Last night, we loaded everyone up in our bus for the Christmas Eve service. Its usually looks VERY different than it looked this year, but the amount of effort that went into it was unbelievable. Volunteer after volunteer received our vehicle, gave us some battery operated candles and some glow sticks, and directed us to a parking spot, pointed at a large screen on the front of the church. We turned off our headlights off and tuned our radios to a particular station. Light Christmas music played while we waited.
The service was introduced, and prerecorded music played, with words underneath so we could sing along. A message was given too. Short and meaningful. It was pretty perfect. Then we all lit our lights and sang a carol or two together. It wasn’t the same as every other year, but nothing has been this year 🙂 It was fun and refreshing. Aaaaand we could all go in our jammies, hahaha!
It all wrapped up around 7:00, and another volunteer directed traffic out of the parking lot. It was a really nice outing, and good to still get to church, however unconventional.
Kids went to bed. Cards were played. Popcorn was eaten. Food for the next day was prepped. Gifts were brought down to the tree. And then, beds were slept in, because EXHAUSTION!
The morning has been lovely. We made a yummy brunch of hashbrowns, bacon, and strawberries 🙂 Everyone ate their body weight, and then we cracked out the Christmas story. Everyone sat and listened, and we discussed it afterwards. But present time came and it got a little crazy. We do gifts pretty modestly, but five kids getting just a few small things still results in a LARGE haul!!
I’ll tell you all about it another day 😉 But its been so much fun and so busy that we almost forgot to put the turkey in!! 😳
We’re all caught up now. No one is worried. There is no big deadline. No big expectations. Just being together with our people 💜while deeply missing some of our other people 💔
We’ve never done Santa over here. No burn on those who do, or don’t, or have super strong feelings one way or another. We just never introduced it, and the kids think its a fun story 🙂 Its kind of a non-issue over here.
In the search for easy, enjoyable festive things to do, we caught wind of a town event yesterday evening! They couldn’t really call it a parade, for fear of encouraging gathering *sigh* but the local fire department and police service planned to escort Santa through town. While none of our kids buy into Santa, it was still an excitement for them! So we headed out for a slow mosey to a street we knew would be on their route.
It was fun ❤️ There was a whole lineup of emergency vehicles, decked out in extra lights, all flashy and sparkly! Sirens blooped here and there, but nothing crazy enough to put off my noise-sensitive kidlets. Leading the way was Santa, sitting in the back of a truck, waving at every person looking out their window, every family sitting in their car, and those of us outside. They actually stopped near us and Santa called out to our kids, and they excitedly chatted with him. Santa asked them questions and laughed his jolly laugh at their answers. It was SUCH a fun experience for them! There were some other familiar faces in those vehicles that are very special to our family. It was a total homerun. Santa soon went on his way, and we headed home. And by living on the far side of town, I know for a fact that their trek took almost a full two hours. I feel a little emotional even typing it out, because while Santa isn’t a pivotal part of our Christmas, the amount of effort that went into this was immense.
Guys, last night was COLD. I have no doubt in my mind that Santa was absolutely frozen to the bone by the end of it. Probably at the halfway point, even. But the beautiful effort made by our community made my heart sing!
As an extra bonus, on the walk home, a man with a beautiful light display invited us to peek in the backyard and see a bit more of their setup, and just how the lights got SO high up in the sky! The kids also LOVED that. It felt like an added special bonus for them. For all of us.
We shivered on our way home, and gained a brown bag full of treats and activities for the holiday season at home ❤️ We are truly blessed. What a beautiful community we’re in.
Its already been such a busy time over here, and with that busyness, I end up with LOTS of pictures that I want to share! I feel like I’ve been telling stories left right and centre, but apparently, we already have some catching up to do since the last day of school!
The first batch of pictures is from a late walk we took as a family! I’m feeling very mourny about things being different, and I know everyone feels the same. Same storm, different boat, right? When quarantine happened in Spring, we survived our days with long, moseying walks through town. And thats ALL I want to do these days, but my poor husband and his frustratingly numb legs make that a huge challenge for him. Its hard. But a few days ago, when the weather was nice, we took a very slow moving, shortish walk with the kids in the dark. They LOVED it!!
