Trust me. This was not my plan for todays post. Sigh. 🤮

So yesterday wasn’t a bad day. We drove to the city (yes, into the blizzard) and Brady bought a van to replace his current van that is on its absolute last leg. It was a somewhat stressful driving situation, and I was pretty shaky once we got home. Not ideal. But, thankfully, we were all safe, we have a new working van for Brady, and the kids were in good moods. Dekker asked if he could share a special hot chocolate packet that he’s been saving with his siblings, so we mixed that up for them and they shared a treat at the table.

They played great for the rest of the day and went to bed at a good time. Brady and I were so pleased at how quickly they fell asleep and how peaceful they all were. Wins all around! He and I had supper and a soak in the tub, and were watching some tv before going to bed.

At 10:00 ish, we heard someone coming up our stairs. I called “hello?” and no one answered. The steps stopped. I tried again, and Dekker appeared in our doorway looking more asleep than awake. He wouldn’t answer me. He finally kind of burped/shrucked and told us he had thrown up a little. He came over to the bed and stood over my garbage can while Brady ran down and found a clean pail. Dekker was pretty disoriented, just standing still, quietly. His jammies were soaked, and I started peeling him out of them. He held his bucket while I got him out of his clothes, and he was shivering within seconds. We grabbed an extra blanket and wrapped him up, and plunked him on the chair in our room. He was pretty content there for the moment, so I headed down with Brady to see the damage.

He had clearly tried to make it to the bathroom. There was some mess there, though it was pretty minimal. His bed, however. WOW that thing had taken a hit!! His ENTIRE supper lay on his bedding, and I know this to be true because, up in my room, his feet were covered in his lunch. 🤢 Yes, I know how gross this all is. Once we saw the extent of the damage before us, I moved Dekker onto our bed and put an episode of Magic School Bus on the laptop for him very quietly. He was content.

Now we haven’t had vomit in a LONG time around here (thank the Lord!) but we are well versed in a quick bed change, thanks to last years months upon months of sickness. Brady worked fast and quiet, and Rowan only lulled a little bit, but managed to sleep through the majority of the wakeup. As soon as the room was cleaned, we tucked Dekker back into bed with his bucket nearby. He was so tired.

Brady and I wiped up the rest of the floor in the bathroom and hauled the laundry downstairs to get on that part of the job. We were sorting through all of the bedding, deciding what could go straight into the wash and what needed to be shaken out outside first, when we heard coughing from upstairs.

Brady bolted upstairs and I followed closely after. I met the boys sitting on the stairs, Dekker heaving and heaving into his bucket. Besides a bit of a mess on his new jammies and maybe a bit on his pillow, there was nothing too crazy to clean up. He was, however, pretty hesitant to go back to bed. I didn’t blame him. Brady went and continued on the laundry and I sat with Dekker for a while, to give his tummy a chance to settle. We cracked a few little jokes and he seemed to be in a decent mood in general. I jokingly asked for a selfie and he SMILED for it!! Lol! Couldn’t believe him!

He’s so stinking soft 💙

Back to bed he went, but insisted on having his bucket on the bed right beside him.

Now, I’ll admit. The night wakings run together for me. We slept here and there, but not well. Dekker was up a small handful of times after that, but I’m not sure how many. I’d say 5-6 in total. At one point, he just woke up to talk, which woke Rowan, and then Rowan was up and talking for quite some time. It was NOT a smooth night! Not for those two, anyway. Laela and Solly slept through the whole thing! Praise the Lord!

So far this morning, we have no vomit to report! Also no food intake, but still, it counts. Dekker is having fluids, slowly but surely, and he’s mentioning that he thinks he’ll be hungry for lunch. We’ll see how that goes! The BEST thing about a sick day around here is that its usually spent as lazily as possible. So we watched a movie this morning. Care to wager a guess about what we watched?

Storks! Lol! As usual 🙂

In the last half hour or so, Dekker’s started fevering, which is a bummer, but also means we won’t go to school tomorrow, which is ok, too. Dekker loves a good home day, but he also loves school, so we’ve got a good situation in that way right now.

Please say a prayer for us, if you think of it! For Dekker to feel better fast, for this to NOT be the flu, and that it doesn’t spread to any of the rest of us!! Very selfishly, I do NOT want what he’s got!

Feel better, Dekker!! You’re SO strong and brave!!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 💩

Facebook reminded me this morning of what Solly looked like a full year ago.

Note the prune-stache. That means that he was already having a difficult time pooping :/ Difficult enough that I had gone on the hunt to get him pureed prunes from the baby food section of the grocery store. At that point, I figured we were clearly in desperate times to need to make additional efforts to help him poop. I’d give him a scoop or two of prunes stirred into the minimal amount of solid food he was eating, and after a day or two, he’d poop, and I’d decide he was “all better.” I had no idea.

For literally the next YEAR, poor Solly worked to poop. He would either cry and drop down and strain and produce nothing, or sometimes he’d go hide and cry and work for it away from us. And guys, I failed. I completely missed how long it all went on 🙁 I have an embarrassing amount of pictures of him pooping in places that I thought was funny. I had him labelled as our bad pooper, which wasn’t untrue, but I didn’t realize just how bad things were :/

Solly would FINALLY have success, but he would scream like a wounded animal, and what came out of him was just not right. WAY too big. But when it happened, I’d take comfort in knowing that he was FINALLY cleaned out, and we could move forward. Except it never, ever helped, and it just kept happening. We hacked up prunes for him to eat like raisins, and gave him little bran muffins, and really amped up our fruit and veggie intake as a family. No dice. Nothing helped.

