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The Rainbow After The Storm: Love Never Fails

💜 GUEST POST 💜

Today is August 2nd, which means that it is the first month since December 2017 that I won’t be documenting Waverly because the project that Hailey and I had planned is complete. Waverly Violet is 13 months old. I had a feeling of disappointment today while I was sitting on Hailey’s couch. I said this is the first 2nd of the month that we won’t be taking pictures. We both kind of sat there looking at each other like “now what” and then came the slow nods of acceptance, followed by Hailey asking me if I would be interested in writing a guest post about my perspective from Waverly’s delivery day. 

Last year I had sent her an email with some memorable and random memories from that day that were more specific, but in order to accurately paint a picture from my view as the friend and photographer, I am going to write from my today memory because I think that writing what my heart remembers would be far more meaningful than the factual series of events. So stuff will get missed, but I think that’s okay. 

The morning of July 2nd, 2018, I waited for Hailey to tell me when it was a good time to come take the very last photos our maternity series project. She was in very good spirits when I came over, although I have no doubt she was feeling excited and nervous and everything in between. We took our photos, and I remember looking at the bag she packed for the hospital that was sitting against the wall of her bedroom, ready to go. A bag she had planned on packing two times before, but never got to. “Don’t forget your chapstick!” I said as I left the house. Brady and Hailey were waiting for their call from the hospital, so I went back home and I sat on the couch anxiously imagining what the day would be like. 

The call finally came just before noon, and they got a short head start ahead of me. Once I got to the hospital, Hailey sent me a video showing me where to go because this was my first time being in the maternity ward. I ended up parking across the street and walking over. It was honestly SUCH a beautiful day out. The sun was shining, everything was green, and there was just a calm. I don’t know if it was internal or external or both. I took the elevator and met them in the waiting room. I sat beside Brady while Hailey finished getting herself checked in. I couldn’t see in front of me. I had absolutely NO clue what I was in for. All I knew what that I trusted that everything would be okay.

Hailey came and sat with us, and shortly after, a nurse came and introduced herself and showed us to the delivery room. When we walked in, the first thing I saw was the white board on the wall between the two windows the sun was shining through. It said Hailey’s name, and “Healthy mom and baby”. I thought that was so nice. Hailey sat on the bed and they began asking her questions and getting her prepared for her induction. I took out my camera equipment and started to adjust my settings. Brady stayed by her side the entire time, full of support and motivation for her. I could tell how excited he was, but wow, what a patient man Brady is. It was a photographer’s dream to capture such a loving, genuine, close couple. I can’t imagine what these two were feeling. The anticipation, the fear, the excitement.. all of it. I felt what I saw  when they looked at each other.

Backstory: At this point, Hailey and I had only been friends for a short time. We had seen each other in the hallways at school, youth groups, and around town, so we were strangers until this project. But between the naptime visits, photo sessions, and daily messaging/planning, we developed a very vulnerable trust for each other; Especially when it came to grief and loss. The loss of her two sons, Theo and Jamin in 2017, and the loss of my brother and cousin in 2018. Although these losses are completely different, they are the same kind of different. Hailey and Brady brought their kids to my brothers funeral, had me over for suppers and visits, and supported me all while dealing with their own grief and fear. When Hailey asked me if I would ever take delivery photos, I was so honoured that she would want me to be the person to capture that event. I did, and still do, think so highly of her. I think she is one of the bravest people I have ever met. And absolutely one of the most supportive and soft friends I have had the pleasure of getting to know. And I think a big part of what makes her so beautiful, is that she doesn’t even know it. So taking these photos was an absolute honour, but I was also VERY nervous that I might not have been able to do as good of a job as they deserved.

Alright back to the story…

As I said before, I don’t recall every specific detail, but I remember watching her getting the famous epidural and that was surprisingly better than I had originally imagined. I was still very much not a fan of long pokey things of that length, but I can absolutely appreciate something to help with the pain of pushing an entire human being out of your body. I remember Hailey saying right after the doctor finished putting in the epidural, that it’s not as painful as it looks, but I don’t know. I think that was the popsicle talking. I have my doubts because there is no way it hurts less than a stubbed toe, and I still want to cry when that happens. It didn’t help that she needed it done a second time because the first time it slid a little and Brady noticed a bulge in her back which promoted the second round. It was fine though, I survived.

