Good evening, devoted fans of The Daily Hailey. My name is Simon and I am sincerely honoured to be a guest of this fine, digital establishment. If you come here often, you read a little each day about Hailey’s life. Today, you’ll read something a little bit different; not about Hailey’s day today, not about my day, but about a day we spent together 20-odd years ago.

I am Hailey’s older brother; I have been since we were kids. We are six and a half years apart, so when I was 13, Hailey was barely 7 years old. At that time of my life I considered it my solemn calling to help Hailey overcome her aversion to teasing (I remember telling my mom this, in all adolescent seriousness), and my strategy was to tease her. Lots and lots, all the time. And I was good at it. And Hailey was very good at hating it.

One winter morning I was busy working at helping Hailey to learn to appreciate teasing, and she was busy thwarting my efforts, with many tears and lots of yelling. I don’t remember the specifics of my approach that morning, but mom had had enough. Our mother is tender-hearted and patient, but on that day enough was enough. In a particularly creative parental move, she sentenced Hailey and me to an afternoon spent at home together, while she and our sister Caitlin went to see the second 101 Dalmatians movie (102 Dalmatians?). In the theatre. Just the two of them. It doesn’t even matter if they had popcorn; the knife had sunk as deep as it could possibly sink. Mom started the ancient snowmobile for us, and she and Caitlin headed into the city.

These were the days before helmets were worn on snowmobiles (Although I do remember other riders wearing helmets… Hmmmm). These were the days when parents let feuding 13 and 7 year old siblings loose in the snowy fields of Saskatchewan, with only the unmarked county grid roads for a guide. It was a great challenge, and a great deal of fun. I drove, and Hailey held onto my back and bumped along as the decrepit snow-beast squeaked and groaned across fields and through roadside ditches. After an hour or two, we were following one such ditch when the snowmachine, without warning, slid to a silent stop. Hailey and I looked at each other, and reacted as oppositely as possible: she burst into tears, and I laughed out loud. It was clear we were out of gas, and at least two miles from our empty house, which, that day, might as well have been two hundred miles way.

Somehow I was cool and calm. We were out of gas, but I knew where we were, and I knew two families we went to church with that lived within a mile. What I didn’t know was that my parents knew the people whose yard we were stalled right next to, so I joined hands with the little girl I was usually so busy tormenting, and we mounted the gravel road for a long winter’s walk.

I think Hailey calmed down pretty quickly, and I think we had a good walk. I took a break from my quest to teach her the joys of being teased, and I believe we were quite civil, as often happens in time of crisis.

When we arrived at the yard of the first family, I remembered their dogs, who were much less threatening from the back seat of our car. Hailey was not a fan of dogs at this age (although I remember her devoting several years of her life to imitating that faithful species), so I scooped her tiny self onto my shoulders and we moved cautiously up the long driveway. I’m still not a big fan of strange dogs, and back then I was about as scared as my little sister, but I talked to them as reassuringly as I could, and they replied with angry barks and growls, increasing in volume and proximity, until Hailey and I burst into the garage and slammed the door behind us.

If someone had been home, it would all have been worth it, but then we would never have had the adventure of walking back up the driveway amidst the angry and now confused dogs, and then a half mile west to our second and final hope. We never would have enjoyed the welcoming warmth of Mrs Lepp’s kitchen and the cozy ride home to our waiting mom and sister. For that matter, if we had know that the Benson’s house was thirty feet from our stalled steed, we would have missed out on the adventure altogether.

At the end of the day, our “punishment” ended up being one of the more memorable, pleasant stories Hailey and I share from our childhood. And while we were never really “not friends”, today we are great friends – I think she’d agree; I know I’m a major fan of hers.

Today, Hailey is the courageous one. Sure, she rode my shoulders as a little one, and today she leads her little ones on adventures of their own. Hailey is courageous in pursuing her dreams, in investigating life, and conquering the world with her fine husband at her side. And you already know that, because you read about that courageous life, here, every day – and today you’ve read a little bit of the back-story.

So, Hailey, when you read this: blessings be all over you! Adventure on, and thanks for bringing us along! 

Yesterday, Jerilee came over and we watched the Bachelorette finale together. I know, we’re behind. I was in Waskesiu when it aired, so we got to it a little late. Our initial plan was to splurge and go pick up Pizza Hut and gorge ourselves on some pizza and treats. However, with my special illness so recent, we opted to keep things on the safer side of things. We ended up eating appetizers, which is sometimes just as risky as large amounts of greasy pizza, but we had a few appies from a previous appy night where we ate half of each and saved the other, and we remembered they were all yummy and not at all questionable, too spicy, icky, etc.