For the last month, he’s become irritable, and has flip flopped between sweet and funny, to VERY easily upset, to laying flat on his tummy on the floor (or on me,) unmoving, and sweat.

We finally gave up and resorted to suppositories. And they didn’t take. No joke. Nada. I sent this picture of him to a nurse friend of mine, telling her this was the face of a little dude, post-suppository, and she asked me a few questions.

After a brief evaluation and realizing just how long this had been a problem, I realized just how bad of a position Solly’s bowel was probably in. It must be SO stretched to produce such HUGE poops, and then just keep doing the same thing over and over again. So, we started Solly’s new “treatment.”

We rocked a clean-out treatment for three days with NO progress. THAT scared me. I didn’t want to have to admit him to the hospital because I had just simply missed how backed up he really was 🙁 So we decided to give him another day or two and slightly increase our plan. And it WORKED!!!

Yesterday, this little man FINALLY had some good relief!! Today is more of the same. And it shows!!! He feels SO much better! He doesn’t want to be held as much, thats for sure. He wants to chase his siblings and lift heavy things and play hard and scream and laugh and help out. Its pretty crazy to see such a shift in his personality literally the day of! Leaving our ultrasound yesterday, he didn’t want to be carried to the van. So he held hands and walked with the rest of us. And he EATS! A LOT! He definitely had some holdback before, and I just hadn’t realized how much until he didn’t have it anymore!

Today is more of the same. Solly is SO FUNNY today! Forgive his boogery nose, but I wasn’t going to mess up the happy picture 🙂 He. Feels. AMAZING. I’m so relieved, and he clearly is, too.

To be fair, he’s still pretty scared of diaper changes and such. I don’t blame him. He does NOT like pooping. Yet his poop this morning was NOT preceded by crying, so thats hopeful! We’re REALLY babying his little bum, to avoid absolutely any rashes or soreness. Anything to make things less traumatizing for him.

I want his success to continue! He will likely be on a light treatment to help him poop nice and easy for several months to give his little bowel a chance to actually be little again. A retraining exercise, so to speak. I am SO thankful to have had the help and expertise of a friend to help us through this tricky situation. I am confident that Solly is on the mend, and I can tell he for sure believes he is getting better, too.

What. A. Relief.

I know I have a “purchases/wish list” section on my “Womb in Bloom” series, but my purchases are growing and haven’t been well documented, so I thought I’d round them up to my favorite things! I also thought I’d add my wish list on here, just for fun 🙂 I’ll try and keep up better with purchases and such weekly on the series, but for now, this will do.

To be clear, my favorite things for Bambina are not all bought new. Some are things I’ve found in tubs of Laela’s old stuff. Some are from Value Village. Some are new. But all are things that I’m so excited to break out for our littlest family member.

First, these are the things I dug out of an old 6 month tub of Laela’s that I’m MOST excited to use again!

A quick rundown of these items!! The blazer was just something I couldn’t not bring home, even though it came with white pants that she never wore. But the blazer kicked butt, and will hopefully fit her coming into fall.

The white shoes are Puma’s we got from Value Village for Laela, and they were probably the first shoes we could actually get her chubby little feet into. I loved how they made her look so grown up when she would wear jeans and a hoodie. Super duper cute. I didn’t care if they were a bit worn.

The little rainbow padraigs are a must for winter! These ones have only ever been worn by Laela, so they’re still in beautiful shape. I’m so excited to pull them out again!

This skirt!! 😍 We received it in a care package from one of my aunties, and its just gorgeous! Laela wore it to church a few times, and to a few little events, and drew sooo much attention, haha! Its so lightweight and girly and I LOVE it.

Beyond this picture, I’m excited to use our little white eyelet set of crib bumpers, and to put our little bandana bibs on her. Though I can’t help but hope she won’t be as barfy as her siblings!! 🤞 I can dream, anyway.

Onto another picture! My Value Village favorites so far!

So these are all little sizes, because summer.

The first picture is a diaper shirt with a cute little ribbon detail on the back, that is likely just there to tickle her neck and annoy her 😉

The next one appears to have 3/4 length sleeves, but I can’t be sure. It may just have them because our kids are so long. I guess we’ll know soon!

The black shirt is definitely a favorite favorite! It also has kind of 3.4 length sleeves, or maybe just longer tshirt sleeves. It’s also longer in the back and shorter in the front, to keep her trendy 😉 Seriously, I would’ve never thought this shirt came from Carters!!

And some of you have probably seen these shoes before, but I can’t not put them in there! They’re SO stinking cute! Though I can’t speak for whether or not they’ll fit. My kids have such chubby feet, all the slip on styles don’t even have a chance of fitting. Trust me, we’ve tried. So we’ll give these a try.

