Brady had a chunk of time off last week and yesterday, but today, he was back to work, which put me back in my usual morning routine of getting the kids up and fed, and everything else that goes along with that. This morning was no different than my usual mornings when Brady’s at work, but its been a little while since I had to do a morning on my own, and truthfully, I felt SO overwhelmed.

Once again, I didn’t sleep well and had a rough time getting out of bed. But thats nothing new. The kids were cute, chatting together, but all tucked into their beds still. It was quite endearing, until they opened their mouths. Each one had one story or another of how someone had wronged them or broken a rules or whatever else. I shut it down right away and said its a new day, we won’t worry about those things, let’s just get breakfast going. Dekker and Laela ran to get the table set up while I changed Rowan’s diaper. Ro had a pretty rough evening yesterday, and we were kind of recapping what he needed to try to do differently today, but while that’s going on, Laela and Dekker began screaming at the top of their lungs.

I went to figure out what the deal was in the dining room, and it was (as usual) an argument over colors of dishes. I really wish Ikea would make those exact kids dishes but just in one color. Just one. Like a whole pack of yellow everything. It would just make my life so much easier, haha! So I stopped that and we all decided to be happy with the colors that we had. Screaming started back up again over the presence of a fly in our house, but once again, we just had to let it happen. Once everyone was settled and eating, I got up and went to tackle the dishes.

For whatever reason today, I just couldn’t get over myself. The dishes weren’t even that messy. A handful of usual dishes, plus pots and such from last nights supper were on the counters, in the sink, and on the island. Once I started handling it, everything with sticky and gooey and so smelly, and I just wasn’t handling it well. I also knew in the back of my mind I had to pull out chicken before it got too far into the morning so I could get supper into the crock pot on time. But the thought of handling chicken wasn’t especially appealing to me either, with my hands already covered in spoiled milk and congealed gravy. However, it had to be done. So I went to pull out the chicken and put it in the sink to thaw for a little bit. I burned through the dishes as fast as I could before going to the table and helping the little boys get their yogurt. Of course, with every step I took, I crushed Cheerios under my feet. I was just SO over the mess and grossness of my house, and I was in such a bad mood.

Dekker: Has this been a good start to your day, mommy, or a bad one?
Me: Its been a bit hard. Not bad, but a bit hard.
Dekker: Why has it been hard?
Me: I didn’t sleep very well, and then you guys were all angry at each other right away, and now our whole kitchen and dining room is messy. It feels like a lot of work to do when I’m tired. But its ok.
Dekker: Thats too bad. Maybe if I vacuumed, that would help?

This kid. He offered to help, which was so lovely. And he made good on it, too. When everyone had finished breakfast and cleared their dishes, Dekker pulled out the vacuum and got on it. I moved the chairs for him, but that was it! He did the rest all on his own.

Once the work was done, he put the vacuum away, and I put the table back together. Then, Laela invited the boys to join her in their room, and they hauled in a ton of books, and read stories for probably close to an hour. It. Was. Awesome.

Of course, I spent that hour on my butt, resting a bit and eating cereal. My chicken spent that hour “cooking” on the “keep warm” setting of my crock pot. Sigh. Can’t do it all, I suppose.

Thank goodness, we survived the morning, and lunch, and now half the gang is napping. I can’t figure out what to eat so I’ve got a small plate of baby carrots and ranch sitting beside me. The big kids are playing Lego and we’re taking it easy. Despite the rough start, I think its been a pretty nice morning.

It is mind-boggling to me that I’m 12 weeks, all of a sudden!! I love that my dates changed 🙂 It was a pretty serious upper from last week. Obviously, since then, I decided to shift the day that my I’m posting my series, but it feels so much more organized in my head this way. (Oh gosh, I wrote that it felt more organized in my heads. Sooo maybe I’m not as together as I thought!)

Shall we begin?

