Its been about six weeks since we last talked about Rowan and Melatonin. Mellow Rowan, we sometimes call it. And it checks out. Melatonin was the first stepping stone in helping Rowan get a bit more grounded. Magnesium was next. And now, we have him taking probiotics, vitamin D, and Omega 3s. It sounds like a lot, but he is so happy with his “special” vitamins, and he takes them willingly and easily.

Something I’ve witnessed as time has gone by is that Rowan is able to put in more effort. He is more patient with tasks, his siblings, and himself. The days aren’t perfect, but they are easier than they were. He never cared to do longer, more invested activities, but he does now 🙂 He plays in a different way! Its exciting to watch!

He gives himself a bit more grace, too, when he doesn’t get something quite perfect. That used to result in agony, and it made us very hesitant to suggest anything even remotely challenging. But we can now 🙂

Something that is notable as a challenge is his relationship with Laela. Those two are SO similar, and they fight like it 😆 We’ve been struggling with finding the balance between letting them work their stuff out, and how much to interfere. We’ve gone the direction of encouraging them to have intentional time together rather than punishment after punishment. This has taken the form of reading together, jumping on the trampoline together, and doing puzzles together. Just the other day, they fought hard, and had to eat together in the dining room rather than outside with the rest of us. When I went in to check on them, they were giggling and playing. They informed me they had decided to do another puzzle together. So, its not all better, but I think its working.

While we’ve seen so much positive change, I do believe we will still need to seek some additional help for him. My beautiful son is being so clear, and expressing to us how much he is struggling with anger. I don’t want him to have to work SO HARD to stay afloat already at SUCH a young age, so I will be calling his doctor soon to see if we can all have a chat. I’d love him to talk to her about how he’s feeling and see what she says. Her medical advice is the best I’ve ever known, but I trust her as a fellow mom, as well.

I love you dearly, my Rowan. You are doing AMAZINGLY well at managing your struggles. You are such a soft, sweet, caring boy, to your friends and your family. We are SO grateful to have you in our family!!!

We’ve finally had some beautiful weather, and its brought its own relief. Its also brought in the season where bathing the kids feels fruitless, because they are just consistently filthy, no matter what. But I would choose warm weather over cold any day of the week.

Spring looks like cute hats!

Spring looks like crunchy fresh fruit and veggies!

Spring looks like repairing the things that cracked over the winter.

Spring looks like water toys! Or, if you ask Wavy, daddy’s “crunches.”

Spring looks like picnics and eating outside!

Spring looks like messy faces! Hahaha!

Springtime looks like SUNSHINE ☀️

I love me some springtime. I love the iced coffee. The music playing outside. The freedom. The tanned faces. The evening walks. The lake!! There are still some things to sort out to get ourselves out there, but, its May 🙂 Its almost time! One way or another, we’re going to get everything set up and settled in.

Thank you, Lord, for the change of season.

I heard your requests last Bradyation post that you would like to hear about radiation appointments and what actually goes on. Brady is game to write that for you! Buuuuut its not happening today, so you’re stuck with me again 😁 Lucky you!

Week three of radiation has carried headaches again, unfortunately. They’ve been manageable, for the most part, but they show up a lot. The moment Brady’s neck starts to tighten, I get him Naproxen immediately and heat up a rice pack. He’s on regimented Tylenol, too. Usually, if we get RIGHT on it, we can stop the headache before it really gets ugly. But it happens multiple times some days, and its really frustrating for Brady, as it stops him dead in his tracks. He’s spoken to his team at the cancer centre and they prescribed him something to help.

Except…

He was on that med earlier, and the side effects are not ideal. On one hand, they really increase his appetite, which isn’t the end of the world, but when he was on it at the hospital, he gained almost ten pounds in one week. Granted, no one had really informed him it would affect his appetite, but it was unexpected and something he definitely wasn’t happy about and had to be a lot more aware and intentional about his food intake afterwards. Also, this medication is very constipating. Without being too crude, Brady is a lot less active than he used to be, so his bowels are already something that need a little extra care. An added constipating factor is so unnecessary.

