Rowan has been struggling a bit more these days, so after a particularly hard day, we made a commitment to try (cannot make a commitment to do as thats too much pressure) to get Rowan outside and active before bedtime. Soccer has been a good help with that, rocking a practice and a game each week. Thats two days of good physical activities before bedtime that he enjoys! Other days, he’ll play kickball in the backyard with Laela, but that tends to end in arguments these days. And the camp weekends are active pretty consistently and we stay up later.

Today, his evening plans changed, and he had nothing active to intentionally do. After a pretty rocky morning with him, I wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to spend one-on-one time with him, but doesn’t that tend to be the time when we should spend that time? Especially when he realized it had been raining and he was even less excited to go outside, I knew it needed to be me and him.

So I invited him to join me on a walk, and he very happily accepted. Very politely. On high alert after our struggles through the day. He was just in shorts, and he said he’d go get a shirt on. I suggested also socks for shoes, and a hoodie. He hates both of those things, but he said “sure thing, mom” and he came upstairs for our walk in those items. Not looking to fight. I liked that. Off we went.

We walked at a good clip down our street, observing all the construction equipment that has moved in. We speculated what our summer might look like with the street being beaten up. He commented at one point “Oh! A port-a-jon!” And he ran over and posed like a goofball for me.

We walked to the high school, and walked a lap of the track. And then ran one together. And walked another. We walked all over town at a nice pace, and got reacquainted. Once we were on the path to home, I asked him a bit about our morning struggle and how he felt at certain times. What could I have maybe said or done differently to help defuse the bomb. He is SO good to talk to about this stuff when its all over and he is clear. He told me he honestly figured I had done it right. And that the parts that he could pinpoint that made him so angry were actually the right things, and that it just made him angry that I was going to win. But as he is clear and calm, he reassured me that he completely understood why I managed him the way I did, and he didn’t have anything to offer that I should change.

So we got home with some tired bodies from all the walking and running, and with some more contentment in our hearts, I think 💜

He is worth every shred of extra work. I am here for it, even if its bumpy or nasty at times.

I love you, Rowan Toby.

We usually milk our camp weekends for all they’re worth, coming home later in the day. Today, we needed to be home before supper. It was the difference of only a few hours but it felt different. And honestly, not a bad way! While I fully expect we will stay longer whenever we possibly can, today worked out really well!

There was less pressure. There was less rush. We just moseyed our way around the house, getting things where they belonged, not panicking about baths or laundry. We took our time. It was nice! And then I decided on a really easy supper of mostly leftovers from the weekend – chunky salad, broccoli salad, and raspberries – plus we used up some hamburger and hot dog buns by making them into garlic toast. Boom. Laela sat down at the table and announced that this was the BEST supper she had ever had!

Which is aaaaalmost embarrassingly sad, but also awesome 😎 So I’m choosing to ride the awesome wave.

Speaking of waves, it’ll be a couple of weeks before we can be back at Kinasao. Hopefully its warmer, and calmer, and more beachy. Though I can’t ask for it to be more beautiful. That is impossible.

Oof. I love it here 💜 Thank you Lord.

It was another chilly day at camp. It was windy and crispy, but when the sun came out, it was so beautiful and warm! There are beautiful days to come, it is evident! 

Today, we drank coffee around the fire. We ate party mix and ice cream at lunch. Burgers for supper. The babies ate grilled potatoes. We went down to the water to play in the sand. Drank some hard root beer. I crocheted. It was so peaceful. 

We ended the night by pushing a dead golf cart back to the site 😅 it made for a good video and we shared a lot of laughs. 

I anticipate so many more beautiful days like today ☀️ thank you God. 

Not many places feel homier than home. But this beach is one of my settings that feels so much like home. 

I can’t explain it. Last summer, it was a little different with all the smoke. I probably have less than five clear pictures of the sunsets. The summer before, I must’ve had hundreds. Today’s sky just reminds me of how beautiful it can be. And how beautiful it WILL be🤞 

I’m so grateful for this beautiful place 💜 thank you Lord for providing things for us that aren’t even needs, but rather fun wants that feel like pipe dreams for the far distant future. God knows all the things. 

I won’t lie. Sometimes I feel like a big fat phoney on here. Not because I’m being disingenuous. Not at all. But because a HUGE part of our life is off-limits to share on a public platform such as this. There are SO many things I ache to share on here. We love our foster children so deeply, and their milestones are just as pivotal as those of the children I gave birth to. Its SO strange to keep their details so quiet, and sometimes it feels SO unfair. But as you know about the reality of foster care – SO much is unfair for those children that this is the smallest of potatoes.

Today I had a particularly validating conversation with one of our childrens social workers. She shed some light on some details I was wondering about, and confirmed a lot of suspicions I was carrying. It was interesting to learn the things I did, and see that my radar was functioning appropriately in those areas. It helps me to better care for these children when I can know a little bit about where they came from and what was missed specifically that I could put extra time and effort into. And, in this case, the social worker was very happy for my observations and affirmed me in my care of this child. Which felt really nice.

And as if that wasn’t enough, the day wrapped up with one of babies delivering their first ever GIGGLES!!!! I could’ve just bawled. I can’t stop thinking about it. As I sat beside the baby while they flapped on the floor, and while I just tickled their chest lightly, they started cooing and finally, laughing. My heart just swelled with love and excitement! What a privilege to witness such a beautiful milestone!

The flip side is that, while I’m witnessing something beautiful, some VERY important people are not. And while there will be mixed feelings on that subject – some more compassionate than others, and some more cynical – it doesn’t change the fact that people are missing out on these things. And our babies are missing out as well, by default. Yes, we love these children well. I won’t deny that. We LOVE to love these kids. But they are still suffering trauma by being without their people. Trade-offs. Grey areas. Balance. Its all such a mess. Its brutal and beautiful all wrapped into one.