Conveniently, out of nowhere, Waverly refused the sled, and insisted on walking. So she and Brady were pokey together. It was terribly cute.
It was an all around really lovely walk. It was chilly but we all had a really really nice time.
It was a great walk. Everyone was nice and red and tired when we got home.
Dekker and Laela still had some reading time after the little ones went to bed. They used to each sit on a recliner across the living room from one another, but they’ve recently changed and always end up reading next to each other. I LOVE that change.
They may fight, but there is a lot of love there. ❤️
Onto the next! I noticed that Dekker has been leaving little notes and homemade decor throughout the house. My current fave is his hope banner.
Ugh. My heart! 💜
Also yes, I do need a bigger mug shelf, thank you for noticing.
Another observation. One of my succulents has a LOT of personality. Gonna have to figure this whole thing out…
A few other random shots…
Cher printed off a whole booklet of Christmas activities for them, as well as a copy of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Upside down diaper changes are WAY harder than you’d think! But she was amped.
And lastly, yesterday night, the kids got their first haul of gifts! Thank you, Tom and Rae, for loving them so well!
Dekker got three Dog Man books!Laela got a whole series of SO MANY good books!Rowan got our first set of Magformers!Solly got a firetruck, just like Tom!Wavy got a doctor set! (And because she’s so ahead of the game, she somehow knows what everything does already, lol)
Its been a loaded season already and we’re just a few days in! On one hand, I anticipate a much quieter, dare I say lamer, Christmas than previous years. But on another hand, its never boring around here! So hopefully these blogs will remind me how much fun we had during quarantine Christmas!!
In fact, I hear Santa is doing a lap around town in a fire engine tonight!! Maybe have to go see if we can catch a glimpse 🎅
It was really nice to communicate with so many of you yesterday over messages, texts, and comments on Facebook. I had no idea the response I would on yesterdays post about Rowan, and it turns out my fears were all for naught. You ALL supported me, and my family, 110%. You showed real love and concern, and those who offered ideas and suggestions did so with such respect and warmth! I had ZERO need to defend myself, and that says a LOT about the community of women I am grateful to be a part of.
If you’d been along the blog ride for long enough, you know my heart aches over “mommy wars.” The fact that that term even exists is completely heartbreaking. Encouraging someone doesn’t make you less! Someone doing something different than you doesn’t mean the way you do it is wrong! Someone succeeding doesn’t make you fail! I am PROUD of my beautiful circle of women who don’t participate in this needless battle between people who could all use a shoulder from time to time.
Friend, you are NOT the only person feeling alienated or alone. Who is exhausted and unsure, embarrassed, at the end of their rope, or fearing judgement. You are not the only mother struggling with a child, wanting to reassure those around you that they’re actually a beautiful individual, worthy of love. You are not the only one watching your child, waiting for a pin to drop and for everything to fall to pieces. You are not the only one at a loss. There are SO MANY of us, feeling responsible for things out of our control, carrying the weight of the world on our backs.
Trust me, I understand the hesitation to reach out, or tell someone. What will they think of you?? I cannot promise seamless interactions. I don’t know your people. But what I can tell you is that being vulnerable is such a good risk sometimes! In a healthy capacity, of course. I guarantee someone around you is going through the same struggle as you, or has at one point, or knows someone who has! There is help out there, and vulnerability is hard, but its so important! If we all encouraged one another, it wouldn’t be so taboo to discuss these things!
Thank you, ladies, for sharing your experiences with me. It was SO refreshing to know I was not alone in my struggle. It was validating to know some people had been in very similar situations, taken the route I took, and succeeded! And others had tried my route, and then kept on trying. No one thing works for everyone, but if we can all STOP JUDGING one another, we can help each other so much better!!
You need to know, mom, you are not the only one out there in your boat. I know this to be fact. You are NOT alone!!
I am SO proud of the women I know! What a beautiful community!
