Dekker and Solomon have been lovingly labelled here at home as the downstairs boys. They share a room in our basement, so the boot fits. Its a good setup, because first off, Rowan really benefits from having his own room at this point, and secondly, Dekker and Solly are both sweaty dudes, and our basement stays cooler. So its perfect.

I get the downstairs boys up every morning. Oftentimes, I open their door and both boys immediately burst from their beds and we share a big group hug. It is the BEST greeting! They’re both so cute, in their little gitch, snugging up close with me and each other. Seriously, one of the softest hugs I get all day.

Sometimes, Solly jumps out of bed and greets me, but Dekker stays in bed. Which makes sense, because Solly often wakes up earlier than Dekker and chats at full volume, waking Dekker. In those cases, I hug Solly good and proper, and then we both go jump on Dekker. He loves that. Truly.

This morning was really special, though. Both boys has just woken up when I opened their door. Solly had sat up and Dekker was laying down. I went to Solly first. His hair was all ruffled and he was rubbing his eyes. I sat on his bed and reached up to touch his head. He nuzzled my hand like a puppy, so I stroked his cheek and he leaned into it. I cupped his little face and placed my cheek against his. It was such a soft, quiet moment. I truly don’t think I’ll ever forget it. After a couple of minutes, I moved over to Dekker’s bed. He was still laying down. I didn’t have as much access to his face, so I opted for a head scratch. He sighed a little and lay perfectly still. I said good morning and told him I loved him. His eyes remained closed, but he smiled at me. I massaged that big ole head for a minute or two before I conceded to our schedule and told the boys it was time to get up. No one groaned at me or complained. They both started moving around in the dark. I cracked the curtains open and everyone got really squinty, but again, no complaints.

Please, check your “wait until their teenagers” comments at the door. l will take all the early morning softness I can get from my kids. I choose to believe it keeps getting better. If these snuggly mornings are any indication of what is to come, I am IN.

My beautiful downstairs boys, it is an honour to be the first person to see you every morning and the last person to see you in the evening. You are so dear to my heart.

Is anyone else having a super hard time keeping the days of the week straight??

The schools had Thursday, September 30th, off before they went back for one day. That alone really turned me around because after their one day of school, they came back for the weekend! Go figure. It took my poor brain a little too long to sort that all out.

Now, we’ve had a long weekend. Four days. It wasn’t our smoothest weekend, though not our rockiest, but I will be honest in saying it felt like a weekend, and then a whole other weekend, but one where the kids were just grossly disinterested in just about everything. Its been a strange time, haha! 🙃Sooooo much on the brain for ALL of us with no end in sight! No rest.

Its possible that, if I wound up in the neuro ward where Brady stayed for eight days post-op in February, I’d fail their test. Everyday, they would ask their patients questions to judge their neurological ability. Do you know where you are? Do you know what year it is? That kind of thing. Today, I could not tell you a lot. But I think my brain has been on overload and now that I suddenly only have one kid to look after, my poor brain doesn’t know what to do with itself.

I hope, when/if the day comes when I need caregivers and they have to ask me those questions, I can hold contentment and peace with not knowing the answer. Like one of Brady’s roommates.

Do you know where you are?
No…..
Do you think you’re in a shopping mall, or a hospital?
A shopping mall.
Ok, and do you know what day it is?
Its two thousand aaaaaaand… somethin’.

ZERO disrespect. Quite the contrary. I love the simplicity, and how calm he was about it all. Today, I feel a bit like that guy. And I’m not mad at it.

If anyone asks, its Tuesday. October 12th. 2021.

I think…

I’ve been working up a crochet storm of orders and Christmas gifts recently. I’ve also disassembled a blanket that was made of 240 squares because I didn’t like the method I had used to connect the squares, so I’ll have the pleasure of reassembling it soon 😆😩 But it’ll be ok. I researched and learned a new method just yesterday, and while it seems like its going to take a while, it is sooooo much better than how I was attaching patchwork blankets, so I’m calling it a win.

I started a project yesterday, and our robot vacuum, Meryl, tried to crochet it for me overnight.

*sigh*

Meryl sucks at crocheting.

So that was a bit of a rude awakening but thankfully, she pulled more yarn out of the skeins than my project. Just a little untangling and I was good to go! I was confident that the toque I was making was going to be too small for its intended recipient, but lo and behold, it was PERFECT!!!

