There as been this beautiful shift in Dekker since he started school. I’ve talked about it a lot on the blog, I believe, but it still excites my heart! He is growing into this boy who is less afraid to take risks, be in groups, or in new situations, and best of all, he’s more confident in himself, and it shows. While Dekker still loves home, he now loves school! Once Dekker had settled into kindergarten, we never struggled with much fight getting him to stay at school once he was there, but if it were up to him, he would’ve far rather stayed home.

Grade one has been different in such a good way! He likes his home days, but school is also very much his happy place! He enjoyed having yesterday at home (thanks to his weekend sickness) but he was SO excited to go back today! He was eager and hyper in the morning, eating breakfast faster than normal, and was ready to go a bit too early, but instead of playing, he offered to feed Solly his yogurt and to make his bed. This kid, though ❤

I walked him from the van to school, like always, and he was just pulling me like a dog, haha! He was so ready 🙂 That just thrills my heart. I don’t anticipate that will get old before its possibly gone. I’m sure the novelty of going to school will wear off eventually 😉

Picking him up from school was a happy sight too 🙂 I was outside visiting with one of the other moms who I haven’t seen for a while, when the bell rang. In the past, if I’ve been a minute or two late, Dekker makes his way outside and finds me. Yet after a few minutes, he hadn’t shown up, so I bowed out of our conversation and went to find him. He was standing in the hallway with his teacher, waiting for me. I’d say “my bad,” but his teacher was away all last week, the week before was the break, and he had been home yesterday. And guys, he LOVES his teacher. So I’m not surprised that he stuck around with her a little bit 😉 He was full of smiles, and he was super happy to see me. He ran down the small stretch of hallway and dove at me. Now we used to do this on the daily, where he’d leap into the air and I’d catch him. It was cute, but as he continues to grow (and as I continue to grow) my pelvis doesn’t appreciate the game, and neither does my centre of gravity. So we pretty much never do our mid-air hug anymore. But he was so amped today, I couldn’t shut him down! It was so sweet.

He’s now home, and cooperating beautifully with his homework, and is asking questions and celebrating everything that he’s completing. I love watching him take pride in what he knows and pushing to learn what he doesn’t know confidently yet. He just impresses me, and I admit that I was worried for a little while there that I’d be dragging him through some of these little years. I’m happy to be able to walk alongside him rather than forcing and pushing him.

This. Is. Awesome.

Today. Was. Awesome!

I wonder if all my series posts will start this way from now on. I can’t believe I’m 22 weeks all of a sudden!! I think it helps that the sun is coming up a bit earlier. It also helps that I can feel our little Bambina move from time to time. Time passes easier when our mental health is better, right? Right. Mine isn’t exactly aces but its rolling. We’ll talk more about that soon.

Size Comparison: These size comparisons, though. They crack me up. I THINK they go mostly by height? Based on that, baby is roughly as tall as a cob of corn, or a spaghetti squash, or my Nalgene water bottle! Being that my water bottle is significantly larger than a cob of corn, I’m thinking its just a height comparison. So baby is about a foot tall. And thanks to last weeks ultrasound, I learned her weight is ballparked around 14 oz, so just shy of one pound! To think she’ll still gain so many of those.. I can’t wait!

Appointments: I had probably the BEST ultrasound I’ve ever had last Friday! We took the last appointment of the day, because it suits us very well to be able to pick Dekker up from school and go all together. It also seems to be the best time for them, because no one is in a rush, they’re very relaxed about the kids running around the waiting area a bit, and they really make us feel welcome! Friday was no different. Solly was finally feeling better (YAY for a pooping toddler!) so he was all over the place, visiting the ladies at the desk, playing with the toys, and shrieking at everything. It was cute! The kids spread out the waiting room toys pretty well, but tidied up quickly before heading back. Our tech was lovely and warm to them, as usual. They headed to play with the bins of toys provided, and we started our scan. The kids were more energetic than usual that day, and our baby clearly wanted to fit in with her siblings! She was SO active and wiggly! It was awesome to see 🙂 She was sucking her thumb, sticking her tongue out, and waving her arms. Getting her heart rate took effort, as she simply refused to hold still, but we finally got it recorded as 166 bpm. Thats a GREAT heart rate! We got beautiful, clear views of her nose and mouth, and her hands were just all over the place! We confirmed, once again, that she is still a girl 🙂 The whole thing just thrilled my heart! Sadly, for the first time ever, the printer was malfunctioning, and I left without pictures. But my tech insisted I stick my head in there another day soon and get some, because they were just some of the BEST pictures we’ve ever gotten of her! The kids, however, did not leave empty handed. Our tech had some little prize boxes and let each kid choose a gift. Rowan and Solly chose dinosaurs, Dekker got a “crystal,” and Laela managed to weasel herself into getting TWO toys – a “diamond” and a necklace. They were so thrilled. All of us were. Next appointment with my doctor is still two-ish weeks away. Oh! And physio starts on Wednesday, finally!

How am I feeling emotionally: I think my emotions are going to continue in a similar fashion throughout the rest of my pregnancy. As I mentioned, I am THRILLED, and excited, and things are feeling more and more real, and possible, and hopeful! But every one of those feelings is quickly followed by a wash of anxiety. Losing her now would hurt SO much. Not that it wouldn’t have hurt before. That fear is real. But to cross more and more milestones and THEN lose her… I don’t know what I would do. And as much as I don’t want to, I carry some fear in that department, and I likely will until she’s born. Maybe a bit afterwards. I’m not sure. I don’t want to plan for fear, but I also don’t want to pretend its not there. 