We had snacks and visited and laughed and talked and had a lovely afternoon. It was taking longer than normal for Hailey to start pushing, so I think she was worried about MY TIME waiting there, yet I just loved watching it all unfold. She was frequently checked by this one doctor with GIANT hands that were almost too big for the biggest size of gloves. That was a bit intimidating. He was awesome though. All the doctors and nurses seemed to really love the excitement and energy in the room. Hailey did so well with all the super vulnerable stuff. I kept myself busy when she needed her privacy, and she felt comfortable knowing that we understood each other pretty well with unspoken boundaries. 

A couple scary things began to unfold towards the beginning of ACTUAL pushing. Hailey had a chunk of… something… exit her body. Was it blood? Was it part of the placenta? They called Dr. Guselle and she looked at it and admitted that it wasn’t normal. They cleaned her up, and stated that if anything else develops, then she will obviously need special care, which would mean I couldn’t take photos, and also, possible complications. We stayed hopeful, and then the nurse had problems getting a consistent heart rate from the baby. Brady left for a short time to get something, so I sat in the chair next to Hailey, trying to distract her with some meaningless magazine I brought with me. She just stayed so strong. Of course she was scared, but she also stayed very level. Brady returned, and they checked Hailey again. It was time to push. 

One nurse had suggested I stand in a corner sort of where all the business was with the cords and machines, but I rebelled. I grabbed my camera and I stood to the left of her, sort of behind her head and behind Brady. It’s a WHOLE THING watching a baby being born. All of a sudden it feels scary and exciting and complicated all at once. And I wasn’t even the one having the baby. The doctors and nurses worked together and got the lights on, the equipment they needed, they got Hailey and the bed in position, and it was go time. 

I saw pain on her face only once, right at the beginning. I actually captured it. I remember her saying “oh this one is going to hurt” and then I moved back a little to capture the business at the end of the bed. She began to push, Brady was right beside her, Dr. Guselle was holding Hailey’s “dead leg” that was pretty useless from the epidural.

Dr. Giant Hands was guiding her, and the nurses were all over the place making the experience go as smoothly as they possibly could. I actually don’t remember if there was one or two nurses, but there was a lot of movement, so my brain is going to go with two.

I could tell how much the doctors really cared about Hailey. They were so enthusiastic and encouraging. It was such a warm, loving room. A couple pushes in, and Hailey’s water broke. I was looking through my lens at the time, and this big wave of water came out of nowhere (well, we know where.. So.. nowhere.. Get it?) and onto her chest. The doctor said it was just blood mixed in with a lot of water, and the nurse cleaned it up immediately, but Hailey was not concerned, she was focused. “It’s okay, it’s okay” she ensured the room. Dr. Guselle looked at me and asked if I had captured that ocean that just left Hailey’s body, but unfortunately, I did not. 

Only a couple minutes later, and there is a whole baby. I captured the doctors carrying Waverly up to Hailey’s chest. It was unreal. She didn’t even cry, but not in the good way – In the way that makes parents concerned. Hailey was crying and talking to the baby “Are you okay?? Are you okay?? Are you okay!!?” and she was.

As she stuck her tongue out at me and began to move her head around, Hailey’s shoulders dropped, and she saw that this baby was coming home. 

Immediately I noticed that this baby girl had curly hair. Something Hailey had talked about being really cute and fun to have, since Brady has very curly hair, and Hailey has very straight hair. Waverly had such soft, but strikingly gorgeous features. Right away I saw her oldest brother Dekker in her. Then I saw Rowan in her gorgeous full lips. Even full of womb paste, she was just BEAUTIFUL!!!! We were all in awe. 