Its a little tall, but I like that. You know when its windy and it freezes RIGHT between your eyes? I want it to be good and pull-downable. You get it.

After this toque was done and done, we brewed some more coffee and I got onto the next!

I’m having flashbacks to making Cher’s Christmas blanket. Its going to be fun to revisit that! Though it’ll be attached nicer than Chers. 😬Sorry, girl.

I will leave you with the dumbest thing possible that I laughed WAY too hard over. A legit lol, where I laughed WAY too loud for WAY too long.

You’re welcome 😆

Have a beautiful last day of your long weekend 💜 I am thankful to have so many of you following along and supporting us in the many ways you do.

Cher and I have been friends for FOUR years! Today, we are extra thankful for one another and the beautiful relationship we have built. Absolutely ALL glory goes to God! If not for him, neither of us would still be standing, much less together.

In our four years of friendship, we have both suffered an incredible amount of trauma! I hope anyone reading this can know my saying that is not a cry for attention, but a straight up fact. Its said that when tragedy strikes, you find out who your true friends are. While I don’t feel I’ve lost anyone in the process of our trauma, it is GOD who kept Cher and I bonded as closely as we are. I am immensely grateful and honoured to have her in my life, as part of my family, to be part of hers.

We celebrated with baked oatmeal for breakfast, courtesy of Brady…

And cake for lunch! Courtesy of Cher.

Don’t worry. I cut it. That was my part in this.

• 

• 

• 

I know. I did a great job.

Our years of close friendship have not been without struggle, yet we haven’t faltered. And the ONLY reason for this is God remaining at the centre of it all.

Covid cannot ruin us.
Surgery cannot ruin us.
Suicide cannot ruin us.
Physical pain cannot ruin us.
Grief cannot ruin us.
Cancer cannot ruin us.
University cannot ruin us.
Unreasonable amounts of hormone-fuelled girl fights cannot ruin us.

Christ is for us, so no one can be against us. The enemy is defeated, and carries NO HOLD on us!

• 

• 

Four years down, lady face. No ragerts 😉

I love you deeply, my sister.

Forwardsies 💜💜💜

Wavy got a new bed a while back already, but we haven’t had the nerve to set it up yet. She’s been in a crib this whole time, so going from that to a big girl bed gives her a LOT of freedom, and we were hesitant to open that door until recently. As we have about a million projects swirling in our brains these days, the great garage purge/reorganize has begun! And with that, Wavy’s bed was time to make its way into her room.

Brady disassembled her crib and I hauled the pieces out. Then I brought in the board to lay in the new frame, and then Dekker helped me carry it inside.

I am SO thankful for God’s timing. Brady is not able to help me carry heavy things up and down the stairs, but Dekker is old enough and excited to help! While I’ll admit that sometimes doing all the legwork in these scenarios leaves me feeling a little bit lonely, I am overwhelmingly grateful for a kid who wants to help, is able to help, and a husband who has taught him by example.

Waverly was SO happy with her new bed. 😍

Her first comments were about how much she liked her bed, and that she was not going to get out of it during the night or naps.

She went down for naps easily, excited to snuggle in her “big bed yike Yayas.”

Aaaaand she DID fall asleep!!!

I’m calling this a great success! We’ll see how the night goes, but I’m confident that Laela will be eagerly coming upstairs to rat her out if she steps out of line 😆What are big sisters for, right?

Its been a good day. Lots to organize. Lots to accomplish. Lots of rest still needed.

We don’t always do a lot in the day, and I find I either have waaay too much to talk about, or literally nothing to talk about, or a whole heap of stuff I can’t talk about. You might’ve noticed my blog has changed a lot in the recent months to match the ebb and flow of our life. Thank you for bearing with me!

• Unrelated. Folks, it is “bear” with me. Not “bare.” “Bare with me” suggests getting naked together. I promise. Look it up. Spell it right.

We finally have a little bit to show for our last couple of days, so behold. Pictures of those things.

Two days ago, Brady and I took Wavy and Solly on a drive to Zaks Home Hardware in Warman in an effort to break up the day a little. We had good music. Brought treats. I crocheted, as always.

Brady is amped about some woodworking projects, and needed a couple of things to get started. Know what we went for?

Yes. Giant chopsticks.
Not actually, but almost. Also a couple of other things, but these were the main point of the trip.