And guess what! It was all delicious, and sat just fine in my weird nervous tummy!! Win for me! And for everyone, really. Except a win for the Bachelorette, but thats another story…

This morning, I’m feeling totally like myself. I think, anyway. I slept pretty well (though I do remember having wildly unsettling dreams, as per usual) and didn’t have any weird tummy attacks in the night. Its wonderful that I slept as good as I did, because I woke up with a start with Dekker having informed me that Laela had an accident. So of course, I was up in a flash. Everything with Laela was actually pretty under control, so all I did was hand her a fresh pair of underwear and life went on. Waking with a start is never ideal, but I felt decently rested and prepared for the day. Brady was off to work so I was on my own, and thank goodness, I felt nice and strong. I was NOT making it up on Monday. I physically couldn’t have cared for my kids. I couldn’t even care for myself. Hear me say this: I ordered some Colourpop makeup for my birthday, it arrived, and I was too sick to open it. THAT is saying something. So I’m VERY thankful to already be over whatever that was, and to be able to care for my family today.

Brady came home from his warranty work this morning and got lunch with the kids and I, put the little boys down for their naps, and is now off to my parents to work on their deck. Its coming along, and while its taken longer than we’ve expected, plans have just continually changed along the way and my parents have rolled with it very smoothly and not at all begrudgingly, so we’re able to make and change plans without guilt. For instance, Brady was going to work most of Monday, but that had to change, and thats fine. Now, today, no one is home at my parents, but he’s still working away back there. And thats fine too 🙂

With the little boys down, our normal quiet afternoon of Lego, blogging, organizing a few things, and resting begins. I love this part of the day. But I especially love that I don’t NEED this part of today, because if I had to be up and around, I could be. That counts for something for me today. Mental and physical health are both SO important, and today, I feel like I have a handle on both!!

Before I begin todays post, two things. Thing one is that yesterday was bananas. Seriously, it was so crazy. I napped most of the day and was completely cashed out for the night by 9:00pm. Thankfully, I feel worlds apart better today. I ate breakfast and lunch without issue, and the single remaining memory of yesterday is a bit of a dull headache, which I can handle. I’m SO thankful thats all thats left! Thing two is a belly picture, since I didn’t put one on yesterdays post. I’m going to say “belly” loosely, because it is clear that I dropped some weight yesterday…

Not much of a belly to see at all, but considering just how much exited my body yesterday, I’m not too surprised. I’m sure it’ll be back soon enough.

Onto what todays post is actually about! I wrote a post a while ago that kind of just centred on Dekker and Laela, and how they’re developing and growing and maturing and changing. I’ve been wanting to write one on Rowan and Solomon for a while now, and today is the day! I’ll start with Rowan. Oldest to youngest 🙂

Rowan has been figuring some important stuff out recently, which is really awesome! He’s 2.5 years old, so he’s right in the middle of that stage where his communication is taking a turn for the better, and some challenges come along with that, for sure. But its getting better! He is comprehending more also, which makes communicating even easier, as he’s absorbing more from lessons and daily life. He wants to help alongside his siblings, and he is actually able to be helpful! In the recent past, he’s finally learned to drink from a cup instead of a sippy cup!! I know, some of you may think he’s behind in that area, but for us, its really really wonderful, and I don’t care how long its taken. The sippy cup has left him low maintenance at meals, because the reality is that he’s little still, and not the most coordinated. With that come more spilling and more messes, but we’ve trusted him a little bit more recently, and he’s quickly picked up on drinking from a cup, and feeding himself even the really messy things. Seems like a small victory, but not to me 🙂 I’m super proud of him. The last thing I want to touch on with Ro is his mouth!!! Its been a long road, and poor Ro still doesn’t have ANYTHING in his bed beyond his mattress and sheet, but its paid off! His mouth is EXACTLY as it should be!! We used to laugh at his cartoonish, large mouth, but now that he doesn’t stuff his mouth full of anything (beyond stuffing his cheeks full of food) his mouth is beautifully proportionate to his face!!

He’s so handsome in that picture 🙂 I know its not a close up of how his teeth meet or anything, but even just this is SO much different than it used to be! I’m so happy about the progress he’s made. My only sadness is over how much he wants a blanket. He’s actually gone as far as to steal Dekker’s quilt off of him in the middle of the night. He reaches it through his crib bars and hauls it into his bed, lays it out all nicely, and sleeps like a log. He would LOVE a blanket. But I think we have to wait a little bit longer, so we know the habit is kicked. I would hate to have to take it away again 🙁 I’m so so proud of Rowan. Its such a pleasure watching him grow and change and develop. He is an incredible, content, loving, snuggly little boy. I love him so much.

Solly is also making some big changes recently! While Rowan wasn’t doing so hot drinking from a cup, Solly could NOT figure out a sippy cup!! He hated both the straw and the traditional sippy cup, and it got to the point where we’d bring one out at a meal and he would just cry and bat it away. He did NOT want it. With that, though, he was also SUPER over his bottle. Turns out all he needed was the beach to heat him up really good, to make him really want a drink of water, and he managed to drink from a water bottle. Rowan happily shared his water with him at the beach, and cheered him on as he would draw out water, drool it all out, and do it again. Over and over, he did this, learning the process. It was pretty cute. By the end of that day, he knew how to use the water bottle. No sweat, no issue. When we brought him home, it took about half a day for him to go from that to a sippy cup with a slimmer straw, and since that day, he hasn’t had a bottle. Hasn’t missed it or asked for it once. Nope. That stage is OVER! Which is pretty awesome 🙂 Another new thing he does is say “ni-night.” He says the occasional “hi” or calls us “mama” and “dada” but this one is consistent, and he knows exactly what he’s saying! I’m so psyched that the very beginning of language is upon us! Lastly, when we got home from the lake, we finally installed a baby gate. Solly has had a lot of room to move around, but he’s mostly been confined to the living room, and its been driving him crazy not to be able to follow his siblings around. Now that the gate is up and he can roam the whole house, his mobility has gone nuts! He’s standing constantly, and I don’t think walking is too far away. He also has begun practicing stairs, and after the first day of going up and down them, he knew to turn around at the top and go down safely! Its not foolproof yet, obviously, and we’re always with him while he’s on them, but he’s picking it up so quickly!! Its been fun to see him so excited and adventurous!