I’m SO hesitant to even start talking about this, but I’m diving in! As per usual, if you disagree or feel negative about these things, PLEASE keep it to yourself. I mean no disrespect, but these are challenging things, personal details, and I have been careful and prayerful about these decisions. Please be kind and respectful.
We’ve had some challenging times with our Rowan. Goodness, we LOVE Rowan desperately. He has a depth in his heart that is far beyond his years. He has a deeper understanding of God. He loves to care for people, and has always doted on those who are sad or struggling. He is just different, in the BEST ways! On the flip side, Rowan has struggled harder than any of our other children in terms of anger, self control, and rationality. A switch flips, and you can watch him as his brain ticks, and then he seemingly decides to fly off that handle so fast. When he gets into these tantrums, it is completely impossible to talk him down. This has been going on for literal years. And we have worked HARD to help him. I am being vague on purpose, because we have literally tried everything, and so has he. Its been a giant struggle for everyone. But alas, the struggle has continued to ebb and flow, and everyone is being affected. Rowan has essentially been our ticking time bomb.
It breaks my heart that I’m even writing this stuff out :/ I cannot express to you the level of love I have for this boy. Please don’t believe otherwise. I’m just trying to be honest. There has been struggle.
This month specifically, Rowan’s behaviour started to escalate. Not only was he throwing big tantrums multiple times a day, every single day, but he was starting to express what can best be described as hopelessness. He would scream things like “I don’t want to try! I HATE trying!!” If I tried to problem solve with him, he insisted nothing would help. As one particular tantrum wrapped up finally, I snuggled him on his bed and he shook and cried, saying he was so tired of trying. It became perfectly clear to me that he needed extra help. He was asking for it, in his own way. This was beyond “bad behaviour.” It was something else. The way I felt on the inside was very likely the way he felt, too.
Cher offered to help me research and brainstorm. It had been a particularly brutal morning with Rowan. I just couldn’t stop crying :/ It sucked. We looked up all kinds of things, finding new information, and revisiting old ideas. We finally sifted through everything and decided to try something. Just, start. And see. Because really, how much worse could it get?
We went off of Rowan expressing his fatigue, and as I’m sure you got from the title of this blog, we decided to try Melatonin. We did further research, and Cher even called a pharmacy for me. They advised what was a safe dosage for a child. We found some that was on for a good price that was meant to dissolve under the tongue, which felt more doable with a five year old than swallowing a pill. We looked up side effects and decided it was worth trying. We got in touch with Brady and he was absolutely on board. He ducked out of work over lunch to purchase the pills. We were bound and determined to start that very day.
December 11th. We talked Rowan through taking his pill. It was 6:00pm. It felt a little early, with him going to bed at 7:00, but I wanted to see what it did to him, and what level of “tired” he’d hit. I did NOT want to just drug him to sleep. No way, no how. I wanted to see what this did.
So, surprise surprise, Rowan HATED his pill. Not only are the dissolving pills kind of gross in general, but it was also minty, which most of our children do not care for. He kept sticking his tongue out, and it would fall, and then he’d pick it up, but it was half dissolved and just a huge mess. He hated it. I gave him a little swig of juice from the fridge that someone gave us, which was a HUGE treat for him! That softened the blow, for sure. He liked the juice chaser. Who wouldn’t?
He went to play downstairs after he had his little pill. He was kind of quiet, which was nice. No fighting. Usually bedtime brings on a HUGE meltdown, but this day, it didn’t. He complied, and tidied toys easily. He came up for bedtime stuff and expressed that he was tired. But not in that over the top way. More just cozy. His body had slowed right down.
Rowan was asleep by 7:30. Bedtime is never that easy or quick for him. He gets up constantly, sometimes for hours, refusing to sleep. Its awful. There had been no peace in the evenings for literal years. But that night, on December 11th, he was out by 7:30 and didn’t surface until we got him up the next morning. He was cozy and sleepy, but happy and upbeat. He had ZERO tantrums that entire day. Guys, you can’t understand the gravity of that. It was UNREAL. Not a single tantrum in the morning, afternoon, or evening, whereas he used to have at least one in every single one of those slots of time. At one point in the evening, Rowan got hurt playing. He had a little cry, and calmed right down before going back to playing. Again, guys, that is HUGE! Those types of things were ALWAYS met with straight anger. But he rallied so easily!