I decided to go for a little walk and give Hailey and Brady some space. And to be honest, I needed some too. “What just happened? I saw a baby being born. THAT IS INSANE!!!!” I thought to myself. I wandered over to a common area and I sat down where people were getting snacks out of the vending machine. I could hear them talking about the look on my face. I was feeling a million things at once. It hadn’t even been 3 months since my brother passed away, and only two weeks since Andrea passed away, and with all that death, I just witnessed life, and the contrast was deep.. 

So many overlapping thoughts and feelings. I wondered for so long how I would feel after Waverly was born. Would I be indifferent? Grossed out? Happy? At that time, I was already starting to love her. And now, I don’t want her to have any less than 100 years on this earth. I want her to enjoy all the small pieces of life so fully that the big pieces will be so much bigger. I want her to bring the same peace into this world that she gave me when I got to watch her enter life so calmly and beautifully.

I will never forget leaving Hailey’s house after every maternity photo session, and before she said goodbye, she would sit on the stairs in front of the door and hope that there would still be a belly to capture the next time I came. She would sometimes ask me “What do we do if this is it and she dies?” and I could never answer her. I still couldn’t. I don’t know how life works, or why things happen the way that they do. I don’t understand why some prayers are answered and others are not. I have learned that it is not time that heals all wounds, it is love. And although we remember the hurt, some days more than others, we are not denied the chance to love and be loved. 

Thank you, Lord, for Waverly. And for reminding me that even though there are endings, there are also beginnings.

Don’t Forget the Kids!

We’ve been talking about me for a few days now. Let’s not forget these little minions! They are WAY more fun than I am! Cuter, too!

Dekker’s birthday is coming up fast, and he cannot stop talking about it! He’s made a whole plan of what he wants to do and with who 🙂 Get ready, grade three! Dekker is coming at you as an eight year old!

Laela is missing school and all that goes with it. She often keeps to herself, but going to a few birthday parties this summer has made her ache for the part of school that is her friends. She is SO ready.

We’ve had a pretty challenging stretch with Rowan in the recent months as he fights between being little and being big, having independence but needing help for things, learning new boundaries. Last week was one of the most difficult, and this week has been SO much better! I’ve very impressed with the progress he has made in using words and being able to calm down easier. Way to go, Rowan!! You have the BIGGEST heart!

Solomon makes jokes now! He gets humor, sings along to our songs, rhymes words, and makes jokes. He’s a blast!! None of that stereotypical three year old business at all!

Waverly hits faces now, lol! We’re working on it 😉 But she teases and jokes with us. She participates more, in a way. She feels less like “the baby” and more like a whole family member, if that makes sense. She’s a hilarious girl, and keeps us on our toes!

We’re just keeping on keeping on, doing out life thing! Bradys been working lots again and I’m hanging at home with the littles, halfway through our summer holidays. We need to get to the lake at least one more time! There are some fun things coming up in August that I’ll tell you about about soon, but this is all you get today 🙂

Enjoy your Thursday that I definitely thought was Friday…

What I Did For My Birthday

I had SUCH a great birthday this year. Wow! My friends and family knew how hard I took my last birthday, and I could see the special efforts made to ensure I felt loved and celebrated. Thank you, my favorite people in the world!

My birthday actually kicked off the day before my birthday, on the 29th. My mom always offers us a birthday meal – whatever we’d like to eat. This year, I chose her homemade pizza, which I feel like I haven’t had in years!! It was SO yummy, and I ate SO much! The kids demolished it, too. Wavy ate half an adult piece, easily. There were also chips and fresh veggies, and a tuxedo cake! My gosh, if you guys haven’t had that before, go get one from Costco. They’re SO smooth and easy to eat, lol! A tad dangerous. SO good. I felt SO loved and celebrated that day.

The next was my actual birthday, and Brady was working. It was a bit of a bummer, but I had a whole day with the ladies in my life! It was a day of delicious food and even better company. The morning kicked off when Cher brought fresh bagels and cream cheese from the Great Canadian Bagel, and chocolate milk. She had invited my mom to join us for breakfast, and she came bearing cherries to add to the mix. That breakfast went down SMOOTH, my goodness. Balloons were inflated, therefore the kids were distracted and happy, and we spent the morning visiting. It was so lovely and relaxed. We had eaten so much that no one was hungry for lunch, however, haha! My mom ducked out around noon, and Cher stuck around for a chunk of the afternoon. She actually helped me with my blog, as I had received issues that its performing poorly, and she knows way more about technology than I do! Beyond that, though, we just had a really nice time hanging out and chatting. I knitted a bit, lol! It was a really good way to spend the afternoon.