His pose, though! Hahaha! He’s so pleased with life now that he can branch out and be free, and I feel like he’s blossomed since the lake! He understands SO MUCH, and is so social and hilarious and brave. I love him to pieces, and I can’t wait for what the next few months of development will bring. Brady and I talked recently about how our other kids would learn to walk and would easily walk underneath countertops or tables, but Solly is already too tall for that kind of thing, and has been cranking his head on everything! Help! Our kids keep getting taller!! He was 23″ at birth! Do they come taller than that?! Because I was pretty maxed out space-wise when I carried him! Once again, say what you will about induction, but I’m SO thankful I was able to have him a week early!! Really, all things considered though, I am SO thankful I got to have him at all, and that I still do get to have him! I’m thankful for every single day I have my kids. Aren’t they amazing??

Ok, little boy brag post over 🙂 I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it out.

Ok guys, I’m going to do my very best with todays post. Though I’ll tell you right off the bat there are no belly pictures. That would involve standing, which is not on the books for me today. Complete and utter TMI, I was unbelievably sick last night, puking and pooping and up constantly. I literally slept maybe a half hour. I admit that I did venture out for a physio appointment this morning because rebooking would have left me waiting so long, but I’ve been in bed ever since, minus a bath. I can hardly stand, and I’m dizzy and disoriented. So basically, this might not be the very best series post yet. If it going downhill fast, I’ll ask Brady to type it out for me, but hopefully it won’t come to that. Let’s just begin.

Size/Comparison: This weeks size comparison is pretty vague, I’m not sure what to tell you. The particular chart I like to follow compares the baby to an action figure. That’s a pretty wide range of sizes, so I found another one that suggested the size of a bell pepper. I don’t know man, but the kid is getting big in there!

How am I feeling mentally: In all honesty, I’ve had a very anxious week. Or maybe even just an anxious last few days. The lake was amazing, and healing, and I felt a definite improvement in lots of things. I felt like my mind and heart took a deep breath as Theo’s due date came and went, which was strangely peaceful and relieving, but I’m so nervous about my body aching and seemingly giving up on me so early in the game. I’m nervous to be useless and unmoving. There is so much to worry about, but I’m very much looking forward to my appointment with Dr. Guselle this week. She values mental health so strongly, and I know I’ll be able to talk to her and she’ll provide me with literally any and all resources that I might need. Its not been the best week for my mental health, and if you’ve read the posts over the last couple of days, you probably picked up on that. I’m trying, though. Trying so hard. I want so badly to be positive.

How am I feeling physically: Haha! Today, I feel like absolute garbage. Its been interesting. But over this last week of pregnancy as a whole, I feel like my physical health is improving in some ways. I feel like my nausea is maybe on the way out, and while my pelvis is starting to slip out of place and hurt me when I walk, its still early in the game, and I’m hopeful that my physiotherapist will be able to help me manage at least some of the pain I’m having.

Appointments: I had physio this morning, though I probably shouldn’t have gone. She picked up on my sickness right away and let me lie down through my appointment, though. Guys, I have to say, my physiotherapist is the absolute best. She is SO understanding, and SO positive, and SOOO knowledgable. She validated my anxieties and fears about my body, and took her time in giving me a few tips to start out with. She worked on my body a little bit and said she can already tell that I’m walking defensively, in preparation for my body to hurt, BUT she doesn’t speak in an accusing way. I don’t know how she does it, but she says things like “I know exactly why you’re walking like that, and you’re clearly not even doing it intentionally” and I never am made to feel like I’ve done the wrong thing. She wrapped up our appointment today by saying that if only one thing gets through to me today (because I was SO out of it) she wanted me to be reassured that the pain I had in my last pregnancy isn’t just the inevitable. We CAN manage it, and we WILL manage it. There is hope. I really really needed to hear that today. She reminded me that perfect is not something she is asking for, and that I should just try my best. It felt great, and hopeful. I’m glad I went.

Baby Buys/Wish List: I bought two pairs of denim capris for fall, since Thyme was having a beautiful sale! They fit SO nicely, and I haven’t been able to find capris for a couple of years now. But seriously, they have a soft belly panel, and I paid about $13 each. I’m trying not to shop too much at all this summer, but seriously, this couldn’t be passed up. I’ll wear them all through fall.