The day he received the prescription we had been waiting for was the day I realized that maaaybe his pain would change if he got back into his regular workouts. He used to do lots of upper body workouts, and they’ve petered off since radiation has stolen just about all of his energy. So yesterday, he pushed himself and did his entire upper body workout from back in rehab, and he did not have ONE headache 😳 We decided together last night to put the medication off and see if the workouts help his pain. He’s already done a workout this morning and is feeling strong so far. This is our last ditch effort to avoid this medication. If he needs to take it, then good, we have an option to get rid of those headaches. But if he doesn’t have to take it, we will both be so happy.

If you’re looking for a specific prayer request for our family, please pray that Brady’s headaches are finally managed without taking this additional steroid. That he can have the energy to do the workouts and that his body can strengthen and his neck and shoulders can be loose and pain-free!

I’m struggling with these new limitations of what my body will handle in a day. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times. My brain and my body do not agree, and it is positively maddening.

A couple of days ago, Brady and I ran two small errands after his treatment. We stopped at Value Village, and then we drove to Home Sense and picked up an item there. The end. It was a really nice time to just drive together, drink iced coffee, and listen to music. It felt normal, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it! And then that evening, my anxiety was through the roof, WAY more than usual.

So yesterday, we reigned it in a little, and while we still had to run one errand, we determined to keep it to that. And we did. Success! Woot!

When we got home, the kids got home, and we took on the enormous task of teaching our kids to tie their shoes!! Now, I know lots of kids learn at different times, so don’t come at me for their ages and stages, deal? Deal.

Both Dekker and Laela did not like the way of the one bunny ear. No way, no how. Dekker took right to the method of tying two bunny ears in a knot. I told him the one bunny ear is the way most adults do it, and it is quicker once you get the hang of it, but he’s happy with the two bunny ears for now!

Laela had a harder time. Poor thing. She is used to things coming really quickly for her, and she was instantly discouraged when it didn’t work out.

A quick google search refreshed my brain on that quick method of tying shoes that kind of happens in one smooth motion, and it only took a couple of minutes after that before she got it!

She was SO excited, and practiced over and over!

We offered if Dekker wanted to learn that method too, and he was eager. I got him set up with my shoe (because the laces were longer and easier to work with) and as soon as I directed him how to hold his hands, he burst out crying and announced that it was SUCH a pain. 😳 It was completely out of nowhere, and when I asked what happened, he shouted “I do not need this!” Sooooo neither did I, and we were done tying shoes for the day, lol! Oof. It was a tough end to a very successful hour of learning a new skill. He was happy with his way, and Laela was happy with her way. The end.

The wind was officially out of my sails at that point, and we were blessed with yet another supper brought through the door. We had pulled pork on fresh buns, with cold veggies, coleslaw, pasta salad, and dessert. A meal I knew no one would fight about. Win!

But as we were setting the table, a kid decided to take an extra walk through the living room with a glass of water, just to kill time 🙄, and dropped the glass. The glass didn’t break, thankfully, but the water poured over and into one of our bookshelves.

I. Could. Have. SCREAMED. While our afternoon had gone fine, I was so stinking tired and so done with the day already. So naturally, that would be when we would have to be rushing to clean water up, taking literally hundreds of books out of a bookshelf, drying them and stacking them appropriately on towels, trying to save the cheap bookshelf before it warped (thanks for nothing, cardboard backing,) trying to save the baseboard and flooring before it warped, all while everyone was hungry and grumpy. It was tough. But my mom jumped to the job, as did a kid or two, running for towels, and Brady and I got kids dished up and stationed at the table

Once most were done eating, Brady and I were offered rests in the living room while the doddlers finished up and had dessert. We dozed in and out on the couch and recliner. But as many of you know, a mothers work is never done.

Four of the five children took turned laying against me, cranking me with elbows and books, asking questions and wiggling. But I saw their hearts, and how much they wanted to be close to and comfort me. It was sweet, though less restful, but I had the evening to rest. So, we snuggled.

All in all, it was a very successful day. Brady and I had a nice errand and made his radiation appointment into something of a “date.”

We taught our two older kids how to tie shoes!

We got through a frustrating time without yelling at anyone, and the kid who was careless and made a mistake apologized all on their own.

We ate a delicious meal that was brought to us by people we hardly know.