Yesterday was a cute, relaxed day, too. Wavy was ULTRA sweet with her little ponytail.

Brady went to outpatient physio and occupational therapy on his own, which was new and exciting 🙂 Meanwhile, Cher came over and helped me rip apart a big crochet project because I wasn’t happy with the outcome. *sigh* It helped to have a friend. We watched a movie. Wavy looked so fly.

After physio, Brady hit Walmart for me to grab some yarn for a really exciting order I received!!

Who doesn’t love that red and black buffalo plaid?! 😍

Sixteen balls of yarn made it easy to justify a quick Home Depot run for him, and he got a few other small things he needed to kick off some projects. No pictures of that particular haul, sorry folks! You’ll just have to take my word for it.

The day went on like normal after that, and our family enjoyed a walk before bedtime.

Wavy learned how to skip. It is the BEST. Her knees go SO high, and her arms are WAY up in the air as she skips. I wish I had a picture but it was all captured on video. Tooooo bad.

By the end of the day, everyone was good and wiped out. Most of them were asleep by the time we put Dekker dow.

Wavy and her little piggy tho 😍I believe we’ll be moving her into her big girl bed this weekend. I know its a long time coming, but goodness. I can’t believe we’re going to be crib-less. What a strange time of life we’re in…

I hope you all have a happy long weekend, and whether you have fancy food or microwave dinners, whether you’re in a big group on on your own, whether you’re thriving or suffering, whatever the case may be, I hope you find a moment to reflect, and take note of what you’re thankful for without turning it around to see where your life lacks. Focus on the important things, if just for a moment, sometime this weekend.
Or today.
Or every day.
Whatever you have the mental energy for.
There is no judgement here.

I had a super bizarre moment a couple of days ago.

It started with eggs, of which we had a LOT. We eat a lot of eggs over here, and we had fallen behind eating them. Not too far behind, but far enough that I got it into my head that we should make something that uses eggs that I don’t usually make, so that, if its a total flop, I don’t feel as wasteful. Don’t come at me, I know this doesn’t make sense.

Meringues came to mind. Also don’t come at me. They don’t use as many eggs as I thought they did. But I had never made them, so I went forward with it.

Quickly I came to see that most recipes are a liiiiittle nitpicky, which is NOT my kind of recipe. But I did it anyway! Woohoo!

And guys, they worked!!

Loooook! I did it!!

They’re not perfect, but they’re YUMMY! Brady could not get enough, which made me feel sooooo good!

I know meringues are not everyone’s favorite thing, but they were delicious and well liked over here. Didn’t taste eggy at all. I will absolutely be making them again! Especially when I accidentally left them in the oven for 45 minutes longer than I meant to… That is MY kind of baking!

Are you for or against these bizarre crispy delights? Honest answer!

Yesterday was Brady’s last day of his fifth round of chemotherapy. Man. What I wouldn’t give to say he only has one more round, but alas, a full year of chemo is on the docket, so we continue to plod on.

We are SO grateful, though. Brady shows so little signs of wear thus far in relation to the drugs. The closest thing he’s experienced to nausea is a smaller appetite. That being said, for the first time, last night he took his chemo without any anti-nausea medication, and while its definitely doable, he could feel it in the morning still that he probably should have. So, now we know. And forward we go.

During chemo, Brady has been able to continue regular, daily life things! We are VERY careful not to schedule ANYTHING during his chemo windows, just because you never know. But just yesterday, Brady went to Saskatoon alone, to run an errand. I only expected him to do the one thing, but he actually stopped at the local post office to pick up our mail. Folks, I know this sounds like a small task, but take my word for it that it is incredible that he made that stop. For such a small payout, that most of us just pop out for two minutes for, Brady has to work a lot harder. I was SO impressed, honestly.

Nothing holds this man back. He was a hardworking, dedicated man when he went into surgery those eight months ago. He was a driven, motivated man during his rehab and recovery. And he remains to be a motivated, ambitious, self-starting man who LOVES his family and works HARD at everything he does. I say with confidence that he is no less of the man he was before his diagnoses. Perhaps he is only stronger.

Paraplegia and cancer treatment are big, but God is bigger.

Five rounds done. Seven more to go.

I’ve been on my new antidepressant for a week now. And by “on,” I mean that I’m taking a lower dose of my original medication, and a very small dose of the new one in an effort to transition at least somewhat smoothly. 