How are the kids feeling: At the lake, I braved up and wore two piece bathing suits, and Rowan would ever so gently put his finger in my belly button and say he could see the baby in there. Which was pretty great, and hilarious, and made me feel like it was worth it to have my soft wrinkly tummy out in the sun, even if I was self conscience. Also, I posted on Facebook and Instagram the other day, but in case you somehow missed it, I’ll just share the picture again.

Ro found the one stuffed toy that belonged to Theo, poached it off my dresser, and whispered “I love you, Theo” to it over and over again. I don’t claim to know how much kids know about Heaven, or what insight they have that we as adults don’t, but that both broke and warmed my heart. Even though it really hurts, I’m so glad the kids talk about their baby brother so normally, even though they never got to meet him. They mention him every time we talk about Jesus and Heaven, and how a BIG pro of going to Heaven will be meeting Theo. I love that. Our kids are awesome. Forgive the tangent, please. Ro is going to be a wonderful big brother to our little papoose.

The BEST thing about being pregnant this week: I don’t know. I feel SO gnarly right now, its hard to think of positives. But I think whats exciting about being pregnant this week is the realization that time is actually passing, and our pregnancy is moving forward. Guys, I’m 16 weeks!! Fully into my second trimester, not too far from finding out the gender of our baby. I’m starting to feel better with my nausea (minus last night, obviously) and I feel like soon we’ll be in the stage of things where I can feel a bit more normal and well. While I’ve been having some worry and anxiety this week, I do feel hope, and I think thats a really important thing this week.

Anything else: In the last few days, my baby has been LOVING candy. Like far too much. Thankfully, since we have kids, it seems we are so often given candy, and while our kids can definitely have some candy, they NEVER eat all of it. So we usually have candy stashed away in our pantry, and this week, it was just perfect 🙂 Nerds and Skittles were huge winners! Yum yum yum.

Pictures: Nope. Not today. I can’t stand up, and I don’t look nice. Maybe I’ll try and get one tomorrow but nope, not today.

Sorry its been such a strange post. Had I written this yesterday, it might have been totally different. I don’t feel miserable in my pregnancy, just in my general weakness and soreness today, thats all. We had so many fun plans for today and they all got foiled. We didn’t get to make pickles with my mom, Brady didn’t get to work on their deck, the kids didn’t get to hang out with Grandma and Grandpa, etc. Hopefully I’m in better shape tomorrow! A night of sleep should help. Wish me luck!

This may be a frightfully large photo post. Or I may decide halfway through to break it into two posts. I’m not sure yet. But there are just SO many pictures I want to share. I was picky, and took out LOTS that I would have loved to add, and we’re still over 60!! Maybe I’ll purge as I post. I make no promises. But hey, you came for pictures, so here they are!

First, this is how our packing turned out!

I am SO thankful for our big van, and all the cargo area it offers! Also, I am very thankful for where we stayed, and that we had room to spread out and pack in tubs. Win!

Our first night in, we fed the kids easy food, and Brady and I ordered asian take out after they went to bed. It was actually pretty delicious. Though seriously, who named that restaurant? Do they really think “Asian Station” rhymes??

FYI, it doesn’t rhyme. But the food made up for it. Can’t complain about that!

The next day, we hit the beach in the morning! Our kids built sandcastles for a little while, but the the real game became filling holes with water. Brady and I would dig, and the kids would run back and forth to the waters edge with pails, and bring back water to pour into the holes. Rowan would scoop sand back into the lake (yup) and Solly either hung out on the blanket and played with shovels, or he would venture out once in a while.

Naptime at the lake was SO wonderful! We turned off all the lights, snuggled the big kids up in the living room, and they watched some tv and zoned out. They were SO wiped from all the action and fresh air, Laela ended up napping a couple of the afternoons away, so we made sure they at least got LOTS of rest in!

We also went out for supper that day! The kids ate well, with the exception of Laela, who fought SO hard, for whatever reason, and ended up leaving the restaurant with Brady. Luckily he had finished eating already, but I hung back with the boys and helped them finish up.

Clearly, Solly is excellent at drinking water from a cup.

Check it out! I got a bonus chicken nugget in the shape of a dinosaur with my fish and chips! Lol!

Ro and I as we waited for Dekker to use the bathroom before leaving the restaurant. Solly is hanging out in the stroller, just not visible in this picture. Still, it was fun, me and the boys.

We went to the playground afterwards but it was short lived. Laela and Brady came juuust as Solly was feeling very finished. But they got in a little bit of play before it was time to head to bed. Luckily, they didn’t fight bedtime.

The next day felt heavy, being Theo’s due date. The weather was also grey, and therefore, not a beach day. But we hit the playground…

and walked around town, and even took in some ice cream in the evening. It was relaxed and delicious and special time as a family. I wish Theo could have joined us, but it felt like an important day.

Believe it or not, Solly isn’t a big ice cream at this point. I think its just too cold for him, but he vastly preferred to just chew a spoon, or do pull ups on the table. I’m not even kidding. I have a video. He’s hilarious 🙂

We ended it with a walk, to shake off some of the sugar. It was really lovely.

After this pictures, kind of run together. There were lots of times I didn’t pull my camera out, and I think thats a really good thing 🙂 So I can’t tell you for sure which days each of these events happened, but enjoy the cute compilation of my beautiful children playing on the beach or the playground or wherever else they ended up!

