Its not everyday I have a handful of cute pictures from the short window of time before the kids are off to school. That hour or so is usually pretty busy and often feels somewhat rushed. But this morning was smoother than usual, and I want to share!
When I surfaced to get the kids up, my mom had gotten up early and was making pancakes and chopping cantaloupe!! That is a pretty special treat for a weekday breakfast! I got the girls up first, and Laela asked if she could get the boys up. It was pretty cute 😍
He was trying to squeeze her as hard as he could. They were both giggling like crazy. I loved it.
As the morning rolled on, and some people were ready and others weren’t, Brady read a story. It was one of those “order restored” moments.
The kids were happy and lighter than usual this morning. Laela and Dekker have taken to writing on our fruit. I’m not even mad at it, haha!
You may notice that the kids don’t look ready for school, but they are. Its pyjama day today!! I love that they wore matching onesies to school 😆
Its been a cute morning. And it still is. Wavy and Solly are playing magformers and singing made up songs. The sun is streaming in through a crack in the curtains, letting me believe its SO much warmer out than it actually is. Ignorance is bliss, in this case. We don’t get to be ignorant about a whole lots of things these days, so I’ll hold onto the weather as something I’m allowed to not know about.
As if the changing weather and golf cart parked in our front yard aren’t enough, there are yet further signs that Spring is on its way! One of them being my flowerbed!
I wish I had a before picture, but you’re going to have to take my word for it – it was a mess! Last season, we suffered an attack of the ground squirrels, and they went at our front flowerbed HARD. It was SO SAD. They gutted a LOT of our flowers. We. Tried. Everything. We filled holes with water and closed them off with rocks. We put some poison down. Put in motion sensing lights and sounds. Got a little more sadistic and FINALLY made some progress, but by then, it appeared most of the damage was done :/ The flowerbed was FULL of rocks, solar lights, solar frogs (yup) and a couple of very dead pumpkins.
And Cher took it upon herself to clean it all up the other day.
I can’t tell you what everything is, whats going to make it and what isn’t, but I CAN tell you that when all the crap was cleared away, there was life!!
There is HOPE!! I’m excited to see what comes up, and a little apprehensive to see what doesn’t. I REALLY want my peonies to live!
I think its pretty amazing to have someone in my life who comes over, guts the crap out of my flowerbed, swigs some iced tea, hugs me, and asks for nothing more. I WANT to be a family who has LOTS to offer, and it is odd to NEED so much help these days. But I am overwhelmingly grateful to have the people we have, and the love and support we have. Even just in these last few days, we have been shown love in an extreme way that we have NEVER seen before. Its just completely over the top.
We need to be more careful about what we say on Facebook…
We’re deeply anticipating being at the lake this Spring and Summer, but even with our spot being within walking distance to the water, some of those details are trickier for us this season. Brady could wheel that far, absolutely, but the last long stretch of the path to the lake is just roots and roots and roots! His wheelchair wouldn’t make it, and it would be WAY too uneven on crutches. Not only that, but there are paths and walks and lots of opportunities to explore and be out and about. So, we figured we’d put out feelers for an old beater golf cart that needed minimal fixing, and hopefully get Brady a bit of extra mobility at the lake!
Yesterday, Brady and I posted on Facebook that we were in the market for exactly that – a golf cart that was both basic and affordable. It was a “Does anyone know anyone?” kind of post. Because we could go on kijiji, absolutely, but we always like to ask our circle first. Isn’t it nicer to buy from someone you know, or someone someone you know knows? Lol! Well, we do. So we asked on Facebook if anyone knew anyone selling a golf cart. We were looking for leads.
Instead…
…someone just brought us a golf cart 😳
I don’t know all the details about it, but I can tell you its a Yamaha. Its very well kept. Its electric. It can hold a handful of people at once, lol! The seats are the color of butter. Its SO cute!
Best of all, it is ours as long as we have a use for it. Indefinitely.
We rolled it onto the lot beside ours, just temporarily until we move some other things around. And then we got into it!