So for my favorite things we’ve ordered new thus far…

This little sweatshirt, for some reason, I just couldn’t shake off. It has kind of bubble sleeves, and is a nice light material, which I think will be perfect for a newborn in summer. Its possible the matching sweatpants are in the mail…

This swimsuit has been haunting me since before we found out we were having a girl. You know those items that you just cannot shake off and then its literally years later that you’re regretting not getting them? Maybe thats just me, but I know this bathing suit is one of these things. So, we got it!

We picked up this little romper on our date night away in February, because it was too darn cute to leave behind. No regrets with that little number!

This sleeper holds a strangely special place in my heart. This was the first baby item we bought during this pregnancy. We didn’t know the baby’s gender, but still then, I would’ve said I thought baby was a boy. Even more than that, I would’ve said I wasn’t sure the baby was going to come. I’m still not confident, to be honest. So this was a ballsy purchase, but I just loved it and couldn’t not bring it home. I remember apologizing to Brady about buying it, and feeling literally sick to my stomach over it. I hid it in a drawer upon bringing it home. I was in such a rough place then, unsure of how to grieve and celebrate at the same time. I am SO happy to pull it out and actually let myself imagine putting a baby into it. Purple hedgehogs are the way to go!

Can we all just take a minute and let ourselves go there? To just believe that our babies WILL come join us?? This is my mental picture for my little summer girl!

This little denim dress was another item I found on the same day as I found that bathing suit I couldn’t let go of. It comes with little matching gitch and everything! Eek!

Hopefully none of you think I have a mad shopping problem or anything. I really honestly don’t. I don’t have to justify anything, lol, so I won’t 😉 Now that I have Laela’s baby stuff, some awesome hand me downs from friends, and a few fun new (or new to us) items, I know what spots I have left to fill, and I have time to fill them! This baby is going to be WELL prepared for!

Onto my wish list! Lol! The ONLY reason I’m even putting this list out there is because its all vastly expensive and unreasonable and will not justify buying very much of it at all, and I’m TOTALLY at peace with it! Hahaha! Most of a list of “in a perfect world” items 😉 So bear with me!

Hailey’s Unrealistic Wish List

• crazy new stroller – I would LOVE one of those beastly City Select double strollers! They are so versatile and push way more like a single stroller than a double stroller. Our double stroller is fine, and we are definitely not without in that area, but its a lot more like pushing a shopping cart. However, even if I did have the money to fork over for a new City Select stroller, I don’t think I could justify it. Those suckers are foolishly expensive! I mean no disrespect to people who have shelled that money out themselves, but I would likely only buy such a stroller if I found it second hand for an amazing price!
• new diaper bag – This is one I might actually justify! We’ll have to see. We have a great diaper bag, with no issues, but I have been eyeing this diaper bag for literal years. Its a lug puddle jumper style bag in a light lavendar color. Every time I walk through Lawson Mall, I duck my head into Frenzy, and every time, its still there. And its still over $100 :/ So I wait. But I may finally bite the bullet on this one down the line!
• rock n play – Have you guys heard of these things? I want to add a link, but to be fair, I’m not positive which one I for sure want! They’re like a rocking chair, sort of, for babies. It would basically replace our bouncy chair, which is still fine, but is a little too accessible to the other kids. Our older children would regularly just flop on top of the baby, aaaaalmost knocking him out of it completely. This one is a bit further out of reach, but still very visible. Also, the rock n play has a great reputation amongst the community of parents who have babies with reflux, food allergies, colic, and any kind of excessive barfing. Being that we’ve dealt with lots of that before, it seems like it would be a smart choice for us. Again, though, over $100, and our bouncy chair has been fine.
• playpen mattress – We’ll definitely get one of these along the way. Our babies don’t fit in their little cradle that long, and the playpen is the next step. Our playpen is fine, but I’d love for it to be a bit softer. No, not dangerously soft or anything. Just a bit more stable and bed-like.
• extras – I would LOVE to have a few doubles of things around here! Since baby will likely live in our room for quite some time, I would be so thrilled to have another Ubbi diaper pail in our room, and if I was getting reeeaaally “perfect world-ish” I would be so thrilled to have an extra Baby Brezza (basically a Keurig but for formula) in our room. It would lovely to store the many midnight diapers somewhere, and also not have to venture down into the kitchen and turn lights on when baby needs a bottle. But there are NOT things we will actually spend money on. These are things we can dream of 😉
• UC-Baby – We’ve gotten these 3D ultrasounds a couple of times in the past but we weren’t going to try and justify the cost this time around. However, if I could, I would love to! I relate this baby very closely to Laela, because that she’s been my only little girl, yet I realize that the two little girls will likely be very very different! In the 3D scans, we’ve been able to see who our baby will resemble, and it would be so handy to know who she resembles! Follow me down this rabbit trail briefly. Laela was 8 days overdue and weighed 9lbs10oz. Solly was 8 days early and weighed 10lbs7oz. Sooooo if Laela was 8 days early like Solly was, she would’ve been so little, and we would’ve needed newborn clothing! With Solly, we took him home in short little pants and a diaper shirt sized 3-6 months that we literally packed him into. He was a full on stuffed sausage. So knowing that kind of thing would be so fun 🙂 A luxury, for sure. Not a necessity. But fun!
• Thinx – Ok, lady talk alert! Sorry, boys, if you’re reading! But I need to talk recovery. Straight talk. I. Bleed. Forever. Like 6-7 weeks kind of “forever.” And it SUCKS wearing a pad that long. I have bled that long with every single child thus far, so I don’t anticipate pregnancy #7 will suddenly be the one where bleeding peters out at 2 weeks. I just don’t see it. Rather than wearing a pad ALL SUMMER and wrapping up our holidays with my own personal diaper rash, I would be SO happy to invest in some of those super absorbent underwear that women are starting to use instead of disposable period products. At least once the worst of it is over and the unending weeks of spotting begins, I could feel a bit more normal and have less soreness in my already-recovering body. Sorry if thats too gross of a topic, but, real talk. Recovery is a huge part of having a baby, and one people should talk more about. So while I’m REALLY hoping we can make this one happen for me, its obviously an expensive investment, and I’d need a handful of pairs at least. So we’ll see.

