I feel quite disheartened by today’s outpatient physio appointment. I will try to get through this post without a whole rant. Please bear with me.

Brady has being going to physio at City Hospital since he finished radiation. It went like this:

Nine weeks in rehab
Five weeks of radiation (one week overlapped with rehab)
Two weeks break
Outpatient physio began
Two weeks break
First round of chemo

So. Its been a lot.

Outpatient physio had felt really productive so far. Brady was able to accomplish these challenging balancing exercises, build endurance, and walk further and further. It seemed really good. Hopeful.

At his last appointment, Brady was informed that his therapist was moving on, and he’d be seeing someone new. This was kind of a neutral thing, to be honest. No burn on his physio, but the new one seemed like a good fit, so all was well.

Today, Brady saw the new physio. I had to run an errand or two with him before the appointment, so I waited in the van with Solly and Wavy. It was SUCH an easy, adorable gig.

They’re so weird. They pretended the van was a ship, and it kept them BUSY for an hour!

And then it grew to an hour and a half. And we were cutting it super close to being home in time for the kids to get home from school! Thank goodness, suddenly he was at the van, apologizing profusely, and off we sped to get home.

Once we were on the road, I asked how the appointment had gone. Did it run late because they were late? Or was it just a super full appointment?

It was a super full appointment.

Brady learned that his previous physio had pushed for things she shouldn’t have. I understand why. Brady is young and a super hard worker and strong and capable and eager and all those good things. So she wanted him to accomplish as much as possible. But as you know, if you skip steps or cut corners, it does damage. Brady can do all the things she asked of him, but the wrong muscles have been compensating, because they haven’t been exercised or strengthened properly, or in order.

Brady’s right side is SO messed up. He has been using his core muscles and thigh muscles to do just about anything in a standing/walking position, leaving his right hip virtually useless. It is very, very weak. And muscles that aren’t utilized properly or often will atrophy. They will waste away. This is not yet our reality, but its a very real risk. We do NOT want this.

I was very upset to learn this. Brady was, too, though he had a better grasp on gratefulness for having a physiotherapist who is more knowledgable on his particular situation.

The last punch in the gut was learning that Brady apparently is only entitled to 16 physio appointments at the hospital. Apparently that is the standard program. And Brady used NINE on the first physio.

Ugh. Just typing that out makes me want to cry.

His new physio is very aware of the situation, and because of this, she stretched his appointment out as long as possible, working to fill it with as much information as possible, as many exercises, and by gaining as much knowledge as she could. She booked his next one a little ways off so he has lots of time to build the right muscles, and they anticipate emailing back and forth throughout those weeks so she can offer Brady as much support and information along the way. Its the best setup we can get, so we’ll take it. She is clearly going above and beyond for him, and we are SO grateful.

But I must admit. I feel incredibly disheartened. Frustrated. Protective. Jilted.

Pity party over.

Don’t get me wrong. Days with all the kids at home are great. Days with the two youngest at home are great. The days with just Wavy are bananas. She is SO pleasant and easy to have around. She plays super well by herself, but also a total chatterbox. It is never boring to have her around. It is always nicer to have her here.

The basement continued to be worked on, so while Brady got ready to work in the garage, I hung out with Wavy.

She is just a model! 😍 Her perfect lips. Blue eyes. Rosy cheeks. And seriously, she is JUST as warm on the inside!

Wavy loves to play in the garage while Brady works on projects, whether she’s biking in circles or overseeing him as his own personal OH&S representative. They’re a couple of weirdos but I’m a big fan!

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While they did their thing, I did mine.

Which isn’t as cute but still counts! And who doesn’t love red buffalo plaid?!

Lunchtime was cute. It always is. Albeit boring, our kids always have an apple or banana with their lunch. Wavy is often torn between the two, but apples fall to second place because they’re just too big. We currently have little apples, so she’s been asking for both. Today, she delightfully exclaimed “Ah! A face!”

Eventually, the time came for naps, and she went down easily. She was SO snuggly in a sleeper, with a quilt that isn’t as big as her duvet but was a beautiful gift given to her this summer. She had her little stuffed piggy and was just crazy cozy.

She looked so peaceful when I went to wake her, I couldn’t resist taking a picture!

My flash couldn’t resist ruining it 😆

Hahaha! No regrets!