And then one great date rolled into the next! Jerilee came for the evening, and she hauled in SUCH an amazing supper idea! She had hit M&M, and brought home all the makings of a delicious appie night!! Yesssss!! We had bruschetta pizza, mozza sticks, pizza rolls, pigs in blankets, and popcorn chicken. It. Was. AMAZING. And then ice cream cake to wrap it all up. My goodness, birthdays are ALL about the food, and I’m not mad about it. While we ate our body weight in beige food, we watched The Bachelorette. STILL NOT CAUGHT UP! NO SPOILERS! I felt so happy to spend the evening with amazing people, just relaxing and having fun and letting down. It was exactly what I wanted.

For a gift report, I had quite a haul. I was firstly given a beautiful card from my mom, made with one of her own photos, with the most relevant, loving message written inside. I will treasure that, mom. I also got some birthday money to spend. (I think I know what I’ll use it on already…) I was given a gift certificate for a lash perm and tint, which I’ve been wanting to try for quite some time now. I got the new Try Guys book that I’ve been eyeing since it came out. I’m not a big reader (don’t worry, I know how) but I’m so intrigued by some of the things I’ve heard about it. Now that I hold it in my hands, I can tell its going to be a super fun read. (ie: lots of pictures) I’m stoked. I got a perfect little list-making notebook and SUPER nice pens! They have a very fine point, and they write super nice. And I got a set of Lush bath bombs! I haven’t had bath bombs in SO LONG, and I cannot wait to use them and indulge! Yesssss!!

All in all, this birthday was so amazing. It was more than I expected or even hoped for. It was spending time with some of my favorite people, all of whom I am overwhelmingly fortunate to have in my corner. Thank you, friends, for the beautiful day(s) of celebration and love. I feel it.

Thirty-One

Remember that time that I really hated turning thirty? Ya I stand behind that, I really didn’t like it. I kept trying to like it, and accept it, and join the “thirty is the new twenty” club, but I had a really hard time with it. I learned to get over my angst about aging by reminding myself that its not about what I did but who I am. I wrote a really jumbled post maybe a month after my birthday saying these things, and wondering out loud to myself if the “bones” were still good. I remember writing that I think they were. I was in a weird space that I couldn’t really define and didn’t know how to “fix.” Or if it needed fixing. I was SO confused last year. 

I went on to have a really full year. It’s been both lovely and immensely challenging. We saw Wavy through her newborn infancy. We rolled through a year of school for Dekker and Laela. We watched Rowan and Solly grow and change, and sorted out some small health issues for them. Brady had probably his slowest year of work ever, and we worked through those financial challenges. There are MANY more parts of this last year I haven’t shared publicly, and I won’t, but you can trust me. It was a FULL year. 

In retrospect, I would never want to go back to my twenties. Or my teens. EVER. The people closest to me know how difficult this year has been, yet I feel like I’ve grown more as a person in this last year than ever before. I’m SO much closer to the person I hope to be for the rest of my life. I will never fully get to THAT person, because we always can improve, but I’m so much happier to be on track to becoming that person. 

While it hasn’t been an easy, squishy, gentle year for me, I’m so grateful for this year and all I’ve learned. 

I said at the beginning of 2019 that I wanted to be braver this year. Who knew I’d actually really have to be brave brave!! Yet, I think its happening, slowly but surely. I don’t in any way desire to write some weird, braggy post about how amazing I am, lol! But I’m on a track of self-improvement and I’m truly enjoying it! I don’t feel stagnant. I feel like I’m moving forward in a really good way. I feel hopeful, excited, motivated, and less afraid. I still feel afraid, but its more of a challenge I know I can overcome than an excuse not to do something. 