How am I feeling physically: Dare I say, for fear of jinxing it, that I’m feeling a bit stronger?? Nausea is pretty gone. When it is around, its small enough that I can ignore it. My boobs hurt again, which I could live without. At least I have bras that fit again! That should only help. My legs and pelvis aren’t in constant pain, which I’m thankful for. However, they hurt differently than they have in the past. In previous pregnancies, my legs and pelvis would be shot by the end of the day unless I really did NOTHING that day, which was almost never. I’m sure thats still coming, let’s be real. But these days, I can go through many days feeling fine, but my pelvis will give up on me with NO warning, and out of nowhere, there will be an audible crunch sound, and I will have searing pain for the next two days. Its quite unreal to not be able to anticipate it. I super hate that. But again, I’m finally going to physio on Wednesday, where I’m sure my amaaazing therapist will be a wealth of ideas and information. I can’t wait!

Wish Lish/Purchases: If you missed it, I posted my unreasonable wish list on Fridays post. It was fun to just lay it all out there, and I am so excited that a friend offered to lend me her Rock n Play for Bambina!! One less thing I have to buy! I’m stoked 🙂 I’ve added a few cute little things to my wish list for her, like the knotted/twisted headbands from this etsy shop. The prices are awesome, but I don’t love the shipping costs, so I’ll likely start fishing around locally 🙂 I also have my eye on a few stretchy car seat covers from Amazon, just haven’t bit the bullet yet. Do you guys like option #1 or option #2 better? I like option #1 better, I think, but its literally twice and price. Hmmm… 🤔 Lots of daydreaming these days. Have you seen the adorable little baby rash guard bathing suits Old Navy just put out? Ack! I have a problem…

Pictures: I wish I had ultrasound pictures for you, but no dice :/ I do have a belly picture, though! Hopefully that counts for something!

Its growing….. Its pretty bizarre to see just how out there it is. But I like it. I feel pregnant, and I feel like I look pregnant! Wins all around.

How are the kids feeling: Now that they kids know the baby’s gender and that question is off the table, they just want her to come already!! I think we all feel the way around here 😉 So the countdown is on! And by “countdown,” I don’t mean number of days. I should rather say that the timeline is on! When the kids ask, we do a rundown of the timeline. It goes something like this:

The snow will melt and spring will come, hopefully in the next month or so.
Once spring is nice and warm, we’ll start going to the lake on Saturdays.
Solly’s birthday is in May.
School for both Dekker and Laela will end in June.
Summer holidays will start.
A couple of weeks into summer, Bambina will come home!

I hope I can fill in some of the gaps with more fun things soon, but those are the basics anyway.

The kids are also anticipating her arrival in a more practical way. They constantly speculate who will get which job, and they “call” certain jobs, from getting her diapers and blankets to singing her songs. Feeding her seems to be a hot commodity, which warms my heart so much to hear! One of the little benefits for us bottle feeding families 🙂 I can’t wait to actually see some of that take place!

Getting to know the baby: I like to think that our little lady has pretty decent hearing, because she responds to her siblings from time to time. Not just during our last ultrasound, but in general, when they are bouncing off the walls rowdy, she is more active. It will be so amazing to see her finally home with her siblings, eventually playing with them and laughing at them. 

The BEST part of being pregnant: Bambina is growing! And the COOLEST thing that happened this week was her moving and me being able to feel her bump against me in two different places at once! I know it sounds like such a small thing, but its continued proof that she is growing and changing and hopefully thriving! 

Favourite thing: Ok I’m really trying to make this category of the series about a product of some kind that I’m excited about, but it just isn’t coming naturally. I decided today, instead of breaking my head over it, I’m going to use my truthful FAVORITE thing about this week, and that is my pooping toddler!!! What a HUGE change we’ve seen in Solly now that he’s not constipated and in constant discomfort! He is more playful, and silly, and chatty, and even more comprehensive! He follows simple directions better than ever before, and follows along after his siblings, whereas before, he’d often choose to stay put where he was. You can just tell 🙂 He feels like a million bucks, and THAT is my favorite thing!!! 

So I cheated a little bit on the end part of today’s post, but thats what you’re getting! After Dekkers rough vomiticious (yup, don’t question it) weekend, he’s home for the day, and all FOUR kids are sleeping!!! Not Bambina, but I’m cool with that. She and I can spend some one on one time together this afternoon 🙂 I don’t mind! She’s probably enjoying the cookies I’m eating.

Don’t forget to tell me quick car seat cover you like better!

Trust me. This was not my plan for todays post. Sigh. 🤮

So yesterday wasn’t a bad day. We drove to the city (yes, into the blizzard) and Brady bought a van to replace his current van that is on its absolute last leg. It was a somewhat stressful driving situation, and I was pretty shaky once we got home. Not ideal. But, thankfully, we were all safe, we have a new working van for Brady, and the kids were in good moods. Dekker asked if he could share a special hot chocolate packet that he’s been saving with his siblings, so we mixed that up for them and they shared a treat at the table.

They played great for the rest of the day and went to bed at a good time. Brady and I were so pleased at how quickly they fell asleep and how peaceful they all were. Wins all around! He and I had supper and a soak in the tub, and were watching some tv before going to bed.

At 10:00 ish, we heard someone coming up our stairs. I called “hello?” and no one answered. The steps stopped. I tried again, and Dekker appeared in our doorway looking more asleep than awake. He wouldn’t answer me. He finally kind of burped/shrucked and told us he had thrown up a little. He came over to the bed and stood over my garbage can while Brady ran down and found a clean pail. Dekker was pretty disoriented, just standing still, quietly. His jammies were soaked, and I started peeling him out of them. He held his bucket while I got him out of his clothes, and he was shivering within seconds. We grabbed an extra blanket and wrapped him up, and plunked him on the chair in our room. He was pretty content there for the moment, so I headed down with Brady to see the damage.