A very quick recap on what my medications are all fighting. 

I have medication for anxiety.

I have medication for heartburn and nausea.

I have medication for sleeping. 

None of my medications were working anymore. I mean, thats not true. They worked, but not enough. I was feeling better mentally, but my body was feeling worse and worse. My heartburn at one point was managed by four doses of one prescription, two of another, and then one over the counter stomach aid, and I was barely getting by. I was barely sleeping anymore, and unfortunately, my sleeping pill was the kind you can get addicted to. I knew this going into it, and felt safe enough to be using it as a short term solution. But as our struggles aren’t exactly over, the short term is getting longer, and my body wanted more. So it needed to change. It ALL needed to change. 

Its only been a week, but I do have changes to report! 

First, the bad. We’ll just get it out of the way. 

My new medication is a drowsy one. At least at the beginning, its a very normal side effect. So almost as soon as I started the new one, I cut my sleep aid in half. And while its a very very small dose, my body is suffering through a little bit of withdrawal. Mostly lots of headaches in the mornings. Sometimes all through the day. My hearing is heightened and my head is so sensitive. My temperature is hard to regulate most days. I snuggle with the heating pad a LOT more recently. But I know where its all from, and I’m not afraid. 

Also, the new chemicals are changing my brain and nerves, so its a bit of a mental rollercoaster. I dream a lot more. Stressful dreams. Kind of like the hormonal dreamsasters I have when I’m pregnant. My sleep is interrupted because I’m not SO drugged up, so I feel less rested. It all makes sense. Its all working itself out. 

Now to the good! Please celebrate with me, even if you can’t relate or think its all a bit silly. 

I have an APPETITE!!!!! 

One of the “adverse” side effects of my new medication is that it can increase a persons appetite and they can gain weight. I can honestly tell you that I do not remember the last time eating wasn’t difficult for me. The last time I felt hungry. The last time I ate three meals in a day. Truly, I could not tell you. Within probably three or four days of starting this new medication, I was HUNGRY. In the BEST way. At EVERY meal! This sounds so silly to so many of you, I have no doubt. But please hear me heart in this. The moment my appetite came back and I started feeding my body, my energy came back. I was not a zombie anymore. My heartburn is still being treated, but my doses are down to about half of what I was taking. I get the occasional speck of heartburn here and there, but I feel more relaxed about it, and it goes away on its own when I don’t get myself worked up about it. 

Feeding my body has fed my brain. I can think clearer. I can cope better. Feeding my body has fed my digestive system, so it can actually eat food with its acid again instead of eating itself. Feeding my body has made things SO much easier. Who knew we needed food to survive?! Turns out I really, really missed food! 

I had a good day or two of wanting to eat everything in sight, and now the crazy munchies have calmed down, and I’m good and hungry at the appropriate times. I feel WORLDS APART better! I can even cope with the adverse side effects and withdrawal symptoms easier. 

I know its only been a week, but I feel like myself in a way I haven’t in a very long time. Probably, I could say its been years. 

I trust the Lord. He comes first, always. I trust Him above medication. But I also believe that sometimes, He gives us medicine. Wisdom. Guidance. This truly feels like its the start of something amazing. Please join me in my victory and excitement! I have ached for health and wellness, and it seems like it is upon me. 

I know you know the saying. A watched pot never boils. I’ve used it a lot, along with all kinds of different renditions.

A watched microwave never beeps.

A watched rice cooker never clicks.

A watched pregnancy test never turns positive.

The list really goes on. Today, however, I was reminded that a watched pot does boil! It just takes WAY longer.

He legitimately stared into the pot until he mentioned mildly “Oh… I think its starting…”

That first face in the picture went along with a dry “Are you taking a video or something?” And then he heard the click of my camera, and smiled for the next one. But I couldn’t not post them both! Look at that cute little mug 😍He loves to cook, or clean up, or really whatever job we could offer him. He is a determined, driven guy. Just like his dad. What an amazing quality to pass down to your kids. Brady and Dekker are planning an oil change date this week, and I couldn’t be more thrilled!

On an unrelated note, Dekker made four boxes of white cheddar mac and cheese tonight, and it was NOT enough. 😳 I’m going to have to enter adulthood soon and make my own. In a baking dish or something. Like a caveman. Cavelady. You get it.

Good job cooking, Dekker!