Yes, Brady got into it ON the trailer!!!! So actually getting into it when its on the ground will be easy peasy 😁
The kids in the background tho 😂
😬😁
What. A. Gift. We are BLOWN away, overwhelmed, and deeply humbled.
Thank you, friends, for showing us love in this way. Thank yous seem inadequate, but thats all we have to offer. My gut reaction is always to apologize, but rather, I will say thank you, and rejoice!
There have been some high points today, and I have cute pictures to back them up! Hopefully you can join in our bright spots ☀️
Wavy somehow got a chocolate granola bar instead of an almond one today at lunch, and really made it count! Lucky girl! Good thing there are some brown animals on her sleeper. The chocolate can just blend right in as though it belongs.
Then she went down for a nap, and we made eggs for lunch. Turns out, we all felt decisive in different directions today! Three adults, three different kinds of eggs.
Then I took Brady to radiation and Cher hung at our house. When we came home, she had left this on our fridge. She was SUPER casual about it, but I LOVE it!!!
Shortly after we got home, nap time was over! Or was it?
It was once everyone came home 🙂 Rowan read his green bag book with Brady, and he was really excited to show him the book he chose!! I LOVE that this is something that will never be “weird” in our house. 💜
Its good to lay out some of the positives like this and have some light memories on record during this time of our life. It was a cute day, despite the visit to the cancer centre and everything that goes along with that.
Time is fleeting, and we don’t know the future. But for this moment in time, in its own small way, order is restored.
There is some normalcy back in our lives.
We can all rest a little easier, and breathe a little easier.
Brady being gone took a big piece of our family away. A big piece of our normal. Who would’ve thought Brady was SO normal?! 😆It is such a relief to have that back. To have him back.
If you think of us today, please do pray. Week two of radiation begins, and we are hoping his bigger side effects are just adjustments that come along with the first week. But, God’s will be done! We will take what comes, and with His help, we can handle it!
Take care of us, Lord. Wherever we land, protect us.
When I visited Hailey and Brady today for a few short minutes, I could tell how tired they were. THEY HAVE DONE SO WELL. I wanted to write a little about my perspective on how I have observed things since Brady has been back. First, absolutely everyone is happier. EVERYONE. Even my days are easier, knowing my best friend is okay, and her husband is home and doing well. Wednesday was such a whirlwind day. There have been such big changes for everyone settling back into normal life.. but life isn’t normal. It’s still new. Still, lots to figure out as time goes on. I know they know that.
When Brady went for his surgery, he took Hailey with him. I didn’t even realize it until he came back home for good. Hailey’s demeanor changed immediately. Her capacity grew. Her observations grew. Her smiles stayed longer. She has that bounce in her step again. Less things seem forced. Still, there is fear, I know. But there is also confidence and relief.
Hailey and Brady went for their first walk in town yesterday. They stopped by at my house to say hello, and it just felt SO normal. Laughing, joking, hugging. Nothing felt heavy, scary, or weird. I loved that so much. It felt like old times, the three of us being goofs. You should have seen Hailey’s eyes. Just pure happiness.
Brady is pretty tired from radiation, so he naps a lot more. Yet, he still finds the strength to scoot downstairs and spend time with the kids. He is still himself. Still absolutely welcoming, kind, positive, and funny. I know he is so happy to be home, and so are we. It’s a huge comfort for him I’m sure, but for all of us, to see him walking with crutches and being able to get in and out of the house and vehicle. He is still very independent; despite ALL he has been through. I am absolutely amazed by you, Brady! You have some physical boundaries, but you find ways around them without complaining or ever feeling sorry for yourself. You are such a good example for your kids.
There is an adjustment period still. I think the most for Hailey. Her brain is so GOOD at soothing itself, but her poor body holds stress. Please pray for her heartburn. It is overwhelming for her, and I know all she wants is to be present and feel good with her family. It seems so unfair that she must endure such pain and discomfort when she should be able to enjoy and embrace the changes.
I have said a few times before that Hailey is the type that can bloom in a forest fire. Nothing I have said takes away her positive attitude, her faith, her perseverance, or her strength. If anything, she is STRONGER than ever before. She is so capable; more than she will ever admit. All along, she was blooming.
