Some of you maybe saw on Facebook, but last night, the power went out while Brady, Cher, and I were watching a movie. We were watching “The Day After Tomorrow.”

Now, I haven’t seen the movie before, but we were about 45 minutes into it, so I can sum it up a little. I’m pretty sure its a live action, Dennis Quaid version of Ice Age. Sans squirrel, of course. Hail the size of people’s heads. Cold that freezes people on contact. Wind that throws cars around and takes buildings out. So naturally, we decided to watch it during the craziest winter storm we’ve had in a long, long time.

So as I said, we were about 45 minutes in, and then the power cut out. The three of us kind of sat in silence for a second or two before we came back to reality. The outage fit with the movie WAY too smoothly, hahaha! The basement was pitch black. Dekker lulled from sleep, and was a little worried. He came out and gave hugs, and went back to bed pretty easily. The three of us clicked our phone flashlights on and made our way upstairs to watch the storm. The power tried to come on once or twice, which made our smoke alarms scream like crazy, which then lulled Laela. She was pretty nervous but we hugged her and reassured her, and she, too, went back to bed. I have some really sweet pictures of that, actually, but she’s in her little gitchies so I can’t post them on here. Merp.

Finally, the three of us settled in for some Skipbo by candlelight.

I’ve always felt very unsettled going to bed when the power is still out. Its hard not knowing. Thankfully, we waited the storm out and power was restored!!!! We are SO fortunate to have the dedicated teams of people working so hard to get power back on! I know not every town was so lucky.

The three of us lurked in the living room until shortly after 11:00pm, really wanting to ensure that the power would stay on. And it did! Brady and I went to sleep with our fan going, and it was still on when we woke up!

The kids are home from school today, which makes sense. Brady already had arranged to take today at home, so that worked in his favor. So its a whole family party!

Maybe we’ll finally take our Christmas tree down, haha!

Though its looking pretty “white Christmasy” outside…

Yesterday’s post was both easy and hard for me to put out there. I want you to know where Brady is at. I want to keep this time in our life in our records. I want to have history so I’m prepared when a doctor asks. I feel its right to put it out there. Yet, if you know me closely, you know I have trouble distinguishing what is valid and what is “dramatic.” I’ve been accused of being dramatic a LOT in my life, or overreacting, or being too sensitive.

I tried to simply state facts, though I’m well aware I veered into emotions a number of times. But I care deeply for my husband, and I see how much he suffers. How many complaints he swallows. How hard he is exercising his self control. He grins and bears it ALL DAY. And while that is so impressive and humble, he deserves a break.

Your comments on the post made me all teary. You all let me feel how I feel, without suggesting I should just cool off. I felt validated and justified in my feelings, even though I was mad. No one told me to give the physio the benefit of the doubt. And I have, honestly! For a LONG time! You let me know I could be mad without being wrong. You told me you’d be angry, too, or that you are upset for us. You offered to pray. To talk. To come help us. I know I could call out, and someone would come running, and that is incredibly reassuring. Though, covid 🙄But I know we would find a way.

Its just been a mess over here, and I appreciate the lack of criticism. Rather, the support and encouragement has helped me feel stronger. Just knowing how many people are in our corner is incredibly reassuring. So, thank you, friends.

We should have some information/progress in a day or two. I will keep you posted as I know things.

Ok, friends, you’re in for a ride. Another side of me – not a very pretty side – is on display here. 

Let me update you on Brady’s situation. The quick recap goes like this:

Bradys back pain began in July
He sought help through physio in August
Numbness began shortly after starting physio 
Condition worsened, and physio asked him to see his doctor
Finally saw doctor in October
Tests on tests on tests showed there was big issue
Specialist decided herniated disc and pinched nerve
“It will heal in six weeks to six months.”
Continued physio as condition maintained/worsened
Diligent physio appointments (that we couldn’t afford)
Stretches/exercises 3x daily
Last appointment December 14th

On December 14th, Bradys physio agreed that there maaaaybe should’ve been some progress by now, and there wasn’t. In the same appointment, he told Brady they were going to start spacing out their appointments further, and he didn’t need to see Brady for a month. DESPITE the fact that he was not getting better in the slightest. 

Bradys condition has been deteriorating. He limps like he’s 95. He falls in some capacity almost every day. He still cannot pee properly. Along with the condition of his body, his mental health is declining, as you can imagine. We both are feeling SO hopeless. 