I’ll admit, I woke up feeling like death. Going off meds is hard. I’m feeling withdrawally. But the day has turned around, and for that, I praise the Lord!!!

Monday monday monday monday monday…

So, real talk here. Yesterday was a bit of a disaster. I don’t care to relive it on the blog, but I’ll tell you that just about every aspect of the day was a challenge. Even down to the fact that I kept biting the inside of my lip and finally, a hunk of my flesh actually came out. It was just a DAY.

It is not often that Monday is a better day than the weekend, but today was significantly nicer than yesterday! Everyone woke up in WAY better shape than they had on Sunday. The three kids were all super gung ho to get to school, and left on time, happily, together.

Brady and I had Wavy and Solly home today. If you remember, I mentioned the other day that we’re getting our basement ceiling done, and it started today. If you’ve been here, you know that downstairs is where aaaaall the toys live. But it worked out, because Brady is loving starting some woodworking projects in the garage, and Solly and Wavy love to go out there with him, drive the wiggle cars around in circles, and generally just hang out together. They are an adorable pair, and are getting to be really great friends.

Brady happily took them out with him, and I went upstairs to get my crochet on. I had a GIGANTIC crochet disaster the other day that I am not ready to talk about yet, but thanks to that, I’m feeling a bit more push to get things moving over here. ** To be clear, I’m not even being dramatic. It was that huge of a loss. Trust me. ** So I crocheted up a storm and Brady worked on a project, and Waverly and Solomon played, and we all had a really nice morning!

When Murray from Kruger Construction showed up, he was in good spirits! You’d have to have seen it, but Wavy shies away from everyone she hasn’t seen for a while. Or really anyone she feels like she doesn’t want to talk to in that moment. She fakes shy a lot. And she had NO holdbacks from Murray! Straight eye contact with a big smile on her face. I loved that. There is something about kids being at ease around people, you know? Ya, you know.

Murray and his helper worked a really good stretch and got almost all of the bracing up. It’ll be finished tomorrow. I was going to show you progress pictures but I’ll save them for tomorrow when its completely done. I’m so excited to get it all wrapped up and be officially DONE our house.

I’ll also show you some pictures of what Brady is building. He’s already put the progress up on his socials.

And I’ll show you crocheting progress soon, too. Once I get over myself and have a new plan to replace my old, broken plan.

There certainly is a lot on the move over here. I’m not mad at it, though!

Except the crocheting. I’m mad at that.

We are FINALLY getting our basement ceiling done!! It was the last piece of the puzzle that was finishing our house completely. We were going to do it this winter. And now, we cannot. That, plus the reality that we are coming to terms with – moving in the next year or so – means we need it done sooner than later.

Brady reached out to a local contractor and he agreed to the job. It starts tomorrow, and should only take a day or two. While its a decently short job, it means some prep work for us.

And by us, I mean me.

I hate talking like this, but please be gentle with me.

Its hard. All the prep work and leg work was up to me. The basement closets needed to be emptied and stashed somewhere. Any and all things that could be moved and stashed in the furnace room needed to be. I moved one bed, one lamp, one ottoman, two guitars, countless bins and space bags of beddings. I unloaded the boys closet, and cleared their surfaces. I removed the shelves and rods from two closets. I took down the surround sound speakers. I moved all the big toys into the furnace room. Stacks hampers of laundry that need doing. Got the things stacked at the top of the toy shelf down. I don’t even remember what else. I ran up and down the stairs about a hundred times, getting a stool, putting it back, needing it again, etc etc etc.

ALL of that being said, I am immensely grateful for my strong, willing, hard working ten year old son who OFFERED, EAGERLY, to help me. He did a hundred trips up and down the stairs, too. When I moved the big wooden doll house and kitchen, who do you think was on the other hand, saying things like “steady” and “are you doing ok, mom?” When I was up on a stool, disassembling the closets, I didn’t even have to look down, and the piece I was holding would be seamlessly slipped out of my hand and taken off somewhere. I had someone to help me brainstorm where things would go, suggest things that I hadn’t thought of to move, who never turned down a job. He was encouraging and warm and totally happy to keep working until the job was done. At one point, I moved something big into the furnace room – the coffee table, I think – and it blocked the fridge door a little bit. I hemmed and hawed over it and was trying to see where else I could put it. Dekker reassured me right away that we could still get in enough, and that he would be happy to get the fridge stuff from the basement for me while it was like that.