He had clearly tried to make it to the bathroom. There was some mess there, though it was pretty minimal. His bed, however. WOW that thing had taken a hit!! His ENTIRE supper lay on his bedding, and I know this to be true because, up in my room, his feet were covered in his lunch. 🤢 Yes, I know how gross this all is. Once we saw the extent of the damage before us, I moved Dekker onto our bed and put an episode of Magic School Bus on the laptop for him very quietly. He was content.

Now we haven’t had vomit in a LONG time around here (thank the Lord!) but we are well versed in a quick bed change, thanks to last years months upon months of sickness. Brady worked fast and quiet, and Rowan only lulled a little bit, but managed to sleep through the majority of the wakeup. As soon as the room was cleaned, we tucked Dekker back into bed with his bucket nearby. He was so tired.

Brady and I wiped up the rest of the floor in the bathroom and hauled the laundry downstairs to get on that part of the job. We were sorting through all of the bedding, deciding what could go straight into the wash and what needed to be shaken out outside first, when we heard coughing from upstairs.

Brady bolted upstairs and I followed closely after. I met the boys sitting on the stairs, Dekker heaving and heaving into his bucket. Besides a bit of a mess on his new jammies and maybe a bit on his pillow, there was nothing too crazy to clean up. He was, however, pretty hesitant to go back to bed. I didn’t blame him. Brady went and continued on the laundry and I sat with Dekker for a while, to give his tummy a chance to settle. We cracked a few little jokes and he seemed to be in a decent mood in general. I jokingly asked for a selfie and he SMILED for it!! Lol! Couldn’t believe him!

He’s so stinking soft 💙

Back to bed he went, but insisted on having his bucket on the bed right beside him.

Now, I’ll admit. The night wakings run together for me. We slept here and there, but not well. Dekker was up a small handful of times after that, but I’m not sure how many. I’d say 5-6 in total. At one point, he just woke up to talk, which woke Rowan, and then Rowan was up and talking for quite some time. It was NOT a smooth night! Not for those two, anyway. Laela and Solly slept through the whole thing! Praise the Lord!

So far this morning, we have no vomit to report! Also no food intake, but still, it counts. Dekker is having fluids, slowly but surely, and he’s mentioning that he thinks he’ll be hungry for lunch. We’ll see how that goes! The BEST thing about a sick day around here is that its usually spent as lazily as possible. So we watched a movie this morning. Care to wager a guess about what we watched?

Storks! Lol! As usual 🙂

In the last half hour or so, Dekker’s started fevering, which is a bummer, but also means we won’t go to school tomorrow, which is ok, too. Dekker loves a good home day, but he also loves school, so we’ve got a good situation in that way right now.

Please say a prayer for us, if you think of it! For Dekker to feel better fast, for this to NOT be the flu, and that it doesn’t spread to any of the rest of us!! Very selfishly, I do NOT want what he’s got!

Feel better, Dekker!! You’re SO strong and brave!!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 💩

Facebook reminded me this morning of what Solly looked like a full year ago.

Note the prune-stache. That means that he was already having a difficult time pooping :/ Difficult enough that I had gone on the hunt to get him pureed prunes from the baby food section of the grocery store. At that point, I figured we were clearly in desperate times to need to make additional efforts to help him poop. I’d give him a scoop or two of prunes stirred into the minimal amount of solid food he was eating, and after a day or two, he’d poop, and I’d decide he was “all better.” I had no idea.

For literally the next YEAR, poor Solly worked to poop. He would either cry and drop down and strain and produce nothing, or sometimes he’d go hide and cry and work for it away from us. And guys, I failed. I completely missed how long it all went on 🙁 I have an embarrassing amount of pictures of him pooping in places that I thought was funny. I had him labelled as our bad pooper, which wasn’t untrue, but I didn’t realize just how bad things were :/

Solly would FINALLY have success, but he would scream like a wounded animal, and what came out of him was just not right. WAY too big. But when it happened, I’d take comfort in knowing that he was FINALLY cleaned out, and we could move forward. Except it never, ever helped, and it just kept happening. We hacked up prunes for him to eat like raisins, and gave him little bran muffins, and really amped up our fruit and veggie intake as a family. No dice. Nothing helped.

For the last month, he’s become irritable, and has flip flopped between sweet and funny, to VERY easily upset, to laying flat on his tummy on the floor (or on me,) unmoving, and sweat.

We finally gave up and resorted to suppositories. And they didn’t take. No joke. Nada. I sent this picture of him to a nurse friend of mine, telling her this was the face of a little dude, post-suppository, and she asked me a few questions.

After a brief evaluation and realizing just how long this had been a problem, I realized just how bad of a position Solly’s bowel was probably in. It must be SO stretched to produce such HUGE poops, and then just keep doing the same thing over and over again. So, we started Solly’s new “treatment.”

We rocked a clean-out treatment for three days with NO progress. THAT scared me. I didn’t want to have to admit him to the hospital because I had just simply missed how backed up he really was 🙁 So we decided to give him another day or two and slightly increase our plan. And it WORKED!!!

Yesterday, this little man FINALLY had some good relief!! Today is more of the same. And it shows!!! He feels SO much better! He doesn’t want to be held as much, thats for sure. He wants to chase his siblings and lift heavy things and play hard and scream and laugh and help out. Its pretty crazy to see such a shift in his personality literally the day of! Leaving our ultrasound yesterday, he didn’t want to be carried to the van. So he held hands and walked with the rest of us. And he EATS! A LOT! He definitely had some holdback before, and I just hadn’t realized how much until he didn’t have it anymore!