The things that are left on my wish list are more reasonable things that I will likely buy, or that I really want to buy! For instance, a particular book that must come from Bambina’s parents. A maternity swim top for myself. A cute carseat canopy to adorn her carseat. Easier stuff. But here is my wildly unreasonable, expensive list of wants and dreams in the world of babies and pregnancy and birth.

This turned into a SUPER long winded post, yikes!! Sorry not sorry, guys. It was fun to put together 🙂 What are the things you couldn’t live without when you had a baby? Or when you were pregnant or recovering? What are your musts?

I’m rallying, ever so slowly, from the last few off days/evenings with the kids. I promise, I don’t expect easy days every day. I’m not dumb. I know seamlessness isn’t the theme of the life that I’ve chosen, and I wouldn’t trade it! But sometimes, it catches up to you, and it makes for a hard stage. I really don’t have to say any of this. Kids or not, we all know that feeling of overwhelming stages of life. This last week or so, I’ve been in one.

Having so much help and love poured on my family has helped immensely! Though I’m still nice and tired by the end of the day, they’re easier to get through with some help and love and rest.

Last night was weird and choppy. Despite how tired I was, I was awake from about 2:00-4:30 :/ I eventually found my way back to sleep, only to wake back up when one of my sleeping children kicks a cord and accidentally unplugged the camera unit to the baby monitor, leaving the parent unit beeping like a crazy person. I did managed to get a bit more sleep after the fact but it wasn’t the best kick off.

Thank goodness, my mom came to be with the kids while I took Dekker to school, and then Laela to preschool a half hour later. Preschool mornings are the most disjointed around here, so having her help when possible is SO appreciated! She didn’t stay long, however, and I spent the preschool hunk of the day with my two little boys!

I wondered how the whole preschool scene would look, when it was just me, Rowan, and Solly. Those two hit a bit of a wall once Solly became mobile. As I’m sure you can figure out, Ro was less than thrilled when Solly started following him, wanting the same stuff he wanted, and voicing his opinions. This was one of those scenarios where the small age gap (15 months) was tough on them. But its slowly improved, which is what I hoped would come of their twice-weekly alone time. Today, especially, I super enjoyed it! I got to watch them interact and get in each other’s space without fighting or screaming. Solly would unlatch the guitar case and Rowan would giggle at him and go latch it back up behind him.

It was a smooth morning in that way. While it hasn’t always been this way and likely will not remain this way for every preschool morning to come, I’m happy to know that its in there! They CAN get along and they LIKE to be around each other! Something as small as them brushing shoulders can sometimes send Rowan into a tailspin but today, they were just bros and the space between them wasn’t important. I loved that. They’re such awesome little boys!

I say it SO often, but I’ll say it again. I have all the right people in all the right places. Sometimes that refers to doctors, sometimes friends, sometimes people who my children interact with, etc. I’m just SO thrilled to have everyone I have. I am so fortunate.

I told you yesterday how long the day before was. A hard day with the kids, followed by a very sore body and my husband hacking off the tip of his finger. (On that subject, its already WAY better! That guy heals SO fast!) It had been a long day. But yesterday was already better, with my mom coming and being with me, keeping me company and doing days worth of dishes in my kitchen! What a relief!!! When Brady got home that night, I was feeling refreshed and happy. Solly, however, was not, and was pretty hands on. When he tried to make a joke and slammed his head into my face, I burst out crying, and the crying just would not stop 🙁 We had successful had a tv-free day, but we literally turned it on for my benefit so I could stop crying. It was humiliating and awful and I felt so out of control. I managed to stay down with my family until the kids went to bed, but I ate supper, had a soak, and was asleep before 10:00. I’m not even sure I got up to pee in the night like usual. I was FINISHED from that first super difficult day, and I hadn’t come down from it yet, I suppose.

Today has been a better day. A loving friend came over first thing this morning in time for school drop off, so I took Dekker on my own without rushing the whole group out. I came home to everyone happily reading books and playing in Solly’s room. We spent the morning reading and chatting and resting in general. I had the time to straighten the beds, make a few phone calls, and get my planner up to date on a few things. It was so refreshing to have another set of hands available when I needed to do something and couldn’t immediately hold the sad baby or read the book or listen to the long winded stories the kids needed to tell right then! It was wonderful. We made it through lunch, and now everyone is in bed, myself included, and supper is ready and waiting in the fridge, once again, thanks to my loving friend.