I sulked my way through my first year in my thirties. This next one is going to be SO much better!! 

As We Liked It

Brady took me on a date this past Saturday as an early birthday date. My birthday falls on a weekday that he is working, so we did our date this weekend 🙂 We started at Montatas, because their buttermilk country chicken plate is to DIE for!! Their spiked iced tea is really good, too. Very raspberryyyyy.

Yum. Being parents, however, we accidentally ate at warp speed. Does anyone else struggle to just relax and take your time eating a meal when you can? I swear, our food was gone in less than ten. Easily. 

Lol! Salty and sweet! I was not a willing participant in this picture.

We then headed on to a production of “As You Like It” put on by Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan. It is SUCH a fun event!! This wasn’t our first go round, but it had been a few years since we’d gone. Neither of us are Shakespeare buffs (though I LOVED English in school!) but you don’t have to love Shakespeare to love these productions. You can trust me on this.

It was hot out, but as a storm was brewing, the wind helped a lot. There was quiet jazz nearby, the option of drinks to purchase, and lots of people watching to do. I remember from years past, some people come dressed to the nines, and some people are super casual. Either way, you don’t stand out. Everyone fits. And everyone is nice! Its a pretty low key group of people chatting quietly amongst themselves. About a half hour before it began, the doors opened, and we made our way to our seats. 

Brady accidentally picked the BEST seats! There was a smallish stage in the centre of the tent, and seating all around it. Only four rows, and eight small sections. We had seats right along of the aisles. Turned out it was kind of a central aisle, where lots of the actors came in and out! I’ve LOVED theatre forever, so I felt very up close and personal in my aisle seat 🙂 

We loved every minute of it. Yes, I say “we.” Its not a compromise for Brady at all. While he didn’t grow up knowing about theatre, he dove right in when he met me, and has grown a love for it, as well. Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan is SO well done! No one missed a line. There was lots of music and dancing. They reacted in scenes in a way that included the audience. It was fast paced and entertaining. And even if you don’t follow all the language, you can easily follow the storyline 🙂 You really feel like you’re part of it, being so close!

At one point, I got to be the person I was always jealous of. There was a part in the scene where one actor, who was a VERY active character, plunked down to take a breather. And he plunked down right on the stair right beside me. He took his hat off and wiped his brow, and kind of scoffed and gestured towards the other actors on the stage. He was legitimately beading sweat, though, poor guy. He sniped the program off my lap and started fanning himself. Then he flipped it open, found himself in the cast credits, and whispered some little comment about “who’s this guy?” or something like that. And just like that, he was back on stage in his scene. I know it was such a small thing, but its amazing how it amped the experience for me! I’m sure everyone else who was gently included felt the exact same way. 

The whole show was a total blast. I was surprised at how many people didn’t stay until the end, because it could not have been due to a lack of entertainment! Maybe theirs butts were sore, lol! That would be a valid reason. And then we had some come halfway through. I was just surprised, considering you buy tickets to come… But to each their own, as always. 

The performance ended on a high note of music and dancing. It was a BLAST!! What a great night out!

We drove home and picked up some ice cream on the way. It was a great way to close a great evening. Food, a show, and more food. What more does a person want?? I felt celebrated, loved, and full. 

If you’ve never hit up Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan, I HIGHLY recommend it. Even if you don’t care about Shakespeare. Read a summary of the play you’re going to if you want. That helps. Or just go 🙂 Its so so SO much fun. You won’t regret it.

Sitting Up Front at Church

You know those front rows at church that people rarely sit in? At least thats often how it happens at our church. We call them “dummy rows.” Isn’t that gross? Unflattering? Yup, it really is. To be fair, we have a few people who brave the front rows on the regular. We are not part of that group at all. With our decent sized group of small children, we have nothing but reasons as to why we should sit where we do – in the back. We often have to walk a kid out for one reason or another. Sometimes they talk loudly, or whine. Or they fall off the bench and cry. Sometimes they want a drink or have to use the bathroom. Sometimes Waverly needs to wiggle without being held. Sometimes someone gets angry when reminded to be quiet and screams “NO!” at you. Sometimes the goldfish spill. Sometimes, bringing kids to church isn’t glamorous at all! Sometimes, it feels nearly impossible to get there.