Yes. That is the kind of boy he is.

And he learned it from his dad, who is also that kind of boy 💜 And I hate even talking about this stuff, because I know it hurts Brady’s heart that he isn’t the one helping me with these things. The same way I didn’t choose this change in our lives, neither did he. Especially not him! So I struggle to do significantly more physical work without showing Brady how heavy is weighs on me, and he struggles knowing exactly what I’m struggling with, wishing he could take it from me. So we both struggle, as we both wish for the other to be without the weight they are carrying. But we both have grief. Its just different. But it also isn’t.

I am overwhelmingly grateful for Dekker today. He worked SO HARD this morning to prepare the basement with me. He made a real point to keep things light and encouraging, and he never just decided he was bored and asked to be done. I would’ve let him, too. He had done so much. Even half of what he helped me accomplish was a LOT. Not only is he at an age where he can legitimately help me, carry more weight, and problem solve, but the fact that he is as driven and hard working as he is makes the best kind of help. I truly could not have done the morning without him.

Dekker, you are a fine wine. Or, wait, you’re still a kid. But hardly. You’ve never been a kid kid. I’m not even sure what category fits you best.

Dekker, you are a good piece of real leather. You are strong, and soft, and you just get better with time.

Every day that you are part of my family is a good day, my son. I am SO proud of you.

Its felt like a long week, and no one had ANY energy to make supper. But, believe it or not, everybodys gotta eat. Brady, Cher, and I had a supper plan to eat while we watched a movie night. This has not happened in MONTHS, so it felt kind of sacred. So we knew our plan, but not the kids.

So we decided, since they weren’t getting pizza hut and cake, they should get a different treat supper. And thankfully have some pretty delicious things in our house!

The plan was popcorn for supper. Brady makes amazing stove top popcorn, and its only gotten better since we were gifted a whole Scheiders gourmet popcorn popper set! That was an INCREDIBLE gift! Its changed the popcorn game that we didn’t know could get any better than it already was! A huge win!

While Brady made popcorn, I got it into my head that they needed something a bit more filling with it. So I scooped a huge blob of peanut butter into a bowl and threw in a handful of chocolate chips. Melted it down as I chopped up an apple for each kid. (PS have you noticed many apple bags now only have about ten apples in them?? That is literally gone in two days in my house…)

Supper went over well.

The kids EASILY ate the whole apple each, and a couple of bowls of popcorn. It was a delicious supper, and one I didn’t even feel that guilty about serving them. It was also really refreshing not having to argue with anyone to convince them to eat it. SUCH a win.

Ours was still better 💜

Don’t worry, Brady thought it was funny 🙂 And completely delicious.

We watched the first half of Hamilton, which we haven’t done in months, but feels like decades. We enjoyed it so much, and the kids enjoyed listening to it.

It was a great evening for everyone.

I didn’t have anything crazy planned for Brady’s birthday. We’re both a touch limited these days, and while we carry the pressure and stress better than we used to, its still heavy. So I knew we’d keep it simple, and that was ok. The main events were going to be a run to the city where Brady could go pick up his gift, and then a yummy supper after the kids went down for bed.

First thing was first, though. Cher brought donuts and coffee once the kids were gone to school, and the three of us chatted for a bit. Wavy hung around, and got a bite here and there. She is SO easy to add to the mix. It wasn’t a long coffee though, because we had to head to Saskatoon and Cher had to study. So we went our separate by mid-morning.

It turned into a bit of an errand day, but we had a good time. Wavy rocked ALL the patterns, yet somehow her eyes still stole the show!! 😍 How does she do that?!

We hit Walmart, because I needed some yarn. Yes, before anyone says it, I KNOW I have lots! But I have a couple of orders to fill (eek!!!) and I need specific things. Also, the kids needed jeans, and Walmart jeans are actually awesome, and cheap. Who knew?? So we got jeans. And yarn. You may have seen it on Insta.

When all the things on my list are completed and I can make time to crochet something for ME, I have biiiiig purple goals. Ack!

Once we were done with Walmart, we headed too……. *drumroll*

Lee Valley!!