Brady shouldn’t work too long of a day today, tomorrow looks great already with a visit from Jerilee in the evening, and Brady is home Friday! Friday is also an ultrasound day 🙂 You know you’ve been to your ultrasound clinic a lot when you call and the receptionist says “Is this Hailey?” Yup, lol! We’re there! But I secretly like it 😉 They’re so good there, I’m very happy to have such a wonderful clinic of people.

My body is sleepy, and nice and full from lunch. Time for rest.

Its funny. My Facebook memories told me that last year, February 26th, was the day we had our carbon monoxide scare in the house. Our house was (gratefully) stormed by the fire department, who tested and aired and retested and retested and aired the place our some more until we were for sure all safe. Conveniently enough, the kids were juuust poisoned enough that they slept through the entire thing. Win!

Our February 26th this year was different, but also significant, and worth sharing, I believe.

To start with, it was just one of those days. One of those days that leave me feeling ashamed and like a failure. A day of fighting and yelling and power struggling and exhaustion. It. Was. Hard. I was exhausted and overdone and on the verge of tears for most of the day. It was just one of those. I tell myself we all have them. I hope I’m telling the truth.

So it was a rough day as a whole, but we rolled through it. When I went to pick Dekker up from school, he was in a much better mood than the rest of us. He had been outside and with his friends, and had escaped the cabin fever! He was happy, and it helped. Picking him up from school ended a little rough, however, when I slipped on the ice outside and wrenched my back pretty badly. I didn’t go down, thank goodness, but I was in quite a bit of pain from that. But a sore back isn’t too terribly rare these days, so again, I tried to just roll with it. I had spoken to Brady on and off through the day and he knew how badly I was struggling. He assured me I should put my feet up and just survive until he got home. The promise of a break helped, too.

He got home at a pretty reasonable time, and I sat on the recliner and chatted with him while we reminisced about our days. He washed up and began to make supper for everyone.

And then he promptly hacked the end of his finger off into the veggie slicer with the cucumbers.

We have NEVER had blood like that in this house!! I’d add pictures, but they’re not for the faint of heart.

It was instantly pouring, and he stood over the sink, unsure of what to do. We’d put paper towel on it and it wasn’t even an obstacle. It was just gushing. Thank goodness, a friend of ours cut the end of his finger off back in the high school days, and I was able to call and ask what they had done. They confirmed what I figured – there’s nothing to stitch. Just stop the bleeding and cover it up for a bit. No reason to go in anywhere. So, we tried.

Spoiler alert. I didn’t get my break. But Brady also didn’t get to keep the end of his finger. So, lose lose.

It took a long time to get his finger to stop bleeding, but it happened, and he held the paper towel tightly to his finger all evening. But eventually, he removed the paper towel to check on the situation. And as you can likely predict, it aaaaall started up again. We were at a total loss.

So we called my mom, because she is the master of hacking her poor fingers to pieces in the kitchen. She came over (bless her heart!) and brought her first aid stuff with her. Sadly, none of us were well prepared enough to own gauze or anything like that, but she took a look and agreed with our basic idea of “just make the sucker stop bleeding.” At that point, we had ceased the bleeding and wrapped his finger in paper towel. We taped it to his finger with medical tape and went on to have a soak and an evening together. We both felt pretty weak and gross at that point, and had muffins for supper. After our bath, we decided we would anger his finger one last time, since we hadn’t had the forethought to smother the paper towel in polysporin before sticking it to his finger, and we figured it would be better to work on that in the evening so it could heal a bit overnight and hopefully be in better shape the next morning.

While he really didn’t seem to enjoy the pain of taking the paper towel off, it was bleeding less than we expected! We loaded some more paper towel up with polysporin and folded it over the tip of his finger. I ran to get the duct tape to tape the paper towel in place, while still leaving space around it to breathe and heal. Don’t ask me how it happened, but we were out of duct tape! We were clearly unprepared for this injury! So electrical tape did the trick, and everything was under control.

I’m happy to say that he is down to a plain old bandage now, and that he was able to put in a full day of work without too much fuss. But MY GOSH it was an ordeal in the moment!

Because of the general of the stress of the day and the evening that followed, my already-angry body didn’t reset overnight, and its been a sore, achy day. I’m SO ready for another soak and hopefully a less overwhelming evening. And that we all keep our digits, ideally…

Ok, I know Solly is only a year and a half-ish old. I know this. But as the weeks roll on, it feels bizarre to have made it this far. I feel like I haven’t been this far into a pregnancy in SO long!! Trust me, I know thats dumb. Many people intentionally space their children out, even much further than this! But its just so crazy to think I’m 21 weeks pregnant! I like putting this series together, and when I sat down this morning to stay assembling todays post, I genuinely was prepared to write about being 20 weeks pregnant. But I’m actually at 21 weeks. This is the FIRST time in this pregnancy that the week seemed to fly by. I know I’m not supposed to wish time away, but I really hope there are more weeks that rush by and time can move a little quicker. I think Spring will help with a lot of that. I hope!

Size Comparison: This is so far the dumbest week for size comparisons yet, haha! My app suggests Bambina is the size of a baseball cap… That makes little to no sense to me, so I dug deeper. Baby is also compared to a weasel, a bok choy, a pomegranate, and carrots. Yup. Multiple “carrots,” apparently. In reading ahead slightly, I see the app I’ve been trying to follow consistently compares a 35 week baby to a “bunch of carrots.” Hmmm. 🤔 The internet says the baby is roughly 3/4 of a pound, and about 10.5″ inches long. I really can’t speak for that, but I’ll maybe know a bit more about that later this week! 