But, we try, because its important. Summer is when we are the worst at getting there, and being in a particularly difficult stage with a kid or two doesn’t make it easier. But, we try. And today, we led worship, so rather than waving the white flag and asking for help on Facebook this morning (like I wanted to) we hauled them all to church.

As tends to happen in summer, we had a much smaller group of people in attendance. We were leading with Carrie, and we mentioned to one another how we should try and ask people to sit closer to the front, just so we weren’t all SO spaced out from each other. But then we took it in a different direction and opted to sit up front 😳 In the middle 😳 Right up there, where any misstep would be a distraction for the whole church to see… No pressure. Thankfully, most young families followed along and sat up front! The family who usually sits in front of us was pretty gun shy to move closer, being that they also have a handful of young kids, but even they made their way up with us!

Guys. This was probably the best decision we’ve made in a long time.

The kids all mixed in together. Laela was sandwiched between two of her friends from school a few benches up, and Dekker was one bench ahead of us which a little guy he’s friends with. We had my mom, Rowan, and Solly on our bench, but I eventually slid one back because Rowan wanted our pastor to sit beside him instead, lol! I can handle your rejection, Ro. So I sat one row back with another family, with Waverly, and she patted our pastors back to get his attention and cooed at him while he wasn’t up front. Not to mention, she had a captive audience behind us to make eyes at, so she was set for entertainment in every direction.

Not only were we all mixed up with other people, but the kids could SEE! Being so much closer meant they could pay attention better. I don’t think any of our kids even noticed that there wasn’t a children’s church program today. They were all so happy with their new spots.

As we left church, they requested we always sit up front. And I kind of think we might. We had one teary moment with one kid, and one time I carried Waverly out for a minute. That was it. No one was annoyed or mad about it. I’m sure they noticed, but our church loves its children, and it really shows.

I’m so so glad we sat up front this morning.

Not Enough Minutes

I think most people can relate to the feeling of not having enough minutes in a day. There is always so much to do. I’m not even talking in terms of my kids or family! I just mean life in general. And not in a bad way, either. We’re all busy, and we’re all tired, and thats ok!

We had no big plans for today. Well, we have a date night in the evening! But nothing scheduled for the day time. We figured we’d have coffee and a relaxed morning with the kids. Then Brady and I would slowly get ready during the afternoon, and leave for our date before supper. I love those casual days. But sometimes, rather than casual, they just feel idle, and I like that considerably less.

This morning, the kids were coloring, playing with stickers, essentially crafting, and Dekker requested a glue stick. He couldn’t find the one that was usually in the junk drawer, so I went into our big scary closet of all the things. Our storage closet. It consists of blankets, games, puzzles, wrapping stuff, empty boxes, gifts, music equipment, some large glassware, craft stuff, and office supplies. Sooooo, it contains everything. Its a terrifying closet. And today, I went into it in search of a glue stick. And I had to sift through three different tubs to find one. It. Was. Ridiculous.

So as you can imagine, it spiralled from there. I gutted the paper/craft/random electronics section of that closet. I made a garbage pile, a pile of craft stuff, a pile of office things, and a pile of stuff for Brady to figure out, like small hand tools, command strips, power bars, etc. Brady jumped right in with me, thankfully, and hauled away the garbage and his little box of goodies. I tubbed up the actual craft stuff to stay in the closet, and moved the office stuff into his own tub to find a home for. Some of it belonged in the junk drawer, which of course, needed its own overhaul. So that happened. And then the rest of the office stuff belonged in my desk, which also needed an overhaul. So that happened. Not having my house completely finished is a constant lingering piss-off, if I’m being honest. We knew, when we built, there would be a few years of tying up loose ends. The basement is going to make SO much more sense, because everything will belong somewhere, and what doesn’t will have to go! But for right now, I often feel like I’m moving a mess from one location to another. Today was one of those days.