Comparison/Size: My baby is roughly the size of a toy soldier, though likely not as skinny or as green. According to the ultrasound, the baby was 4.13 cms, crown to rump. Even though the baby is small, it appears that they need a lot of extra room to move around, because guys, the bloat is ON! But I’m thankful for it, actually. Through my first trimester, I have been fairly consistently nauseous, but I’m actually strangely happy to report than I gained weight!! I don’t think I shared numbers or anything back in the day, but I will say I have gained four pounds from my first weigh in around 6 weeks until now. I started this pregnancy actually a bit under the weight I was aiming for, so I’m happy to have gained a bit, rather than losing a bunch thanks to the constant nausea. I feel very well taken care of in that way.

How am I feeling mentally: Honestly, I feel pretty good. Probably the best I’ve felt yet. I feel some good reassurance that the baby in my womb is growing and thriving. As Theo’s due date comes closer, I’m definitely feeling more sadness and mourning in my heart. But I have learned as the days roll on that I am capable of missing my precious Theo, and wanting him to still be with us, while I celebrate the new life that God is growing in my body, and anticipating another little person joining our family. I was trying to organize my thoughts a while back and someone had said something that had really cleared up how I was feeling. Long story short, she told me that option 1, having Theo, would’ve been amazing. Truly wonderful. He would’ve been a perfect addition to our family. But option 2, having the little papoose, will also be truly wonderful. I didn’t have to choose, and the outcome was completely out of my control. And while I LOVE baby Theo, I also LOVE this baby. So I’ve been able to sort my thoughts out a little bit again, and remember that losing Theo was so so hard, and I wish he could be here with us, but I have been fortunate enough to be given another little baby to carry and love on, for which I am very thankful. So honestly, emotionally, mentally, all the ways, I’m feeling pretty good. Pretty hopeful.

How am I feeling physically: Eh :/ Same old, same old. Still pretty nauseous, and actively on my medication. I had my first bout of crazy right leg pain the evening after our lake day, which I was a bit discouraged about. If you’ve been around here long enough, you know my right leg gives out on my pretty early in pregnancy, to a point where any amount of walking will suddenly leave my leg in so much pain, it can barely hold my weight. In my pregnancy with Solly, it got to the point of crawling to the bathroom in the night, or hopping on one leg. It was the closest I ever came to thinking I needed to ride the scooter through the grocery store because I just couldn’t walk it all. With the first bout of it having reared its ugly head so early, I think I’m going to head to my physiotherapist sooner than later and see what she can tell me and how I can cope through it. The right leg and pelvic pain are what make my pregnancies challenging, so if there is any way to curb at least some of that pain, I want to learn how!

Appointments: YES! You may have already read, but I had an ultrasound on Wednesday, and a prenatal on Thursday! I learned that my baby is measuring according to the original dates that I had come in with, so that bumped me a few days further ahead in my pregnancy, which was so exciting. The baby was so active, moving all of its limbs, bouncing around, etc. We heard later at my doctors appointment that everything looked right and clear and as it should. Beyond that, I got my physical and entered in all of our family history information. All the details are in order, and my new due date is on record. We picked out the student doctor who would be following us this time around, but we won’t actually see him until the fall. I’m fine with that 🙂 I love appointments with my doctor on her own when I can get them. The best! The most exciting part of last weeks appointment was hearing the heartbeat. A nice strong beat, hanging out in the 150-160 bpm zone. The baby was sitting higher up in my uterus higher than either of us were anticipating, which is why it took so long to find, but I’m so glad we did. Got it on video and everything! It was a great, encouraging appointment.

Buys/Wish List: I finally bit the bullet and ordered some shorts online the other day. Mine are just pinching and hurting and uncomfortable, and finally someone pointed out that the tight tight shorts are only going to make me more bloated, which is correct! So I’m rocking some really old, out of style bottoms while I wait for my new ones to arrive. I really hope they fit!! Would love to just have some comfy bottoms!

How are the kids feeling: They’re happy. Dekker is probably the most talkative about the baby. He mentions it pretty much daily, just wondering how big it is, what its name is, if its a boy or a girl, etc. The kids have also been consistently praying for the baby before bed, which I like a lot.