Our meal train officially FILLED!! Thank you, Cher, for organizing it. Thank you, friends, for putting into us in this way. Thank you, Lord, for the circle of people You have brought us! We are overwhelmed with gratefulness.

Everyone went to bed knowing they were loved.

What more could we ask for?

I have a number of cute pictures from the last few days that haven’t really suited any posts, or haven’t been necessarily deserving of their own post. But I’m going to put them here 🙂 So they don’t get lost or missed. Because CUTE!

First, the sleeping princess 👸

This is proof that since Brady has come home, I had once again had some headspace for crocheting! I’ve missed it, but couldn’t bring myself to work on it when he was gone. Its baaaaack! Projects in full swing once again 🙂

Wavy looking SO beautiful!! She may not be smiling, and she may have a super weird shaggy hairstyle, but goodness she’s gorgeous. Yet when I show her this picture of herself, she just gets excited that her blankie and piggy are in it! So, win! Lol

Rowan eating some ridiculously delicious Saskatoon berry crisp!

I took a picture of this FaceTime call because the lamp behind me looked like a hat. Yes, thats the only reason. 💂

Proof that Rowan is now taller than Laela. Crazy!!! To be fair, his hair has some height here, but even when we flattened it, he was still taller. Juuuuust a little!

Brady, Dekker and I went for a walk after bedtime the other day to drop some dishes off. It was FREEZING and I regretted the walk completely, hahaha! I blame the mass I lost in the last couple of months, haha!

Wheelies with Rowan!

Rowan made a camera out of magformers the other day, and I thought it was SO impressive!

And Solly made a “super cool pokey thing!” which we decided was a drill without a trigger.

Rowan and Laela have been really scrappy recently, and we’ve been having them spend a bit more intentional, nice time together. Last night, they did a puzzle together. They read together. Stuff like that. This morning, Rowan asked Laela if he could brush his teeth in the bathroom with her, and I was very surprised that she said yes!!! It was really really nice to see them coexisting in the bathroom, willingly, happily. *whispers* Its working!

Aaaaand this is about how this morning is going, hahaha! This cute little butthead is the life of the party.

Radiation still to come over lunch time, and a quick errand or two. Yesterday was SO full of GOOD things, but goodness we were tired by the end of it! Today should be a bit lighter 🙂 With yet another supper walking through our door. I am overwhelmingly grateful.

Who would’ve EVER thought??

Last year at this time, we already had sunburns!

Brady had already cranked his head on a deck board while completing the first of many projects! First, we built the shed under the deck. Then the fence. Then some landscaping. Aaaaand then the camper, which was an unplanned but very well-loved project.

This year has looked pretty different so far, but its really just beginning, and its not a write off in any way, shape, or form. 💜 It might not be as busy with projects, but it also might be 🙂 We have time! Though maybe not energy.

I’m trying not to look too far ahead, or too far back, but I think its good to look back sometimes for perspective. We accomplished a lot last year, and we likely won’t accomplish as much this year. But rather than feeling unmotivated or gutless, we choose to be grateful that we could do so much last year! If we didn’t rebuild that camper last year, there would be no way we’d be doing it this year! Now, instead, we get to spend this summer at the lake, taking our time, breathing in fresh air, and moving at lake pace. If we hadn’t done the shed or fence, we’d either be waiting, ore hiring it out, and I can almost guarantee we wouldn’t be hiring it out. We still need to get some more topsoil brought in this season, as ours from last year has settled a good amount, but if we hadn’t done so much last year, it would be a way bigger bill, and we might not have justified it. All things considered, we are SO blessed to have had the opportunities last year that we did, and I feel settled and content about the season to come.

Its not lost on me that there are still things that need doing that we will have to seek help with. Though, as I’ve said before, I have to be careful what I say on here 😉 You generous people just show up with crazy offers and gifts for us! There is no possible way to thank everyone. How do you thank hundreds upon hundreds of people in the midst of a total crisis?? And how do you even ask for MORE help when you’ve received so much? How do you ask without feeling like a total douche?? Its hard to know, but I’m trusting our people to actually say NO when they can’t, or when they’re inconvenienced.