Appointments: As I eluded, I am supposed to book an ultrasound this week! I didn’t have one this last week. Not an appointment this last week at all. I know some of you may think I’ve been foolish to have all of these appointments, but they’ve kept me afloat, and this last week was the FIRST appointment-free week in this pregnancy. And guys, I lived! I am able to feel the baby move most days, and while the kicks aren’t getting much stronger or too much more frequent, I am fortunate enough to feel her most every day, and when I don’t, my home doppler is doing a wonderful job of keeping my anxiety at bay. So, I survived a week without medical professionals, and it was ok 🙂 but I’m excited for a scan this week, for sure!

How am I feeling emotionally: I’m going to be honest here, and I’m going to get a little Christian on you, so beware! 😉 I’m struggling a little bit emotionally recently. In the world of having babies, you’re “safe” after you hear the heartbeat. You’re even safer after you enter your second trimester. I learned the hard way that life is fleeting and there is never any guarantee that the baby will come home with me, healthy and safe. There is no guarantee any of us will live through the day! I don’t mean to be dark or harsh, but its true! We just have no control. Since losing our little boys, I have learned to confidently believe that God has us in the palm of his hand, more than even before, and I have honestly been able to trust him with my family, because there is literally nothing else to hold onto. Now that I’ve passed the 20 week mark, I’m forgetting that God is still in control. Because 20 weeks somehow feels “safe.” Passing the halfway point is amazing, and feeling the baby move is amazinger! Finally, the reassurance I’ve been aching for! But still, I need to trust God, not the world. As we approach the point where baby could safely be born and have a fighting chance, I need to keep praying and not trusting modern medicine alone. Yet is it ok to take some comfort in things of this world, if our trust is still in God? I hope so. I don’t know. I’m not in “bad” emotional shape, but I’m searching, and as seems to be the fruitless theme currently, I’m trying to do things the “rightest” way possible. Whatever that means.

How am I feeling physically: My physical health is all over the map. I’m starting to get some pretty gnarly reflux, and I’m taking zantac most days. My pelvis is okayish, I think, but I’ve had persistent headaches over the last week so I’m wondering if my body is out of line. I’m badly overdue for a treatment of some kind. This last week, I’ve had a bit of heart racing, also. I’m not entirely sure what thats all about, but when that happens, I take it as my cue to sit, and it always calms back down. But thats a new one for me. Beyond that, I’m feeling VERY tired and sluggish again, but like I said earlier, I think Spring is going to help me with things like that. Just today, I noticed while driving Dekker to school that it was brighter outside! It was sunny rather than dim, and that alone brought me some energy. So I’m hopeful thats just the time of year.

Wish Lish/Purchases: I think I’m going to make a whole separate post about my wish lists – including the one thats reasonable and the one that isn’t, haha! As for purchases, I ordered a small batch of things online FOREVER ago and I know for a fact its been sitting at our local post office since last week and still hasn’t been checked in!! Argh! So I can’t talk about any of that really yet :/ Merp. 

Pictures: Todays belly picture, featuring my unwashed hair and dirty mirror!

That belly is definitely unmissable now. I like that. Just one of the things that makes it feel more real.

How are the kids feeling: Sigh. They’re so ready.

They want their baby sister. I don’t blame them. I do too. They ask regularly when she’s coming. I tell them, hopefully in July, and they ask how soon July is. Summertime. Just another thing for us all to look forward to! Dekker has taken to kissing my tummy a lot. I love that. I so badly want to let the kids in on her name, SO badly, but I think they’ll tell everyone, so sadly, they’ll have to stick with Bambina. Yesterday at church, Rowan spotted a little stuffed puppy sticking out of a diaper bag, and whispered to us, asking if it was for “Gambina,” which is Rowan’s version of her name. It was sweet.

Getting to know the baby: She is in that silly stage where she kicks often enough, but the second that Brady puts his hand on my belly to feel her, she stops. Now, to clarify, he HAS felt her kick. But not too often yet. I assume he’d feel it more if not for the anterior placenta, because I can feel the internal rolls, while he can only feel her when she really gives a good kick straight out. But we’ve decided she’s just calmed by her daddy holding her. I can’t wait until we can actually get our hands on her!

The BEST part of being pregnant: I’ve REALLY enjoyed going through some of our little baby girls things over this last week! We had lent out Laela’s 0-6 month stuff a little while back and just received a big box of it back. It was SO fun to see Laela’s little baby stuff again, and even just run my hands along the little diaper shirts and sleepers. Laela, however, was born at the very end of September, so the seasons don’t line up perfectly. None of Laela’s sweater dresses will really cross over for Bambina, but lots of the basics will. Plus, a dear friend offered us a diaper box positively filled with little dresses and matching diaper covers, rompers, and all kinds of beautiful summery things for our new little miss! There are really only a few “holes” left to fill, plus likely a few impulse purchases along the way, haha! But its just been so fun to be able to entertain the real idea that our baby girl may actually join us at the end of all of this. Preparing. Its been nuts, and awesome. 