The next day, when it was time for his pill, he took it much better, still choked it down with juice, and then said very sweetly “If I could choose, I wish the pills weren’t mint. But the juice helps. I can take these.” I kid you not. That never would’ve happened before.
Things were bizarrely seamless for the first few days. I wrote everything down. We checked on Rowan every night at 7:30. Most of the time, he was asleep, and other times, he was awake but so peaceful and content in his bed. Just days before, he had had huge anxiety around bedtime. It was bananas. He was also VERY happy when we discovered and replaced his pills with gummies!
December 15th was a different kind of morning. He woke up with a headache, and he was much more irritable. We knew this would very likely happen, because it takes time to adjust, and NONE of us expected some perfect blank slate in any way shape or form. It had been WAY more seamless than any of us anticipated! But goodness, after those honeymoon days, it was hard to swallow when he threw that tantrum. Boy did I cry. It was a big tantrum like we were used to, though to his credit, it was much shorter. He had a nap after lunch, and had another tantrum in the afternoon, but managed to wind down from that one, mostly on his own, even! He was asleep by 7:30 that night.
Its been over a week now, and I can say that the changes are IMMENSE! Never would I have expected this result! My poor Rowan must’ve been tired and anxious for years. And here we are now, in a WAY better place than just a week or two ago!
There is ebb and flow in his days, but the average would go like this.
-woke up content and happy -AM – 0 tantrums -home from school, tired but rational -afternoon – irritable but calms down and asks for hugs -dose (2.5 mg) at 6:00pm -expressed fatigue during bedtime hugs -asleep by 7:30
The best, simplest way I can explain this change is that he is SO much more capable of handling his emotions with some good sleep in him. He still gets upset at the same things, because he’s still the same guy! Who he is hasn’t changed, which I am THRILLED about!!! I LOVE who he is!!! But now sad, tired, disappointed, hurt, and mad all look different, whereas before, everything went right to anger! He wasn’t rational or reasonable before, but now he can understand and comprehend so much clearer. Its uncanny.
Some notes I’ve made along the way:
“I’m mad at you! Can I have a hug?” -cried when the other kids yelled “I dont think I had a very good sleep…” -self soothed -tired, but not mad -fell on the ice, goose egg, cried but didn’t panic -forgot to check on him at 7:30, but he didn’t get up -accidentally woke him up, but very pleasant
These are very different details than the ones I wrote the day we gave him his first dose of Melatonin. His whole body has just calmed. He is still exactly my beautiful son, but his life just got SO much easier, and by default, so did mine, and that of the rest of our family. No more eggshells for us. No more tiptoeing. That feeling of teetering on the edge of crisis is so much less, and you can tell Rowan is just SO much more content now.
We have learned so much. Part of me regrets not trying this sooner, but the other part of me knows I put everything I had into helping him with his feelings and his heart. We pray SO MUCH together! We let him age a little. We worked on patience. I did not want to just knock him out for the night. But finally, he verbalized some new things, and we got new direction, and WOW! What an amazing change!!!
And just in time for Christmas holidays! I am SO thankful for this positive change! Celebrate with us, friends! We LOVE Rowan!!!
If you read yesterdays post, you know I delivered a bunch of things around town and nearby, and came home with gifts as well! They were unexpected, and that always makes me feel so honoured to have the friends I have.
I opened the gift I knew was for me, and I snuck the card out of the other bags, confirming that it was for everyone. Once naptime was over, everyone hacked into the gift! It was for all of the kids, from a teacher who has really put into our children in the last year in an extra special way. The card carried a really warm, loving message, and there was a little extra gift tucked in the bag for Laela, because they have a bit of an extra special special relationship.
Laela received some clicky pencil crayons, a metallic marker, and a diary that LOCKED! She was SO stoked about that diary!!
The bags supplied gift after gift after gift, as though they were just producing them on the spot! It seemed endless!