Brady has a big ole infatuation with Lee Valley since he got so invested in woodworking. He’s had his eye on a few different items for a while now, but we don’t have as much of a disposable income as we did once, so he’s been graciously holding off on buying new things and working on things he has already. Yesterday, I told him he should finally buy that particular chisel set he’s been eyeing up. Paired with some birthday money he received otherwise, he was able to buy another item he’s been wanting – a pull saw. Its basically a machete, let’s be real. He was SO excited.

Thankfully, Wavy needed a shorty nap when we got home, so Brady could unpack his stuff and actually check it out.

I’m confident he’ll tell you more about this stuff later. He already did a little! Follow him on his woodworking pages if you want to seeeee!! ICS Woodworking on Fb and Insta!

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Wavy was not ready to get up when the kids got home, but it had to be done.

Unrelated side note: She is loving her big girl bed. She never gets out of it. She sometimes walks on it, or sits up and gets silly and hyper, but she did the same in her crib. She is SO obedient in it. Though now that I’m saying it, you know its all over, lol!

Later in the afternoon, a loving friend came by our house with a stack of books for our children 💜 Completely unprompted, she had decided to buy everyone a new book, and had even had a covert convo with one of our kids to find out what they would like. SUCH a huge win! 🥺 I am continually overwhelmed by people remembering our family and continuing to put into us even when we seem “all better.” I was truly touched by this gift.

The kids had KD for supper, and Brady and I prepped a bit to eat later. I chose for us to have steak and potatoes, which is a rare treat for us, and Brady’s favorite thing. We have barely ever made steak, so its a HUGE treat. We made it count, though, and Brady whipped up a marinade for a foolish amount of meat. But hey. It was a birthday. Meanwhile, I tried a new potato recipe.

And it all worked out!! It may not look beautiful but it sure tasted beautiful!

So what you have here are crispy parm potatoes, and striploin steak, medium rare, with blue cheese crumbled on top. 😵 Best of all, it was ALL easy.

So Brady and I ate our body weight in meat and potatoes, and then remained fat and lazy for the rest of the evening, groaning with every move we made. It was so worth it, though. I was so thrilled to be able to actually eat and enjoy the food! Small victories.

I think I can safely say that Brady had a good birthday. Welcome to 33, sweet man! Let’s try and calm down the drama for this next one…..

Things looked so different one year ago.

We had crushed a season of hard work and had come out strong. We were on top of the world in a lot of ways.

Brady’s 33rd year of life has been unlike anything we ever had expected, and nothing we ever planned for. Who plans for these things. No one, and they shouldn’t. You cannot waste your time worrying about “what ifs” because it would steal your joy from what actually happens.

I don’t want this post to be about what we “lost.”

To go with last years theme, this year on Brady’s birthday, we find ourselves crushing a season of even harder work, and we are coming out even stronger!!! ALL glory is Gods, but we are proud to be His people!

I can say with confidence that Brady is NO less of a man since his surgery and subsequent injury and diagnoses. If anything, he is stronger! Save for that right leg, of course 😉

He may have gotten woodworking tools and steak as gifts, but his real gift, I would say, was the new perspective he gained over the last year. Its been eye opening. Our marriage was truly quite happy and healthy last year, at least in my opinion, but it is only better now 💜We have both worked HARD to settle into our new roles with one another and with our family, and God continues to bless us with contentment and comfort us in our times of trial.

Brady my love, I would walk through fire for you. And I know you would do the same for me. Except you’d roll. Because thats how you do 😏

I love you, sweet man! Let’s take your first 33 and do them twice more over! Deal? Deal.

Dekker and Solomon have been lovingly labelled here at home as the downstairs boys. They share a room in our basement, so the boot fits. Its a good setup, because first off, Rowan really benefits from having his own room at this point, and secondly, Dekker and Solly are both sweaty dudes, and our basement stays cooler. So its perfect.

I get the downstairs boys up every morning. Oftentimes, I open their door and both boys immediately burst from their beds and we share a big group hug. It is the BEST greeting! They’re both so cute, in their little gitch, snugging up close with me and each other. Seriously, one of the softest hugs I get all day.

Sometimes, Solly jumps out of bed and greets me, but Dekker stays in bed. Which makes sense, because Solly often wakes up earlier than Dekker and chats at full volume, waking Dekker. In those cases, I hug Solly good and proper, and then we both go jump on Dekker. He loves that. Truly.