Favourite thing: My favorite thing for today is the donuts out of the Coop grocery store’s bakery section. Have you had those things?? If not, you should. They have the long john donuts in six packs for $5. They look pretty standard, and are uniform enough that you know they were frozen, and not baked fresh. But the icing is what sets them apart! They are SO fluffy and the icing is SO yummy! It doesn’t form a crust like the Tim Hortons donuts, but its soft and a bit messy and smushy. I HIGHLY recommend these as a treat! To be clear, we’re not specifically a donut family. We never really order them unless we win them during roll-up at Tims. But these are a game changer! I’m pretty sure they’ll be at the party we throw for Bambina when she arrives, but don’t wait until summer to try them!! 

Yuuuuum!!! We still have some kicking around from Rowan’s birthday a few days ago, and they’re still good! Highly, highly recommend.

Its been a good week. Lots of relaxing my body on the week off of school and sleeping more than usual. I feel somewhat normal these days, which is different but nice. I’m anticipating more days like this, or at least I’m hoping for them! And with the sun coming out a bit earlier these days and the temperature rising juuust a bit, I’m dreaming of warmer days and what that will all bring. I simply cannot wait for any of it. But I will 😉 I have no control in the matter, among all the other things I have no control over! Whats a girl to do! Keep on trucking, and trusting, I suppose!

We made some changes around here yesterday! After nap time, we got on it, and it took until supper time before it was done.

Rowan is in not only in a big boy bed now, but we have moved our sleeping arrangements around completely!

Formerly, we had Laela in her bed, Dekker in his bed, and Rowan in his crib all in one room. It was tight, but it worked.

However, Rowan potty training is looming and he needs to be out of a crib. And frankly, a third single bed simply will not fit in the same room! The whole room may as well just be a bed. Rowan was never one to try to escape from his crib, but with my body suffering as much as it is, its getting harder and hard to lift him in and out of there. It was time for a change.

Behold! The new set up, shown here in subpar pictures 😉

This first picture is Rowan and Dekker’s room. Ro’s bed is the one with the headboard. After we took the picture, we added Dekker’s nightstand between the beds, which added a little something. And until now, his nightstand has lived in the closet, so this freed up some nice space in there! Win!

And Laela and Sollys room! Laela was SO excited to share with Solly, and loved having her bed set up somewhere new. She snuggled in it on and off while the kids played around her 🙂 Solly was also amped to have someone to share a room with. Possibly even more excited that Laela’s Elsa came along with Laela herself 😉 He LOVES her Elsa!

The work of putting things together was a family affair for a while, but it took SO long to get the whole thing done that by the end, it was mostly Brady working and me trying to wrangle the small ones out from under the 2x4s and away from the drills.

Dekker helped take Laela’s bed down, and reassemble it in Solly’s room.

He and Laela both wiped the baseboards behind the beds that moved, and we vacuumed everything good and proper. When it came time to assemble Rowan’s new bed, some of the novelty had worn off, so Brady did most of the work himself and I hung out on Dekker’s bed with Solly and whoever wandered in.

It took the rest of the afternoon, but it all got done!! What a relief! The kids were all happy with the new sleeping arrangements and their first night in new spots didn’t mess anything/anyone up too much at all.

Rowan fell out of his bed in the first stretch of the night, but by the time Brady got there, he was already back up and fine. He slept with his head by the footboard, but there could be worse things. Everyone was happy in the morning, with no complaints of wanting to be in other places, and everyone appears to have slept, so we’re calling it a WIN!

Rowan’s two days of birthdays are wrapped, and I think it all turned out super well! Spring can come anytime now 🙂 We’re ready for you!

Everyone wants to give their kid a special birthday, right? We are pretty low key about birthdays around here, and our kids are very happy to have a meal they like, dessert, and presents that they don’t have to share for the first few days. Its a relaxed, happy time for everyone, and we all love it.

Yesterday being Rowan’s birthday, we tried to choose food that we thought he’d like. We don’t usually tell the kids whats for supper in advance, just to avoid whining, but when I whispered to Rowan about the anticipated popcorn chicken and fries, he screwed his face up a bit and said he didn’t want that. I pressed a little, to see what he was hoping for. Turns out he was fine with the popcorn chicken (as long as it came with honey mustard for dipping) but he wanted orange macaroni instead of fries. We decided to go for it and make a pot of mac and cheese for the kids, while we and my parents would likely prefer french fries. What a huge win that supper was! Lots of happy kids eating their body weight in dip 🙂 Haha! Success!

We wrapped up supper with his birthday cake. And by “cake,” I mean donuts. As I’ve mentioned, Ro doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, and we knew he wouldn’t want cake. We wracked our brains and tried to think creatively. Rice Krispie square? Cookies? Ice cream sandwiches? Nothing hit home. But we had eaten donuts not too long ago and I was pretty sure he had eaten at least some of one. So donuts it was! And he was SO happy when he saw it coming!!