The BEST thing about being pregnant this week: I think its pretty obvious. The very best thing was our scan, and the reassurance gained from it. Seeing the baby so active and SO developed already was amazing. That scan showed us as slightly past 11 weeks. My last 11 week scan had revealed to us that our baby had died, and coming off of that, this one felt like our very first ultrasound for our very first baby. It was all so brand new and exciting. I cried. It was just awesome to see life growing in my body. Unbelievable. Miraculous, no matter which way you look at it. I’m so thankful.

Anything else: Ummmmm…I don’t think so. I think I’ll start a gender prediction tally soon 🙂 feel free to wager a guess in advance, but I understand wanting to give an educated guess as well 😉 I feel like I know which way the scale will be weighted though, haha! We shall see!

Pictures: First, some ultrasound photos. The best of the bunch. I love that my ultrasound place has gotten past only giving out one picture! I got eight this last time!!

You can see both of little papoose’s hands here!

A footy foot!!

And that bumpity bump again! Its getting round! 😳

Part of me is shocked to already be showing, but hey, I’m 12 weeks! So I’m actually really happy about it. I’m looking forward to being super noticeably pregnant so no one has to wonder 😉

This was just such an uplifting week for me. I feel like I’m in a better space than I have been leading up to this point. I hope it just keeps getting better and more encouraging and exciting. Oh and hey, if anyone wants to pray for something specific, please join me in prayer than the baby’s placenta implanted behind the baby. My last three babies have had their placenta on top of them, and it takes so much longer to feel movement when the baby has to kick through a big slab of meat, basically. I want to feel that movement as soon as possible, and gain that reassurance that comes along with it. I know it seems like a small thing, but it would do a serious favor for my heart. So if you want to pray for a detail, there’s a little one 🙂

I hope you all started off your work week right! Enjoy the sunshine and avoid the tornados! ☀️🌪️☀️

Alrighty! Here goes another post of pictures of a day at the lake! 🌊 I don’t think we’ll ever NOT love going to the lake. This season, the kids only love it more and more. Driving home from the lake, they’re already asking to go again tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to our vacay in a few weeks!!! And obviously, so are the kids! I should really make sure we have life jackets for everyone, though, in case they do get brave enough to go further out. I think we have something for most of them, but I think Dekker may have outgrown his. 🤔 I’ll have to do some looking around and planning.

The BEST pictures we got of the kids were right at the beginning of our day, when we had bought some treats from the bakery and went to eat them in a little sheltered cook shack to get away from the wind. Though I feel like I need to preface this by saying that Dekker was SO BUSY on our day away that he was almost impossible to get a picture of! So if there are less photos of him, its not because we love him any less. Its because he would much rather jump around and explore than pose for a picture or even show his face, haha!

With it being windy and iffy out, we didn’t pull out the sand toys after all, and stuck to the playground. Some kids even joined Dekker on the teeter totter! I thought he’d have a conniption with how high up that older girl kept bumping him. SO high up, and with SUCH a hard bounce. But nope, he handled it. Way to go, Dekker!

Solly was also SOOO CUTE!!!

Beyond that, we did some more touring the town and walked over to the pier to see the water.

It was so dark and wavy, but SO gorgeous. I would’ve loved to just jump right in!

They tried a hill along the way, but the little miss got stuck <3

It was a fairly short day at the lake this time around, but again, I’m so glad we went 🙂 It just gets better and better.

I can’t wait to go back!

I’ve had some feedback both ways, and I decided to move my blog series to Monday. I could just roll with the series as is, but honestly, for my memory, I would rather do it on my roll over day. While I love not having to think too much on a Saturday, and just be excited about my pregnancy, but that’ll be almost nicer on a Monday, when reality hits again and its often a very tired day. Monday will be good. So I’m SORRY about the switcheroo, but thinking totally selfishly, I’m changing it to Monday because I want to. Just me 🙂

So since we’re NOT talking details on the baby on today’s post, I was planning to post pictures from our lake day yesterday. However, thanks to our lake day and thanks to the baby, I am completely wiped out, and haven’t loaded up the pictures off of the camera, haha! That might be a post for tomorrow. Don’t judge me. It’ll happen, I promise.