Today is more of the same. Solly is SO FUNNY today! Forgive his boogery nose, but I wasn’t going to mess up the happy picture 🙂 He. Feels. AMAZING. I’m so relieved, and he clearly is, too.

To be fair, he’s still pretty scared of diaper changes and such. I don’t blame him. He does NOT like pooping. Yet his poop this morning was NOT preceded by crying, so thats hopeful! We’re REALLY babying his little bum, to avoid absolutely any rashes or soreness. Anything to make things less traumatizing for him.

I want his success to continue! He will likely be on a light treatment to help him poop nice and easy for several months to give his little bowel a chance to actually be little again. A retraining exercise, so to speak. I am SO thankful to have had the help and expertise of a friend to help us through this tricky situation. I am confident that Solly is on the mend, and I can tell he for sure believes he is getting better, too.

What. A. Relief.

I know I have a “purchases/wish list” section on my “Womb in Bloom” series, but my purchases are growing and haven’t been well documented, so I thought I’d round them up to my favorite things! I also thought I’d add my wish list on here, just for fun 🙂 I’ll try and keep up better with purchases and such weekly on the series, but for now, this will do.

To be clear, my favorite things for Bambina are not all bought new. Some are things I’ve found in tubs of Laela’s old stuff. Some are from Value Village. Some are new. But all are things that I’m so excited to break out for our littlest family member.

First, these are the things I dug out of an old 6 month tub of Laela’s that I’m MOST excited to use again!

A quick rundown of these items!! The blazer was just something I couldn’t not bring home, even though it came with white pants that she never wore. But the blazer kicked butt, and will hopefully fit her coming into fall.

The white shoes are Puma’s we got from Value Village for Laela, and they were probably the first shoes we could actually get her chubby little feet into. I loved how they made her look so grown up when she would wear jeans and a hoodie. Super duper cute. I didn’t care if they were a bit worn.

The little rainbow padraigs are a must for winter! These ones have only ever been worn by Laela, so they’re still in beautiful shape. I’m so excited to pull them out again!

This skirt!! 😍 We received it in a care package from one of my aunties, and its just gorgeous! Laela wore it to church a few times, and to a few little events, and drew sooo much attention, haha! Its so lightweight and girly and I LOVE it.

Beyond this picture, I’m excited to use our little white eyelet set of crib bumpers, and to put our little bandana bibs on her. Though I can’t help but hope she won’t be as barfy as her siblings!! 🤞 I can dream, anyway.

Onto another picture! My Value Village favorites so far!

So these are all little sizes, because summer.

The first picture is a diaper shirt with a cute little ribbon detail on the back, that is likely just there to tickle her neck and annoy her 😉

The next one appears to have 3/4 length sleeves, but I can’t be sure. It may just have them because our kids are so long. I guess we’ll know soon!

The black shirt is definitely a favorite favorite! It also has kind of 3.4 length sleeves, or maybe just longer tshirt sleeves. It’s also longer in the back and shorter in the front, to keep her trendy 😉 Seriously, I would’ve never thought this shirt came from Carters!!

And some of you have probably seen these shoes before, but I can’t not put them in there! They’re SO stinking cute! Though I can’t speak for whether or not they’ll fit. My kids have such chubby feet, all the slip on styles don’t even have a chance of fitting. Trust me, we’ve tried. So we’ll give these a try.

So for my favorite things we’ve ordered new thus far…

This little sweatshirt, for some reason, I just couldn’t shake off. It has kind of bubble sleeves, and is a nice light material, which I think will be perfect for a newborn in summer. Its possible the matching sweatpants are in the mail…

This swimsuit has been haunting me since before we found out we were having a girl. You know those items that you just cannot shake off and then its literally years later that you’re regretting not getting them? Maybe thats just me, but I know this bathing suit is one of these things. So, we got it!

We picked up this little romper on our date night away in February, because it was too darn cute to leave behind. No regrets with that little number!

This sleeper holds a strangely special place in my heart. This was the first baby item we bought during this pregnancy. We didn’t know the baby’s gender, but still then, I would’ve said I thought baby was a boy. Even more than that, I would’ve said I wasn’t sure the baby was going to come. I’m still not confident, to be honest. So this was a ballsy purchase, but I just loved it and couldn’t not bring it home. I remember apologizing to Brady about buying it, and feeling literally sick to my stomach over it. I hid it in a drawer upon bringing it home. I was in such a rough place then, unsure of how to grieve and celebrate at the same time. I am SO happy to pull it out and actually let myself imagine putting a baby into it. Purple hedgehogs are the way to go!

Can we all just take a minute and let ourselves go there? To just believe that our babies WILL come join us?? This is my mental picture for my little summer girl!

This little denim dress was another item I found on the same day as I found that bathing suit I couldn’t let go of. It comes with little matching gitch and everything! Eek!

Hopefully none of you think I have a mad shopping problem or anything. I really honestly don’t. I don’t have to justify anything, lol, so I won’t 😉 Now that I have Laela’s baby stuff, some awesome hand me downs from friends, and a few fun new (or new to us) items, I know what spots I have left to fill, and I have time to fill them! This baby is going to be WELL prepared for!

Onto my wish list! Lol! The ONLY reason I’m even putting this list out there is because its all vastly expensive and unreasonable and will not justify buying very much of it at all, and I’m TOTALLY at peace with it! Hahaha! Most of a list of “in a perfect world” items 😉 So bear with me!