This kind of thing will absolutely never NOT be humbling. I felt like crying. It was SO unexpected, and SO appreciated. My heart just aches in these situations, because I LOVE my kids, and I LOVE that they have good friends and we have good consistent people in their lives. But I LOVE when people who don’t have to put into my family choose to! That will always bring me close to tears. As their mother, its a huge honour to see our children be so well loved by choice, and no other obligation. Not only are gifts fun and exciting and special, but its not about that. I guarantee you that the kids feel valued in an extra special way.
So. You know who you are. Though I’m confident you don’t read the blog. But if you ever do, please know what a gigantic blessing this was to our family! My heart is truly touched, and I am humbled by your obvious love for our children.
Its a day of delivering gifts all over the place! Woot! The whole family piled into the van and drove around town, leaving all kinds of things on doorsteps and in mailboxes. Some stuff from a fundraiser, more Christmas cards, and gifts from the homemade gift exchange! While I wish I could have been more personal, I tried to follow the guidelines by basically dropping the gift, knocking, and running. I did get to chat a little bit with a couple of people, and a really nice chat with a friend who I rarely see. In my travels, I was gifted a beautiful gift, and came home to more on my doorstep 🥰 I am SO fortunate! What a lovely way to spend the morning!
Realistically, none of the gifts I dropped off were from me, haha, but Santa doesn’t make the toys either, am I right??
If I’m not Santa, can I at least be one of these BOMB gnomes?!?!?
I both cannot wait to use these little coasters, as well as never ever want coffee to touch them ever. I’m pretty torn, haha! But my goodness, aren’t these the cutest things you’ve ever seen?!?! SOOOOO right up my alley!!
I had the pleasure of opening up my early gift! Now to let the kids open theirs! 💜 Thank you, beautiful people who love our family so well!
I’m sure a lot of us are feeling the same way – that the break is coming, and our bodies are ready for it! Over here, we’re all having a way harder time getting up in the morning. And soon enough, we’ll be able to sleep in some, but there is ONE MORE DAY!!!
I got the kids up in decent time, but not as much time as I would’ve liked. But the kids were happy 🙂 It was PJ day at school, and all three of them get to watch a movie and bring a special snack. Aaand then I realized I hadn’t pulled more sandwich meat out of the freezer, so I resigned to making them jam sandwiches, which I realize are total trash with no nutritional value, but whatever, its the last day. Haha! Mom win or fail? That is the question.
Anyway, the kids were in decent moods for the most part. Some grumpies, but those have gotten more prevalent as the break is getting closer. Meanwhile, I was scrambling around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get lunches, teacher gifts, masks, water bottles, etc. organized. Braided Rowans hair, found Laela a pair of socks, cleaned up spilled milk. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, but my brain was going a mile a minute. I had about a million people to contact about a million different things, and I couldn’t forget any of them!! So I was madly scrawling notes and repeating things over and over again. Couldn’t turn music on because I couldn’t quiet my brain. I was feeling a liiiiittle close to the edge.
I’ve learned that a simple way for me to curb anxiety is to tidy up messes. Have you guys noticed the connection between depression and clutter?? Ugh. Its bananas. So I’ve learned about myself that my dishes being a mess makes my anxiety pretty much double on the spot. I was doing all this frantic work/thinking in the kitchen, and my dishes weren’t done. I looked around to see a couple kids were all ready for school, kind of just wandering. I asked them if they’d want to help me, and they all jumped!!
This one found some leftover sprinkles in a container that held cookies, so that was a big win, haha!
Guys, they rushed the kitchen SO fast, SO happily! No one scrapped, or got at each other about who packed what, who was in each others way, or anything like that. I saw Dekker at one point stick his head into the dishwasher to put something in the bottom rack while Laela was working on the top rack, and he didn’t even complain. I stepped out of the kitchen and wrote some notes and lists, and the kids unpacked and repacked the dishwasher beautifully.
I’ll admit I don’t have any kind of cleaning/chore schedule around here, and I know those are good things to implement young. But at this point, the kids always do the chores I give them, completely happily. I want to keep that going as long as possible before making it their “job,” you know?