It takes a village, that goes without saying, and people continually remind me of this. Our village is SO willing! Our meal train was set up for less than two days and almost completely filled! Its been a crazy ride. I don’t know how we have all of you people in our corner, but I feel incredibly fortunate and truly touched that so many of you have invested in so many ways. We have the BEST people!! I say it all the time about our professional people, but goodness, our friends and support system is bar none the BEST!

Thank you, all, for your unwavering support. I’m almost embarrassed to say you surprise me, because I should know by now.

This little Brady got an MRI.

This little Brady had a mass.

This little Brady had surgery.

This little Brady went numb.

This little Brady went wheeeeel wheel wheel wheel wheel aaaaall the way home.

You’re welcome 😎

*** A brief disclaimer here that this post has darker humour in it than I tend to share. Its not gross by any means, but some people might not find the same humour in it, and I’d be very sad to offend anyone. Take my word for it that we have to laugh at these things, otherwise its all just very, very sad. So feel free to pass this one by, or laugh along with us! ***

It probably goes without saying that has been the most stressful time of our lives. Yet, as we tend to do, we try to find some humour where we can. So I thought I’d share a few laughs we’ve had along the way. Some of them are a little dark. Some are bathroom related. Just laugh with us, ok? I am allowed to share the vulnerable things, so I’m going to, in the name of jokes. 

In chronological order: 

The first one wasn’t funny in the moment, but it is now. So you’re allowed to laugh, I promise. Back in the days of the last hospital and the neuro ward, Brady was a lot weaker and less mobile. He would get hauled out of his bed with a big lift, and he would be rolled from place to place. They’d lower him back down into a sitting position, where he would try madly to maintain his balance long enough for them to unhook him from the lift and help him lay back down. At that point, he couldn’t sit on the edge of his bed without really hanging on. And I will not ever forget the time where they brought him back to his bed and lowered him onto his hands. He was trying to reach for the bed in preparation but was out of alignment and ended up being set down on his hands. The panic that washed over his face, as he tried madly to pull his hands out from under him while not falling over is a look I won’t soon forget. Yes, its terribly sad that he was SO vulnerable, and that is many people’s reality, but now we both laugh really hard about it. 

The rest of the funnies have taken place in the rehab ward. Neuro wasn’t very funny, but rehab is. A small but humorous observation is that Brady’s phone is still trying to count his steps, but its clearly moot at this point. Many days, his phone registers something ridiculous like thirteen steps, hahaha! He went from an AMAZING amount of steps, even when his spine was SO BAD, to double digits. Man, how things have changed. His phone will not so gently point out that he walked a LOT more last year… 

Must’ve farted. This has become one of my favourite things. Which doesn’t make a ton of sense, but please understand. I’ll be sitting with Brady, doing whatever, and suddenly he’ll sniff and exclaim “Oh! Stinks. Must’ve farted.” Because he can’t feel it!!! So its just a guessing game! It is SO funny to me, and thankfully, to him. This also means that, now and forever, I can fart whenever, wherever, and blame him. So, win! 

We’ve had some good laughs about a particular nurse. Not because of ANYTHING bad, don’t worry, ZERO nurse bashing here! Earlier in his stay at City Hospital, Brady had it marked in his chart that he didn’t want to be checked on a bunch in the night, as he was able to move around on his own in bed and get what he needed. As soon as that was officially noted, he had his pulmonary embolism, so they started checking on him a lot again. Which makes sense, but its obviously was not his ideal for his sleep schedule. Still, we get it. There was a particular nurse who checked on Brady a LOT. At first, Brady would hear her come in, and she’d accidentally wake him, even when he had earplugs in. But she got quieter over time. One particular night, Brady had to pee a number of times. He pees in that pee jug we talked about a while ago, and sometimes in the night, when a nurse pokes their head in, they empty it. And on that one particular night, that nurse snuck in and emptied the jug about five times. Brady got such a kick out of her, and while he worked so hard to remember everyone’s names, that nurse is dubbed “sneaky pee-stealing nurse.” Affectionately, of course. 