Hailey’s Unrealistic Wish List

• crazy new stroller – I would LOVE one of those beastly City Select double strollers! They are so versatile and push way more like a single stroller than a double stroller. Our double stroller is fine, and we are definitely not without in that area, but its a lot more like pushing a shopping cart. However, even if I did have the money to fork over for a new City Select stroller, I don’t think I could justify it. Those suckers are foolishly expensive! I mean no disrespect to people who have shelled that money out themselves, but I would likely only buy such a stroller if I found it second hand for an amazing price!
• new diaper bag – This is one I might actually justify! We’ll have to see. We have a great diaper bag, with no issues, but I have been eyeing this diaper bag for literal years. Its a lug puddle jumper style bag in a light lavendar color. Every time I walk through Lawson Mall, I duck my head into Frenzy, and every time, its still there. And its still over $100 :/ So I wait. But I may finally bite the bullet on this one down the line!
• rock n play – Have you guys heard of these things? I want to add a link, but to be fair, I’m not positive which one I for sure want! They’re like a rocking chair, sort of, for babies. It would basically replace our bouncy chair, which is still fine, but is a little too accessible to the other kids. Our older children would regularly just flop on top of the baby, aaaaalmost knocking him out of it completely. This one is a bit further out of reach, but still very visible. Also, the rock n play has a great reputation amongst the community of parents who have babies with reflux, food allergies, colic, and any kind of excessive barfing. Being that we’ve dealt with lots of that before, it seems like it would be a smart choice for us. Again, though, over $100, and our bouncy chair has been fine.
• playpen mattress – We’ll definitely get one of these along the way. Our babies don’t fit in their little cradle that long, and the playpen is the next step. Our playpen is fine, but I’d love for it to be a bit softer. No, not dangerously soft or anything. Just a bit more stable and bed-like.
• extras – I would LOVE to have a few doubles of things around here! Since baby will likely live in our room for quite some time, I would be so thrilled to have another Ubbi diaper pail in our room, and if I was getting reeeaaally “perfect world-ish” I would be so thrilled to have an extra Baby Brezza (basically a Keurig but for formula) in our room. It would lovely to store the many midnight diapers somewhere, and also not have to venture down into the kitchen and turn lights on when baby needs a bottle. But there are NOT things we will actually spend money on. These are things we can dream of 😉
• UC-Baby – We’ve gotten these 3D ultrasounds a couple of times in the past but we weren’t going to try and justify the cost this time around. However, if I could, I would love to! I relate this baby very closely to Laela, because that she’s been my only little girl, yet I realize that the two little girls will likely be very very different! In the 3D scans, we’ve been able to see who our baby will resemble, and it would be so handy to know who she resembles! Follow me down this rabbit trail briefly. Laela was 8 days overdue and weighed 9lbs10oz. Solly was 8 days early and weighed 10lbs7oz. Sooooo if Laela was 8 days early like Solly was, she would’ve been so little, and we would’ve needed newborn clothing! With Solly, we took him home in short little pants and a diaper shirt sized 3-6 months that we literally packed him into. He was a full on stuffed sausage. So knowing that kind of thing would be so fun 🙂 A luxury, for sure. Not a necessity. But fun!
• Thinx – Ok, lady talk alert! Sorry, boys, if you’re reading! But I need to talk recovery. Straight talk. I. Bleed. Forever. Like 6-7 weeks kind of “forever.” And it SUCKS wearing a pad that long. I have bled that long with every single child thus far, so I don’t anticipate pregnancy #7 will suddenly be the one where bleeding peters out at 2 weeks. I just don’t see it. Rather than wearing a pad ALL SUMMER and wrapping up our holidays with my own personal diaper rash, I would be SO happy to invest in some of those super absorbent underwear that women are starting to use instead of disposable period products. At least once the worst of it is over and the unending weeks of spotting begins, I could feel a bit more normal and have less soreness in my already-recovering body. Sorry if thats too gross of a topic, but, real talk. Recovery is a huge part of having a baby, and one people should talk more about. So while I’m REALLY hoping we can make this one happen for me, its obviously an expensive investment, and I’d need a handful of pairs at least. So we’ll see.

The things that are left on my wish list are more reasonable things that I will likely buy, or that I really want to buy! For instance, a particular book that must come from Bambina’s parents. A maternity swim top for myself. A cute carseat canopy to adorn her carseat. Easier stuff. But here is my wildly unreasonable, expensive list of wants and dreams in the world of babies and pregnancy and birth.

This turned into a SUPER long winded post, yikes!! Sorry not sorry, guys. It was fun to put together 🙂 What are the things you couldn’t live without when you had a baby? Or when you were pregnant or recovering? What are your musts?

I’m rallying, ever so slowly, from the last few off days/evenings with the kids. I promise, I don’t expect easy days every day. I’m not dumb. I know seamlessness isn’t the theme of the life that I’ve chosen, and I wouldn’t trade it! But sometimes, it catches up to you, and it makes for a hard stage. I really don’t have to say any of this. Kids or not, we all know that feeling of overwhelming stages of life. This last week or so, I’ve been in one.

Having so much help and love poured on my family has helped immensely! Though I’m still nice and tired by the end of the day, they’re easier to get through with some help and love and rest.

Last night was weird and choppy. Despite how tired I was, I was awake from about 2:00-4:30 :/ I eventually found my way back to sleep, only to wake back up when one of my sleeping children kicks a cord and accidentally unplugged the camera unit to the baby monitor, leaving the parent unit beeping like a crazy person. I did managed to get a bit more sleep after the fact but it wasn’t the best kick off.

Thank goodness, my mom came to be with the kids while I took Dekker to school, and then Laela to preschool a half hour later. Preschool mornings are the most disjointed around here, so having her help when possible is SO appreciated! She didn’t stay long, however, and I spent the preschool hunk of the day with my two little boys!