We all sang and he smiled and soaked it all in, just loving the attention! When it was over, we told him he could blow his candle out and he tried to put it out with his fingers 😮 🔥 We tried to stop him, but he figured it out before we could. No big burn, just a surprise. He opted for the conventional way to put out a candle next, and blew it out. He went on to grab it by the wick, and again, burned his fingers a little. We helped him know how to pull the candle out and he proceeded to pull it out and take a bite off the end!! Once again, we tried to stop him, but nope. We did, thankfully, manage to stop him before he got his second bite. Yes. He went in for a. Second. Bite. That kid, though…

As you can see, he had a swirly donut, but we exchanged it after for a chocolate one with a skinny line of sprinkles down the middle. He ate maybe three bites of it, picked most of the sprinkles off, and was done with dessert. Perfect. I’m not going to force the kid to eat dessert! He was happy with his birthday food, and so were the rest of us.

We extended Rowan’s birthday to today, and had my parents over once again, as well as Jerilee, for a waffle brunch. The plan was chocolate chip waffles, breakfast sausage, and some fruit. Just simple and yummy. Last night, however, we decided to switch sausage to bacon since I remembered that Ro likes bacon better. Then, this morning, in reminiscing how yesterday’s dessert had gone, I asked Rowan if he wanted chocolate chip waffles or just plain waffles. “Plain,” he answered, without missing a beat. Plain it is! Frankly, with the whipped cream, icing sugar, and syrup available to the group, we had more than enough sugar! We also kept it classy with canned peaches, which everyone seemed to enjoy. I don’t know, does that scream “childhood” too anyone else? We LOVED canned peaches as kids! They were such a treat 🙂 Still are.

So brunch was pretty wild, with a LOT of energy and yelling and sugar, and ended with ALL FOUR KIDS napping off their sugar crash. We have some exciting stuff happening this afternoon, but I’ll tell you all about it in tomorrow’s blog! Until then, I’ll just say that today was the day, three years ago, that Rowan came home.

From the moment we checked into the hospital to the moment we were checked out, our hospital stay clocked in at 25 hours. He was our shortest hospital stay, we had the nicest room, he slept the longest stretches, and I needed the LEAST *ahem* repairs *ahem* done out of all of my babies. Pretty amazing experience it was, having this little boy! I can’t believe he’s THREE! But I also totally can. He is the BEST three year old I know!!

Three years ago, we were SO pleased and proud to welcome our third child, Rowan Toby Born.

Yes, he’s still all cottage cheesy here. Its ok, that stuff is great!

Rowan brought a crazy amount of healing along with him when he was born. The birth of his sibling born prior to him had been awfully scary, and I lived in pretty serious anxiety that his birth would be the same, or worse. If it was, I would likely have opted to stop having children for the sake of my mental health. But he was born in a beautiful controlled environment, where I had my amazing doctor, a fabulous nurse, and a lot more say in how things went down. Feel free to read back to his birth story if you’d like 🙂

Poor Ro has been sick for his first two birthdays. His first birthday was rough!

I remember he looked like that most of the day. I took SO many pictures in this particular sitting and this was the best one I got. He looks pretty zen. A little high, perhaps. I believe two days after this birthday, we took the whole family to the doctor and ALL three kids were swabbed for whooping cough. Yup. That is how sick they all were. It sucked. Poor Ro.

Last year was also a “poor Ro” experience, though he seems a bit stronger in the picture!

A quick read back tells me that he woke up the morning of his second birthday covered in vomit. His bed, his body, and his hair were just coated in the stuff. It had been the week off of school break and every single day, at least one of the children had woken up covered in vomit or worse. I was SO discouraged that he was sick for his birthday again, but some of you had reassured me after reading my post that he would be more than fine, and there were going to be better birthdays ahead. Sickness happens in kids. Its just life.

Here we are on his third birthday, and he is STRONG and WELL. FINALLY!

I went into the kids room this morning singing “Happy Birthday” to Rowan. Dekker and Laela joined in the song, and Rowan finished it off by screeching “YAY! Its my birthday!!” We group hugged/dog piled on him, and he giggled, just loving the attention. After a quick diaper change, we headed to the breakfast table where Ro got to pick a fresh box of cereal. Froot Loops, obviously. They all ate and enjoyed and we had a nice, normal breakfast. The morning after was spent colouring and playing and grandma even came over and joined us for lunch before the three kids went down for naps. I’m actually surprised that they’re sleeping at all. Ro is SO happy to be the birthday boy, but he didn’t fight going down for his nap either 🙂 Win!

Popcorn chicken and french fries is on the menu for tonight, and grandma and grandpa are joining the fun. Coming up with a cake was pretty tricky because, believe it or not, Rowan doesn’t really care for sweets as much as the average kid. So, donuts! I’m pretty sure he’ll like donuts, haha! We love a good, low key, unconventional birthday around here!

I am just SO thrilled to have Rowan in my family. He adds a special spice that no other kid quite has the same way. He would rather snuggle than play. He loves listening to stories, praying for meals, doing the dishes, playing Play-Doh, telling jokes, going to the city, and eating pb&j sandwiches. He has warmed up to having his hair tied up in a ponytail, and insists he wants to keep it long, which we love, support, and think makes him look like a rockstar. He compliments Laela and I when he thinks we look pretty. He is adventurous and brave and has a healthy mix between being super grown up for his age, and being super little and innocent and off in his own world. I LOVE what he adds to our family, and I hope he always has the zest for life that he has now.

Rowan, never stop rubbing noses with me! I love you so much, exactly as you are, through every stage! I am SO happy you’re my son!!! ❤