So here’s another beach day 🙂 This particular time, pretty much every picture is of the kids going in the opposite direction of me, haha! They were just SO busy! So, lots of butts, basically.

Can you appreciate how hard it is to get a picture of everyone at once?! Its SO hard!! Especially when Rowan is stationed somewhere else, away from the blanket…

Solly got adventurous 🙂 It was cute.

He also got very very dirty. It wasn’t all his fault. We buried his feet and legs many times. He liked it.

Brady dug an enormous rock out from the sand, and was VERY short when he stood in it. It was DEEP!!!

And it was also wide enough to fit three funny-faced kids inside of it!

This is the best I could get for my efforts to take a picture of my family during lunch. Mealtime is just never the right time for a photo. Rowan told me once I gave up and put my phone away “I didn’t smile for dat.” Its true. He didn’t.

In this moment, both Laela and Rowan were screaming, lol! They did not appreciated having their feet dipped in against their will. And Dekker was giggling like a mad man, having reached the point of no return in the water. You guys know what I mean. Lol!

I made SO MANY compilations of the kids, so these were my favorites 🙂 Just to avoid posting more pictures than necessary.

Solly ate a TON of sand! But he was so happy to be at the beach 🙂 Couldn’t keep him in the shade no matter how much we tried.

Our last beach day. The continual hauling of water never stopped, and the kids were thrilled. It was beautiful. Solly even boldly crawled all the way to the water and we had to convince him to sit and splash rather than just diving in full force.

I’m already missing the lake. You know that feeling when you’ve been away, and you’ve really enjoyed your time, but you’re ready to head home? I wasn’t quite there when we left. I could’ve happily lasted another day or two. But we will next summer 🙂 We’ve ALREADY booked our spot for a week long vacation, and I feel like I’ll be counting down until then. Less than a year away, lol! We’ll have five kids by then! WOW! I cannot wait 🙂

I hope this wasn’t too too many pictures for you all, but they are so important for me to save, as well. Hopefully it just made you feel like you were there, smelling the air, eating the ice cream, and chasing the small people around. It was a wonderful, refreshing time! I’m so thankful we had the chance to go!

This is kind of a strange thing to post about but just the fact that it NEEDS its own post should tell you that I mean it!!

Everyone needs to go to Costco to buy gladiolus. Everyone. I don’t mean to be a weirdo about it, but its important.

I ran to Costco this morning before we were meeting my parents and brother’s family for lunch, to do a quick shop. Costco flowers are always lovely, but they got a new flower supplier a while back and its really stepped up the flower game there! I’m often tempted to go buy “just for fun” flowers, and I let it happen, occasionally. Dekker is always itching to buy me flowers 🙂 which I love.

Today, with my groceries, I had plans to buy my mom and sister in law flowers, since their birthdays were both yesterday. And I came across glads. HUGE bundles of glads! On the corners of the flower display. Now, the mennonite in me had to figure out whether they fell into the $12 category or the $22 category, so I asked the woman working to fill the flower stand, and she assured me that were the lesser expense. I couldn’t believe it! There were over 20 stems in each bundle, easily. I couldn’t resist, and I bought myself a bundle as well. Only a small handful of Costco employees laughed at the ridiculous amount of flowers in my cart. I can handle it. Usually they laugh at the amount of milk we buy, so this felt a bit better, haha!

I dropped off the flowers to their respective homes before heading home to set my own up. They were massive, and I wasn’t sure we’d even have the right vase for them. Turns out, we didn’t, actually! But thankfully, we had two nice sturdy vases that I could split the bundle up between, which worked great. I set up the flowers, we shoed the kids, and headed out for lunch.

I took a picture of the flowers before we left, and another picture when we got back home. What a treat to see how much they had already opened!!

Before…

and after!!

I always am a little nervous when I buy flowers, and they’re all squished and a little beat up, and then they just DRINK their water and spread out and flourish. I do not have a green thumb, but I do love flowers 🙂 I hope very much to have a beautiful flower bed in my front yard one day, with glads and peonies growing well and plentifully, so I can pick bundles and share them with my friends. Buuut that’ll be another couple of years, haha! First grass, and a bunch of other things. Maybe flowers can come at the same time as the grass. Its not like they’ll be an additional large expense, alongside sod, a fence, a driveway, etc. I can dream 🙂

Anyway, maybe no one will care about this or listen to me, but I mean it. Get yourself some flowers from Costco. These two vases full of flowers set me back $12. That’s it. Highly highly recommend getting some bright colors brought into your homes!

Believe it or not, after our amazing trip to the lake, I had a cry on the drive home. I’m sure part of it was just coming off of our trip, and my body and mind kind of letting down. But part of it was based around a fear I didn’t realize I had quite to this extent. I knew I was nervous, but as I put details together, I realized just how nervous.

Remember last year? Do you guys remember just how sick we were for just how long? It was months. Four months, I believe, with no break. Day after day after day of someone vomiting in the middle of the night, to fevers, to rashes, to more barfing, to pouring noses and dry coughs, to dehydration, and aaaaall the way back again. It was exhausting, to say the very least. It was unlike anything I had experienced before. Towards the end of those months, but still in them, I lost our baby. Another hit. The biggest hit. It felt like a beating that just wouldn’t end.