This morning was really special, though. Both boys has just woken up when I opened their door. Solly had sat up and Dekker was laying down. I went to Solly first. His hair was all ruffled and he was rubbing his eyes. I sat on his bed and reached up to touch his head. He nuzzled my hand like a puppy, so I stroked his cheek and he leaned into it. I cupped his little face and placed my cheek against his. It was such a soft, quiet moment. I truly don’t think I’ll ever forget it. After a couple of minutes, I moved over to Dekker’s bed. He was still laying down. I didn’t have as much access to his face, so I opted for a head scratch. He sighed a little and lay perfectly still. I said good morning and told him I loved him. His eyes remained closed, but he smiled at me. I massaged that big ole head for a minute or two before I conceded to our schedule and told the boys it was time to get up. No one groaned at me or complained. They both started moving around in the dark. I cracked the curtains open and everyone got really squinty, but again, no complaints.

Please, check your “wait until their teenagers” comments at the door. l will take all the early morning softness I can get from my kids. I choose to believe it keeps getting better. If these snuggly mornings are any indication of what is to come, I am IN.

My beautiful downstairs boys, it is an honour to be the first person to see you every morning and the last person to see you in the evening. You are so dear to my heart.

Is anyone else having a super hard time keeping the days of the week straight??

The schools had Thursday, September 30th, off before they went back for one day. That alone really turned me around because after their one day of school, they came back for the weekend! Go figure. It took my poor brain a little too long to sort that all out.

Now, we’ve had a long weekend. Four days. It wasn’t our smoothest weekend, though not our rockiest, but I will be honest in saying it felt like a weekend, and then a whole other weekend, but one where the kids were just grossly disinterested in just about everything. Its been a strange time, haha! 🙃Sooooo much on the brain for ALL of us with no end in sight! No rest.

Its possible that, if I wound up in the neuro ward where Brady stayed for eight days post-op in February, I’d fail their test. Everyday, they would ask their patients questions to judge their neurological ability. Do you know where you are? Do you know what year it is? That kind of thing. Today, I could not tell you a lot. But I think my brain has been on overload and now that I suddenly only have one kid to look after, my poor brain doesn’t know what to do with itself.

I hope, when/if the day comes when I need caregivers and they have to ask me those questions, I can hold contentment and peace with not knowing the answer. Like one of Brady’s roommates.

Do you know where you are?
No…..
Do you think you’re in a shopping mall, or a hospital?
A shopping mall.
Ok, and do you know what day it is?
Its two thousand aaaaaaand… somethin’.

ZERO disrespect. Quite the contrary. I love the simplicity, and how calm he was about it all. Today, I feel a bit like that guy. And I’m not mad at it.

If anyone asks, its Tuesday. October 12th. 2021.

I think…

I’ve been working up a crochet storm of orders and Christmas gifts recently. I’ve also disassembled a blanket that was made of 240 squares because I didn’t like the method I had used to connect the squares, so I’ll have the pleasure of reassembling it soon 😆😩 But it’ll be ok. I researched and learned a new method just yesterday, and while it seems like its going to take a while, it is sooooo much better than how I was attaching patchwork blankets, so I’m calling it a win.

I started a project yesterday, and our robot vacuum, Meryl, tried to crochet it for me overnight.

*sigh*

Meryl sucks at crocheting.

So that was a bit of a rude awakening but thankfully, she pulled more yarn out of the skeins than my project. Just a little untangling and I was good to go! I was confident that the toque I was making was going to be too small for its intended recipient, but lo and behold, it was PERFECT!!!

Its a little tall, but I like that. You know when its windy and it freezes RIGHT between your eyes? I want it to be good and pull-downable. You get it.

After this toque was done and done, we brewed some more coffee and I got onto the next!

I’m having flashbacks to making Cher’s Christmas blanket. Its going to be fun to revisit that! Though it’ll be attached nicer than Chers. 😬Sorry, girl.

I will leave you with the dumbest thing possible that I laughed WAY too hard over. A legit lol, where I laughed WAY too loud for WAY too long.

You’re welcome 😆

Have a beautiful last day of your long weekend 💜 I am thankful to have so many of you following along and supporting us in the many ways you do.