Something as small as walking by this one area of our house and seeing the mess of cords. We have everything we need to install an outlet there, because we need one! But we haven’t had the time. And when we do have time for a little project, its spent working on the basement. And yikes, what about those kids closets?? Our kids hoard all kinds of stuff in their closets, and they’re SUCH huge messes. I. Want. To. Gut. Everything.

On top of all of that, we actually really need to make yogurt and granola bars today. Whoops. We need to run to Coop to buy a few groceries to even make that possible, so maybe once Brady is out of the shower, I’ll make my way over and grab what we need. Hopefully we have the time to actually make them when I get back! We’ll be cutting it pretty close…

I wish we could send our beautiful children away for a whole entire day, or weekend, and we could WORK. We could gut all the junk we’ve acquired. We could paint the whole basement and start on the rest of it. We could tidy the furnace room and get rid of one of our freezers that we don’t use. We could do something with our yard that is leaving out house looking basically abandoned. Ok not actually, but I wish it looked better. We could clean our living room carpet that hasn’t been the right color for at least two years now. We’d wash our car seat and high chair covers. We’d organize our whole craft section so it wouldn’t pour all over the floor when the kids open the cabinet. We’d actually clean our appliances. We’d organize our linen closet and pantry. We would make things make sense!

Yet, we’re adults! We’re in a different stage of life now, and our “helpers” are our children, who, while being SO cute, do not actually help speed the process up much. I think the days of blitzing big jobs and getting a ton done in a day might be behind us for now.

“Behind” joke. Get it?

*sigh* Today’s post is a ranty one, I’m aware of that. I promise I’m SO grateful and satisfied with my live! I’m just feeling very behind today. There aren’t enough minutes in the day. Not today.

Nothing But Sun

It would appear our week of grey skies has come to a close, and the sun is back! At least for today 🙂 I have truly enjoyed the “blustery” weather. You all know how much I love the rain, its not a secret. And you’ve probably all heard me say that grey is the coziest color. That counts for the sky, too. That all being said, though, I love the sun and the warmth. I’m very thankful to see the sun again.

The week has been mostly an inside week for us. Brady’s been back at work, praise the Lord. Cher has been over a couple of times this week, which always helps the days go back a bit smoother. The kids have been struggling a bit, but we’re having some small victories along the way, so it doesn’t feel completely fruitless.

Productivity-wise, we’ve gotten a few things done! We’ve started painting our basement, which feels GREAT! We’re nowhere near done, but we’re back at it 🙂 As I mentioned yesterday, I finished up a scarf that was kind of daunting, so that felt good, too! You guys were so nice about that, by the way <3 Thank you for that. Since yesterday afternoon, I’ve gotten a good chunk of the way through another project already! Woot! And on another level of productivity, I have a couple of photo posts planned for the coming weeks! So I’m feeling like at least my creative juices are flowing in a couple of directions, which makes me so happy. Sometimes I stall out in that area and I can get pretty low if I don’t have a creative outlet. If you ever want to brainstorm creative things you’re dreaming up in your head, look no further.

I’m feeling good about how this week has gone, and tomorrow I’m lucky enough to get a date night! But I’ll tell you about that afterwards 🙂 Right now, I’m just enjoying how this Friday is going. All thats left on my list of things to do today is shower, and figure out supper for tomorrow. What food do you plan when your children are being babysat over supper?

Overcoming When it Seems Small

If you’re on my personal Instagram, you may have seen an Insta story a while back about a mistake I made in a project I was working on. I was originally SUPER excited about how it was going!

Buuuut then I messed it up, and didn’t discover it until hours later. I was SO frustrated!

I had accidentally added a few extra rows, putting an extra zig zag where one did not belong. I was pretty peeved, and very discouraged. I had worked several hours past that point, and couldn’t imagine pulling it apart, one stitch at a time. Would’ve literally been over a thousand stitches to remove. But I felt like it would drive me uuuuup the wall if I just left it. I did a poll to ask people what they might do in my position, and the overwhelming majority said to leave it. I got a handful of messages from people saying they couldn’t even see the error I was talking about. So I made it clearer.