I had a pretty low time coming out of my miscarriage. Its not surprising. I own that low time. There was zero way around it. I mourned hard. Losing him completely pulled the rug out from under me. I haven’t ever gone into full details, but for the sake of this post, I will to a degree. From finding out my baby was lost to his actual delivery was a full week. I had to make the ugly choice to take medication to start “labour” and encourage him to come out of my body. I bled for weeks. It was an unbelievable time where I often went back and forth, wishing I had just asked for the dreaded d&c, to get the whole thing over and done with. But instead, I saw the physical effects of losing him for so so long. Then I waited out two cycles, which felt like torture, when I so desperately wanted to try for another baby. My cycles were abnormally long and painful and awful, and even my loving supportive husband would probably admit that I struggled very hard in those months. When the cycles has finally passed, we could try again. And it took a little while. Not as long as it takes many couples, I know, but it felt like an eternity. They were difficult months.

Now, here we are, pregnant and happy. The kids haven’t had an abundance of sicknesses for a little while, which is a relief. And we are fairly confident that the pregnancy is healthy and moving forward. That being said, I’ve been nauseous with my pregnancy for the last 2+ months, and juuust as I’m thinking the sickness might be lifting, I’m losing stability in my pelvis.

I’m not writing this to complain, for the record. I don’t want to whine. But I’m trying to just give you perspective of where I am and how I’m feeling.

I remember the pain of my past pregnancies. Solly’s was the worst. They’ve only hurt worse each time. With the beginnings of the pain returning so early on, I’m so so nervous. I have been a mess for so long. I don’t know how to convey it more literally. I’ve been a wreck on so many levels for so long, and now here we are, and it appears I won’t get even a small break between these struggles. I’ve never had morning sickness like this, and I’m so relieved to see it potentially wrapping up, but I’m so discouraged that my body is already starting to pop and hurt and complicate my daily life.

As I said, I had a cry about this all as we drove home, and my loving husband encouraged me that he believes I am giving 100% of what I am capable of, and that he’s thankful for that. He understands that pregnancy is a sacrifice. I HATE saying its a sacrifice because I know how many people struggle to have babies and can’t, and how many women would give just about anything to make that sacrifice. I don’t mean “sacrifice” as a bad thing. I am NOT ungrateful. I am THRILLED to be given the opportunity to have children, and I do NOT take it for granted. But it is a big job, and my body does pay. And its starting to wear on me in other ways, it seems. I’m so scared of whats to come. I don’t want to be useless to my family, but for those who haven’t experienced this pain, its nothing to sniff at. Its unreal. And those of you who know, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. How can one be useful when their legs cant hold up their body? When moving only makes the pain worse? When they can’t lift anything at all? I’m scared to be useless.

I felt a bit better having talked to Brady about this all yesterday, but it came to mind first this this morning. I called my physiotherapist’s office this morning to get an appointment, in an effort to keep my body in some kind of shape as long as humanly possible, and God worked a miracle! My amazing physiotherapist who is SO knowledgable in pregnancy, postpartum, and womens health, who regularly books weeks in advance, had a free spot on Monday morning!!! I jumped for it, and I already feel some drops of hope falling on me. Its early enough in the game that I can possibly hold off the worst of my pain for at least a little while longer. At the very very least.

In my last pregnancy, I didn’t use physio, and with all of our moving and renting, I wasn’t able to have those regular soaks that kept my body alive in the past. I have access to more helpful resources this time around, and I’m hoping and actively praying that I won’t have to fall apart this time. Feel free to join me in prayer on this. My nerves are shot, and I’m scared, and in pain. I don’t want this to be what ends my baby-having years.

While we LOVED being at the lake, it feels great to be home 🙂 GREAT.

As you likely can all relate to, at least to some degree, coming home always comes with a decent chunk of work. Unpacking takes a lot of time, and brings with it a lot of laundry. Usually, after a trip, I dump everything from all of the suitcases straight into the laundry, because its just easier. This time, though, I set up a new system. It made it WAY easier to pack, to use and store our clothes while we were away, to repack, and now to unpack! My method is suuuper not a method at all, but I recommend it to all! At least everyone with space to pack…

You might already know. We pack in tubs when we go places. I fold and stack everything in the big tubs, and can easily fit all the kids clothes into one big bin. Then Brady and I put our clothes into another, alone with some of the kids bedding or whatever soft extras we need to bring. Its a good system. This time, instead of meticulously folding everything, I stacked pants, shorts, underwear, etc. on the bottoms of the tubs and threw hanging clothes on top, all hangers attached. Upon arrival, I just hung everything up. The kids folded stuff went into drawers, and Brady and I just kept our folded stuff in the tub since we slept in a living room area, not a bedroom. We brought a hamper (though a garbage bag would’ve been fine) and as we wore/messed up clothes, we put all the laundry into the hamper. By the end of our stay, we had a tub filled with clean, unworn clothes that weren’t wrinkled and ruined, and a hamper of laundry. Boom. Done. Easy!! No extra laundry, and the clothes that survived don’t look like they’ve been folded up in a suitcase for a week. Seriously, this is a huge time saver, leaving and returning. Do it up.

