and funny. And ultra talented, which helps. And I can now speak from experience and say that being in the front row makes it SO MUCH BETTER!!

Maybe I’m just old, but when we discovered there would actually be seats, I was SO excited!!! Being front row meant we could lean on that metal fence and he super duper close, but it also meant no one was pushing us around from behind, and we could actually be comfortable and pain-free!! Also, sitting down between the four acts!!

First was a local band that I actually can’t remember the name of, which is too bad because they were actually pretty decent!! Then was “Virginia to Vegas” who seemed to only sing super dirty songs, and I didn’t find super catchy. But he had good energy. Shawn Hook was the main opener, and he did awesome 🙂 VERY well received by the crowd, and he just genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself, running around on stage, being a bit of a weirdo. It was really good.

Buuuuut Marianas Trench took the cake, as they always do.

Like I said, we were REALLY CLOSE!

We haven’t been to see them in almost four years. I had to look back. It was mid April, 2014, when they were touring with their last album. And that show was INCREDIBLE! It was so theatrical, and entertaining, and I loved every minute of it. But this one was better! It definitely had less production to it, but they were so engaging and chatty and entertaining and GAH! I loved every minute of it.

The single downfall of this all happening yesterday was that today, our actual anniversary, life was back to normal.

Except, fun surprise, it isn’t!! Brady got to work, and due to him being given the wrong dates on a house, HE’S HOME!! Lol! Not the best way to kick off the day, but I’m not complaining about having my man at home!!

Isn’t he handsome?? 😍

He brought coffee and breakfast home, as well as a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Grower Direct!

The little boys are in bed, and Laela is relaxed, watching some Netflix. Dekker is at school, and Brady and I are having some lunch together in just a few minutes. Off to my all day home date I go!!

Have a good “Hailey and Brady’s anniversary” day!!!

I’m sure almost all of you have seen these Carters sleepers before. You know the ones I mean. It seemed that every picture of kids I saw included at least one kid in this sleeper. Because it was festive, and not ugly, and very soft and cozy.

We bought the kids these luxurious sleepers this Christmas, as a fun gift that they could all wear and match. We also bought a little bitty one for them to open together. That was how we told them I was pregnant with another little sibling for them.

Now, we’ve obviously learned of the baby’s passing. Since learning this, Theo’s sleeper has been squished into our 0-6 month rubbermaid tub of kids clothing for whenever its useful to someone. The kids still have their sleepers around, but yesterday, for the first time since Christmas, we put them all in the same jammies, just for fun.

Funny how little things trigger bigger things. I LOVED seeing my beautiful four little soft kids all snuggled up together! And I KNOW that a baby born mid-summer would never have worn that sleeper anyway. But it still brought up all of the feels. YIKES! I wanted that baby. Oy. My heart hurts.

I wish you could all come snuggle these incredibly soft people today, because they are SO comforting and warm. I’m SO grateful to have four beautiful little loves here on earth, and while I will NEVER forget our Theo, I am hopeful that we will have the chance to have more kidlets wearing matching jammies in our future. Not today, and not tomorrow, but hopefully not too terribly far down the road.

Let’s wind this up. I don’t mean to whine. I’m just trying to be straight up about how I’m feeling. And I’m still feeling a lot of feelings. Lots of them are sad, but some are hopeful and peaceful. They’re getting better. But I’m still sad every day. I just want to be honest. But I am SO grateful to God for the kids I DO get to hug and kiss every day. Just look at them! They’re so wonderful…

So many feelings. Just from jammies.

Dekker’s went to a birthday party this afternoon in the city, and the rest of us lurked at Value Village nearby for the two hours that the party took. I haven’t done a shop there with the whole family in a very long time, if I ever even have. I don’t remember. I have a vague memory of going with Brady, Dekker, and Laela.

We dropped Dekker off and headed to the store. Of course we had forgotten to bring a stroller, and Brady and I were both shopping for some clothes, so wearing Solly wasn’t an ideal option. And of course, the carts are small and only have one little spot to sit in them. So Solly rode in the cart and Rowan and Laela walked with us. They actually all did surprisingly well!!

An hour and a half at Value Village got us a greta haul! Brady got four flannel work shirts, I got a shirt and a tshirt dress, Dekker got a pair of jeans, Laela got the next size up in jeans, and a couple of shirts, Rowan got a sweater and a sized up shirt, and Solly got some shoes for summer. Big wins all around, for sure. We still had a half hour to kill before getting Dekker, so we got coffee from Tims and parked for a bit. Poor little boys just couldn’t dose off, and were therefore wiped out and a bit fussy, but they did ok.

Dekker was really happy after the party. I asked him his favorite part, and he responded that he liked everything. He told me his closest friend from school was there, which he was really happy about, and he said the birthday boy had given him a big hug after opening his present. It seemed like he had really enjoyed his time. It wasn’t all that long ago that he would never have accepted us leaving him somewhere unfamiliar, but he was very brave and made the most of it! I’m so glad he’s making friends and gaining confidence 🙂 That was honestly the main thing that I wanted him to take from kindergarten!

Now, we’re home. Solly is sleeping and the others are playing with the tv on in the background. Laundry is humming and Brady cleaned the island top off, which just feels SO much nicer! Its a good way to wind up Sunday. I hope this is all we do for the rest of the day.