I wondered how the whole preschool scene would look, when it was just me, Rowan, and Solly. Those two hit a bit of a wall once Solly became mobile. As I’m sure you can figure out, Ro was less than thrilled when Solly started following him, wanting the same stuff he wanted, and voicing his opinions. This was one of those scenarios where the small age gap (15 months) was tough on them. But its slowly improved, which is what I hoped would come of their twice-weekly alone time. Today, especially, I super enjoyed it! I got to watch them interact and get in each other’s space without fighting or screaming. Solly would unlatch the guitar case and Rowan would giggle at him and go latch it back up behind him.

It was a smooth morning in that way. While it hasn’t always been this way and likely will not remain this way for every preschool morning to come, I’m happy to know that its in there! They CAN get along and they LIKE to be around each other! Something as small as them brushing shoulders can sometimes send Rowan into a tailspin but today, they were just bros and the space between them wasn’t important. I loved that. They’re such awesome little boys!

I say it SO often, but I’ll say it again. I have all the right people in all the right places. Sometimes that refers to doctors, sometimes friends, sometimes people who my children interact with, etc. I’m just SO thrilled to have everyone I have. I am so fortunate.

I told you yesterday how long the day before was. A hard day with the kids, followed by a very sore body and my husband hacking off the tip of his finger. (On that subject, its already WAY better! That guy heals SO fast!) It had been a long day. But yesterday was already better, with my mom coming and being with me, keeping me company and doing days worth of dishes in my kitchen! What a relief!!! When Brady got home that night, I was feeling refreshed and happy. Solly, however, was not, and was pretty hands on. When he tried to make a joke and slammed his head into my face, I burst out crying, and the crying just would not stop 🙁 We had successful had a tv-free day, but we literally turned it on for my benefit so I could stop crying. It was humiliating and awful and I felt so out of control. I managed to stay down with my family until the kids went to bed, but I ate supper, had a soak, and was asleep before 10:00. I’m not even sure I got up to pee in the night like usual. I was FINISHED from that first super difficult day, and I hadn’t come down from it yet, I suppose.

Today has been a better day. A loving friend came over first thing this morning in time for school drop off, so I took Dekker on my own without rushing the whole group out. I came home to everyone happily reading books and playing in Solly’s room. We spent the morning reading and chatting and resting in general. I had the time to straighten the beds, make a few phone calls, and get my planner up to date on a few things. It was so refreshing to have another set of hands available when I needed to do something and couldn’t immediately hold the sad baby or read the book or listen to the long winded stories the kids needed to tell right then! It was wonderful. We made it through lunch, and now everyone is in bed, myself included, and supper is ready and waiting in the fridge, once again, thanks to my loving friend.

Brady shouldn’t work too long of a day today, tomorrow looks great already with a visit from Jerilee in the evening, and Brady is home Friday! Friday is also an ultrasound day 🙂 You know you’ve been to your ultrasound clinic a lot when you call and the receptionist says “Is this Hailey?” Yup, lol! We’re there! But I secretly like it 😉 They’re so good there, I’m very happy to have such a wonderful clinic of people.

My body is sleepy, and nice and full from lunch. Time for rest.

Its funny. My Facebook memories told me that last year, February 26th, was the day we had our carbon monoxide scare in the house. Our house was (gratefully) stormed by the fire department, who tested and aired and retested and retested and aired the place our some more until we were for sure all safe. Conveniently enough, the kids were juuust poisoned enough that they slept through the entire thing. Win!

Our February 26th this year was different, but also significant, and worth sharing, I believe.

To start with, it was just one of those days. One of those days that leave me feeling ashamed and like a failure. A day of fighting and yelling and power struggling and exhaustion. It. Was. Hard. I was exhausted and overdone and on the verge of tears for most of the day. It was just one of those. I tell myself we all have them. I hope I’m telling the truth.

So it was a rough day as a whole, but we rolled through it. When I went to pick Dekker up from school, he was in a much better mood than the rest of us. He had been outside and with his friends, and had escaped the cabin fever! He was happy, and it helped. Picking him up from school ended a little rough, however, when I slipped on the ice outside and wrenched my back pretty badly. I didn’t go down, thank goodness, but I was in quite a bit of pain from that. But a sore back isn’t too terribly rare these days, so again, I tried to just roll with it. I had spoken to Brady on and off through the day and he knew how badly I was struggling. He assured me I should put my feet up and just survive until he got home. The promise of a break helped, too.

He got home at a pretty reasonable time, and I sat on the recliner and chatted with him while we reminisced about our days. He washed up and began to make supper for everyone.

And then he promptly hacked the end of his finger off into the veggie slicer with the cucumbers.

We have NEVER had blood like that in this house!! I’d add pictures, but they’re not for the faint of heart.

It was instantly pouring, and he stood over the sink, unsure of what to do. We’d put paper towel on it and it wasn’t even an obstacle. It was just gushing. Thank goodness, a friend of ours cut the end of his finger off back in the high school days, and I was able to call and ask what they had done. They confirmed what I figured – there’s nothing to stitch. Just stop the bleeding and cover it up for a bit. No reason to go in anywhere. So, we tried.

Spoiler alert. I didn’t get my break. But Brady also didn’t get to keep the end of his finger. So, lose lose.

It took a long time to get his finger to stop bleeding, but it happened, and he held the paper towel tightly to his finger all evening. But eventually, he removed the paper towel to check on the situation. And as you can likely predict, it aaaaall started up again. We were at a total loss.