On Friday, January 8th, Brady went in to see his physio. His therapist set up to stretch Brady’s leg, and his foot started twitching aggressively. Almost like kicking. This has been something that has happened the entire time. Involuntary leg twitches. His physio held the stretch for about 30 seconds and Brady’s foot twitched the absolute entire time. As it does. This isn’t new. His physio was shocked, and seemed very concerned. He left the room for a solid five minutes, according to Brady. He came back with a new stretch that he held Brady in for 15-20 minutes. Brady said it didn’t feel like a stretch at all, but he went with it. Meanwhile, his physio went over all the details, and reacted as though they were all new, though none of it was. He literally asked Brady when it all started. He should know these things! Brady says it was all quite maddening. Finally, his physio said the smartest and dumbest thing. He suggested there might still be a problem. A pinched nerve, perhaps. A disc still out of place, perhaps. Damage still being done, perhaps. What I have been saying THE WHOLE TIME! 🙄

And then the man had the gall to say “Let’s give it another week, and maybe we’ll talk about getting in touch with your doctor. You might need an MRI.” 

What is the week in the middle supposed to entail?? I asked Brady if he gave him a new circuit of stretches or advice or something – anything – different. But no. When Brady asked him about stretches, which I say again he has been diligently pouring over for months, his physio told him “Don’t worry too much about stretches. Just do what feels good.” 

THEN WHAT IS THE IDLE WEEK FOR?!?!?! 

If nothing else, that appointment confirmed for us that we are done with that physio. Not out of bitterness, that he couldn’t solve our problem, but out of straight unprofessionalismn and negligence. This physio has been good to Brady before, and helped him through a pretty brutal work injury a few years ago, but this issue is clearly out of his wheelhouse, and he should be the bigger person and have referred him out. Instead, Brady has been his experiment, and that is absolute crap. He’s been negligent and dishonest. He needs to take ownership. But the only way to get anything done with that is to sue, which we have no interest in doing. So we simply back out.

ALL of this to say, Brady originally went in with back pain. Not numbness. Only after a weird physio treatment with an aggressive massage tool did his disc slip and did his legs go numb. Thats all I’ll say about that. 

Brady and I were both pretty furious after his appointment. Thankfully, he had a phone call arranged with a doctor just an hour after physio. He wasn’t able to get on with Dr. Guselle, but it was something. 

He discussed with the doctor his history, what had been happening over the last couple of months, and how his physio appointment had gone that morning. The doctor actually asked him when he had his MRI. Not if. When. He said he hadn’t had one, and she was blown away. 

BECAUSE HE NEEDS ONE!

He needed one months ago, but covid made it complicated, so he didn’t “need” one anymore. 

The doctor he spoke to promised to get a referral in to an orthopaedic surgeon that very day.

That was Friday. On Monday, Brady had to come home early from work because his legs couldn’t hold him up anymore. He and I both were just so discouraged. I had him call Spinal Pathways, and they said they had no referral. So he called our clinic next, and there was no referral. I was FURIOUS.

Thankfully, one of Dr. Guselle’s staff called back a couple of hours later, after speaking to our doctor, personally. Apparently, after Brady’s call with the other doctor, Dr. Guselle had changed the plan. Rather than referring him to the orthopaedic surgeon who would decide whether or not Brady needed an MRI or a CT, she’s going to just try to skip that step and get a scan booked. Because she knows how long this stupid road has been, and how badly he needs SOME kind of help.

Thank you, Lord, for our doctor!!!

I know I sound ranty and bitchy and fired up, but thats just where I’m at. If you watched my husband walk up the stairs, you’d be just as angry. If you watched him fall out of the vehicle, you’d be angry. If you watched him misstep and spill food, you’d be angry, too. If you saw the shape he was in after a day of work, you’d be angry, too.

And then he’d be angry, because above ALL of this, he is so self conscious and wants no pity. 

We are coming to the end of our rope over here. Or at least thats how it feels. There is always more rope, it seems. 

Lord, guide us. Guide our health care professionals. 

** Plus a bonus milestone story!

Welcome back to our little series on Rowan and his sleep struggles! I’ll be honest and tell you I didn’t know if I’d still have things to talk about a month in, but I dooooo! We officially started this process on month ago, on December 11th, and there has been immense change. Immense! He is still himself, completely, but he is reasonable. Rational. He feels all of his feelings differently. We can talk to him, and he can comprehend SO much clearer. Its been amazing. 

This last week, however, Rowan has begun sleepwalking. 

Earlier this year, Rowan walked in his sleep twice over the course of a couple weeks. That was it. It kind of came out nowhere. I couldn’t figure out what triggered it, really, but I believe I blogged about it. I was encouraged that, as long as he was being safe, that we just roll with it and help him back to bed. But it only happened twice. 

Now, this last week, it happened three times. On the 4th, 5th, and 7th. Each time at 9:30-10:30pm. Every time he gets up, he comes to find us. He has a higher voice, and he’s a liiiiittle bit distressed. Kind of crying, but not actually. He doesn’t really answer when you speak to him, but those eyes are WIDE open, and SO dark, which is not his usual look. Its kind of upsetting, to be honest. But we’ve learned what it looks/sounds like when he’s sleepwalking, and we tucked him back in without issue every time. 