Today has been a pretty busy day, actually! Brady set his alarm for 7:00 to prepare for the day, and once again, I didn’t sleep well and was awake and disoriented long before then. I dragged my sorry behind out of bed not too long after he did, once I caught wind of the fact that he couldn’t locate the permit and information we had about our basement development. By the time I came down to help, though, he had recovered it from who knows where, and the plan was fine and in motion. Shortly after 8:00, his friend from work showed up and they began the tedious process of measuring out the basement, placing the interior walls, and finally, building them.

While that all played out, I was upstairs, feeding the kids and spending the morning with them. They’re all grossly overtired from our day away yesterday, it seems. Laela felt super sick first thing this morning, but perked up a bit. Rowan was super on edge, as was Solly. Dekker seemed to have it together pretty well, which I am thankful for. That makes one of us! But we rocked a very low key morning. I had planned to take the kids out while the work was going on, but the first cut of the saw didn’t seem to bother anyone, and we didn’t manage to get our hands on the ram set we needed to hammer into the concrete, which eliminated the super loud part. Dekker commented, after the saws and compressors had begun making noise “Hmmm, that’s not too bad. I must be a bit older now…” He’s correct, lol! The friend who came to help could only stay until 1:00, so we just rolled with the semi-noisy morning, and everyone lived. No biggie. Thank goodness.

I started to fade hard coming up on noon, so I dragged myself up off my butt and got the kids some lunch. Solly was resisting his food in a pretty big way, and whatever food I could get into his mouth, he’d remove with him fingers, check it out, and put it back in if he desired it. And then his gooey hands would rub aaaaall over his face, into his eyes and brows and nose and all the places. And WOW did that turn my stomach today!!! I could barely handle it! I admit, I put both he and Rowan down for their naps still sticky. I was so very tired, and so grossed out, and so so sick. It was just over for me.

The basement is on pause for the day, and I’m BUSHED. I’m heading to bed to rest. I’m out a bit this evening and at this rate, I will not be fun, so I’ve got to sleep a bit or doze or something. Wish me luck!!

And seriously, hopefully switching up the series doesn’t mess with anyone’s heads too much. I will just be so much easier on my mind this way.

We spent another day at Waskesiu. The forecast was for BEAUTIFUL weather and for whatever reason, the actual weather was somewhat disappointing :/ All morning, it was VERY windy, and rained on and off. The water looked amazing, and as a kid, I would have been all over that, but it would have frozen and terrified our kids. So our plans to actually get the kids in the water this time didn’t exactly pan out. Merp.

But it was ok. We rolled with it. While we waited for the rain storm that followed us to town to decide what it wanted to do, we grabbed cinnamon buns and found a cook shack to eat our treat in. Once we figured the rain had moved on for at least a little while, the kids busied themselves with the big playground on the beach. It was more chaotic this time, with obviously many more people around, and all three of the big kids running in opposite directions. But Brady and I just kept counting to three, playing with Solly, and praying for some sun.

The sun did come out after a while, and the kids were positively loving standing up to their knees in the lake and getting splashed around. They probably would have loved to get into swim stuff and get wet, but sadly, at that point, it was getting on in the afternoon and Solly was SHOT and desperately needing a nap. Rowan wasn’t far behind him in that department either. So instead, we said goodbye to the beach and the playground, and went for a walk around town so Solly could rest in the ergo with me, and Ro could ride in the stroller for a bit. (Jami! I stuck my head into your store but you weren’t there!! Booooo!)

We found a little play structure tucked away by the community hall, so the big ones played there while I worked to get Solly to sleep. No dice. That poor kid went from total stillness to crying and twitching back to staring blankly. He just couldn’t get there. He needed a drive.

So once again, instead of going to one of the fun local places for supper, we headed out a couple of hours earlier than anticipated, and drove to PA for supper. All four of the kids slept on the drive there, and were nice and refreshed in time for supper. Win win.