So we called my mom, because she is the master of hacking her poor fingers to pieces in the kitchen. She came over (bless her heart!) and brought her first aid stuff with her. Sadly, none of us were well prepared enough to own gauze or anything like that, but she took a look and agreed with our basic idea of “just make the sucker stop bleeding.” At that point, we had ceased the bleeding and wrapped his finger in paper towel. We taped it to his finger with medical tape and went on to have a soak and an evening together. We both felt pretty weak and gross at that point, and had muffins for supper. After our bath, we decided we would anger his finger one last time, since we hadn’t had the forethought to smother the paper towel in polysporin before sticking it to his finger, and we figured it would be better to work on that in the evening so it could heal a bit overnight and hopefully be in better shape the next morning.

While he really didn’t seem to enjoy the pain of taking the paper towel off, it was bleeding less than we expected! We loaded some more paper towel up with polysporin and folded it over the tip of his finger. I ran to get the duct tape to tape the paper towel in place, while still leaving space around it to breathe and heal. Don’t ask me how it happened, but we were out of duct tape! We were clearly unprepared for this injury! So electrical tape did the trick, and everything was under control.

I’m happy to say that he is down to a plain old bandage now, and that he was able to put in a full day of work without too much fuss. But MY GOSH it was an ordeal in the moment!

Because of the general of the stress of the day and the evening that followed, my already-angry body didn’t reset overnight, and its been a sore, achy day. I’m SO ready for another soak and hopefully a less overwhelming evening. And that we all keep our digits, ideally…

Ok, I know Solly is only a year and a half-ish old. I know this. But as the weeks roll on, it feels bizarre to have made it this far. I feel like I haven’t been this far into a pregnancy in SO long!! Trust me, I know thats dumb. Many people intentionally space their children out, even much further than this! But its just so crazy to think I’m 21 weeks pregnant! I like putting this series together, and when I sat down this morning to stay assembling todays post, I genuinely was prepared to write about being 20 weeks pregnant. But I’m actually at 21 weeks. This is the FIRST time in this pregnancy that the week seemed to fly by. I know I’m not supposed to wish time away, but I really hope there are more weeks that rush by and time can move a little quicker. I think Spring will help with a lot of that. I hope!

Size Comparison: This is so far the dumbest week for size comparisons yet, haha! My app suggests Bambina is the size of a baseball cap… That makes little to no sense to me, so I dug deeper. Baby is also compared to a weasel, a bok choy, a pomegranate, and carrots. Yup. Multiple “carrots,” apparently. In reading ahead slightly, I see the app I’ve been trying to follow consistently compares a 35 week baby to a “bunch of carrots.” Hmmm. 🤔 The internet says the baby is roughly 3/4 of a pound, and about 10.5″ inches long. I really can’t speak for that, but I’ll maybe know a bit more about that later this week! 

Appointments: As I eluded, I am supposed to book an ultrasound this week! I didn’t have one this last week. Not an appointment this last week at all. I know some of you may think I’ve been foolish to have all of these appointments, but they’ve kept me afloat, and this last week was the FIRST appointment-free week in this pregnancy. And guys, I lived! I am able to feel the baby move most days, and while the kicks aren’t getting much stronger or too much more frequent, I am fortunate enough to feel her most every day, and when I don’t, my home doppler is doing a wonderful job of keeping my anxiety at bay. So, I survived a week without medical professionals, and it was ok 🙂 but I’m excited for a scan this week, for sure!

How am I feeling emotionally: I’m going to be honest here, and I’m going to get a little Christian on you, so beware! 😉 I’m struggling a little bit emotionally recently. In the world of having babies, you’re “safe” after you hear the heartbeat. You’re even safer after you enter your second trimester. I learned the hard way that life is fleeting and there is never any guarantee that the baby will come home with me, healthy and safe. There is no guarantee any of us will live through the day! I don’t mean to be dark or harsh, but its true! We just have no control. Since losing our little boys, I have learned to confidently believe that God has us in the palm of his hand, more than even before, and I have honestly been able to trust him with my family, because there is literally nothing else to hold onto. Now that I’ve passed the 20 week mark, I’m forgetting that God is still in control. Because 20 weeks somehow feels “safe.” Passing the halfway point is amazing, and feeling the baby move is amazinger! Finally, the reassurance I’ve been aching for! But still, I need to trust God, not the world. As we approach the point where baby could safely be born and have a fighting chance, I need to keep praying and not trusting modern medicine alone. Yet is it ok to take some comfort in things of this world, if our trust is still in God? I hope so. I don’t know. I’m not in “bad” emotional shape, but I’m searching, and as seems to be the fruitless theme currently, I’m trying to do things the “rightest” way possible. Whatever that means.

How am I feeling physically: My physical health is all over the map. I’m starting to get some pretty gnarly reflux, and I’m taking zantac most days. My pelvis is okayish, I think, but I’ve had persistent headaches over the last week so I’m wondering if my body is out of line. I’m badly overdue for a treatment of some kind. This last week, I’ve had a bit of heart racing, also. I’m not entirely sure what thats all about, but when that happens, I take it as my cue to sit, and it always calms back down. But thats a new one for me. Beyond that, I’m feeling VERY tired and sluggish again, but like I said earlier, I think Spring is going to help me with things like that. Just today, I noticed while driving Dekker to school that it was brighter outside! It was sunny rather than dim, and that alone brought me some energy. So I’m hopeful thats just the time of year.

Wish Lish/Purchases: I think I’m going to make a whole separate post about my wish lists – including the one thats reasonable and the one that isn’t, haha! As for purchases, I ordered a small batch of things online FOREVER ago and I know for a fact its been sitting at our local post office since last week and still hasn’t been checked in!! Argh! So I can’t talk about any of that really yet :/ Merp. 