So, when you think of my Hailey, please pray for her. Pray for them all, too. Pray for smooth. Pray for solutions. Pray for healing.
Brady has completed one out of five weeks of radiation! I thought it would be good to let everyone know how its been going 🙂
We’ve gotten into a bit of a groove. It only takes about a half hour to drive there. We park in the same spot each time, and then I get Brady’s chair out of the back of the van, and he heads into the cancer centre. The whole process is very quick. Originally I imagined I’d accomplish things while I waited for him, but today it was less than 20 minutes before he texted that he was on his way back. Sometimes I scroll my phone. Sometimes I phone Cher. Its pretty relaxed. And then when Brady comes back, I spot him while he gets into the van, and load his chair back up. Thats it, thats all!
When Brady goes into the centre, he checks in with the front desk, and they confirm his schedule for the next day. He gets his time slots for the week on Monday, but he has to bring the schedule in every single day because it can change anytime. Then he goes back to his particular location, takes off his shirt, lays on something like an exam table, and he’s lifted up in the air so the lasers can move around him and get him in juuuuust the right place. Then he’s blasted in three places by radiation, taking a total of 2-3 minutes. And then he’s good to go! Thats all it is!
The most important part of this post is how Brady’s been feeling. The answer is that he’s definitely feeling it. His first treatment was Monday afternoon, and he was nauseated by morning :/ He’s been fighting for betterment since then, and yesterday, was finally was given a good prescription for the best nausea medicine on the market, in my opinion! Hopefully that really helps. He’s also been completely exhausted, as so many people said he would be. Last night, we were both asleep right around 9:30pm. His legs have been feeling weak and fatigued as well – more than usual. But he’s coping and doing his best, and we’re trying to give him all the grace possible.
I wish week one had gone a little bit smoother, and that the radiation hadn’t affected him as much as it had. He had SO much energy just a few days before he came home, and I know he would’ve vastly preferred to come home with that level of energy. But we know this is for a time 💜 And its going to be just fine. We can do some tired weeks. God knows what we need.
I have been working hard to keep record of the people I want to thank. To be clear, I do believe that these people who have poured into us in the last two months are not doing so for thanks or recognition, but to bless and help and aid us in one of the most surreal, daunting, upside down times of our lives. But my gratefulness and appreciation is abounding and I feel like it has nowhere to go! Its a little overwhelming, to be honest.
So far, we literally have 100 financial donations online, plus countless gifts of cash, cheques, and gift cards galore. You do not understand how crazy that is. Or how much you have saved our butts with Brady living at the hospital for two full months. So, if I were to send out thankyous, that would be a confident 150 cards right there.
Then there is food. We were fed every single supper in February, and three days a week in March. Many people have brought a supper, plus something else to freeze, or a big dessert, or something for the kids lunches, etc. Even with meals brought every other day, I have made a meal once or twice at the very most. And my freezer is FULL of premade meals, baking, meat, and every food gift you can imagine. On top of the scheduled meals, I am regularly offered fresh baking, a pail of soup, etc. We have NOT gone without. These gifts have saved me from cooking, have given me the opportunity to actually rest in that half hour before supper. They’ve saved both hassle and money. I will never forget someone casually bringing a pan of cinnamon buns over with an envelope filled with 20s on top. Its such a crazy time of life. If I had to guess how many people have fed us in one way or another, I’d say AT LEAST 75 people. Minimum.
Then there’s the kids. People have not forgotten about our kids, and it shows!! They have not gone without in any of this, having been blessed with gifts of books, craft supplies, games, and treats. They’ve even been on some special outings with a couple of people in our circle, so they have felt solidly special and loved. Every weekend, they ALL go off together, and get some good attention and a change of scenery, and I can breathe while our friends take on the task of five active children for an entire day!
There is no possible way to remember everything that has happened in order to show us support. Our house is cleaned regularly. Our laundry is done weekly. Other moms have taken my parent helper slots at the preschool. People have driven my kids to school. Their bikes are set up, oiled and filled, for the season. The garage is tidier because of others helping me move heavy things and hauling away donations. Blogs have been written for me. Groceries have been paid for and brought over often. Flowers were sent. Parking was paid for. Gas was paid for. People come at the drop of a hat to help me with mundane jobs. People going out of their way to make our life easier, over and over and over again.