The last one is probably the best, and maybe the most shocking of them all. Its not actually shocking, but, you’ll see, I guess. I call the situation “testes in distressties.” You can see where its going. A transfer from one place to another is one swift motion for Brady. Wheelchair to bench. Bed to chair. Wherever. The other day, Brady was telling me about a particular move he made after a shower. He had shifted over to where he wanted to be, and, in his words, he had a brief sense that his balls were in distress. Again, in his words, “I looked down. No junk.” I laughed SO hard when he told me this story!! Its happened a couple more times since then, where he’s accidentally sat on his balls and not noticed right away. He called me one time from the hospital and told me “I sat on my balls again, but I couldn’t immediately save them.” Man, he is SUCH a good sport about these things! But hey, now when the kids rush at him and knee him in the crotch, it doesn’t hurt as bad! Heyo!!

So, yes, I realize some of these things are kind of sad, but we are laughing, so you can, too. We have to find some humour in our circumstances.

Something that is discouraging about radiation is that side effects come and go like the wind. Some days, Brady is nauseated from the moment he gets up. Driving makes that worse. Thankfully, he has a medication for it, and has started drinking Boost drinks with me in the morning. He is definitely fatigued, to the point I mentioned yesterday about switching from his crutches to his wheelchair. The fatigue paired with the extra concentration needed to use the crutches was leaving absolutely NO energy for anything else.

The headaches, however, are kicking Brady’s butt, and I’m giving them their own post to ask for prayer from those of you who would like to pray.

Brady’s headaches show up absolutely any time they feel so inclined. Brady will have a distinct tightening in his neck that tips him off that one is on its way. He is on regimented Tylenol preventatively, but he immediately takes Naproxen to try and curb it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t. Almost every time, he ends up in bed, flat on his back, in the dark, waiting for it to be over. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t. And then, whether in the form of searing pain or pressure, it sticks with him for the rest of the day. This mornings headache was stopped in its tracks with medication and a hot rice bag. But the hot pack didn’t even touch yesterday evening’s headache. It is just impossible to know.

The entire issue of unpredictable side effects is tricky because after days of headaches, he’ll have a day without, which feels SO hopeful, that just maaaybe they’re done! But then the next day, they’re back in full force, and my Brady is SO discouraged, and SO frustrated that they just show up anytime, and take him away from his daily life.

We ask for prayer. For healing and for comfort. For endurance and strength of mind. For guidance and resolution. For God’s will, most of all.

Two weeks of radiation under our belt over here! We’re getting into the “groove” of cancer treatment, whatever that means. The routine of driving in for radiation has become super normal, and we’re learning what Brady needs to manage side effects along the way.

(I’m trying to convince Brady that you guys would like to hear from him what actually happens in a radiation treatment, but he figures that would be boring and no one would actually care. But if you’ve never had radiation, I say it would be new information. Anyone wanna know? Speak up!)

The theme of this weeks treatment is headaches! Poor Brady has been hit with some brutal headaches, that come on fast and strong. Unfortunately, at the moment, his oncologist won’t prescribe him pain killers, so Brady is making it work on regularly scheduled Tylenol and Naproxen, when needed. Yes, its hard on his stomach. He’s on a stomach protector. Also, ALL of this is hard on his body. We’re doing our best over here.

Yesterday, we suffered our first fatality.

Sooooo this was a huge bummer. Brady immediately called Saskabilities and they said they could replace the crutch before the end of the day. Thank goodness, because it was Friday, and this was greatly limiting. My mom offered to run in and do the pickup, as too much driving makes Brady carsick now. Thank you, mom! In the meantime, we took Brady’s wheelchair out of the van and brought it into the house for the first time since he got home!

And guys, it opened a door for Brady. He was capable and had more energy. It was beautiful to watch. He has worked SO hard to walk with crutches, and we have all figured the chair would live in the van pretty much indefinitely, because it would be clunky around the house. But he was able to do SO much more without getting as fatigued as quickly! He could also hold things when he went somewhere! Thats been the biggest hangup with the crutches – the inability to carry or hold anything, or bring anything with him. Now, he can, and he was so much happier. At bedtime, he changed diapers and got a couple of kids tucked in, and it just felt more normal. There is the relief for everyone that he could feel so much better and move around more, but the worry around losing all of his progress towards walking isn’t lost on us, either. Its an internal battle, for sure.

The weekend feels so much better. His body gets a little rest, which we are all grateful for. We’re 40% done radiation, and while we’re getting used to the system, we are completely and utterly exhausted, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It has been QUITE a time over here, but we are making it. All glory to God!