We’re home now, and everyone is tucked in for bed. I admit, my body is CRYING. Its so silly. We walked the loop of the town twice. Thats really all we did for exercise today. Maaaybe a bit more. I did run to and from the beach to the van a couple of times to get things, but it was a pretty low key day. But my legs feel like I’ve been running and running and running. They can barely hold me up anymore. My lower back hurts and my arms just want to hang there. I wasn’t even that active!!! Its pretty brutal, and annoying, honestly. I’m not pregnant enough to feel this wiped out, and I wasn’t busy enough to feel this wiped out, so I guess I’m just a wimp :/ Don’t love that conclusion, but I’m a bit of a loss otherwise.

I’m bushed. I’ll post some pictures soon. Not today. Another day. The kids were far too cute not to post. But it just cannot be today. Tomorrow is busy too. We shall see!

I think I’m going to talk about my appointment today, and I’ll leave out a few details and put them in the series post, so there isn’t too much overlap, I promise! I don’t want to get boring and repeat myself too much, but I also don’t want to wait to post about my appointment, because I think I’m going to change my series day to Tuesday. It’ll just be easier to remember my rollover day that way 🙂 Aaaaanyway…

I had a prenatal appointment this morning. My last one was five weeks ago, and it wasn’t with Dr. Guselle, but with a student doctor. Conveniently, we knew her and all was well, but I haven’t seen my doctor since the dreaded week between finding out Theo had died, and actually making the decision to help him come out of my body and officially “losing” him. It wasn’t our best visit, so it was really good to see her today and catch back up.

We brought the whole gang, which we haven’t done in a while. It was a LOUD appointment, haha, but it was really good 🙂 It was the “big” appointment, so it was filling out the long sheet of questions, the family history, the physical, trying to hear the heartbeat on the doppler for the first time, etc. It was a long appointment, but I actually really like the big appointment. It makes me feel organized and a bit more ready, and like its all real. Plus, I have had enough normal paps in the last few years to not need one for a couple now, so I know its too much info, but YAY for not needing a pap today! Win!

While the kids pushed around the rolly chairs and climbed on and off the exam table, we went through all the questions. There was a very interesting moment when we went through basic info/history of our kids, and Brady and I disagreed about when Solly’s birthday was! Hahaha! It was the ultimate parent fail moment, where I thought it was one day and Brady thought it was another, and we both had legit reasons that we knew we were right. I’ll toot my own horn here and say that Dr. Guselle laughed at us, looked it up herself, and I was right. Whew! 😅 But I was really starting to wonder if I had it wrong!!! Panic to the max!

My physical went fine, nothing riveting to report on that. I’ve gained some weight, but I’ve ben eating nonstop to keep my nausea at bay, so I can’t complain or be surprised. My blood pressure was fine, nothing swollen anywhere weird, lymph nodes are all happy, ab muscles are all nicely connected to one another, lungs are clear, etc. She felt for my uterus in my lower abdomen and sure enough, there it was! Not the bump I’ve been anticipating, but she commented right away that it was right there. I felt for it, and it was hard in that spot, just not very raised, but I’m not picky! She grabbed the doppler next and began the hunt for the baby’s tiny little heartbeat. We saw it only yesterday on our ultrasound, but I still really appreciated that she tried for it. It was a longer hunt, and she mentioned that sometimes, baby is still tucked so far down that it might not be possible to find. She asked if I would be nervous or worried if I left todays appointment not hearing it, and I assured her it would be fine. I mean I JUST saw it the day before. But she kept on hunting. We kept having moments where we’d just look at each other, positive we had just heard but it, but just couldn’t pin it down. She kept digging for it, as low as she could possible get her doppler down, and then out of nowhere, she found the baby, waaay high up! Higher up than I thought my uterus even came! We were both happily surprised, and I thanked her for trying so hard to find it for me. It was a strong, fast heartbeat, and we even managed to get it on video! (I wish it was as easy to add a video on here as it is to add a picture, but it has to be through YouTube or something similar, and I just don’t always think it would matter enough to people to put in the extra effort. Merp.) It was a really really uplifting appointment, and I feel more and more like this is all real. IT IS!!