Anyway. Today was a great day in terms of foster care. For me, anyway. But its not about me.

I love you, babies 💜💜💜

Today, once I had supper in the oven, I was thinking about the raspberries I bought today. PBR had boxes of them for $10, and I had bought two of those boxes. However, upon sampling them, they were a little bit bland. I was thinking I wanted to put some on the side of our dinner, but they had been a bit disappointing in the flavour department. I resisted the urge to just stir them up with some sugar and eat them as is, and instead I did a quick google search for quick raspberry desserts.

Raspberry crisp was the first result, and would be an obvious choice to many.

Except for me. Because, as many of you know, my insecurities in the kitchen date way far back, and I have never ever made a crisp! However, I have worked to get braver in that department, so before I talked myself out of it, I rinsed a bunch of berries and picked a recipe.

Laela got the berries all sloppy and stirred up while I put together the dry ingredients. I doubled the recipe I was using, because even being down a couple of kids, there was NO WAY her thin layer of dessert in a pie plate would even come close to cutting it.

I spread the berry layer out, and then dumped the crumbly part on top. Laela insisted on flattening it, so she did that, lol!

Aaaaand while I definitely underbaked it, it was super delicious!

The more I push myself in those ways the easier its getting. And the more mistakes I make, the easier it is to roll it off and try it a second time. This was yummy and uncomplicated, and I will absolutely be making it again in the future. Maybe with rhubarb in there, too, since I have that in my yard now.

Conveniently, by doubling the recipe, I ensured a pretty epic night snack for Brady and I 😎 I will call this experience a win win.

Whew! School may still be going, but we are back into the camp scene already! So as I sit here, with right now NO CHILDREN around me, I can do all the worky stuff that needs doing. And right now, the name of the game is organizing!

As the babies sleep (some still, and some again) the lists are being made. I’ve meal planned. I have made and printed off a packing list for the kids. I have a grocery list for Costco, with an item or two to pick up at Wholesale Club and Walmart. I MUST find more of our baby formula, which has proven to be a challenge, but I’ve done a little calling. May have to expand the search to PA on Friday.

We need propane, also. Still haven’t found our way there. It is just SO much cheaper at Costco, its hard to justify getting it anywhere else!

I need to remind the kids to get their laundry done today or tomorrow.

I think I might take the kids to get some groceries after school. Then I have a second cart pusher and can get ALL the food plus diapers, lol!

Meanwhile, on top of all of this, I’ve been in contact with multiple social workers, making plans with one, talking about expenses with another, and yet another about how (if at all possible) to support the mother of one of our babies. It has been a FULL morning.

But I mean, its already 9:30 so I should expect nothing less 🤣

Whew!

Today was the last ballet day for the season! The girls will take the summer off and then hopefully re-enroll for the fall! Wavy wasn’t able to be at ballet today, but Laela was, and it was a VERY cute scene. It was extra cute because her already small class of four girls was down to two! They were the only two for the first few months of ballet, so it was fun to have them back together as a pair.

Onto the cute pictures! Laela was really feeling herself hahaha! Little dork 🤣

This wrap up was fairly quick and informal, but I really enjoyed it! We got to see their usual exercises and the steps they go through, the songs they dance to, etc.

They danced a portion of more traditional steps, with cute skirts on, different from the expected tutus. Each girl did this routine solo. It was adorable. Laela is surprisingly graceful!

Every participant (in all of the classes) earned a certificate and a medal!

She was STOKED.

We joke, and she goofs, but it was super awesome, and she felt like a rockstar. That girl. My performer. She is going places, and I can’t wait to see where she all lands.

I haven’t completed a crochet project in a good while now. Turns out my little lemon drop baby makes being hands-free almost impossible, and doing much more than sitting in a rocking chair a thing of the past. But! Things still need to get done, so between Brady being home, and Cher and my mom watching the babies in the daytime, I managed to finish up a baby blanket for a shower this weekend.

And if I can be bold, I actually think it was worth it! I’m very happy with how it all turned out!

The pattern is called “Foliage” by Sixel, who carries such a wide variety of patterns with intricate designs. This is the designer that has be really wanting someone in my life to commission me for something with skulls or skeletons. Its not my personal style, but I just LOVE her designs so much!

Anyway. Its been a long time coming, and its finally finished and gifted out 💜 Aaaaand onto the next one! I was about halfway through a blanket I was making for Kinasao, and it has been abandoned long since. So its time to pick that poor sucker back up and get into it!

Not tonight, though. And only when the babies will allow 😅 Because they run the world 🌎

Cher here!

One thing Hailey and I love the most about summer is storms! I’m talking about those black clouds, risk of funnel cloud, power outage, entire house shaking from thunder kind of storm. 

Did you think I forgot about hail? No. I do not want hail. Not now not ever. Hailey, yes; hail, no! 

During Covid there was one giant storm near Dalmeny. It woke us all up during the night. This was in the middle of my four month covid sleepover at the Borns. Anyways, we moved the couches in front of the window. The power had gone out, and Brady needed to charge his phone for his alarm for work the next morning. I gave him my laptop to use what’s left of the battery juice to charge his phone.

After that he went outside (I’m not sure why) and Hailey and I saw the largest lightning strike! 😳 It hit some crops and a GIANT glow of pink, green, purple, covered a 10km radius (or so it seemed) followed by a LOUD crash. Some kids got up afraid, but Hailey and Brady are nice parents and let them sit on the couch with us to watch the storm.

Anyways, I am really hoping for something like that this year. I feel like the lakes up north get all the fun weather.