Beyond the regular setup and unpack of getting home, our house was being worked on while we were away, so we had pushed all kinds of furniture into the centre of the rooms. Basically, we had to reassemble our house right when we got home. But it was actually ok 🙂 The kids were agreeable and happy, and Brady just hauled in the cooler so that didn’t go bad, and he took on the task of putting our living room and kids rooms back together. It didn’t take too long before things were under control. Our room isn’t put back together yet, but that can easily happen once the kids are in bed. It won’t take long.

Like I said, it feels so nice to be home. I love our home, and nothing will ever compare to it. But I will say that the dream of one day having a cabin by the lake is very much upon us. One day, perhaps…

Be ready for photos sometime soon! Sorry its not today, but it will be in the next couple of days.

Tomorrow, we finish up the unpacking and likely go grocery shopping. Because we have NOTHING fresh in this house! Hahaha! Yikes!

We haven’t had as much actual beach time as we had originally hoped for, but luckily our kids have been thoroughly content to play in the big playground, and haven’t missed the water too much. However, this morning, as I walked to the bakery for breakfast, I could tell it was just the right weather for it. Brady agreed, and as soon as we were done eating, we got the kids into their swim stuff and piled into the bus.

Just you guys wait until I get home! The wifi here is really rough, so I can barely load one picture, much less five days worth, but I’ll make up for it once we’re home 🙂

It was bright and clear and sunny and gorgeous when we arrived at the beach. It was around 10:30 and very few people had made their way to the water yet. We got a primo spot and set up our blankets and umbrella. This time around, we picked a spot right in front of the water, so the kids could easily run to the waters edge without one of us having to follow right behind them. We were like seven steps from the water. It was perfect. Dekker and Laela did laps back and forth with pails full of water, and dumped them into holes Brady and I would dig. Doesn’t sound like much, but it was quite a riot for the kids, haha! Rowan took to standing riiight on the edge of the water and dumping shovels of sand back into the water, hahaha! Again, doesn’t really sound all that great but Ro loved it. Solly stayed mostly on the blanket, but braved up once or twice to go check out large abandoned sandcastles from the day before. Every time we tried to move him into the shade of the umbrella, he snuck out into the sun. Our kids are sooooo white but likely not after today! We loaded them up with sunscreen, so hopefully it did its job! I haven’t found any burns since, but its only been a few hours.

Brady took it upon himself to make his second attempt at digging a small tunnel in the sand, but it was foiled when he came upon an enormous rock and we decided to dig it out instead. It took a long time, and wiped Brady right out, but it finally worked! It became a popular spot to sit, and the hole was quickly filled in with buckets of water run back and forth from the lake.

We had a nice break for lunch right around noon, where we feasted on crispy minis, bananas, granola bars, etc. The kids have LOVED all the snacky foods, and really, so have I. We ate lots, drank lots of water, and Solly FINALLY figured out how to drink from a water bottle!! Its been a small scale nightmare getting fluids into this kid recently because, as a 14 month old, he is pretty over being bottle fed, but he has zero patience for drinking from a cup, and for whatever reason, he was just not figuring out any kind of sippy cup! Not the traditional kind, not a straw, nothing. But today, it FINALLY happened, and he is SO pleased with his discovery. His parents are also THRILLED because we are, too, ready for bottles to be done. He hates them, we hate forcing them, and we all feel sad when the kid isn’t pooping. So this wins. Period. Highlight of the day.

Shortly after the kids’ beach lunch, we packed it in and headed back to our place so the little boys could nap. Laela, however, disintegrated while getting out of her swimsuit, and there was no getting her back. She had hit a wall. It was clear she also needed a rest. So 3/4 went down for naps and Dekker snuggled up on a chair and watched a bit of tv, as did Brady and I. It was a lovely afternoon.

The kids all slept a LONG time, and I am very much looking forward to pizza for supper! With the nice long naps, I’m hoping we can do another evening walk with ice cream for everyone. We did that a couple of nights ago and it was such a win. I have so many great pictures from it, and I’m sure we’ll get some more today, too 🙂

Seriously. Today has been a wonderful day. And pizza and ice cream can only add to it. 🍕🍨 It is the perfect way to wrap up our last full day here at the lake. Laela says she likes it here better than she likes our “regular” house. I get what she means, because I LOVE being at the lake, too. But I miss my bathtub, so I guess leaving won’t be a COMPLETE bummer 😜

Thanks for being patient with me skipping my series post yesterday. It was important for me. When I was making my plan before I left for the lake, I knew it was more important to bump this post than to bump Theo’s due date post. We can talk about my pregnancy updates anytime. One day won’t make a big difference. But Theo only had one due date. So again, thanks for being patient. And thanks for the love on that post. I know many of you read it and contacted me one way or another. I really really appreciate the support and understanding. I hope its not too forward or insensitive (its SO easy to offend these days) but so many of you have experienced losses recently, and I often say prayers for you guys, every time you come to mind, that you would be given another baby to carry in your womb when the time is right. Or those of you who have ached to conceive and haven’t been able to. I pray that it happens. I know the pain, and I know the relief, and I know the joy. I pray that you can all find God’s peace in your unique situations, because no matter what way you do family, they’re all loaded with emotion. Even if you and I aren’t close, and even if you read this and I never ever know, you are always welcome to come to me to chat with, relate to, and pray with.