All of the kids were pretty over it by the time we left, but Dr. Guselle walked us out to the desk and made sure everyone got set up with a sticker of their choice first 🙂 Pretty perfect that there were Paw Patrol stickers this time around! We got all that we needed, and I booked an appointment for Solly on the way out, since I keep forgetting he needs his one year vaccines!! Its ok, I’m only maybe 6 weeks behind, I’m not as far behind as I’ve been in the past!!

Todays appointment just felt like a great success 🙂 I feel optimistic about our baby and my pregnancy and what is to come. I feel encouraged and excited and thankful. Its a good way to feel at the end of a morning at the doctors!!!

I mentioned back on the weekend that I had booked an ultrasound for this week, and that I wasn’t sure when to share about it, whether to wait for the series I post on Saturday, or on the day. I’m not excellent at waiting, and SO much of pregnancy is waiting, so I decided to talk about at least some of it today. Because waiting is the worst. And also because I now have some decisions to make that I wasn’t expecting!

We ran the morning fairly normally. The kids got up, ate breakfast at a snails pace, and got dressed to go. We made decent time, miraculously, and doddled in the van for a few minutes before going in to the ultrasound clinic. The last time we took all of the kids into an ultrasound was when I was at the halfway point with Solly. It was at a different clinic, and the kids had done fine. We hadn’t brought anyone more than Solly since then, and just hoped they’d be low maintenance during the scan. At least we were back at our usual place, where each little exam room has a toy corner! Woot!

The kids waited very patiently in the waiting room, and it wasn’t too long before we were called in. We see the same tech every time we go in, which is good. At first, it was a bit strange, because she was very quiet and nervous, it seemed. She saw us a lot during the time that we suffered our miscarriage. So. Many. Ultrasounds. And all to confirm that the baby was gone, rooting for the baby to be gone. It was such a hard time. I knew she was nervous when she first saw us with this pregnancy. We all so badly wanted it to be a positive experience. The more we’ve seen her, she’s loosened up and gotten to know us a bit better 🙂 We like her a lot.

She was very relaxed, even with the crew of children we brought along with us. She asked if everything was going well so far with the pregnancy, and we got right to the scan. As soon as I lifted my shirt up for her to scan my tummy, she commented on how I had grown a little. I can TOTALLY HONESTLY say it warmed my heart. I laughed and said “I hope its all baby in there!”

And sure enough, there was indeed a baby in there 🙂 I cried. Guys, a WHOLE BABY is in there! Two hands, two arms, two legs, two feet, with a big ole head, a little bum, and a beautiful heart, beating confidently 161 times per minute. The baby was tucked a little funny, and the tech had me go pee, but asked me to leave some in there. Guys. Have you ever tried to do that? Its hard! Haha! But I could, so YAY!, for Hailey’s awesome pelvic floor and bladder control! 🙌 I came back feeling much more comfortable, and she gave us a whole other tour of the baby, picking out which legs bones were which, which hand was where, and BEST of all, we got to watch our baby move around! Baby bounced with their feet, and wiggled their hands around lots! It was amazing, and mesmerizing, and brought my heart so much joy. Of course, she couldn’t tell me anything in great detail, but as far as I could tell, it seemed complication-free.

The one thing I did learn that was actually pretty awesome was that the baby was measuring big! Now back in the day, at my first ultrasound, according to my dates, I should have been 5 weeks 5 days, but baby was only measuring 5 weeks exactly. I was sure my baby had actually stopped growing and we just didn’t know it yet. Then about a week and a half later, at a follow up ultrasound, baby was following those dates, just short one day at 6 weeks 3 days. So we went with that date. Well today, based on those dates, I should be 10 weeks 4 days, but instead, baby measured 11 weeks 1 day!!! Lots of numbers to follow, but basically, I’m back to my original dates! I wasn’t terribly worried about dates at this point, but it makes me heart happy that my initial numbers were right 🙂 Mama knows best!