Still, I was told to leave it, because no one would EVER notice. Only me, the creator, would see it or be bothered by it. I decided on the spot to complete the project, but give it away, since I could never wear it. Aaaaand then I didn’t touch it for at least a month. I was too bummed.

I grabbed the project on my way out the door to the lake, as an afterthought. I’m so glad I did, because I ended up working some on it, and was reminded that I really enjoy yarn projects. I also discovered that I really didn’t mind the error I had previously been so discouraged by. It wasn’t really anything at all.

Today, I finished it!!!

Cute, right?? I’m SO happy with how it turned out, error and all. Made me feel capable and motivated. I’m enjoying this odd road of trying to be brave and try new things. I think it seems like small stuff from the outside but it feels big to me.

Yay for pushing through and finishing something even though I KNOW its imperfect.

I Know He Watches Me

It really worked in my favor yesterday that I had a post in mind already, because posting about the day was out of the question. Yesterday may have been one of the hardest parenting days I’ve ever had. Top five, for sure, and I’m not exaggerating. It was just TOUGH. Very much a day spent “in the trenches” of motherhood. 

Everything fell apart on a particularly annoying day, where Brady was feeling very behind at work and was not readily available for a phone call when I was at my breaking point. I know I could have called, and of course he would’ve answered and helped me calm down, but I also respect him and his work very much, and didn’t want to interfere. I’d survived hard days before, and could again. But it was close. I was in awful shape. The two oldest had been invited out for a little bit in the morning, and they came home as the little boys were going down for their nap. It was obvious there was tension in the house, and I was so on edge. I was determined to cool off and be a bit more chill for them, but they were SO exhausted from their morning. None of us were firing on all cylinders, and we were all at each other. Dekker finally slumped in his chair at the table and said he thought he could use a rest. He is SO mature to know what he needs and when! Laela didn’t want anything to do with a nap, but then she screamed at me for giving her a granola bar with ONLY ONE SPRINKLE ON IT!!!! Sooooo she went down for a nap, too. Once they were all down, Waverly was ready to hit the sack. And then I was. 

I lay in bed, worked on a project for a bit, but eventually just settled in to rest my head and watch some YouTube. After a while, my mom called to ask me a question about a regular life thing, and poor mom, I just unloaded. She listened so lovingly, and when I was finally done, she asked if she could come over. She understands well how valuable it is, having another person around as a buffer. I jumped at her offer, and she was over maybe ten minutes later. 

The afternoon was so much more pleasant than the morning had been, largely do to her company <3 They love my mom so much, and feel so familiar and safe with her. It really shows, and makes a difference. 

Brady was home soon, and mom left shortly after he arrived. I felt so cared for, having people step in on a day where it was SO needed. Brady fed the kids supper and I hid upstairs a bit more. We ate a yummier supper together after the kids went to bed. 

Last night was a bad night. I was so exhausted, but so anxious from the days events, I hardly slept before 5am. Then I woke around 7am to thunder, which was beautiful, but exhausting. I dozed/blinked time by for the next while and suddenly WOKE in a panic, thinking the thunder was footsteps approaching my house. I needed to be up, for my plans, and my kids!! Gah!

I was feeling a bit gun shy about getting the kids up after such a hard day yesterday, but it needed to be done. So I did, and they were in good shape first off. That helped. It also helped that I knew Cher was coming over in the morning. 

And of course, she came bearing coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Because she knew I needed a pick me up. And it really worked. There was still some struggle today, but it was far less than yesterday’s struggle. What a huge relief. 

I’m so thankful to have people in my life who are willing to help me, and love me, even when things aren’t glamorous, or even a little bit smooth. I really needed the moral support, the listening ears, and the unconditional love. Thank you, mom, for coming yesterday when I was in shambles, and for taking Dekker and Laela for a visit today. Thank you, Cher, for breakfast, your unwavering support, and your lack of judgement. I really needed all of those things. 

I know how fortunate I am to have who I have on my team. Not everyone has the community of people I am, and for them, I thank the Lord.