And here I am, beating myself up for not doing ANY of these things myself!!! But then, at the end of the day, I am dead exhausted, without having accomplished ANY basic house tasks, and I see the deep obvious need for help. So I accept it, gratefully, and humbly. All of this is completely unreal. Never have I seen anything like this, nor did I ever expect such a thing.
On top of ALL of these needs being met, with love and willingness, we are being prayed for in a completely overwhelming way. I know we don’t all believe the same things, and I cannot make anyone believe anything. But consider that Brady healing and progressing the way he is is NOT a thing of this world. Him defying odds and defying science is because his strength is found in Christ alone!!! No other explanation will suffice. We know this to be true, and I hope you see it for yourself. The prayers of our church, our friends, our family far and wide, certain Facebook prayer groups, and many many people we don’t even know. That has been one of the craziest things – to see people come out of the woodwork and reach out, without little to no knowledge of us at all, to help us carry the load. To bear the burden of others. It is so strange to be on this side of the fence, but it would far more devastating to be completely alone. I imagine the number of people who I would thank for praying for us would be astronomical. I can’t even fathom. I can’t even ballpark.
We could not do what we’re doing without every single one of you. We are not entitled to an ounce of help, yet here we are, surviving fairly smoothly, never going without anything we truly need.
For you, friends, and for this support, I praise the Lord.
Yesterday was a gigantic whirlwind of a beautiful day. What we expected to be a one last hour at the hospital, packing up his room and saying some goodbyes turned into a fast paced effort to get Brady a WAY better wheelchair than the one he’s had the entire time he’s been at the hospital. Its a very long story, but the one that had been ordered for him so long ago appeared to not have even been started, the requisition lost, and on top of that, it was clear to everyone around us that it wasn’t a good fit for Brady. So he was swept away with the Golden Mobility guy to have measurements taken and to list his preferences for a number of things for what will eventually be HIS new chair. One of the OTAs worked her butt off for the next while assembling him a significantly better chair to go home in than what he had, which was a huge relief. And while all of this was going on, I was back in his room, trying to pack it up as fast as I could. At this point, we have a really nice relationship with the lady who often cleans his room, so she was in there, visiting with me. It was really really nice.
Before we left, I was able to chat with and say goodbye to Brady’s physical therapist, Kari. I really really like her, and I feel some sadness to now just be gone… I was honest with her about that, and she was SO warm and reassured me that we were by no means “cut off,” though she understood how it could feel that way. She gave me her contact information and told me she would be disappointed if we just left and never got back in touch. I liked that.
After a longer wait than we anticipated, Brady got the loaner chair that fit him SO much better, and we left the hospital!!
It was at that point where we decided we still had enough time before radiation to go out for lunch. And I do mean out for lunch. No drive-thru food in the van for us!
The firecracker burger is just about always the way to go for Brady! We ate and held hands and enjoyed each other’s company. A maybe 40-ish year old man was wheeling out of the restaurant, smiled BIG when he saw Brady, and offered up a “Nice wheels!” I secretly loved that! Yet another community we did not choose to be in that contains warm, understanding people.
After his appointment at the cancer centre, we picked up some iced capps for us and Cher, in honour of her brothers life, and headed home! HOME! Finally!!!
The wheelchair stayed outside, and Brady made his way into the house on his crutches, just how he had wanted.
It was a warm reception, to say the least. 😍
After we all spent some time just sitting together, Brady decided he had enough energy for a photo opp, so we did that!!
We may not have the ramp yet, but the sidewalk is a BEAUTIFUL addition to our home! A confident place to show the kids his wheelie skills.
We tried to get organized for some impromptu family pictures! Only one kid cried.
We finally got there!!!
Wavy in the back, hahaha
We went back inside and ordered a feast of pizza. Our first legit supper together in a long, long time.
At the table, we thanked the Lord for bringing Brady back home to us, and for keeping him safe. And if you think the ribbon cutting for the sidewalk was good, this one was even BETTER!