Still. This has been an unsettling week. 

I don’t know what’s normal and what is odd, but I imagine I’ll reach out to his doctor for a call at some point, just to make sure he doesn’t need anything different. 

For the record, he never goes anywhere he shouldn’t. Our doors are all bolted, and you have to kind of lean into them to pop the lock open. He struggles with it on a normal day, so I’m confident he couldn’t do it while asleep. But he doesn’t try. He just comes for Brady and I. 

Its strange. Still TOTALLY worth the result, which is Rowan having a WAY easier time in his daily life. I did anticipate some adjustment, but I thought that would be the first week or so. Weird weird weird. 

Entering month two!! Hopefully we’ll get some kids magnesium supplements soon and see if those are a good fit for Rowan! Wish us luck!! 

***

Unrelated completely, but an important story to share TODAY!

Rowan lost his first tooth!!!

As soon as I started moving around the dining room in the morning, he came out of his room and said “I think I lost a tooth.” He opened his mouth to show me, and they were all definitely still there. But the one was pointing in completely the wrong direction. It was just floppy. I believe my exact words were “Don’t scream at me, ok?” and I popped it out. He just stared at me in disbelief, and was immediately SO excited!!

He insisted on helping me get everyone else up for breakfast so he could show everyone! This is what happened when he offered to go get Laela.

It was adorable. And everyone was SO happy for him.

Sleep has been weird, but this morning feels victorious in a different way, and I’m happy it fell on a day where I’m already talking about him!

Congratulations on losing your FIRST tooth!!!! You’re officially growing up!

Around this time last year, we had our first ever broken bone! It should’ve been our tip off that the year was going to be full of unexpected things.

It was during this stretch that I was in bananas-level pain. It was a ROUGH start to 2020, and when we were finally in the clear, I felt like we could finally breathe. It was going to be the BEST year!

Unfortunately, you probably noticed, there was a pandemic. But fortunately, we did end up having a pretty great year in many ways. NO regrets.

This year is starting in its own rocky way, with Brady’s pain continuing and his condition deteriorating. I’ll update you on him on Tuesday. But my goodness, we are OVER it. I won’t get too ranty just yet, but know we have reached a point of feeling somewhat hopeless. There are moments of “Its going to be ok, this is temporary” but there are a few more frustrated, discouraged moments than I care to admit.

Once this is behind us, will we breathe? Or will we keep our jaws clenched, and grin and bear it? Will we rest, or will we overcome? Can a person do both?

Last year I talked about glory-strength. Maybe I need to focus on that again.

Brace yourselves.

Cher and I have begun Christmas shopping.

Cher is almost done!! I have a few items and a lot of other ideas to go on.

Yesterday evening, we went into Saskatoon to look for a couple of things, and while we didn’t get everything we were looking for, we did have some moderate success! Besides some Christmas stuff, I remembered that Brady could use some more work shirts. His poor old tshirts have SO many holes where they’ve worn out around his waist from rubbing against his jeans. The challenge used to be to find the funniest shirts and see if he’d wear them, which he always did. But now, the goal is a beefy shirt that is cheap. And funny, if I could make it happen. So I found five $3 shirts that were the right size, and nice and thick still. They weren’t anything too crazy, though one was a family reunion shirt for someone else’s family, which was funny. I also managed to find him a really nice button down and another tshirt for regular wear. All nice and cheap. Win!

I have the goal every year to be DONE Christmas presents before December. Because November, even. With two very poor financial years, I haven’t had the resources to do what feels like “recreational” shopping, so I’ve never reached that goal. I still carry the same desire for this upcoming year. Conveniently, another desire I’ve had is doing a homemade/second hand Christmas. So this year, I’m aiming for that. I make no promises, to you or myself, that I will succeed, but I am hopeful and optimistic. I have three thrifted items already on the books, and I have some AWESOME ideas for the other kids!

And if you know me, you may be getting homemade gifts for Christmas this coming year! This is something that makes me both self conscious but also accomplished and happy. So leave snide remarks elsewhere and celebrate with me!! If I succeed at this, I will feel SO accomplished, giving people things I truly worked on and put effort into, while saving a couple bucks in the meantime.

Anyone want to join me in the challenge of Thriftmas?? I’m SUPER excited!!!

I know many of you have watched/read from a distance for a long time, and know a lot about our kids, even if you’ve never met them. This morning, I was reminded how fortunate I am to know them! Specifically Rowan, who todays small story centres around.

As I got Rowan up this morning, I asked him how he had slept. I always inquire about his sleep, for obvious reasons. I ask each kid how they slept, but I dig deeper with Rowan, as I’m watching his sleeping patterns so closely.