Its been a loaded week, obviously. But onto the latest about little papoose!

Size/Comparison: The baby is the size of an avocado, or so I hear! I keep having these moments of “how am I showing this much already?” but then I consider that the baby is, in fact, growing, which causes me in turn to grow. And I’m thrilled about that!! I can definitely feel my little uterus bump each and every day, and I feel like I’m starting to actually look pregnant. Not like “Wow, that lady over there is pregnant” but people who know me would likely notice. Woot!

How am I feeling mentally: You guys know this week has been big for me. My due date for Theo was yesterday, and it was an interesting week leading up to it, as I would’ve had him likely on either July 31 or August 1. There was a lot of emotion this week, and I’ve had some days of mourning, but I am feeling more confident as the weeks wear on regarding my current pregnancy. I know the feeling of having that rug pulled out from under you, and I doubt I’ll ever forget that moment of finding out my baby had died, so I can’t not think about it ever, but its not lingering at the top of my mind each and every day. I have some peace, and I’m holding tightly to it.

How am I feeling physically: Ugh. Sad news about physical feelings. While I feel like my nausea might be coming to a close-ish (not willing to risk it here at the lake, but I’m going to try to get off my meds once we’re home) I’m starting to have that dreaded right leg pain 🙁 If you’ve followed my blog through a pregnancy before, you know that my right leg and the right side of my butt give me a lot of grief, and leave me in amazing amounts of pain for a good chunk of my pregnancy. I used to think it was a sciatica thing but I’ve learned over the years that its actually 110% my pelvis loosening up on me too early in the game. This is a “normal” pregnancy symptom for me at this point, but I dread it so much. My pregnancy with Solly was the most painful one, easily. I was at the point of debating whether or not to grocery shop while driving one of those scooters. I was crawling to places in the house. I also asked for a temporary handicapped parking pass because I just couldn’t walk without immense pain. So its a gross understatement to say that I’m nervous. But I have a wonderful physiotherapist that I’ll be calling very quickly upon arriving home, and I’m hopeful that she’ll be able to treat me and teach me how to care for myself.

Appointments: I’ll see my doctor next week! I’m very interested to talk to her about this pelvic/leg/butt pain and see if we can actually put a name to it. In the little bits of research I’ve done, I think this is undeniably SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, not sensory processing disorder) but we’ve never really given it a title before and I think it would help me feel a bit more sane. I also really need to talk to her about sleep, because the quality of mine suuuuucks, and I think I’ll function so much better if I can just get some actual rest. Maybe she has tips for me, because I have never had this problem to this level before.

Buys/Wish List: I ordered a harmony ball necklace!! Jerilee gave it to me for my birthday, so I’m just anxiously awaiting its arrival 🙂 Woot woot!

How are the kids feeling: Maybe you saw (or maybe you didn’t see) my post earlier last week about the kids being in full baby mode. I gave them some bottles to play with and they’re regularly feeding their babies and stuffed toys and such. Its still cute. Doesn’t get old for me. Probably won’t ever.

The BEST thing about being pregnant this week: I’ve really really enjoyed being pregnant at the lake, watching my children play on the playground and in the sand, and just picturing what our next summer will look like with a fifth child here in my arms. Baby would be roughly six months old in the mid-summer, so likely more of a bump on a log type of beach dweller, which his/her siblings build sandcastles, blow bubbles, and draw in the sand with feathers all around our blanket 🙂 I love the picture, and I can’t wait for it to be a reality.

Anything else: Hahaha! This is pretty random, but thinking ahead, lol! Rowan is long done cutting his two year molars, which is handy because Solly is a total disaster pushing his molars right now. With the space between Solly and the little papoose, its possible they won’t teethe too terribly much at the same time! I hope not, anyway, haha! The first few teeth are never a big deal for our babies, since they’re the incisors, and the amber necklaces have worked so well for our babies in the past. Hopefully Solly will be done his two year molars before little papoose starts any extreme teething!! There it is! A small pro! I’ve been so sad about the wider age gap between the two youngest, and its nice to find a thin silver lining. Unrelated, but another “anything else,” I ate eggs today for the first time in several weeks. Probably more like two months. And I didn’t vomit! So I’m hopeful about that whole sickness thing.

Pictures: Just the bumpily bump, as always. That sucker is getting round! I’ve given up sucking it in. Let ‘er go.

I’ve really been enjoying lake life. The vibe is good here. While its not as relaxing as it would be without kids (vacations never are, haha!) it just feels like special family time away from our usual. A good change of scenery is good for the soul. I feel a bit fresher, and I think the others do too.

Its possible I’m gaining a ton of weight out here. Not baby weight. Unless you count danishes as babies…..