Pictures: Todays belly picture, featuring my unwashed hair and dirty mirror!

That belly is definitely unmissable now. I like that. Just one of the things that makes it feel more real.

How are the kids feeling: Sigh. They’re so ready.

They want their baby sister. I don’t blame them. I do too. They ask regularly when she’s coming. I tell them, hopefully in July, and they ask how soon July is. Summertime. Just another thing for us all to look forward to! Dekker has taken to kissing my tummy a lot. I love that. I so badly want to let the kids in on her name, SO badly, but I think they’ll tell everyone, so sadly, they’ll have to stick with Bambina. Yesterday at church, Rowan spotted a little stuffed puppy sticking out of a diaper bag, and whispered to us, asking if it was for “Gambina,” which is Rowan’s version of her name. It was sweet.

Getting to know the baby: She is in that silly stage where she kicks often enough, but the second that Brady puts his hand on my belly to feel her, she stops. Now, to clarify, he HAS felt her kick. But not too often yet. I assume he’d feel it more if not for the anterior placenta, because I can feel the internal rolls, while he can only feel her when she really gives a good kick straight out. But we’ve decided she’s just calmed by her daddy holding her. I can’t wait until we can actually get our hands on her!

The BEST part of being pregnant: I’ve REALLY enjoyed going through some of our little baby girls things over this last week! We had lent out Laela’s 0-6 month stuff a little while back and just received a big box of it back. It was SO fun to see Laela’s little baby stuff again, and even just run my hands along the little diaper shirts and sleepers. Laela, however, was born at the very end of September, so the seasons don’t line up perfectly. None of Laela’s sweater dresses will really cross over for Bambina, but lots of the basics will. Plus, a dear friend offered us a diaper box positively filled with little dresses and matching diaper covers, rompers, and all kinds of beautiful summery things for our new little miss! There are really only a few “holes” left to fill, plus likely a few impulse purchases along the way, haha! But its just been so fun to be able to entertain the real idea that our baby girl may actually join us at the end of all of this. Preparing. Its been nuts, and awesome. 

Favourite thing: My favorite thing for today is the donuts out of the Coop grocery store’s bakery section. Have you had those things?? If not, you should. They have the long john donuts in six packs for $5. They look pretty standard, and are uniform enough that you know they were frozen, and not baked fresh. But the icing is what sets them apart! They are SO fluffy and the icing is SO yummy! It doesn’t form a crust like the Tim Hortons donuts, but its soft and a bit messy and smushy. I HIGHLY recommend these as a treat! To be clear, we’re not specifically a donut family. We never really order them unless we win them during roll-up at Tims. But these are a game changer! I’m pretty sure they’ll be at the party we throw for Bambina when she arrives, but don’t wait until summer to try them!! 

Yuuuuum!!! We still have some kicking around from Rowan’s birthday a few days ago, and they’re still good! Highly, highly recommend.

Its been a good week. Lots of relaxing my body on the week off of school and sleeping more than usual. I feel somewhat normal these days, which is different but nice. I’m anticipating more days like this, or at least I’m hoping for them! And with the sun coming out a bit earlier these days and the temperature rising juuust a bit, I’m dreaming of warmer days and what that will all bring. I simply cannot wait for any of it. But I will 😉 I have no control in the matter, among all the other things I have no control over! Whats a girl to do! Keep on trucking, and trusting, I suppose!

We made some changes around here yesterday! After nap time, we got on it, and it took until supper time before it was done.

Rowan is in not only in a big boy bed now, but we have moved our sleeping arrangements around completely!

Formerly, we had Laela in her bed, Dekker in his bed, and Rowan in his crib all in one room. It was tight, but it worked.

However, Rowan potty training is looming and he needs to be out of a crib. And frankly, a third single bed simply will not fit in the same room! The whole room may as well just be a bed. Rowan was never one to try to escape from his crib, but with my body suffering as much as it is, its getting harder and hard to lift him in and out of there. It was time for a change.

Behold! The new set up, shown here in subpar pictures 😉

This first picture is Rowan and Dekker’s room. Ro’s bed is the one with the headboard. After we took the picture, we added Dekker’s nightstand between the beds, which added a little something. And until now, his nightstand has lived in the closet, so this freed up some nice space in there! Win!

And Laela and Sollys room! Laela was SO excited to share with Solly, and loved having her bed set up somewhere new. She snuggled in it on and off while the kids played around her 🙂 Solly was also amped to have someone to share a room with. Possibly even more excited that Laela’s Elsa came along with Laela herself 😉 He LOVES her Elsa!

The work of putting things together was a family affair for a while, but it took SO long to get the whole thing done that by the end, it was mostly Brady working and me trying to wrangle the small ones out from under the 2x4s and away from the drills.

Dekker helped take Laela’s bed down, and reassemble it in Solly’s room.

He and Laela both wiped the baseboards behind the beds that moved, and we vacuumed everything good and proper. When it came time to assemble Rowan’s new bed, some of the novelty had worn off, so Brady did most of the work himself and I hung out on Dekker’s bed with Solly and whoever wandered in.

It took the rest of the afternoon, but it all got done!! What a relief! The kids were all happy with the new sleeping arrangements and their first night in new spots didn’t mess anything/anyone up too much at all.

Rowan fell out of his bed in the first stretch of the night, but by the time Brady got there, he was already back up and fine. He slept with his head by the footboard, but there could be worse things. Everyone was happy in the morning, with no complaints of wanting to be in other places, and everyone appears to have slept, so we’re calling it a WIN!

Rowan’s two days of birthdays are wrapped, and I think it all turned out super well! Spring can come anytime now 🙂 We’re ready for you!