Bottom line. I am SO proud of my beautiful children.
You’ll notice the word “exciting” is in quotation marks. I’m sure you’ve seen those jokes online about how being an adult means all kinds of lame things.
You get the idea. Adulthood is kind of lame, but its all true. Aaaaall those years of aching to stay up as late as possible are replaced with the desire to nap. The ability to fall and get right back up is replaced with pulling everything so easily!
Aaaaanyway, thats not the point. But its equally as lame.
Our family long outgrew those glass pyrex dishes. I have zero recollection of the last time I used the little square 9×9 ones, and we only use the 9×13 for the odd thing, like sausage, or when I make granola bars. More so, we use this big blue dish I bought at Value Village years ago.
I both this mammoth pre-kids, even, solely because I liked the color. I brought it home and kicked myself forever that I had bought it, because I thought it needed a lid, and how had I missed that?? It truly bothered me. But I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it because it was a bit overpriced, and that drove me crazy, too! Gah! So, it just lived with us, was never used, and made its way here when we did 4.5 years ago.
Now, this thing is actively in use, and is really the only baking dish we use. Like I said, we NEVER use the little glass ones. They overflow. And that sucks.
If it looks a bit weird, consider it gets cheese at the end 😉
What sucks more is the fact that my beautiful blue dishCRACKED the other day!!! 😩
The WORST!! This prompted a pretty immediate trip to Saskatoon on the hunt for another one, or five. Except, poor, so one. Two at the most, because there is just no use for the little pans around here.
We started at Value Village in hopes of finding another gem like my blue dish, lid or not. No dice :/ There was one. It was glass, which is fine, but it was grossly overpriced, thanks to the leafy design etched into it. I just wanted something solid and simple, so I left it behind and headed to Walmart.
I had better luck at Walmart. I got one big off white casserole dish. Its 9×14, so a bit bigger than the little guys, but its deeper. So that worked. I was content.
After that stop, however, we stopped at Lawson mall for lunch and ducked into London Drugs. And guys, maybe this is old news, but it was VERY exciting for me!
Extra. Deep. Pyrex.
…for CHEAPER than the stoneware, even!!! This was SUCH a win! If I had extra money in any capacity, I would’ve bought two! (PS it looks smaller, but its not. Its just the perspective, trust me.)
I feel like the amount of excitement I have about this new Pyrex dish is the epitome of “Welcome to adulthood.”
Can anyone make me feel like less of a dork about this? Would be greatly appreciated.
It has been a TOUGH morning. One of those mornings where, truly, I have nothing really nice to say. So I’m going to show you some pictures from yesterday, and hope tomorrow is better!
First picture was kind of a frustrating moment, honestly.
I sat parked here on my street for a good few minutes, needing to get Solomon to preschool, unable to get past these vehicles. The truck and trailer was parked that way, unattended, jutting out far into the road. And the Jays driver was dropping off a heavy package, so it was taking a long time. Which I understand, but I couldn’t get by. So I parked in the road and resisted the urge to just lay on my horn. Finally, the Jays driver finished his delivery and came back to his truck. He backed up ever so slowly, juuust enough that I could sneak by. Solly was a couple of minutes late to preschool, but it was fine. On the way back, the Jays driver was gone, but the trailer now had its ramps out. It was just maddening. Not the best day to drive our bus, I guess!
Picture two was from the end of nap time.
Waverly was still asleep, all propped up on her pillow, sleeping SO peacefully. She has this beautiful way of being completely bright and happy the moment she wakes up, too! Whatever she’s on, pour me some! (Also, that new sleeper doesn’t hurt! Wavy recently sized up and we had virtually no jammies in Laela’s old stuff, so I had the pleasure of buying her some cute new sleepers, without any financial guilt! Lol! What a season…)
Aaaaand this was something I saw on Facebook that I thought was funny.
Because its completely true. Giggle with me?
The day yesterday ended with yummy food and card games. It was not a perfect day, but it had some really nice parts, and I’m grateful for every day!
Even today. When I feel like curling up into a ball and not moving for the rest of the day. No rest for the weary.