Just gonna say, that hospital bracelet has been on for two months, and it was disguuuuusting, hahaha! Will spare you that picture 😂
We spent the remainder of the evening opening cards, from all of us here at home, as well as EVERY student in Dekker’s class! That was an incredible surprise!
The theme was bang on, if you ask me.
Be srong 🥰
The night ended early, with immense fatigue and total, complete exhaustion. But relief, finally falling asleep in the same bed. I have dearly missed sharing my evening with Brady, and I like to believe he’s missed sharing space with me, too.
There is just such relief. There is SO much more uncertainty to come, but at least I have my partner in crime beside me again.
Thank you, friends, for being so supportive and excited with us as we anticipated Brady’s homecoming. The road is long, and continues to be bumpy and messy, but it is incredibly reassuring to have so many of you in our corner, supporting and encouraging us.
Thank you, Lord, for making it possible that Brady can be home. Continue to grant him health and strength, and for the rest of us, as well. Our hope is in You.
I sat on this for an entire day. How do I start a blog like this? A blog on a big day. It’s not just a big day for me this year, it’s a big day for my Hailey, too. It’s a big day for everyone who is touched by her and her family. So please know, everyone, that when I write about myself, I am not trying to take away the day.
Some of you know, some of you may not. Today is the day my brother took his life in our childhood home only an hour and 45 minutes after he texted me that he got a new phone.
I had plans. I was at my cousins house, about to head to some friends for the evening. I got the call. I texted some people. I texted Hailey. We had only been friends for maybe five months. Not even close. We didn’t hang out recreationally. I was taking photos of her pregnant belly. She cared differently than most people did. I never would have texted her otherwise. I also confided in her before anyone else that Scott was going to be a dad.
She texted me back: “Please tell me you weren’t in the house when it happened” I said no. She offered for me to come over. The next day I did. She hugged me so tight in the entrance. I sat on her couch. Her and Brady talked to me for a few hours and then I went home.
That is a very watered down version of what happened, but this blog isn’t about Scott’s life, or my life per say. This blog is about God, and grief, and victory. But first, I want to paint a picture. Scott struggled his whole life, but he was happy. He laughed so much as a kid.
He loved me a lot when we got to be adults.
Then he stopped loving himself. He thought other people could love him enough that he didn’t have to.
Hailey was there for all the grief. She let me cry on her couch. She gave me a safe place to be real without judgment. Over time we got so close. Then, the three of us became like a club. Playing games, eating good food, watching shows, having fires. COVID helped lots of this grow.
There is always beauty in the things that terrify and confuse us. That’s God, though. Unpredictable, and BEAUTIFUL. Scott would be a PROUD dad to a beautiful baby girl. The first year he was gone on the 14th of April, she was dedicated by her beautiful mom to the Lord. The second year he was gone, Hailey bought me an iced capp (iced capps were HUGE for Scott) during COVID and drove me to go see that little girl and her mom. It was such a beautiful day.
This year on the 14th is a bittersweet day for me. A BIG day for Hailey and her family.
The past few months I have watched Hailey grieve. I’ll never forget the day Brady got the call that there was a tumor. The day Hailey went to see him at the hospital and they moved him so fast that she saw him for only a few minutes between transferring him to another hospital. Those tears were so heavy, I could not hold them.
Then, the blood clot through the heart into his lungs. The diagnosis. The uncertainty of it all. Even the fact that the surgeon thought he wouldn’t walk. MRI after MRI, calls, delays, and so much more.
Through watching Brady fight for his life with such positivity and come home on this particular day… this very specific day.. It feels SO special and planned. It is NOT about me, it is about God’s plan. On such a significant day for all of us, all I can say is, this is AMAZING! God said he can turn anything meant for harm or evil to be for good. This day is SO good!!!! How could I ever be sad, when God gave me a whole new brother out of losing Scott.
And today, the days collide with grief and celebration. A day God knew would happen, before any of us ever could.
Thank you Hailey and Brady for being SO sensitive about this day, even with it being SUCH a big day for you. Today is the day God has made. Today we can rejoice and be glad in it. I love you both, so much!