I’ve been a bit floaty since  Now I’m left with a pretty silly quandary that I hope you guys can help with. What in the world do I do now about my blog series? I was doing it on my rollover days, being Saturday, as that was THE DAY I would turn however many weeks. I did my ten week update on Saturday, and now I’m already past eleven weeks. Sooooo what should I do? Keep Saturday’s but skip a week numberwise? Or talk about how the bulk of my 11th week has looked, even though its not over at that point? Should I move the series to Tuesday, to have it on my rollover day, and just skip the 11 week update? Guys, I don’t know! Any thoughts? I know I’ll make the final decision but I’d love to know what makes the most sense to you guys! Care to share?

Did anyone else have a super strange night last night?? To be fair, there were tornado warnings left and right, and the city just twenty minutes from us was experiencing hail and flooding and all kinds of crazy. Here at home, he got one brief but serious downpour, with lots of lightening long afterwards. The lightening was convenient, because we lost power for a decent chunk of time. So obviously, the sky and weather were off, so I was, too.

Too bad the kids were off too :/ Dekker woke up randomly around 10:00 and was talking super loudly. We went in and he was complaining that his water bottle was empty. He was loud enough that he woke Laela and lulled Rowan, too. Thankfully Solly slept through it. Dekker also mentioned he had gotten up to pee but the light wouldn’t turn on. By that point, I had lit a candle, and set it in the bathroom, so both he and Laela took a bathroom break and went back down to bed. Not before Laela terrorized him for a little while, though, knocking his water bottle over constantly and pestering him. We managed to shut them down and eventually they fell back to sleep.

We played a bit of SkipBo on the floor by candle light, and watched the lightening light the sky up in the open fields just across the street from us. It was relaxing, and beautiful, but it was getting so late.

I usually feel kind of strange going to bed when the power is out. I don’t know why, necessarily. I like to know when it comes back on, which is part of it. I also don’t like waking up to the obnoxious beeping that happens when the appliances all gain power again. I just don’t like not knowing, if I can help it. But unfortunately, we couldn’t help it last night.

I don’t even know when we went to bed, but I took my pill and was out like a light. Until around 1:30, that is, when I lulled awake and noticed a light was on somewhere in the house. I woke Brady (aren’t I nice?) and told him there was a light on somewhere. He rolled out of bed and went to find it and turn it off. It was the main bathroom light, likely from before when Dekker had tried to use the washroom, so we didn’t think to check it before we went to bed. As Brady went to turn the light off, he heard a big thump, which turned out to be Laela falling out of bed! Don’t ask me why, but she bit it right when Brady was walking down towards their rooms. So he went in and helped her back into bed, and told her goodnight again. SO weird.

I woke around 6:30, which is not at all my normal. I heard Solly give a couple of good wails, but stopped pretty quickly on his own. I checked the monitor to confirm that he wasn’t stuck between the bars again, which thank goodness, he wasn’t. And then I lay still and tried desperately to fall back to sleep. No dice. Finally, around 7:30, Brady woke up and offered to make coffee for my poor zombie self. Then, we settled in for some Netflix, and within a half hour ish, I was asleep. I think. I woke up again, this time for good, around 8:30, so my last stretch of sleep was short, and weird, and filled with unsettling, frustrating dreams. You know how sometimes that extra ten minutes actually makes things worse? Yup. Me too.

So obviously, I rocked my morning in a pretty overtired manner. I did my best, but I felt so so sick, and grumpy, and so did the kids, my gosh!! No one had slept well, and it showed.

Our very unexciting plan of the day was that Brady was going to take the van in to have a tire patched, and he had offered to bring the big kids with him and to go during nap time, so I could lay in bed and rest a little bit. However, the little miss was having a terrible time of it over lunch and ended up napping today. She fell asleep before both of the little boys!! She was shot. So Brady and Dekker are having a special date together over a coffee and a smoothie at the tire shop, and I’m having a date with myself over a plastic bucket of chocolate eggs. Don’t judge me, hahaha! Its a great date!