Rowan dreams more these days. I don’t know if he’s just getting a little older and he remembers more, or he’s actually dreaming more, but when he told me about todays dream, I knew I wanted to put it on the blog, both to share with you, friends, and to have record of for when he is older.

He told me he had a dream about himself when he was an adult. He told me he owned a ton of businesses. Lots of trucks. And that he had LOTS of animals. He told me he was watching a video of a robot dog on a phone, and in his dream, he knew he had built the robot. He said it walked around his businesses and offered to help customers. And he said it taught people about Jesus. He was very proud of his robot, and very proud of his businesses.

Thats all I know. That all came from him, no push from me. I love to speculate what Rowan will do when he grows up because he is SO caring and SUCH a deep thinker! This morning, when he told me about his dream, I saw his AMBITION! I was so exciting to me, to think that, at age five, he is picturing himself overseeing his many businesses, building new inventions, and telling people about God.

I am SO grateful to know Rowan. I am very very excited to see what he does when he grows up!!

Do you ever cut into bell peppers and find little dudes on the inside? We find them from time to time, and the kids always want to eat them. Solly is the biggest fan of them. We call them baby peppers.

The other day, I was scouring the fridges and freezers to make sure our Costco grocery list was up to date, and I found a bag of peppers that clearly hadn’t fit upstairs, made its way to the basement fridge, and was forgotten. They were all still good, but needing to be eaten sooner than later. So I grabbed all six peppers and began chopping them up.

And immediately, Solly was at the island, asking for baby peppers. Rowan and Wavy were close to follow, needing to get their share of whatever Solly was asking for, as siblings will do. I told them I’d let them know if I found any, and everyone would get a taste.

I found one teeeeeny tiny one at one point, but it hardly even counted. I snuck it to Rowan, because he was closest, and he kept the secret to himself, thankfully.

And then, I hit the motherload.

And guys, the motherload had balls.

😳Can’t miss those things! I’ll admit I was a little disappointed that I shaved the one side off a little, but it was still a pretty hilarious! I laughed a lot harder than I should’ve.

And then I pulled the balls off.

And then guess what I found.

A butt. And a tail.

And then I cackled like an immature idiot. But seriously, no regrets. Because sometimes you have to laugh at something super meaningless and light.

In a really really heavy world, can we all just laugh at my peppers nut sack? Whether you join in or not, I’m gonna.

Oh and yes, the kids ate the balls. No regrets.

With all the pre-planned, pre-written posts that come around Christmas, I missed sharing a couple of cute events! For instance, painting!!! The kids LOVE when my mom brings painting stuff! They dove right in, and it made for cute pictures 🎨 as always.

Dekker is ALWAYS making signs these days.

I was curious about Laelas black sunshines but turns out, she was making a tractor for Rowan.

Because Rowan is into trucks right now, as you can see.

Solly like painting the same spot until the paper breaks, haha!

And Wavy did better than anticipated! She painted little swirls, and mixed all the colors.

Painting is always fun for the kids, but I think more so, my mom does such an amazing job with them. She is patient and loving in a way I strive to mirror. If I can have an inch of the patience my mom exhibits, I’m doing ok.

Thank you, Lord, for happy kids who appreciate a morning of painting, and for my mom, who willingly, happily sets it all up and helps it along. We are SO fortunate.

Oh boy. Guys, once upon a time, we got pumpkins 😆

I had to look way back to find out when we got pumpkins. I thought October, but nope. September. The 15th, to be exact.

So, three and a half months later, its next year, and three of these pumpkins are still sitting in my house, on the piano, amidst some Christmas decorations. They didn’t have any mould or suspicious spots, but I was starting to feel urgent about getting rid of them. I was a day or two away from finally gathering them off my piano and hucking them in my compost bin when Cher suggested we hack them up, do some of the compost work ourselves, and save it for the garden this Spring.

Upon cutting them open, it was clear they were drying out, but that was about the worst of it.

The coolest part was finding pumpkin sprouts in there!!

You’d better believe we kept them and put them in some good soil, just in case. Cool, hey??

We hijacked my moms big food processor and went to work cutting pumpkin up!

We started pureeing the pumpkin, along with some coffee grounds, egg shells, and some banana peels and apple cores from lunch that day.

I believe it will be good for the soil.

I also believe it looked like vomit.

The banana-heavy batches are SO much grosser!

Many hands make light work, and we were done in no time. That food processor was warm by the end of it!

These gross bags of sludge are now waiting outside for the spring thaw, their goal to enrich our soil and make a better haul of veggies for the upcoming fall. Be prepared, guys. We’re very likely going to become the people who get a large load of poop hauled in as well.

#stinkyfolks #whowantstosharemanurewithus #notevenkidding