I hope some of you got a tad more rest than I did, but I’m sure a handful of you got even less :/ If you have even a moment of opportunity, put those feet up!! Take care of yourselves!!

My mind is seemingly lost much further on the days when I haven’t slept well, and unfortunately, that’s been most days. Including today. So I’m pretty used to writing lists to make sure I don’t forget anything. I’m ok with that being my normal. I like lists. I liked them before I had children and lost my mind.

Today, though, my mind is positively buzzing!! Its still wildly disorganized, but its just going a mile a minute! I have constant chills, haha! I have TONS of things to think about! From the notice of our property taxes, to positive things happening in the lives of my extended family, to all of my appointments this week, to planning our basement project, to my anxiety around my pregnancy, to being hungry, to our upcoming lake trip, to not being ready to age at the end of the month, to stories in the news, to plans we still have to make and map out for summer, to our grocery list, to EVERYTHING ELSE. And thanks to my general brain fog, I’ve likely already forgotten half of the things that my mind has been rolling over all morning long. Lots of nerve wracking stuff, but lots of positives too! And it makes no sense to make a list, because none of it really needs recording, and no one thing goes with another, it seems, haha! The only thing on my mind that really requires any action is planning out the rest of our summer, which is hard without knowing much of Brady’s work schedule for August. The rest of it is either waiting, processing, or daydreaming. Haha! Yet even with such low pressure, I still feel crazy in the head. And sick and tired beside.

So today’s post is just rambly, but that’s really all I have to offer at this point! I keep getting goosebumps because I keep having thoughts and ideas that either freak me out or make me excited. Also, Brady is going to be home fairly soon, so I can explode some of my conversations onto him, haha!

Or maybe when he gets home, I’ll sleep. Hmmm. Both options sound so good…

I’ve mentioned once or twice that we really don’t have a long list of things to buy for the next baby. We’ve had a good handful of kids already, so we have the bulk of what we need. However, yesterday, Rowan BROKE his crib.

To be fair, both of our cribs we bought second hand. The one Rowan is in went through three kids before we got it, and then Dekker was in it for a pretty decent stretch of time. I don’t even remember how long. Maybe he was 2.5 ish when we turned it into a day bed? I’m iffy on dates. But he was still using it when Laela came along. They were both in cribs/daybeds when we got pregnant with Rowan, and changed things up with Dekker so Rowan would eventually have a crib. So Laela never used that crib. Long explanation long (haha) Rowan is the fifth kid to actively use this crib.

Yesterday, when I went to get the kids up in the morning, Dekker and Laela told me right away that Rowan mattress was “sticking out” on one side. Sure enough, one corner was drooped down to the floor. I figured the screw had wiggled loose or maybe even broken off, and said that I’d get Brady to fix it once he was home in the afternoon. No big loss.

However, when he did come home and lift the mattress out, the steel bracket holding the board in was broken clean in half. There was no easy repair, beyond contacting the company and seeing if they could offer us a replacement part. For the time being, however, it works to just remove the support board entirely, and Rowan is basically sleeping on a mattress on the floor, but with the crib walls around him, haha! Its a tad cage-ish, but thats not that different than a normal crib 😉 So we’ll keep it this way as long as we need, and when the time comes for Rowan to upgrade his way out of a crib, we’ll likely junk whats left of it and buy a new crib for little papoose!!! We’re in no real rush, because let’s be real. Baby will live in a playpen in our room for quite some time first. Still, though, its in the future.

I’m SO excited to buy a new crib!! New or new-to-us doesn’t matter, but I’m excited to find another one and add to it our furniture 🙂 To get to choose a style or find a deal or whatever other details play into it at the time. I just feel like I haven’t gotten to even consider purchasing much more than baby clothes for a good few years, since we have all of the bigger things we need for a new little one. But this will be SO fun!!

I have a pretty long time to wait and search, but its something fun to look forward to 🙂 Along will all the other AMAZING things I’m looking forward to!

Thanks for breaking your crib, Ro. Seriously. I appreciate it.